family issues feeling alone in this

[Child_of_Hope_in_Jesus]

hi all

i am having a hard time right now i  moved in may away from my family it was a big leap of faith for me  i truly feel God made it happen too after 47 yrs of abuse and drama in my birth family i am away from it daily it been great in many ways  yes i am growing in the Lord too in a lot of way He lead me to a great church and even gave me a new best friend who a very devoted christian in so many way too so i geting healther too here the hard part i still talk to my mom   a few times every few weeks i love them as people but i do not feel conected to them emotionally at all i do not know them in so many way too they say they christian too but not living for it at all

well toight i called my mom as dad had eye surgery on wednesday i wanted to see how he was doing and well i do care about them a lot too so as i was talking to her she said she loved and missed me i told her i love her as i said night too but after i hanged up i started hearing stuff inside my head like how much i hurt her by moving , how worthless i am , how we to honer  are parents, that i abandoned her , all a lot of other stuff i use to live for my mom in that she needed me emotionally i was her 2nd chance at life she lived through me i had no life of my own at all at 47yr i moved away and first time in my life i feel i have a life of my own too but satan hitting me hard about all that means  how much i am hurting them i say i love too i know i did the right thing in moving but well satan attacks me a lot right now on this

the thing keep hitting is my other family members are like strangers to me i not know them at all do not talk very much with them either then i get feeling bad about how i feel ect..... do others feel like this can we be strangers to our family what am i to do i do pray for them every day as i care about them but can not live close to them the abuse is to much and scars to deep too so this what going on ask any question you want  this last 6 months been like a dream at times  i never thought i do this move away from them as i was told most my life i was to take care of mom she mattered i did not i do have deep wounds and many scars too  but just not feel contected to my family at all 

love ya all in Christ lily

[missmuffet]

11 minutes ago, Child_of_Hope_in_Jesus said:

hi all

i am having a hard time right now i  moved in may away from my family it was a big leap of faith for me  i truly feel God made it happen too after 47 yrs of abuse and drama in my birth family i am away from it daily it been great in many ways  yes i am growing in the Lord too in a lot of way He lead me to a great church and even gave me a new best friend who a very devoted christian in so many way too so i geting healther too here the hard part i still talk to my mom   a few times every few weeks i love them as people but i do not feel conected to them emotionally at all i do not know them in so many way too they say they christian too but not living for it at all

well toight i called my mom as dad had eye surgery on wednesday i wanted to see how he was doing and well i do care about them a lot too so as i was talking to her she said she loved and missed me i told her i love her as i said night too but after i hanged up i started hearing stuff inside my head like how much i hurt her by moving , how worthless i am , how we to honer  are parents, that i abandoned her , all a lot of other stuff i use to live for my mom in that she needed me emotionally i was her 2nd chance at life she lived through me i had no life of my own at all at 47yr i moved away and first time in my life i feel i have a life of my own too but satan hitting me hard about all that means  how much i am hurting them i say i love too i know i did the right thing in moving but well satan attacks me a lot right now on this

the thing keep hitting is my other family members are like strangers to me i not know them at all do not talk very much with them either then i get feeling bad about how i feel ect..... do others feel like this can we be strangers to our family what am i to do i do pray for them every day as i care about them but can not live close to them the abuse is to much and scars to deep too so this what going on ask any question you want  this last 6 months been like a dream at times  i never thought i do this move away from them as i was told most my life i was to take care of mom she mattered i did not i do have deep wounds and many scars too  but just not feel contected to my family at all 

love ya all in Christ lily

Taking a blind leap of faith is a good thing if you had been praying about it and you feel that your actions are where God wants you to be. You are at peace. Do not worry about the ugly things that Satan is whispering in your ears. Maybe he wants you to remain with your family and be abused. Just continue to give your life to God and ask Him to guide and direct your steps in this new journey of yours. Perhaps it is healthier for you to give your family distance. Let yourself heal. God bless.

[GandalfTheWise]

It seems to me like God set this up so that He could heal of you of many things and become who He means for you to be and to walk with Him as He wants you to.  The enemy sends guilt and condemnation to discourage us and drive us toward unhealthy things.  God will at times send conviction as needed to bring about changes to move us in a healthy direction.

When dealing with family (especially coming from a bad situation), it is often healthy to spend some time apart from them and grow spiritually yourself.  Perhaps later (which may be many years), God will have done enough healing in your life that you can start to re-establish some closer family ties on your terms coming from a position of being spiritually and emotionally healthy and strong yourself.

From what you describe, it sounds like you're maintaining respectful and loving ties with your parents as well as starting to learn and enforce what the proper and healthy boundaries are between your life and their lives.   It will be an ongoing process.  Hang in there.   It sounds like God is doing some good work in your life and I would guess within your family as well.

[Justin Adams]

Yes. Like MM said. Them condemning whispers are from the dark side. The Lord only convicts and always has an answer right alongside the conviction. He wants you whole and STRONG. The adversary wants you a weak victim.

[Child_of_Hope_in_Jesus]

On 11/9/2017 at 11:04 PM, missmuffet said:

Taking a blind leap of faith is a good thing if you had been praying about it and you feel that your actions are where God wants you to be. You are at peace. Do not worry about the ugly things that Satan is whispering in your ears. Maybe he wants you to remain with your family and be abused. Just continue to give your life to God and ask Him to guide and direct your steps in this new journey of yours. Perhaps it is healthier for you to give your family distance. Let yourself heal. God bless.

thank you missmuffet

i know God was why i moved it was like He was guiding me to change my life i had prayed and cried over this all before i did it at 47yr i left my family and moved i am at peace most the time with this but satan has been whispering in my ear a lot mostly about my mother who in some ways used me in a bad way kinda like even as a child i took care of her emotionally that why i struggling  with a lot as at times i feel i left her in the abuse but she  stay in it i can not no more God been showing me a lot last few days too yes a new beginning a new journey too i know i did right thing in God's eyes at times i feel like the 1.5 hours away is a different world all together it is now to me  thank you again for your kind words

love ya in Christ lily

[Child_of_Hope_in_Jesus]

On 11/10/2017 at 10:40 AM, GandalfTheWise said:

It seems to me like God set this up so that He could heal of you of many things and become who He means for you to be and to walk with Him as He wants you to.  The enemy sends guilt and condemnation to discourage us and drive us toward unhealthy things.  God will at times send conviction as needed to bring about changes to move us in a healthy direction.

When dealing with family (especially coming from a bad situation), it is often healthy to spend some time apart from them and grow spiritually yourself.  Perhaps later (which may be many years), God will have done enough healing in your life that you can start to re-establish some closer family ties on your terms coming from a position of being spiritually and emotionally healthy and strong yourself.

From what you describe, it sounds like you're maintaining respectful and loving ties with your parents as well as starting to learn and enforce what the proper and healthy boundaries are between your life and their lives.   It will be an ongoing process.  Hang in there.   It sounds like God is doing some good work in your life and I would guess within your family as well.

thank you yes God is healing me in a lot of ways too i finding that i am depending on God more and more too i know that is a good thing i do not talk to my two older brothers  as they seem to only want to rejected me and my way of life long story of all kinds of abuse by my oldest brother and others outside the family too but God showing me not all males like that too most my life i was scared of almost all males but am now learning  a lot about that too and God bring healthy Christian males into my life too so that good too sadly my family not healing they choices to stay in their abusive way get no help at all i tryed for many many years to get my mom to seek help as she was abused as a child and still in abuse she 74yr and her health is not good at all so i feel she could pass at any time too i do love her why i still at times talk to her on phone and a few visits at my place too but that it as i need to do what God wants me to do but i feel like a stranger around even my mom it hard as i do love her but i not have a emotionally connection with her i feel might never have it at all God through my new church is bring others in my life who fellow Him it amazing in away bu cool too

thank you

love ya in Christ lily

[Child_of_Hope_in_Jesus]

On 11/10/2017 at 10:43 AM, Justin Adams said:

Yes. Like MM said. Them condemning whispers are from the dark side. The Lord only convicts and always has an answer right alongside the conviction. He wants you whole and STRONG. The adversary wants you a weak victim.

yes i seeing that now more clearly thank you too just hard leaving everything i know and moving on faith away from a family that not healthy at all sad but the  enemy got a deep hold on them i do pray for them all too as i scared they not be in heaven with me some day too this abuse goes way back too but i want to break away and God is doing it within me to become more Christ-like too that the desires of my heart has been most my life too but i amt i was stuck in the abuse and even married a abuser and lost my parental rights to my three kids have not seen them in 16yr no connection with them at all  but i am praying for them to know Jesus too chaos is what my life been now at times i feel calm and peace and yes it hard as i not use to it at all

thank you for posting to me

love light and hope lily

[missmuffet]

1 hour ago, Child_of_Hope_in_Jesus said:

yes i seeing that now more clearly thank you too just hard leaving everything i know and moving on faith away from a family that not healthy at all sad but the  enemy got a deep hold on them i do pray for them all too as i scared they not be in heaven with me some day too this abuse goes way back too but i want to break away and God is doing it within me to become more Christ-like too that the desires of my heart has been most my life too but i amt i was stuck in the abuse and even married a abuser and lost my parental rights to my three kids have not seen them in 16yr no connection with them at all  but i am praying for them to know Jesus too chaos is what my life been now at times i feel calm and peace and yes it hard as i not use to it at all

thank you for posting to me

love light and hope lily

You just need to put up your protective boundaries. All we can do is pray for those who do not know Christ. Only God can open up the heart.

[GandalfTheWise]

On 11/12/2017 at 10:41 PM, Child_of_Hope_in_Jesus said:

thank you yes God is healing me in a lot of ways too i finding that i am depending on God more and more too i know that is a good thing i do not talk to my two older brothers  as they seem to only want to rejected me and my way of life long story of all kinds of abuse by my oldest brother and others outside the family too but God showing me not all males like that too most my life i was scared of almost all males but am now learning  a lot about that too and God bring healthy Christian males into my life too so that good too sadly my family not healing they choices to stay in their abusive way get no help at all i tryed for many many years to get my mom to seek help as she was abused as a child and still in abuse she 74yr and her health is not good at all so i feel she could pass at any time too i do love her why i still at times talk to her on phone and a few visits at my place too but that it as i need to do what God wants me to do but i feel like a stranger around even my mom it hard as i do love her but i not have a emotionally connection with her i feel might never have it at all God through my new church is bring others in my life who fellow Him it amazing in away bu cool too

thank you

love ya in Christ lily

I've known a few women that have suffered long term abuse and molestation as children.  I've also read a number of testimonies of women in similar situations on forums such as this.   The majority of them said that God used other people (in the form of Christian counselors, pastors, prayer partners, or other women who've been through this and been through a healing process themselves) to help with the healing.   Emotional and spiritual wounds are every bit as real as physical wounds.  Minor stuff,  we can all toss on a bandaid ourselves and let it heal.  Serious stuff, we might need to go to the ER and let someone with a lot more experience deal with it.  Long term abuse is usually not something we can effectively deal with on our own; God will often use other people to come along side of us to be with us and help us.

As God leads, He might very well start to work through other people.  At some point, God might steer you toward an experienced pastor or a good Christian counselor.  Our church has a few mature Christians trained in transformational prayer ministry (which is basically providing support to people as they pray about difficult things they are dealing with).  A couple of the abused women I know reported that this was a big turning point in God starting to heal them.  The main caveat I'd give is making sure that any people you are starting to work with are mature Christians who've helped other people in similar situations before.

I've heard (some firsthand and others reading anonymously) of women (and a few men) who've been through some very toxic, harmful, and injurious situations over many years that God has emotionally and spiritually healed of the injuries they've received.   Over time, I'm sure that your feelings toward your mother (and other members of your family) will be restored to what God wants them to be.  It's something that will emerge over time as He heals and restores you.  I don't think it's something to feel condemned or guilty about; it's a consequence of what you went through.  Abuse affects our ability to feel things appropriately.  It will take time for that to be healed and restored. 

Edit[I'd also emphasize that forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.  Forgiveness is a change within us where we let go and are healed of things that have us in bondage regarding other people and what they've done to us.  Reconciliation is a restoration of a relationship that depends on the other party actually having changed.  If some who has hurt you in the past has not changed, they would potentially do it again.  It is okay to stay away from those people or to put up appropriate boundaries to keep them at a safe distance.  Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to trust them.  Trust is something that is built up over time due to consistent positive behavior over time.]

Edited November 14, 2017 by GandalfTheWise
Extra point I forgot to put in.

[Child_of_Hope_in_Jesus]

On 11/13/2017 at 12:54 AM, missmuffet said:

You just need to put up your protective boundaries. All we can do is pray for those who do not know Christ. Only God can open up the heart.

yes i understand that too but what hard for me is they say they Christians but do not acted Christ-like at all it sad in so many ways but only God knows their hearts too i keep praying and try to improve my life and walk in Christ too

love ya in Christ

lily