Toxic relationship--forgive?

[Rut-Ro]

On 1/16/2018 at 4:10 PM, LeslieAnn said:

In a toxic relationship with family member who basically cursed me without using the foul language...in true anger and being deeply hurt how do I choose to forgive when I don't want to.  It is hard when rejected to not reject back

Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to buddy up to those who you forgave for their viciousness. It means you have released yourself from the power those vicious words had, as intended, over your state of mind and happiness. 

If you don't forgive those who offend you, hurt you, they keep the power their behavior and/or words had upon you from that moment they were expressed. And beyond. Every time you see that offender your mood will revert back to how they made you to feel. It's like time travel to a dark place. And they can only have that power over your emotions if you grant their state of mind the capacity to overcome yours. 

When people lash out with hateful words, in life or even on the Web, they're first telling you where they are in their heart, mind, and life. Why would someone example hate when love feels so much better? Especially as a family member. And also, this is key and something offenders don't likely realize, if you, the object of their scorn, step back and let those words of theirs flow without taking it personally, you will likely see that they're telling you in words how miserable they are inside themselves. 

Whereas you are not those words they cast upon you in their outrage , mockery, or contempt. You're not that. What you're hearing is their telling you where they're at when they look at you. Hate filled words from family is outlandish. Who seeks to hurt someone of their blood with hate filled words? And why? 
And that's the thing to consider. Why. Why is this person in this place in their own life? That they would think they are entitled or hate the power to verbally form, shape, effect, mine. 

You are not what someone says about you. What you're hearing, witnessing, in someone who thinks they are able to convince you you are, is someone who is hurting. And that's how they let it out. They in their life think they have a right to harm your own with their opinion of it. 

Can you imagine how mixed up you'd be if your life altered according to someone's scolding you over it? You'd live in a moving jigsaw puzzle that never stops shifting. You'd lose your personal identity as you twisted, and turned, and followed all those things any one is saying about you and your life. And in a sense that is what hate filled words from hate filled people intend to do. Make you change your mind, emotion, life, due to their wording about it. 

Forgive them. Not for their sake because you cannot change anyone. That's God's job. But for your sake, forgive. Live your life in defiance of all enemies aligned against its happiness and peace. The great joy you may find doing that is in realizing you choose how you feel.  And you also choose who's feelings you allow to intrude. And really, forgive and thank God you're not in that offenders head space. They live with that chaos that swirls inside them as they think those dark thoughts about you. You, praise God, do not have to. Just as you do not have to agree with their intention to bring you down to their level. 

Pray for those who live hate. 
Living grace is far better. And, it's a choice only you can make. Because you know you're worth that and God knows it too.   

[Rut-Ro]

And by the way, nothing says you have to stick around toxic people. Toxic personalities are contagious. If you've ever watched that classic cartoon series, Peanuts? Remember, Pigpen? The little boy that had that cloud of dust following him everywhere? Think of that cloud as toxic personality surrounding the toxic person or persons in your life. Just like dust, that energy of negativity can cling and effect you. You can love people who are toxic from a distance. Think of yourself first. Because toxic people are consumers of good energy. Their allergic to it so they devour it into their dark field when they encounter it. Happy people make them mad. And they get madder when their negativity doesn't draw the negative response they crave and thrive to acquire for themselves. 
See my signature? Click the link for the image she created from a pic she found on the Web. And then added that signature text to. 

My sister sent me that after having a one on one with her boss. A person who was in a very bad place and made life for his employees very difficult at work. That signature quote is true. Negative people feel better when they spew their negativity upon someone who lives joy , peace, happiness. They walk away satisfied with themselves if that person they targeted leaves that happy place due to their words. Don't ever give anyone that power. Happy is far better than miserable. And misery loves company. That's why the miserable work so hard to bring down the happy. It's lonely at the bottom.   

Edited January 22, 2018 by Rut-Ro