Wife mentally abusing me.

[Jake4582]

I am looking for some advice. I love my wife of 9 years, but she is very bipolar I believe and gives me the silent treatment for 1 to 3 days if I even ask her two spoiled teenagers to help out around the house. I have become very spiritual since a bad a car accident last year and I have tried so hard to introduce christianity to them, but they all reject it and make fun of me. I even adopted her two teenage girls and they are very spoiled and lazy from my wife pampering them so much. I sometimes have thoughts I need to divorce her and find a Christian wife. The mental abuse of walking on eggshells, lack of respect, and silent treatment is starting to take a toll on me. I don't want to hurt anyone with getting a divorce and we have have a house and business together so it will be mesy. She will not get help no matter what. I'm not sure what to do. I sometimes feel there is someone else out there for me. Thanks. God Bless.

[TheMatrixHasU71]

11 hours ago, Jake4582 said:

I am looking for some advice. I love my wife of 9 years, but she is very bipolar I believe and gives me the silent treatment for 1 to 3 days if I even ask her two spoiled teenagers to help out around the house. I have become very spiritual since a bad a car accident last year and I have tried so hard to introduce christianity to them, but they all reject it and make fun of me. I even adopted her two teenage girls and they are very spoiled and lazy from my wife pampering them so much. I sometimes have thoughts I need to divorce her and find a Christian wife. The mental abuse of walking on eggshells, lack of respect, and silent treatment is starting to take a toll on me. I don't want to hurt anyone with getting a divorce and we have have a house and business together so it will be mesy. She will not get help no matter what. I'm not sure what to do. I sometimes feel there is someone else out there for me. Thanks. God Bless.

The Lord allows for divorce for spouses who simply cannot agree in the faith. Such people are not under bondage to the command that you shall not divorce your wife or husband

1 Cor 7

12But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

[Jake4582]

Thank you for this scripture. It is sheding light for me. 

God bless

[Neighbor]

21 hours ago, Jake4582 said:

Thank you for this scripture. It is sheding light for me. 

God bless

Hi,  Better read it again, in context and seek confirmation  of the conclusions you may reach elsewhere within the Bible,  read it pray on it think about it and ask of God wha He will have you to do!  Might want to ask yourself this question: If I divorce my wife, and seek out another, based upon the very scriptures I am using to justify my actions today what  Christian woman would then marry me? And what would be the consequences for her?

1 Corinthians 7 English Standard Version (ESV)

 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”  But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.  The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.  Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband  (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.  If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.  For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.  For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

 Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.  Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision.  For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God.  Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called.  Were you a bondservant when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.)  For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ.  You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men.  So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.

Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy.  I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.  Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none,  and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods,  and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.  But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife,  and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.  But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.  Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

 

 

[ABC123]

take it from me, a wife's mental abuse can lead to husband's mental illness. mental illness can lead to suicide. I left my bipolar wife because it was literally killing me. if it's killing you, leave. if it's not, give God some more time to work in her. 

[Melizza]

Praying for you. God sees your heart and the struggles that you are facing. Turn to Him and lay everything to Him....only God can give you comfort, and healing and also discernment to do the right thing. Also please pray for your wife and children- they don’t know and are lost.... I will pray for you all too  

 

Blsssings. 

[Guest BacKaran]

TOXIC people are not meant to be in our lives.
First, ask that she see a doc and get on prescribed meds.
Then write a list of pros and cons of remaining married.

I believe a person can stay with an unbeliever but that cross is really really hard to bear.
Respond to her meanness with I still love you Honey.....be positive all you can.
I did this with a coworker who was sooooo negative about everything...I purposely made it my mission to say good things to her negative conversations....it was tiring and she got fired....for her negative attitude, but I can say I did try.

Same thing with family. I was raised Roman Catholic and left it - so my siblings have ostracized me since my hubby died, we are both born again. 
The closer I draw to God in faith and knowledge of His word, the more I feel out of place in this world because I am just a pilgrim passing through.
My dad died in the fall and I have not heard from or spoken to my siblings since. No drama, no stress, and I have my focus on Christ.

I had to practice changing my life script..you know, the script where each family member plays their part for life? I decided to change my script and it threw my siblings all off....
I was the babysitter and no one had time to babysit for me.
Sister calls, hi whatcha doing?
Nothing.....grrrrrrr I didnt mean to say that I yelled to myself.

Oh good then you can babysit for me at...
No, no. I can’t

But you just said you weren’t doing anything.
That’s correct,, I’m not doing anything but getting a lemonade and relaxing on my deck with a book. I will let your friends have the opportunity to baby sit...

WOW, she really didnt like that answer! It screwed up her script, she didnt know what to say.....
Same thing, I was sick so I didnt attend my dads rc funeral. I knew it would be like my moms which was very depressing and sad. So I told my dad thank you, forgive me and I love you before he died and I gave him the gospel message.....
The last day I saw him, he forgot who i was but as I kissed him good bye he said who are you again?
I said Karan.

KARAN! He said happily and he literally glowed in his smile I had not seen in decades. THAT gives me hope that I will see him in heaven!

ASk if you two could go to a Christian counselor together, it may help.
Toxic people cause confusion, hurt and stress and sometimes God lets them remain that way then after looking over all the options, the script will either change or stay the same, its up to you.

Blessings and I am sorry you are going thru this.
Karan

 

[TheMatrixHasU71]

On 4/4/2018 at 3:50 PM, Neighbor said:

Hi,  Better read it again, in context and seek confirmation  of the conclusions you may reach elsewhere within the Bible,  read it pray on it think about it and ask of God wha He will have you to do!  Might want to ask yourself this question: If I divorce my wife, and seek out another, based upon the very scriptures I am using to justify my actions today what  Christian woman would then marry me? And what would be the consequences for her?

1 Corinthians 7 English Standard Version (ESV)

 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”  But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.  The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.  Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband  (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.  If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.  For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.  For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

 Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.  Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision.  For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God.  Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called.  Were you a bondservant when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.)  For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ.  You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men.  So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.

Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy.  I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.  Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none,  and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods,  and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.  But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife,  and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.  But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.  Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

 

 

But in context, most of those scriptures you quoted have nothing whatever to do with his situation. But the part I quoted to him does. If his wife is a non believer and only mocks him for his faith then he is free to divorce her and take another. If a prospective future wife understands his situation fully, she would be more than happy to marry him

Edited April 6, 2018 by TheMatrixHasU71

[TheMatrixHasU71]

21 hours ago, BacKaran said:

TOXIC people are not meant to be in our lives.
First, ask that she see a doc and get on prescribed meds.
Then write a list of pros and cons of remaining married.

I believe a person can stay with an unbeliever but that cross is really really hard to bear.
Respond to her meanness with I still love you Honey.....be positive all you can.
I did this with a coworker who was sooooo negative about everything...I purposely made it my mission to say good things to her negative conversations....it was tiring and she got fired....for her negative attitude, but I can say I did try.

Same thing with family. I was raised Roman Catholic and left it - so my siblings have ostracized me since my hubby died, we are both born again. 
The closer I draw to God in faith and knowledge of His word, the more I feel out of place in this world because I am just a pilgrim passing through.
My dad died in the fall and I have not heard from or spoken to my siblings since. No drama, no stress, and I have my focus on Christ.

I had to practice changing my life script..you know, the script where each family member plays their part for life? I decided to change my script and it threw my siblings all off....
I was the babysitter and no one had time to babysit for me.
Sister calls, hi whatcha doing?
Nothing.....grrrrrrr I didnt mean to say that I yelled to myself.

Oh good then you can babysit for me at...
No, no. I can’t

But you just said you weren’t doing anything.
That’s correct,, I’m not doing anything but getting a lemonade and relaxing on my deck with a book. I will let your friends have the opportunity to baby sit...

WOW, she really didnt like that answer! It screwed up her script, she didnt know what to say.....
Same thing, I was sick so I didnt attend my dads rc funeral. I knew it would be like my moms which was very depressing and sad. So I told my dad thank you, forgive me and I love you before he died and I gave him the gospel message.....
The last day I saw him, he forgot who i was but as I kissed him good bye he said who are you again?
I said Karan.

KARAN! He said happily and he literally glowed in his smile I had not seen in decades. THAT gives me hope that I will see him in heaven!

ASk if you two could go to a Christian counselor together, it may help.
Toxic people cause confusion, hurt and stress and sometimes God lets them remain that way then after looking over all the options, the script will either change or stay the same, its up to you.

Blessings and I am sorry you are going thru this.
Karan

 

All that is good and correct, but there is only so much stress within a marriage that one can take. If he wants to keep trying to make it work then may the Lord bless adn guide Him in this but If she refuses to listen then he should walk away for his own sanity. 

[HisFirst]

On 04/04/2018 at 4:20 AM, TheMatrixHasU71 said:

The Lord allows for divorce for spouses who simply cannot agree in the faith. Such people are not under bondage to the command that you shall not divorce your wife or husband

1 Cor 7

12But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

Hi Matrix, if I understand it correctly, the departing part is from the unbelievers side leaving the believer (not vise-versa)  - and  if the unbelieving partner is willing to stay with the believer then let him Not put her away.