Marilyn C Posted August 20, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 30 Topic Count: 266 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 13,200 Content Per Day: 3.49 Reputation: 8,497 Days Won: 12 Joined: 12/21/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/06/1947 Share Posted August 20, 2018 14 hours ago, onedirection said: @Marilyn C Yesterday at couples counseling both my wife and the counselor agreed that the anger and resentment has subsided. My wife has forgiven me. However, she recognizes the love I've been showing her unconditionally and she is frustrated that she does not feel the same way in return. She said that she cannot do this for even 6 more months and feels sad about the situation. When she thinks about life without me, she feels relieved that the stress of not reciprocating will be over. I told her that I accept this situation and that her feelings are valid. I told her I am here to support, love, and serve her no longer how long it takes. I told her that I will never leave her, unless she is the one to walk out on me (if the unbeliever leaves, let them go). I also challenged her to the 40 day love dare, and she said she would do it. I also let her know that my self-transformation would not have been possible without turning my life over to Jesus and asking Him His plan for me every morning, then trying to live it out. I reminded her about the power of prayer and to really turn to the Lord now as this situation gets harder and harder the longer it goes on. What else can I even do? Hi onedirection, Great to hear that the obstacle of resentment has been overcome. Now we come to the underlying truth - `What is love?` We tend to think of `romance, passion etc,` however they are feelings and can deceive us. True love is giving of yourself, care, compassion, appreciation, respect, etc. So we are praying that as you do `the 40 day love dare,` that you both come to a greater appreciation of `love.` Now my hubby said, in reference to your question -`What else can I even do?` that you should remain stable, especially while your wife is working through these things. I believe that often women equate `love` with romance and the first exciting times couples can have and thus do not appreciate the depth of real `love.` So we all really are on the journey to come to the fullness of Christ`s `love.` We are praying for you both, Marilyn, (& Trevor) Â 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onedirection Posted August 20, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 That makes total sense. I was telling her about how blessings can be lost when you have pre-marital sex and how we need to be vigilant that some of the things affecting our marriage today could be from sins of the past where we have not asked for forgiveness and repented. She had never learned this lesson from the bible and wasn't even aware that God condemns pre-marital sex. I described to her why this is. The love dare is just one step in how I am trying to educate my wife and evangelize the truth in the bible. I also gave her my testimony of how my ceaseless praying and turning my life over to Jesus has been the ONLY thing that has kept me dedicated to resolving this situation. I then asked her to do the same and warned her that she may never find peace if she does not seek God. For long she has had a wall up about spirituality, living the life of the casual Christian, so I'm being smart about picking my battles and weaving in scripture without it sounding contrived. Before speaking I pray to God for Him to put the right words on my tongue and the correct approach so that it speaks to her heart. What a journey I have been on throughout this trial. Nothing this tough has ever come my way my entire life. I firmly believe that this trial will not end until she fully returns to Jesus. He is working in us, changing one heart at a time, me first and now her. Thank you both for the prayers, it is working! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharky and George Posted August 24, 2018 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 168 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 394 Content Per Day: 0.18 Reputation: 197 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/26/2018 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/28/1983 Share Posted August 24, 2018 (edited) I have never been married so I do not know very well how to empathise with you but I will say what worked with my girlfriend. That is, just have fun and a laugh with each other if you can. Do something togethor that you both enjoy e.g. eating a big tub of posh double chocolate icecream is a good start. Relax with each other and try and love each other as marraige is sacred to God as it holds society togethor thus another motivation is that Jesus would be well chuffed it you guys pulled it back togethor.  Philippians 4:13 You can do all things in Christ who gives you strength. Bless you. Edited August 24, 2018 by Sharky and George Typo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onedirection Posted September 7, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 7, 2018 @Marilyn C @GandalfTheWise @Sharky and George @Heybro I'm calling in all the big guns. My home and my marriage are under attack. My wife has whipped me, crowned me with thorns, and nailed me to a cross, and still I stand here praying for the inspiration to love her like Jesus would. Last night while putting my little girls to bed, I leaned in for prayers and my wife interrupted me saying "that's not how we do it". I was so upset, I snarked something back and left the room. While in my bedroom I prayed for patience and to be slow to anger. How dare my wife come between me and my child and how I intend to teach them how to pray? I prayed for guidance on how to confront the situation. When my wife returned, clearly angry, she essentially back tracked on the subject declaring that she wasn't trying to intervene in my praying - whatever... That led to a much deeper and challenging discussion. I felt compelled to tell my wife something I learned in the appendix of the love dare. In the bible it says if you mistreat your spouse, your prayers could be hindered. Clearly what I have described in this thread is classified as mistreatment. One thing led to another, she viciously attacked me and the bible. She doesn't feel she is mistreating me, yet says she understands what the bible says about marriage She told me the bible is male chauvinistic that it would say the male is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the household Regarding her prayers being hindered, she said "I don't believe that", which of course I retorted you can't pick and choose She referred to my behavior as bible thumping bullsh**, and compared me to a cult, then she attacked my mother who has done nothing but pray for her She said she is following her heart, which of course I retorted the bible warns us not to follow our deceitful heart She told me I don't show her love, while over the past month I have made her breakfast and dinner every day, I help with laundry, ask her how her day is going, tell her I love her, make the bed, and expect NOTHING in return. I still pray for her multiple times per day and I pray for myself and for the will of this trial to be done. It was like a scene out of exorcism. In one sentence she would talk about how she prays and has given this up to God. And in the next sentence she would discount the bible and my faith, completely attacking what we stand for. This is incredible spiritual warfare. I vow to stand strong and keep praying. However, on my heart I feel I should back off with the acts of service and verbal affirmation. I want to remain consistent from before, but I also don't want to be supplicating to empower this kind of behavior. Jesus still loves us, but in our sin blessings could be taken away, so perhaps I would do the same? Outside of fervent prayer, I'm looking for any way to ignite that rock bottom kind of change you see in people when they come seeking Jesus with an open heart. I keep telling her that all I'm trying to do is relay the parts of the scripture that have helped me stay so strong in this trial and that I want to learn the bible with her, I want to pray together, and I want to be an example for all other couples out there so we can bring more to Jesus. I'm doing 21 days of powerful breakthroughs in the iOS bible app to try to stay strong and not lose hope. I do NOT want the devil to win this one. To have my own wife attack me in this way, arghhh the devil is SO wicked. Please pray for me that a network of strong Christians will physically rally around us and put a hedge around our home and marriage. She is all alone and will not speak with anyone about how she feels. That is a recipe for failure. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharky and George Posted September 7, 2018 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 168 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 394 Content Per Day: 0.18 Reputation: 197 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/26/2018 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/28/1983 Share Posted September 7, 2018 Your words were like my words in a time of my trouble, I submitted to God and the stronghold of my problems became like rubble.  This worked for me and will work for you too: Go into a place where you are alone, lie face down on the floor and submit everything that you have had, will have and will ever have to Jesus whilst praising Him. Do this with all your heart.  You will find that you will get up and lift your hands with a happy face and maybe even tears of joy as you praise Him.  See what happens now.  Bless you Brother ⺠1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onedirection Posted September 7, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 7, 2018 @Giller Agreed, I'm not following my feelings to the best of my ability. My wife is wholeheartedly trusting her gut, which is why I had to point her to scripture. I also agree I can't change her to be a "bible thumper" and I'm not trying to. I know if she comes to learn the truth, her attitude will change. I was simply providing her the insight that helped me and she went full attack mode. She even went as far to say that I'm suggesting that she is going to hell. I never even said that. She puts words in my mouth and takes offense to everything. I'll be here waiting when she ultimately initiates change. Or I'll be here supporting my kids when she ultimately walks out. Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onedirection Posted September 7, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 7, 2018 That is very true, every love deposit I make is completely rejected. In our last counseling session her and the counselor both agreed that she is finally over the resentment and anger, so I'm actually confused as to whether it really is or isn't. I wrote her a love note on a napkin the other day with a nice breakfast that I cooked for her, and she said "Stop it with the notes!". Yikes... the women that would lined up around the block for a husband like this... The devil is lying to her, poor thing. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heybro Posted September 8, 2018 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 19 Topic Count: 12 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,360 Content Per Day: 0.66 Reputation: 2,139 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/03/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted September 8, 2018 11 hours ago, Sharky and George said: Your words were like my words in a time of my trouble, I submitted to God and the stronghold of my problems became like rubble.  This worked for me and will work for you too: Go into a place where you are alone, lie face down on the floor and submit everything that you have had, will have and will ever have to Jesus whilst praising Him. Do this with all your heart.  You will find that you will get up and lift your hands with a happy face and maybe even tears of joy as you praise Him.  See what happens now.  Bless you Brother âşïğżïğż Onedirection, Dear brother, this is sound advice and along a similar vein I would have replied. I see your total commitment to see the marriage work, now having established that, leave it with the Lord, and as the Bible tells us, "to stand firm, and see the salvation of God." You may be striving to make it happen in your own strength.  Leave it at the foot of the cross. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marilyn C Posted September 8, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 30 Topic Count: 266 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 13,200 Content Per Day: 3.49 Reputation: 8,497 Days Won: 12 Joined: 12/21/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/06/1947 Share Posted September 8, 2018 16 hours ago, onedirection said: That is very true, every love deposit I make is completely rejected. In our last counseling session her and the counselor both agreed that she is finally over the resentment and anger, so I'm actually confused as to whether it really is or isn't. I wrote her a love note on a napkin the other day with a nice breakfast that I cooked for her, and she said "Stop it with the notes!". Yikes... the women that would lined up around the block for a husband like this... The devil is lying to her, poor thing. Hi onedirection, As a woman I know that when we (hubby and I) go through difficulties, I certainly do not want the `doing` thing. Men `do,` and can`t understand that women want `WORDS, WORDS, WORDS,` words of understanding where the woman is coming from. NOT, definitely NOT preaching, talking, or notes AT HER but sitting down and really trying to understand her. Have you heard of `The God Journey?` Well the latest discussion concerns `Derailing relationships.` I think it would be very, very helpful for you to gain insight from that discussion. You can hear it by typing in The God Journey and the latest discussion will be there (#648)  all the best as you continue to `die to self` and listen to the other person - your wife. Marilyn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onedirection Posted September 9, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 9, 2018 @Marilyn C the search doesnât seem to be finding it, care to put a link? i understand the importance of conversation for women because of Dr Harleyâs His Needs Her Needs itâs interesting you mention âseek understandingâ, that has just struck a chord with me in my menâs group one of the fellas has made his lifeâs purpose to understand who Jesus was and why he did what he did. There is a certain mystery to it (when you get into details beyond just love) when I apply this to my wife I realize that I donât really understand her because I donât think she even understands herself when our relationship was great, we talked about our hopes and dreams, and I quickly provided all of her desires. She loved me deeply for this. but now the season has changed and I donât know what she truly wants, so Iâm shooting in the dark perhaps this is the mystery that needs to be unraveled, and through my investigation maybe she will receive that as acceptance which will be considered a love deposit Ill let you know how it goes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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