Reprobate-the worst fear of Christians

[Phillnb25]

Hey fam! 

I'm sure everybody is tired of seeing my posts popping up all over this forum lol but I have decided that its time I get into the root of my issues. I "accepted" Christ at the prime age of 6-8 years old. I don't think I was old enough to truly understand what I was doing but they made it easy enough. I just repeated a prayer and got dunked in water and I was good, forgiven for everything I would ever do. So I put God on the back burner and continued on with my life. I did the whole church thing, was in choir, participated in the youth group, etc... did everything a good old southern boy was expected to do. The issue is I had no desire to, I cussed, lusted, sinned and didn't even care because "I was good, I said the little prayer"..well years went on and I got worse and worse eventually getting into paganism...Asatru heathenism to be exact. So I did the whole pagan thing for a while, I didn't really get anything out of it so I just moved on with my life and continued to not care about anything. So eventually summer turned to winter and Visa versa and my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 renal cancer. After 5 years he finally succumbed and it rocked my world, my apathy turned to anger towards any "god" so I continued to live my life as I wanted, I continued to be unfulfilled when I felt a strange realization that if I died, I would go to Hell....so I went back to the beginning and began to study the word of God. I was on fire for the Lord, I repented of my past and began to live the life I professed that went on for a year or two when suddenly i noticed my faith was gone, vanished as quickly as it came. I began to realize that i didn't believe the bible anymore, i didn't believe in an afterlife, I even began to question if God ever existed. Which led me on the path to study the sciences and figure out the truth. I studied philosophy, such as Pascals Wager, the Kalaam comoslogical argument, Thomas Aquius's 5 ways, etc... but could not retrigger my faith. Which leads us to the present, my life feels dark and meaningless,  I have a hard time getting motivated to do anything,  I want so bad to believe in God, the bible, and everything but in physically cant. Prayer seems like a wasted one way conversation and I begin to feel as if I've been cut off from the light. The bible warns of reprobation and such and I feel as if that's where I am. Has anyone had any similar experiences or maybe some advice?

[missmuffet]

26 minutes ago, Phillnb25 said:

Hey fam! 

I'm sure everybody is tired of seeing my posts popping up all over this forum lol but I have decided that its time I get into the root of my issues. I "accepted" Christ at the prime age of 6-8 years old. I don't think I was old enough to truly understand what I was doing but they made it easy enough. I just repeated a prayer and got dunked in water and I was good, forgiven for everything I would ever do. So I put God on the back burner and continued on with my life. I did the whole church thing, was in choir, participated in the youth group, etc... did everything a good old southern boy was expected to do. The issue is I had no desire to, I cussed, lusted, sinned and didn't even care because "I was good, I said the little prayer"..well years went on and I got worse and worse eventually getting into paganism...Asatru heathenism to be exact. So I did the whole pagan thing for a while, I didn't really get anything out of it so I just moved on with my life and continued to not care about anything. So eventually summer turned to winter and Visa versa and my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 renal cancer. After 5 years he finally succumbed and it rocked my world, my apathy turned to anger towards any "god" so I continued to live my life as I wanted, I continued to be unfulfilled when I felt a strange realization that if I died, I would go to Hell....so I went back to the beginning and began to study the word of God. I was on fire for the Lord, I repented of my past and began to live the life I professed that went on for a year or two when suddenly i noticed my faith was gone, vanished as quickly as it came. I began to realize that i didn't believe the bible anymore, i didn't believe in an afterlife, I even began to question if God ever existed. Which led me on the path to study the sciences and figure out the truth. I studied philosophy, such as Pascals Wager, the Kalaam comoslogical argument, Thomas Aquius's 5 ways, etc... but could not retrigger my faith. Which leads us to the present, my life feels dark and meaningless,  I have a hard time getting motivated to do anything,  I want so bad to believe in God, the bible, and everything but in physically cant. Prayer seems like a wasted one way conversation and I begin to feel as if I've been cut off from the light. The bible warns of reprobation and such and I feel as if that's where I am. Has anyone had any similar experiences or maybe some advice?

A person who "physically" can not believe in God is impossible. If you want to truly believe in God you need to give your whole life to Him. You need to sit down and ask Jesus Christ into your life to be your Lord and Savior and you need to ask for forgiveness of your sins. You need to genuinely give your heart, your mind and body to Christ and tell Satan to take a hike. 

[Who me]

8 hours ago, Phillnb25 said:

Hey fam!

 Which leads us to the present, my life feels dark and meaningless,  I have a hard time getting motivated to do anything,  I want so bad to believe in God, the bible, and everything but in physically cant. Prayer seems like a wasted one way conversation and I begin to feel as if I've been cut off from the light. The bible warns of reprobation and such and I feel as if that's where I am. Has anyone had any similar experiences or maybe some advice?

May I suggest that you talk to someone, either your doctor or the minister of the church you have been attending.

Problems with motivation, feelings of darkness are symptons of depression.

 

Please take this seriously and seek help.

As to Christianity once one've sorted your self out check out the christianityexplored website for a church running this course and sign up.

[Blood Bought 1953]

7 minutes ago, Who me said:

May I suggest that you talk to someone, either your doctor or the minister of the church you have been attending.

Problems with motivation, feelings of darkness are symptons of depression.

 

Please take this seriously and seek help.

As to Christianity once one've sorted your self out check out the christianityexplored website for a church running this course and sign up.

 

Through all of your travails, has the Holy Spirit revealed to you that you are a lost sinner who needs a Savior? That painful truth is the starting point of Christianity.It shows that the Seed of the Gospel ( 1cor15:1-4) can now be planted in soil  that is ready to receive it.We must all repent from the sin of self righteousness( thinking we are “ good enough” to merit Heaven) This repentance is a gift from God— Nobody can come lest the Spirit draw him, and this is where that Spirit begins His work.Jesus said that the Spirit was like the wind....nobody knows from whence it came, nobody knows where it is going.I pray that He finds His way into your heart.God bless.

 

 

[Who me]

7 minutes ago, Blood Bought 1953 said:

 

Through all of your travails, has the Holy Spirit revealed to you that you are a lost sinner who needs a Savior? That painful truth is the starting point of Christianity.It shows that the Seed of the Gospel ( 1cor15:1-4) can now be planted in soil  that is ready to receive it.We must all repent from the sin of self righteousness( thinking we are “ good enough” to merit Heaven) This repentance is a gift from God— Nobody can come lest the Spirit draw him, and this is where that Spirit begins His work.Jesus said that the Spirit was like the wind....nobody knows from whence it came, nobody knows where it is going.I pray that He finds His way into your heart.God bless.

 

 

Who are you addressing?

Me or the OP?

If me please give your reasonings for your post?

[Blood Bought 1953]

6 minutes ago, Who me said:

Who are you addressing?

Me or the OP?

If me please give your reasonings for your post?

 

The OP.....sorry ‘bout that....

Edited April 1, 2019 by Blood Bought 1953

[Who me]

4 minutes ago, Blood Bought 1953 said:

 

The OP.....sorry ‘bout that....

It's OK.

I'll unload the cannons etc.

[Tzephanyahu]

8 hours ago, Phillnb25 said:

Has anyone had any similar experiences or maybe some advice?

Shalom brother,

I have had a very similar experience and it's not fun at all. It's almost as if someone pulled the rug out from beneath your feet! And perhaps that's the very intention...

For me, alongside depression, I immersed myself in Psychological studies, ranging across all disciplines - clinical, neuroscience, NLP, hypnosis, mental disorders etc.  This collaboration of depression and seeking knowledge from men lead me down a dark path where I became selfish, unloving, highly critical, doubtful, heavy-hearted and spiritually lost.

In that time, it felt like Yahweh was far from me. I believed in Him but didn't really believe He loved ME, not really. I felt like I had disappointed Him, that I didn't get Him like everyone else and that my salvation was almost going to be dependant on the flip of a coin - is Yeshua going to say "I never knew you" or not?  At times, I thought he abandoned me because of my sins after salvation.

It is a most serious thing to walk away from the Lord like you and I did.  Yes, we didn't deliberately turn and run, but we got into the world - whether to eat from the Tree of Knowledge or fall into idolatry.  Before we knew it, we were carried away by the tide, far from the shore.

So how best to understand this matter?

Consider yourself as if you were Israel (the nation) before the fall to Babylon.  Jerusalem is symbolic of the Father living within you (specifically, the Temple) and Babylon is symbolic of the devil's kingdom, with Nebuchadnezzar being the devil....

Israel fell away from Yahweh and despite many, many warnings, persisted in her own ways.  So Yahweh gave Israel other to the kingdom of Babylon, to take Israel captive and lay waste to the Temple.  Israel slowly started to learn her lesson in captivity and turned again towards Yahweh. However, they still needed to learn again, from scratch, like Israel in her youth.  She was eventually rescued from Babylon and given back her land. But she had to rebuild the temple again and learn from the Torah again, like the very beginning. Basically, she had to humble herself completely to get back to her former glory. 

These times you are going through remind me of that captivity. You have been handed over to Babylon for the sake of you finding repentance and humility and giving the rightful place to Yahweh in your life.  This principle was also reflected by Paul, who wrote about a persistent sinner: So when you are assembled and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present,  hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord. ~ 1 Corinthians 5:4-5

So, in brief summary, consider your circumstances in this way...

8 hours ago, missmuffet said:

So I put God on the back burner and continued on with my life. I did the whole church thing, was in choir, participated in the youth group, etc... did everything a good old southern boy was expected to do.

Israel before the fall.  Serving in lip service and not in heart.

9 hours ago, Phillnb25 said:

I cussed, lusted, sinned and didn't even care because "I was good, I said the little prayer"..well years went on and I got worse and worse eventually getting into paganism...

Israel before the fall.  Giving way to other gods.

9 hours ago, Phillnb25 said:

After 5 years he finally succumbed and it rocked my world, my apathy turned to anger towards any "god" so I continued to live my life as I wanted

Babylon overthrows Israel

9 hours ago, Phillnb25 said:

so I went back to the beginning and began to study the word of God. I was on fire for the Lord, I repented of my past and began to live the life I professed

Israel in captivity turns to Yahweh once again

9 hours ago, Phillnb25 said:

i noticed my faith was gone, vanished as quickly as it came. I began to realize that i didn't believe the bible anymore, i didn't believe in an afterlife, I even began to question if God ever existed.

Israel's captivity is not ended as soon as they repent.  They must understand their error and be set free again by Yahweh at the right time, not by their own power.  Sometimes true repentance comes with time and not regret.

9 hours ago, Phillnb25 said:

Which leads us to the present, my life feels dark and meaningless,  I have a hard time getting motivated to do anything,  I want so bad to believe in God, the bible, and everything but in physically cant. Prayer seems like a wasted one way conversation and I begin to feel as if I've been cut off from the light.

Israel doubts freedom will ever come after 70 long years in Babylon, where their preferred gods cannot save them. What will they do? Remain faithful or turn away again?

------

This same thing happened with me basically.  So what did I do? 

I turned my back on ALL I learned and treasured about Psychology.  I counted it as worthlessness (for it truly is once you understand it's claims). I took everything back to zero and approached the Bible like a child - like I had never read it before.  I forcefully ignored all the doctrines I had been taught over the years and read it to understand it for myself - forgetting ALL preconceived ideas.  I saught for wisdom and answers at the feet of Yahweh, His Messiah and Prophets (and not man) and abased myself as knowing nothing.  I continued in this with a simple prayer each day, asking for wisdom and expressing my love to Yahweh.

Eventually, I got "given the land back"! And I returned from Babylon to the Promised Land!  

But I knew I needed the baptism of the Holy Spirit.  I'm not sure I ever had this before - if I did then the many dark years eclipsed this from my memory.  I saught it hard and prayed for it above ALL things.  I wanted to "rebuild the Temple", and I did, by Yahweh's Grace and Guidance. I eventually built that Temple with the foundation stone being the Lord and King Yahushua and every other brick was build on His Words and Love.

Eventually, the Spirit "filled the Temple again" and I was once again connected with the Father!

I look back at "Babylon" now, shocked that I was there and keen to never fall under them again.  But rather than rest easy now that the Temple was filled, instead, I got to service!  My "priestly" service of offering sacrifices to Yahweh: sacrifices of praise, thanksgiving, time, study, my mind, my body and most importantly, my dedication.  I stay in the Word daily (the actual Bible, an audio Bible, a Bible App, Bible commentaries - even a Manga Bible!)  But it never feels as boring as it used to before "Babylon" attacked.  It no longer feels like a chore but feels exciting and fascinating.  I actually have genuine concerns that I will never understand its many depths in my lifetime!  So I rush to consume it regularly and it feeds my soul like Manna.  When I am away from it too long I start to feel a genuine hunger - which nothing else can reach.

So my advice to you is as follows - like Israel was instructed by Jeremiah, humble yourself before Yahweh. Accept your lot in Babylon, brought on by your own hands, and humble yourself. Be patient and be loyal. Repent of the sins in your heart and study the Word daily.  Give Him thanks daily.  Almighty Yahweh WILL free you when the time is right, which will be sooner than you think, IF you get your mindset right.

If you were introduced to Almighty Yahweh as a child, then perhaps the due respect He deserves is something you need to learn.  We need to fear Him FIRST before we can understand how to love Him, which is something Sunday Schools and some churches skip.  If you were never taught this, then you won't respect or love Him correctly.  Fear of Yahweh leads to true love of Yahweh.  For more on this and how to perceive Yahweh like this, see this short story I wrote: Meet Hughie. 

Hopefully that helps and I haven't bumbled on too much (like I always do).  

Stay strong brother.  Stay faithful.  This is your time of testing!  Angels are watching, so give them and our Father an excuse to rejoice over you!

Love & Shalom

[Prycejosh1987]

On 4/1/2019 at 6:54 AM, Phillnb25 said:

I studied philosophy, such as Pascals Wager, the Kalaam comoslogical argument, Thomas Aquius's 5 ways, etc... but could not retrigger my faith. Which leads us to the present, my life feels dark and meaningless,  I have a hard time getting motivated to do anything,  I want so bad to believe in God, the bible, and everything but in physically cant. Prayer seems like a wasted one way conversation and I begin to feel as if I've been cut off from the light. The bible warns of reprobation and such and I feel as if that's where I am. Has anyone had any similar experiences or maybe some advice?

The bible was written by people of God and authorised by the holy spirit. If you life is meaningless then explore spiritual options and invest in prayer and reading the bible. It seems depression is kicking in and you need to address these issues.