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Why wouldn't a husband leave you alone if they refuse to respect a boundary that they are well aware of? Is that grounds for a divorce? What if you want to leave but they just keep on coming back; him and his family making it impossible for you to move on in a healthy manner?

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I think we need a little more information about this in order to give a well reasoned reply.

Blessings.

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13 hours ago, RarexxRose said:

Why wouldn't a husband leave you alone if they refuse to respect a boundary that they are well aware of? Is that grounds for a divorce? What if you want to leave but they just keep on coming back; him and his family making it impossible for you to move on in a healthy manner?

As Justin has said it is not clear what is happening in this marriage.

You want to leave it. Why?

Grounds for divorce under Christianity are only unfaithfullness.

He and his family are trying to preserve a marriage, that makes me think there are children involved.

Divorce always harms the children.

May I suggest that you both go for marriage councelling with a few to repairingyour relationship and continuing the marrage.

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Posted (edited)

God NEVER wants anyone to divorce for any reason, even cheating. The Bible does say God will allow people to divorce for cheating/sexual immorality, but he didn't say he wanted them to divorce, more that they begged and wanted a divorcement, so God allowed it only under that one reason that it would be acceptable to God and not be a sin to divorce. If you divorce, you break a covenant God made with you two. The Bible says let no man separate what God has joined together, and I view that even the couple themselves should not separate themselves. 

 

Your situation isn't clear as others are saying. Btu I've never seen a divorcement make things better, maybe there is less arguing, but overall in other ways, life gets much worse for you, especially for people who follow God. Whether your kids are minors or adults, it will bother them their entire life even years after you're dead and gone. Grandchildren who dont even exist now may feel bad about it later. My wife's grandmother got a divorce for her husband having a second wife. Wowzers! Not just cheating, but he left the country and came back married to a random woman in just a short time. That happened nearly 30 years ago, and till this day, its left her heartbroken and even made it very hard on her children's lives, and even grandchildrens lives. SO even as far as sexual cheating and even another husband or wife, it isn't going to end up being better in every way to divorce, and it is never God's plan according to his word. Rather we should love and be married as Christ is married to the church. No matter what happens between us and God, He never forsakens us, never breaks his vows, never leaves us even though He may at times be unhappy with what we have done, we are still his bride. Marriage on earth is a symbol of our eternal spiritual marriage with the Lord. We Christians are the bride of Christ. We should do the same for our groom and bride here on earth in our short term temporary marriage until we die. 

Edited by Xethea

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On 4/15/2019 at 3:46 PM, Xethea said:

God NEVER wants anyone to divorce for any reason, even cheating. 

Scripture and verse for this?

What about Corinthians 7:15?

 

Why not find out more about her situation before telling her whether to stay or leave?

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Posted (edited)
On 4/16/2019 at 7:56 PM, naominash said:

Scripture and verse for this?

What about Corinthians 7:15?

 

Why not find out more about her situation before telling her whether to stay or leave?

leaving isn't an issue, as if you need safety or have difficulty living with each other- but that doesn't require you to divorce.

 

But for the verses where I find it's not the will of God EVER that you divorce;

Matthew 19:6 

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

 

I believe when it says let no man separate, I believe that includes the couple themselves not to separate.

And do you understand the very chapter you brought up in that tells couples not to divorce. That chapter actually would recommend for a couple to stay together, which i will bring up a little later here. 

Matthew 19:8 

He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so."

 

This verse tells us simply by the Lord, that people wanted divorcements for the evilness of their hearts, and so Moses allowed them to divorce since they wouldn't get over it and constantly keep bringing it up and making such a big deal about it. But it says in the beginning, God didn't want that, it wasn't supposed to be like that. But if God is going to allow it, he only does under a certain condition, that is if one or the other or both have committed sexual immorality, basically cheating. What people really go wrong is what scripture clearly commands what to do and not to do if you choose to divorce. 

Even Jesus brought this point up to the Pharisees in chapter 19 of Matthew.

Matthew 19:3-9 

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” ...

Mark 10:12 

And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

 

I mean, wow. That was hardcore wasn't it? Do you have any clue how many Christians alone even disobey God's word here? So many Christian women I have met have divorced even twice and keep jumping to another man. Here says they have committed adultery if they have divorced and married someone else.

Matthew 19:9 

And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

 

Same thing, but here you see where the Lord says "except." 

Here's a very clear verse not to marry someone else or divorce, unless you divorce and remarry who you were first married to, and this is right before the part you were talking about in Chapter 7 of 1st Corinthians. It says they are to remain unmarried to anyone unless they remarry who they have divorced.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

And I point out the aspect of someone's love, their godly love, when they claim they want or they were not wrong for divorcing, that here it shows you don't love who you married if you divorce them, simply divorcing shows your selfish, evil, sinful heart;

Malachi 2:13-16 

13 Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

 

This tells us clearly, it bothers the Lord that we want a divorcement.

The only places I find where it says someone is free to marry someone else and not be guilty of sin, is when their spouse has died. Verses like this;

Romans 7:3 

Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.

 

Corinthians 7;15 says you can let someone "leave," that doesn't have to mean divorce. Even so, Paul still told us just before this, 

1 Corinthians 7:12-13

12 "To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."

That being said, even if they are an unbeliever, it shouldn't be the Christian's desire to ever leave, but if the unbeliever wants to leave, then it's okay to let them leave. Especially if you study other languages like Greek, it doesn't implicate that it means they should or need to divorce. Not at all. Separation, as in, living elsewhere or going somewhere separately, does not mean a couple is divorced. Still, we must not ignore all these other countless scriptures about divorcement. We should never assume in our own understanding that God is "okay" with our reasons for wanting to divorce. We should take Him at His word in scripture and obey it. We are not simply dealing with a piece of candy being stolen, or even simply a crime, though they are both sin and deserving Hell, we are dealing with the symbol of Christ's marriage with us, the Church! Our physical marriages in flesh are a symbol of our spiritual marriage with Christ. As if man was Christ being the groom, and wife was the Church being the bride. We are taking the symbol of what God has made to show how He wants us to view how we should love someone as God loves us. That no matter what happens and until the end of everything, we are there for each other in love, forgiving and staying together through everything, that we are even sacrificing and even surrendering our lives for someone else. 

When you keep in mind for any reason that you would want a divorce, you are showing you are putting yourself before the one you married, and that you have set certain conditions they must follow or else you are breaking your covenant you made with them, you even went against such vows as  "for better or for worse-" we constantly see that being broken, because when times comes to the worst, it's over and they lied about their vows. If the Lord had set conditions for our marriage with Him, we'd all be doomed for Hell. That isn't how Christ wants us to love our spouses.

What also to keep in mind, is not once to we ever see God literally tells us, or anyone, that we SHOULD or MUST divorce, but rather it says in the beginning divorcement wasn't the plan, if you can then stay married, if you divorce then remarry if you can, let no man separate what couple God has joined together, etc- verse after verse telling us to stay committed to that person. And only under 1 condition will God "allow" someone to divorce and not be guilty of sin. Divorcement is NEVER glory to God, but rather a disgrace and dishonor to the symbol of His marriage with the Church, His bride. Remember, Jesus told us that Moses had made a law that we could divorce because of the hardness of our hearts. Anyone thinking about divorcement, dwell on these scriptures, and pray, and ask yourself "Do I want a divorce for my will, or God's will? How can I give glory to God through breaking a covenant unlike the covenant God still hasn't broken with me? Is my heart hardened that I desire a divorcement through my fleshly desires, or is it the Holy Spirit giving me a desire to divorce?" 

 

In everything we do, we are to do it for the glory of God. And I cannot find any glory or a good reason to praise God for a divorcement. I never see that as an option in our marriage with my wife, even if she cheated. Because like God chose to love me despite my sin, I want to do the same for my wife and love her and be with her till the very end of my days no matter what she does. I want to love how the Lord loves His Church. God has never forsaken any of those whom He saved, so I don't believe we should forsake our spouses. And surely, we have done much worse before God and to God than our spouses could do to us in a lifetime. 

Edited by Xethea

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On 4/14/2019 at 10:59 PM, RarexxRose said:

Why wouldn't a husband leave you alone if they refuse to respect a boundary that they are well aware of? Is that grounds for a divorce? What if you want to leave but they just keep on coming back; him and his family making it impossible for you to move on in a healthy manner?

I don't know your situation and there has been very few details to give an opinion. I don't know the whole picture here. 

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On 4/19/2019 at 12:11 PM, Xethea said:

leaving isn't an issue, as if you need safety or have difficulty living with each other- but that doesn't require you to divorce.

 

But for the verses where I find it's not the will of God EVER that you divorce;

Matthew 19:6 

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

 

I believe when it says let no man separate, I believe that includes the couple themselves not to separate.

And do you understand the very chapter you brought up in that tells couples not to divorce. That chapter actually would recommend for a couple to stay together, which i will bring up a little later here. 

Matthew 19:8 

He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so."

 

This verse tells us simply by the Lord, that people wanted divorcements for the evilness of their hearts, and so Moses allowed them to divorce since they wouldn't get over it and constantly keep bringing it up and making such a big deal about it. But it says in the beginning, God didn't want that, it wasn't supposed to be like that. But if God is going to allow it, he only does under a certain condition, that is if one or the other or both have committed sexual immorality, basically cheating. What people really go wrong is what scripture clearly commands what to do and not to do if you choose to divorce. 

Even Jesus brought this point up to the Pharisees in chapter 19 of Matthew.

Matthew 19:3-9 

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” ...

Mark 10:12 

And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

 

I mean, wow. That was hardcore wasn't it? Do you have any clue how many Christians alone even disobey God's word here? So many Christian women I have met have divorced even twice and keep jumping to another man. Here says they have committed adultery if they have divorced and married someone else.

Matthew 19:9 

And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

 

Same thing, but here you see where the Lord says "except." 

Here's a very clear verse not to marry someone else or divorce, unless you divorce and remarry who you were first married to, and this is right before the part you were talking about in Chapter 7 of 1st Corinthians. It says they are to remain unmarried to anyone unless they remarry who they have divorced.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

And I point out the aspect of someone's love, their godly love, when they claim they want or they were not wrong for divorcing, that here it shows you don't love who you married if you divorce them, simply divorcing shows your selfish, evil, sinful heart;

Malachi 2:13-16 

13 Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

 

This tells us clearly, it bothers the Lord that we want a divorcement.

The only places I find where it says someone is free to marry someone else and not be guilty of sin, is when their spouse has died. Verses like this;

Romans 7:3 

Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.

 

Corinthians 7;15 says you can let someone "leave," that doesn't have to mean divorce. Even so, Paul still told us just before this, 

1 Corinthians 7:12-13

12 "To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."

That being said, even if they are an unbeliever, it shouldn't be the Christian's desire to ever leave, but if the unbeliever wants to leave, then it's okay to let them leave. Especially if you study other languages like Greek, it doesn't implicate that it means they should or need to divorce. Not at all. Separation, as in, living elsewhere or going somewhere separately, does not mean a couple is divorced. Still, we must not ignore all these other countless scriptures about divorcement. We should never assume in our own understanding that God is "okay" with our reasons for wanting to divorce. We should take Him at His word in scripture and obey it. We are not simply dealing with a piece of candy being stolen, or even simply a crime, though they are both sin and deserving Hell, we are dealing with the symbol of Christ's marriage with us, the Church! Our physical marriages in flesh are a symbol of our spiritual marriage with Christ. As if man was Christ being the groom, and wife was the Church being the bride. We are taking the symbol of what God has made to show how He wants us to view how we should love someone as God loves us. That no matter what happens and until the end of everything, we are there for each other in love, forgiving and staying together through everything, that we are even sacrificing and even surrendering our lives for someone else. 

When you keep in mind for any reason that you would want a divorce, you are showing you are putting yourself before the one you married, and that you have set certain conditions they must follow or else you are breaking your covenant you made with them, you even went against such vows as  "for better or for worse-" we constantly see that being broken, because when times comes to the worst, it's over and they lied about their vows. If the Lord had set conditions for our marriage with Him, we'd all be doomed for Hell. That isn't how Christ wants us to love our spouses.

What also to keep in mind, is not once to we ever see God literally tells us, or anyone, that we SHOULD or MUST divorce, but rather it says in the beginning divorcement wasn't the plan, if you can then stay married, if you divorce then remarry if you can, let no man separate what couple God has joined together, etc- verse after verse telling us to stay committed to that person. And only under 1 condition will God "allow" someone to divorce and not be guilty of sin. Divorcement is NEVER glory to God, but rather a disgrace and dishonor to the symbol of His marriage with the Church, His bride. Remember, Jesus told us that Moses had made a law that we could divorce because of the hardness of our hearts. Anyone thinking about divorcement, dwell on these scriptures, and pray, and ask yourself "Do I want a divorce for my will, or God's will? How can I give glory to God through breaking a covenant unlike the covenant God still hasn't broken with me? Is my heart hardened that I desire a divorcement through my fleshly desires, or is it the Holy Spirit giving me a desire to divorce?" 

 

In everything we do, we are to do it for the glory of God. And I cannot find any glory or a good reason to praise God for a divorcement. I never see that as an option in our marriage with my wife, even if she cheated. Because like God chose to love me despite my sin, I want to do the same for my wife and love her and be with her till the very end of my days no matter what she does. I want to love how the Lord loves His Church. God has never forsaken any of those whom He saved, so I don't believe we should forsake our spouses. And surely, we have done much worse before God and to God than our spouses could do to us in a lifetime. 

I feel like you are inserting your own convictions along with Scripture. I know for sure that adultery is grounds for divorce, otherwise Jesus wouldn't have mentioned it.

I also personally feel that many churches and Christians also idolize marriage to the point of cruelty. 

Wouldn't it also dishonor the Lord if a man abuses his wife? 

These churches and those who follow them are all about the sanctity of marriage. But if the husband is an abuser, then suddenly it only matters that the wife doesn't leave rather than the marriage itself actually being a sacred or sanctified thing.

I appreciate the thoughtfulness of this post but I don't think God values marriage more than the individuals in it. We will not agree here. But I think abuse is grounds for divorce and so is adultery.

I just find that, in my experience with churches and other Christians, that the onus is usually put on the wife to be holy and submit and endure while the husband is never held accountable. 

 

To be honest, I no longer take many proponents of those ideas seriously, as they serve a toxic set of beliefs that empowers evil abusive people. 

Sorry, we just wont agree on this issue.

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On 4/26/2019 at 7:22 PM, naominash said:

I feel like you are inserting your own convictions along with Scripture. I know for sure that adultery is grounds for divorce, otherwise Jesus wouldn't have mentioned it.

I also personally feel that many churches and Christians also idolize marriage to the point of cruelty. 

Wouldn't it also dishonor the Lord if a man abuses his wife? 

These churches and those who follow them are all about the sanctity of marriage. But if the husband is an abuser, then suddenly it only matters that the wife doesn't leave rather than the marriage itself actually being a sacred or sanctified thing.

I appreciate the thoughtfulness of this post but I don't think God values marriage more than the individuals in it. We will not agree here. But I think abuse is grounds for divorce and so is adultery.

I just find that, in my experience with churches and other Christians, that the onus is usually put on the wife to be holy and submit and endure while the husband is never held accountable. 

 

To be honest, I no longer take many proponents of those ideas seriously, as they serve a toxic set of beliefs that empowers evil abusive people. 

Sorry, we just wont agree on this issue.

You obviously don't understand God or scripture. You're claiming we need to do things for ourselves because of whatever issues or selfish desires we have involving in our marriages. God cares what is right in all things, just as He sees the value of sin being equal to every other sin. If you committed one sin then you committed the other. But you seem to say God doesn't care about 2 people more than he does 1 individual, as in, God would rather you disobey him and sin by divorcing not on Biblical grounds, then rather stay with an abusive spouse who sins. Can you find scripture to stand on that which says God suggests or commands or wants you to divorce rather than stay with an abusive spouse?

 

Again, just because someone abuses you does not require a divorcement. You can move away and hopefully one day come back together in love where you won't live like that anymore. If not, you can live your life married until death just as you vowed to them before God creating a covenant. Whenever ANYONE wants a divorcement, you are listening to your selfish, hardened heart, just as scripture says from the very own lips of Jesus Christ!! He told us that is why people want a divorcement and God let them do so with Moses, but God never wanted divorcement. Have you not read or understand this common scripture? Read it for yourself and pray for understanding. Recognize what God has done for you in your marriage with Him! Should he not just divorce you and forsaken you because you treat Him badly when you sin? "In all things, do it for the glory of God"- how is breaking a holy covenant before God ever something to glorify God? Hm? I cannot see it, but I see there are at least 1 or 2 selfish sinful people caring more about themselves than rather the one they gave their lives to vowing to be together for better or for worse until death. If we are to be an example of Christ, are we then to do what Christ does by breaking covenants and forsaken the ones we said we would be together with until death? Like I said, there is never a truly good reason for divorcement other than to give up and be selfish and listen to your hardened hearts when you want that, it goes to show you care about yourself more than someone else, which clearly shows, you lied when you made your vows, you are doing the opposite of what God wants and what He would have done and wanted you to do. You cannot find anywhere in scripture that the Lord likes or wants or commands for divorcement. But you will find Him supporting marriages and how to live in them well in many ways. It was never God's plan, and what is not God's plan, is not God's will. Divorcement, is "Man's will," just like many other times, God let them have that. 

 

Which will you support or follow?

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On 4/26/2019 at 7:22 PM, naominash said:

I feel like you are inserting your own convictions along with Scripture. I know for sure that adultery is grounds for divorce, otherwise Jesus wouldn't have mentioned it.

I also personally feel that many churches and Christians also idolize marriage to the point of cruelty. 

Wouldn't it also dishonor the Lord if a man abuses his wife? 

These churches and those who follow them are all about the sanctity of marriage. But if the husband is an abuser, then suddenly it only matters that the wife doesn't leave rather than the marriage itself actually being a sacred or sanctified thing.

I appreciate the thoughtfulness of this post but I don't think God values marriage more than the individuals in it. We will not agree here. But I think abuse is grounds for divorce and so is adultery.

I just find that, in my experience with churches and other Christians, that the onus is usually put on the wife to be holy and submit and endure while the husband is never held accountable. 

 

To be honest, I no longer take many proponents of those ideas seriously, as they serve a toxic set of beliefs that empowers evil abusive people. 

Sorry, we just wont agree on this issue.

Just read back at that verse in Matthew 19, Jesus told them that it was man's idea for divorcement. Jesus isn't supporting divorcement, but rather against it.

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