johnthebaptist Posted November 22, 2019 Group: Non-Conformist Theology Followers: 6 Topic Count: 118 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 4,361 Content Per Day: 2.31 Reputation: 2,109 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/25/2019 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/03/1953 Share Posted November 22, 2019 20 hours ago, Rhen said: This weekend my husband and I received the news from our 28 year old daughter and her significant other that they were expecting a child. We are still trying to wrap our minds around this, as we are a very traditional family, and never in a million years thought this would happen to one of our three daughters. Family converged into town this weekend to celebrate the baptism of our first and only grandson, so the news was difficult as we were trying to focus on our daughter, her husband and their baby boy. I know its not right but I cannot move beyond feeling anything but shame and embarrassment for our family, for our daughter and her sisters. She has been with her boyfriend for nearly 7 years and the news we were expecting was a proposal announcement not this. I know how I feel when I hear the news of children being born out of wedlock and its crushing that we are confronted with this now. I am asking for prayers in the hope that we can move on and be supportive of our daughter and this new baby. Has anyone else dealt with this and have any advice. I'm dreading the task of having to tell friends, family etc. I know I shouldn't care about what others think or feel but I do. I'm do devastated and don't know what to do.... Please help. You don't have to tell people. Some of us raised in a traditional Christian environment do have difficulty dealing with this sort of thing. However, it is common. Hopefully the two will get married before the child is born. If not, that is not uncommon. It isn't the end of the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladypeartree Posted November 22, 2019 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 539 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 32,758 Content Per Day: 5.03 Reputation: 23,419 Days Won: 221 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Online Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted November 22, 2019 (edited) I am old enough to have given birth at a time when women who were not married were not allowed to be placed on the same maternity wards as " decent " women This is a time when you stayed in hospital for 10 long days after giving birth and at one time I shared a ward with ( amongst others ) a woman who was known to be a thief. drug dealer and even to have performed illegal abortions but she was treated with respect and care whilst a young girl who had done nothing worse than get pregnant before she got married was shunted off to the " shame ward " A friend of mine who got pregnant and was abandoned by her boyfriend ended up killing herself after she gave birth in a catholic hospital and was tormented and verbally abused by the nuns for being unmarried ...same nuns that then went off to worship the statue of another unmarried mother Too right I feel strongly about this A piece of paper does NOT make it right or wrong to have a child at least she hasn't murdered it so what on earth do you have to feel ashamed of ?? Look in the mirror before you feel shame for your daughter Dusty your mum was so wrong about you, you are very much loved brother and worth your weight in gold to God Edited November 22, 2019 by ladypeartree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Repose Posted November 22, 2019 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 9 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 205 Content Per Day: 0.12 Reputation: 231 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/06/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted November 22, 2019 They've been together 7 years and aren't married? I mean, i'm all for people waiting a while for that "initial magic" to wear off to see if there's anything still there that's keeping the relationship going, but 7 years? My goodness. As others have said, none of us are perfect, and it's a common enough thing (despite how unfortunate that might be). That's not to say you shouldn't be upset that they weren't wed before conception, but still, this is not something that should cause a rift betwixt yourself, your daughter, and upcoming grandchild. If they've been together that long, they might as well be married anyway. At the very least, it's fortunate that the father is known. I've seen far too many kids of promiscuous parents find out years later that their dad is not their dad, or worse, that their true dad isn't known. If it's a fear of what others might say, then they clearly both lack forgiveness and also think too highly of themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhchristian Posted November 22, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 9 Topic Count: 136 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 2,488 Content Per Day: 1.41 Reputation: 1,325 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/29/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted November 22, 2019 On 11/21/2019 at 12:37 PM, Rhen said: This weekend my husband and I received the news from our 28 year old daughter and her significant other that they were expecting a child. We are still trying to wrap our minds around this, as we are a very traditional family, and never in a million years thought this would happen to one of our three daughters. Family converged into town this weekend to celebrate the baptism of our first and only grandson, so the news was difficult as we were trying to focus on our daughter, her husband and their baby boy. I know its not right but I cannot move beyond feeling anything but shame and embarrassment for our family, for our daughter and her sisters. She has been with her boyfriend for nearly 7 years and the news we were expecting was a proposal announcement not this. I know how I feel when I hear the news of children being born out of wedlock and its crushing that we are confronted with this now. I am asking for prayers in the hope that we can move on and be supportive of our daughter and this new baby. Has anyone else dealt with this and have any advice. I'm dreading the task of having to tell friends, family etc. I know I shouldn't care about what others think or feel but I do. I'm do devastated and don't know what to do.... Please help. Hi Rhen, Love the child, Both your own daughter and your new grandchild, and make them feel a part of the family even though you do not approve of their situation. The Most important thing is that they do not come to see this child as a burden, even though the child was conceived out of Wedlock. From a loving and receptive position it becomes easier to ask about things like marriage, telling them it is best for the child. They have been together 7 years certainly there are some sort of plans for marriage. Your daughter is an adult and she will make her own decisions. The reason why this upsets you is that it makes you look bad which is not a very good motive, and definitely not one worth making life miserable for them. This is an unneeded burden you have put on yourself as well. At 28 years old your daughter is responsible for her own actions, between her and God. They are her mistakes and her responsibilities now, You just needed to be the Loving Grandmother every child needs. It is hard to let go of your children and let them live their life, But when you do, you entrust them to God. Pray for them, support them, and Love them, Children are a blessing from the LORD unless you make them a burden. Praying for you, God Bless. Welcome to the forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovethelord Posted November 22, 2019 Group: Senior Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 667 Content Per Day: 0.38 Reputation: 1,540 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/17/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted November 22, 2019 Hi Rhen, Psalm 127:3, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. My parents, had me before they were married (my mom was 20 years old). The did get married a year after I was born and have been married now for over 60 years and we are one happy family. Your daughter is going to need your loving support and acceptance of her child. Believe me, you will reap future rewards with the love of a grandchild, grateful love of your daughter and boyfriend. I will pray for you and your family. You don't know that they may be planning a marriage before child is born, or right after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prycejosh1987 Posted July 13, 2020 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,176 Content Per Day: 0.85 Reputation: 126 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/07/2020 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/29/1987 Share Posted July 13, 2020 On 11/21/2019 at 5:37 PM, Rhen said: This weekend my husband and I received the news from our 28 year old daughter and her significant other that they were expecting a child. We are still trying to wrap our minds around this, as we are a very traditional family, and never in a million years thought this would happen to one of our three daughters. Family converged into town this weekend to celebrate the baptism of our first and only grandson, so the news was difficult as we were trying to focus on our daughter, her husband and their baby boy. I know its not right but I cannot move beyond feeling anything but shame and embarrassment for our family, for our daughter and her sisters. She has been with her boyfriend for nearly 7 years and the news we were expecting was a proposal announcement not this. I know how I feel when I hear the news of children being born out of wedlock and its crushing that we are confronted with this now. I am asking for prayers in the hope that we can move on and be supportive of our daughter and this new baby. Has anyone else dealt with this and have any advice. I'm dreading the task of having to tell friends, family etc. I know I shouldn't care about what others think or feel but I do. I'm do devastated and don't know what to do.... Please help. Just support her and be happy that you have a grandchild. I dont like the fact that i have a niece who came about from fornication but at the same time i am exceedingly happy. I love her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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