A critical spirit or righteous anger

[Sugarbaker]

I have been involved in a women’s Bible study for 14 years. I have found this group to be a great source of support for me and the Bible study has been very enlightening . I’ve always look forward to Monday mornings when we met. A few years ago I had to take a year off as I was going back to school. When I came back many of the older members have died or moved away and there was relatively new group. The leader had also died. She had been replaced by her own daughter who is very nice lady, but was a a poor facilitator and not as knowledgeable about the Word as her mother was.
 

I have begun to feel less and less connected to this group and somewhat of an outsider. Our leader seems to favor the new remembers and often lavishes praise on the answers they give during the discussion whereas someone who is established like myself is often cut off midsentence were told that their answer is not what they were looking for. There are three or four women who tend to monopolize the discussion and get off topic. It becomes very tedious to me to listen to personal stories and complaints rather than discuss the lesson that we have prepared for.
 

The group begins with prayer requests and I find it often very tedious to listen to long detailed discussions of various problems which to me seem quite trivial..  One morning I asked for prayer for a family member who was suicidal. No one in the group offered any comment or response., Another  woman jumped in and spent over 15 minutes talking about her sons need for an improved baseball score, The group was quick to support her offering many questions and suggestions. 
 

After the study one day I waited to talk  to the leader rivately about my concerns. One of the newer members was also lingering simply would not leave.  I thought she might get the hint but she just wouldn’t go.  I told her that I would like to talk to our leader privately but she ignored me and poured herself a cup of coffee. I finally gave up and left. (This lady I might add, brings her crocheting to the Bible study. She chooses to sit on the floor and on a number of occasions she has sat directly in front of me and I am unable to move for the hour and a half that we have our discussion.)

 

I know I sound like I am being very critical of my sisters in Christ but honestly the joy of going to this group is gone for me. Do I have legitimate complaints or I am I needing to examine my own motives and heart?
 

 

[Tzephanyahu]

Shalom @Sugarbaker

Well, that sounds like a bit of a shame. 

7 hours ago, Sugarbaker said:

Do I have legitimate complaints or I am I needing to examine my own motives and heart?

I think you have a legitimate complaint here. Well, complaint is perhaps the wrong word. Perhaps "concern" would be better.

From how you've described it, the group doesn't sound very edifying for you any more and is a cause of distraction for you rather than a unified conduit of worship. 

Whilst loyalty is important, we must remember to be moved by the wind of the Spirit.  Sometimes changes are needed and come swiftly like a rushing wind.  So perhaps you are being prompted to leave? It may be that the group was for you only for a season.  Listen carefully within you heart. 

And, if in continuing to attend you are in danger of sinning in thought, word or deed, then it would be wise to remove yourself. Even if it's just for a few months to breathe. 

Anyway, from what you have written you have a legitimate concern sister.  I certainly wouldn't bother attending myself if it was always like that!

Love & Shalom 

[Debp]

I agree with Tzephanyahu.   If the group is causing you harm spiritually, it's best to remove yourself.   Perhaps you can find another study group, even if you need to search a few out at other churches?

[missmuffet]

16 hours ago, Sugarbaker said:

I have been involved in a women’s Bible study for 14 years. I have found this group to be a great source of support for me and the Bible study has been very enlightening . I’ve always look forward to Monday mornings when we met. A few years ago I had to take a year off as I was going back to school. When I came back many of the older members have died or moved away and there was relatively new group. The leader had also died. She had been replaced by her own daughter who is very nice lady, but was a a poor facilitator and not as knowledgeable about the Word as her mother was.
 

I have begun to feel less and less connected to this group and somewhat of an outsider. Our leader seems to favor the new remembers and often lavishes praise on the answers they give during the discussion whereas someone who is established like myself is often cut off midsentence were told that their answer is not what they were looking for. There are three or four women who tend to monopolize the discussion and get off topic. It becomes very tedious to me to listen to personal stories and complaints rather than discuss the lesson that we have prepared for.
 

The group begins with prayer requests and I find it often very tedious to listen to long detailed discussions of various problems which to me seem quite trivial..  One morning I asked for prayer for a family member who was suicidal. No one in the group offered any comment or response., Another  woman jumped in and spent over 15 minutes talking about her sons need for an improved baseball score, The group was quick to support her offering many questions and suggestions. 
 

After the study one day I waited to talk  to the leader rivately about my concerns. One of the newer members was also lingering simply would not leave.  I thought she might get the hint but she just wouldn’t go.  I told her that I would like to talk to our leader privately but she ignored me and poured herself a cup of coffee. I finally gave up and left. (This lady I might add, brings her crocheting to the Bible study. She chooses to sit on the floor and on a number of occasions she has sat directly in front of me and I am unable to move for the hour and a half that we have our discussion.)

 

I know I sound like I am being very critical of my sisters in Christ but honestly the joy of going to this group is gone for me. Do I have legitimate complaints or I am I needing to examine my own motives and heart?
 

 

It sounds like the leader has her favorites. It does not sound like the kind of loving fellowship God would want among Christian women. Perhaps it is something that you can pray about and ask God to guide and direct you on this. 

[LonerAndy]

On 8/31/2020 at 9:47 PM, Sugarbaker said:

I have been involved in a women’s Bible study for 14 years. I have found this group to be a great source of support for me and the Bible study has been very enlightening . I’ve always look forward to Monday mornings when we met. A few years ago I had to take a year off as I was going back to school. When I came back many of the older members have died or moved away and there was relatively new group. The leader had also died. She had been replaced by her own daughter who is very nice lady, but was a a poor facilitator and not as knowledgeable about the Word as her mother was.

I have begun to feel less and less connected to this group and somewhat of an outsider. Our leader seems to favor the new remembers and often lavishes praise on the answers they give during the discussion whereas someone who is established like myself is often cut off midsentence were told that their answer is not what they were looking for. There are three or four women who tend to monopolize the discussion and get off topic. It becomes very tedious to me to listen to personal stories and complaints rather than discuss the lesson that we have prepared for.

The group begins with prayer requests and I find it often very tedious to listen to long detailed discussions of various problems which to me seem quite trivial..  One morning I asked for prayer for a family member who was suicidal. No one in the group offered any comment or response., Another  woman jumped in and spent over 15 minutes talking about her sons need for an improved baseball score, The group was quick to support her offering many questions and suggestions.

After the study one day I waited to talk  to the leader rivately about my concerns. One of the newer members was also lingering simply would not leave.  I thought she might get the hint but she just wouldn’t go.  I told her that I would like to talk to our leader privately but she ignored me and poured herself a cup of coffee. I finally gave up and left. (This lady I might add, brings her crocheting to the Bible study. She chooses to sit on the floor and on a number of occasions she has sat directly in front of me and I am unable to move for the hour and a half that we have our discussion.)

I know I sound like I am being very critical of my sisters in Christ but honestly the joy of going to this group is gone for me. Do I have legitimate complaints or I am I needing to examine my own motives and heart?

Well I think I would consider what the end goal is, and if that goal is plausible.

If you stay, and complain to the leader, what is she going to do?  Is she going to make her friends stop praying about her baseball scores?  Is she going to make the other lady stop crocheting?   Is she going to cut off the three women who want to talk, and stop them from monopolizing the discussion?  Is she going to make those ladies have something to say when you have a prayer request about a family member who is suicidal?  Is any of that going to happen?

And if you complain, is she going to somehow be as knowledgeable as her mother was?

Now, this is just my opinion, but looking at this as an outside observer, I don't see any of that above happening.

Which leads to the obvious question, what are you doing this for?  Virtually zero chance of a positive result, tons of chances of you just creating some bad blood.

If you are in fact an outsider now.... then you are an outsider.    Would you like it if an outsider, like me for example, being invited into your home, started criticizing how you operate your home?

When you are on the inside, you can discuss how things work with the people there, because you are an insider and part of the group.

But when you are an outsider, criticizing as an outsider, just bands everyone against you.  I would be very reluctant to go to a group, as an outsider, and start complaining about how the group is run.

If I was in your shoes, I would do one of three things. 

A:  Find something else to do with your time. 

B: Find another group to join. 

C: Start your own group, and you lead it.

That's my honest suggestion.  If the way that group works, works for the people in that group, I would leave it alone.  There is enough criticism in this world, without Christians adding to it.   Unless they are openly teaching heresy, I would say nothing, and find something else to do.

I personally have lived this out.  The group I was in, started off very enjoyable, and then just went in a direction that didn't work for me.  Eventually, and I can still remember the specific day, I was in the group, and something just snapped.  I realized that if I packed up and left, no one would notice, and no one would care.  Then I realized I didn't care either, I had gotten to the point of going through the motions for no reasons.   I picked up my few things, folded up the chair I was sitting on, and left.  No one stopped me, no one said a word, and I never heard anything when I didn't keep coming to the weekly meetings.

And I gotta tell you, it was the most freeing thing.  I never missed it.  There was not a single time I missed going.

So that is my answer to you.  Find something else to invest yourself into, or find another group, or start your own group.

[Sugarbaker]

Thank you everyone for your validation. I actually did bring this up today in a prayer group. There are a number of us that are feeling the same way. I drove by a small church today that had a prophecy series advertisied on their sign and started thinking maybe this might be a place for me to go to get connected...who knows? This is a very difficult decision,  as I stated I’ve been with this group for years. When the original leader was dying, I was one of the few that was allowed into her home to be a companion and a caretaker for her so I do have a lot of emotional ties to this group but ...perhaps it is time to try something different, thank you again

[Michael37]

On 9/1/2020 at 1:47 PM, Sugarbaker said:

I know I sound like I am being very critical of my sisters in Christ but honestly the joy of going to this group is gone for me. Do I have legitimate complaints or I am I needing to examine my own motives and heart?

Hi Sugarbaker. In response to your whole OP...Deja Vu...many times over. 

When serving the Lord in anything becomes a joyless drudge or a conflict of personalities I pray earnestly for the Lord to provide me with either a continuation solution or an exit strategy. As a strong advocate for Spiritual Growth I don't like to just cut and run when things get stressful because God does use adversity to build character in His People, but small groups that rely heavily on "the leader's wisdom" rather than the Holy Spirit's guidance are modelled on Babylon, which Scripture tells us to come out from.

[Sugarbaker]

Wow Michael, you just hit in on the head, a joyless drudge and a conflict of personalities. I have prayed for the Lord to give me a genuine love for each and everyone of these women, I know that these are some of the ladies that I’m going to be spending eternity with; sad that we can’t seem to connect here on this earth.