I Talked My Mom Out Of Going Into Assisted Living.

[Abrielle]

On 10/2/2020 at 3:06 PM, LadyKay said:

takes all your money and give you only $50.00 a month

That sounds like my boarding school, but it was 1999 and all i had to buy was stamps and stationary. I am so glad your mother listened to you.

 

[BeauJangles]

23 hours ago, LadyKay said:

So my mom for some reason has been for the pas month or so become interesting in going into assisted living. I do not know what her reason for this is. She is fully independent and can live on her own. She is living in a small condo and has condo workers who do all the yard work and fix anything that needs fixing. She cooks, cleans, pays her bills dose everything on her own.  But for so reason she came up with this idea that she could go to assisted living in the winter, then come back home in the summer.  Well after a few phone calls I found out it dose not work that way. Because she has Medicaid, she will be forced to sell her condo. So no going back once your out. Also, the assisted living place takes all your money and give you only $50.00 a month. The person I talked to justified all of this by saying that they provide all the meals, utilities, and housing so they don't really need any other money. Then also because of Covid-19 right now. She would not be allowed to go out anywhere.  I fond this all rather shocking. I mean the fact that they take all your money and just give you $50.00 a month. Can't even buy Christmas gifts for that.  When I explain all of this to my mom she agreed that this was not the way to go right now.  Wow is all I have to say to that. Just Wow! 

Try to inform your mom this. She will not be able to switch back and forth living from place to place for seasonal purposes. Once she allows herself to get locked into the MediCare/MediCaid/MediCal "system" you've signed your soul away. She needs to consider giving everything up if this happens and only being able to have $1,000 in her bank account. Otherwise the State will seize the assets. This is very costly to go into an assisted living arrangement and some are very nice. The upscale ones cost more than the cheaper accommodations. Much more, as a matter of fact. The status of home ownership will be in peril of surrendering it, because it becomes a questionable limbo. If you're interested in the way the health care industry operates, follow my threads in Prayer Requests. The bottom line here is this. It's a business and a horrible racket for opportunists to invest in. I suppose it may have always been this way. 

[BeauJangles]

  On 10/2/2020 at 7:22 AM, Bandersnatch said:

BOTH of you need legal advice.

LadyKay said:

Well no we don't. As we are not going through with this.  So as of now I see no need for any legal advice. 

BeauJangles said:

Yes, you do. Your mom is beginning to show some decline in mental faculties already "assuming" the State will benefit her future needs. So are you if you are not planning what will become a eventual reality sooner than you may realize. Be wary and get someone who is absolutely savvy and trustworthy. Careful now. You need to be giving some reasonable forethought. If not, time will take you before you can then advantage both your mom and you. 

[shel]

My parents were in assisted living for a while. It was a nice community to be a part of but was too expensive. They moved closer to my brothers into a regular apartment. They have neighbors who look in on them and leave them food plus my brothers families near by.  It's better for them in many ways.

[Bandersnatch]

2 hours ago, BeauJangles said:

  On 10/2/2020 at 7:22 AM, Bandersnatch said:

BOTH of you need legal advice.

LadyKay said:

Well no we don't. As we are not going through with this.  So as of now I see no need for any legal advice. 

BeauJangles said:

Yes, you do. Your mom is beginning to show some decline in mental faculties already "assuming" the State will benefit her future needs. So are you if you are not planning what will become a eventual reality sooner than you may realize. Be wary and get someone who is absolutely savvy and trustworthy. Careful now. You need to be giving some reasonable forethought. If not, time will take you before you can then advantage both your mom and you. 

O how I want to go snarky!

We will all die,  And because I have a permanent, progressive service-connected disability, I am acutely aware of how I shall die. I pray for grace for my son who as my health care proxy will eventually authorize someone to turn off the ventilator. While I see this as an opportunity to tell others about the hope that lies within me., there is no stopping this downward spiral, short of a miracle, no matter if I am cured, or not it is certain that I WILL DIE.

Therefore, I will not play "ostrich" and bury my head in the sand. Since I love my son, and my wife requires skilled nursing, thus rationally preparing for the inevitable is an act of my love to them. To not do that is simply selfish irresponsibility.

It is also important to understand that the "family dance" of the OP writer and her mother is "wish away the inevitable"  pretending that unpleasant things will magically go away. That  that is simply irrational, and it causes many more problems that are utterly unnecessary. That is why pre-planning is so vital. Planning ahead makes it easier to do the work of grieving  because the "tick-tock" of funeral expenses division of assets  and legal issues have been already settled.

From the "in-your-face response I had previously from the OP writer, I believe than another "scolding" shall come, and that really is OK because I expect it, and I shall not get personally involved. The adage "Once burned, twice burned"  is appropriate. 

My response, and yours of compassionately expressing the need for reasonable forethought may not be able to derail the dysfunctional dance denying reality in their family, but I commend you for following up .  

[BeauJangles]

3 hours ago, Bandersnatch said:

O how I want to go snarky!

I hear ya on that, my friend. I've been stuck in the system for quite some time now and it's like a wheel in a hamster cage. I found myself waking from an extensive coma, then when coming to wasn't cognizant, capable of walking, incontinent, and wasn't even able to put two sensible statements together adequately. After having hands laid on me in prayer, a miracle occurred. I was sharp and quicker to respond than ever before. It did take three long months to relearn walking again and regaining motor skills. After getting my laptop connected and all situated, I began researching and composing again. And thinking. Constantly, like an "auto-responder". 

Suddenly, my mind was what one friend termed as, "Sharp as steel bear trap." My other friends confirmed it also. How about that? My physio is not what it once was, but I'm fast at snarky responses to snotty remarks. Very fast. And no, I will not be bullied as I once was either, allowing people to use me like a welcome mat for their psycho abuse anymore. Absolutely not! The nurses preferred the compliant lame brain lap dog I was. Now I'm a crouching panther with claws extended and fangs prepared into rip ignorance in helpless pieces. Don't like it? Well, grow up and get over yourselves, you egotistical and apathetic young people. Seriously Now!

Edited October 3, 2020 by BeauJangles

[Bandersnatch]

On 10/3/2020 at 3:46 PM, BeauJangles said:

I hear ya on that, my friend. I've been stuck in the system for quite some time now and it's like a wheel in a hamster cage. I found myself waking from an extensive coma, then when coming to wasn't cognizant, capable of walking, incontinent, and wasn't even able to put two sensible statements together adequately. After having hands laid on me in prayer, a miracle occurred.

Congrats on your continuing recovery. There is nothing that "annoys me off" more than a practitioner of "psycho-babble" Therefore, I created this true, honest and accurate response. After posting it 99% of the abuse stops immediately. You are free to use it..

"You are not licensed in any state to  practice your psycho babble. Even if you were a licensed professional, you would know that it is malpractice to do as you are doing over the internet.  Should it continue, I shall not hesitate to seek legal action to stop you."

Hope this helps because it draws the line, it is not a direct threat, and it invites moderator action on the offender.. 

[appy]

On 10/3/2020 at 7:43 AM, shel said:

My parents were in assisted living for a while. It was a nice community to be a part of but was too expensive. They moved closer to my brothers into a regular apartment. They have neighbors who look in on them and leave them food plus my brothers families near by.  It's better for them in many ways.

It is very taxing on just one individual to provide care for elderly parents. Caring for elderly parents  is one of the hardest jobs you'll ever do. That is really great that your brothers have others that are able to help with your parents care.  And I'm also happy to hear that they are able to be in a place in which they are comfortable.

[LadyKay]

On 10/3/2020 at 10:40 AM, BeauJangles said:

  On 10/2/2020 at 7:22 AM, Bandersnatch said:

BOTH of you need legal advice.

LadyKay said:

Well no we don't. As we are not going through with this.  So as of now I see no need for any legal advice. 

BeauJangles said:

Yes, you do. Your mom is beginning to show some decline in mental faculties already "assuming" the State will benefit her future needs. So are you if you are not planning what will become a eventual reality sooner than you may realize. Be wary and get someone who is absolutely savvy and trustworthy. Careful now. You need to be giving some reasonable forethought. If not, time will take you before you can then advantage both your mom and you. 

Frankly I think my mom was thinking that the assisted living was going to be like a vacation home. She said she could go there for the winter then come back. At the time not knowing that it does not work that way. When I explain to her that there will be no going back once this is done. She decided against it.  So at this point I am unsure what legal advice I would need to be seeking and for what reason. 

[BeauJangles]

2 hours ago, LadyKay said:

Frankly I think my mom was thinking that the assisted living was going to be like a vacation home. She said she could go there for the winter then come back. At the time not knowing that it does not work that way. When I explain to her that there will be no going back once this is done. She decided against it.  So at this point I am unsure what legal advice I would need to be seeking and for what reason. 

Yes, I also sensed this from your post. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Watch what you sign and thoroughly investigate every angle of the help in assistance curtails. There are catches to every program that is funded by the State and/or government backed agencies, regardless the outward appeal of what appears to be an advocacy in your favor. Be very wary of them all. They all come on like friends. Are they? No, they are not. Why am I telling you this? I'm stuck in the system myself and became a victim when I was incapable of reasoning adequately. This was during a phase of recovery and I was entrapped as a result of giving away my trust.