It's happening again not sure what to do

[Figure of eighty]

1 hour ago, GandalfTheWise said:

If I am understanding this correctly,  you are 9 months along and expecting a second child any time now.    I daresay this has probably affected your parents' attitudes and actions to some degree.

I will be candid with what I recall from the past few years.  In fall of 2018, you joined this site asking about whether or not to move in with your then current boyfriend because your family situation was bad.  You decided not to and that he was not a good person for a future relationship.  The decision was made not to inform him of the pregnancy nor to collect child support because you wanted nothing to do with him.  The next couple years were a rollercoaster of job education, jobs, parents losing their home, everyone living with your brother (with a vague recollection that was next door to your grandmother, aunt, cousins and kids who'd come over uninvited and bother everyone), finances, health issues, and ups and downs with family.   I was often unsure what was an objective account about family and what was frustration and venting.   In about two and half years, the situation has not changed much except that you will soon have two kids to care for.   Overall, you were probably in a better situation to become independent two and a half years ago compared to today.  

What's done is done. It has laid the foundation for the situation today.  The question is what is a reasonable path forward where things have a reasonable chance to change.

I'm assuming your current boyfriend is the father of the expected child and (reading between the lines) has a place of his own and means of support.   I'd have to assume that your current boyfriend is marriage and father material and will play a role in the new child's life and help with finances and child-rearing.  Are there any reasons why marriage is not an option to consider?  

Heres the thing. I do all the work, as ai should for my kids so its not like my parents are up at night with my son, bath him or do other things. I don't dump my son on them and leave for hours and days at a time. My parents just play with my son and give him back or just hold him for 5 minutes while i do something like use the restroom. I also work to provide for my kid so -- my parents aren't really doing much.. They buy for him when they want I dont make them feel obligated to do so. Now that that's out of the way-- when it was just my son I still had a plan to move out and set money aside but they still threw a wrench in things. When my car was totaled my dad refused to take me to work when Lyft and taxi wasnt reliable ( my area lyft drivers wouldnt come to and the taxis werw booked during the pandemic) he did this consistently for a week until i lost my job. ( fast fwd-- my dad has zero issues taking my brother to and from work and not making him wait hours to be picked up.

My mom even admitted she was afraid of me leaving which i dont understand. So i dont get where the resentment is coming from bc they don't do too much and I give money when they need it and I help them even when they're wrong to me.

But even back then it was always a struggle. Even when I was single no kids, my mom would ask for money. When we lived in a hotel( the part abt my parents losing their " home" youre recalling) working as a house keeper I didnt make much and paid the " rent" ..then my mom was in nursing school and needed 900. She needed to gwt to and from work so I let her use my car while I walked until it broke down and I traded it in for the new one We both share that i barely use. So it was still hard bc I could barely get up financially. 

My plan now is to use the money from my taxes to move. However, I have to wait till around July-ish ( recovery from labor and I wouldve worked to gain enough pay stubs) 

Im also thinking of taking out loans to give me an extra boost. 

Lastly, my bf isnt marriage material. I found out alot about him later on. His house isnt his its his mother's. Shes not staying with him bc she's sick he's with her bc he needs a place to stay. His car wasnt his but his friends-- my body is weird I have symptomless pregnancies apparently meaning no nausea or anything and I had no clue I was pregnant until 5 months ( took 2 tests that came up negative until I went to the Dr and I was 5 mo ths along.) Marriage is a very serious commitment and God hates divorce. The person I marry I dont even want to consider divorce so If I see its not working I just let it go.

But I will admit I went very wrong having kids in my situation or just period. That is my fault. However my situation was still somewhat difficult and to cope with things after I got kicked out of my old cult-y church,dealing with my parents, money issues,being alone no friends no real support, felt God wasnt listening or gave a D-- I just turned to guys I guess. I never pursued them they pursued me while I minded my business. I disnt have much of an idea about dating and just thought if the guy pursued and was persistent it was God's "yes" so I just went along with things and just the care they gave me was a nice outlet until they changed. 

Anyway still my fault. Just painting a picture of where I was back then and my situation-- a lonely, depressing state though its not an excuse it's why I did what I did. 

 

Edited February 23, 2021 by Figure of eighty

[Jayne]

Call the police and ask them to take you to a Women's Shelter.  You would be homeless, jobless, with a one-year-old, and a new baby, and helpless - a prime candidate for a shelter.   A shelter would have resources to teach you how to live on your own two feet.

 

 

[Figure of eighty]

5 hours ago, Jayne said:

Call the police and ask them to take you to a Women's Shelter.  You would be homeless, jobless, with a one-year-old, and a new baby, and helpless - a prime candidate for a shelter.   A shelter would have resources to teach you how to live on your own two feet.

 

 

I know how to live on my own 2 feet( I know how to work, save and budget). I just keep getting blocked from doing so. Health issues ect. 

If it gets worse than this then ill go.

[Marathoner]

5 hours ago, Jayne said:

Call the police and ask them to take you to a Women's Shelter.  You would be homeless, jobless, with a one-year-old, and a new baby, and helpless - a prime candidate for a shelter.   A shelter would have resources to teach you how to live on your own two feet.

 

 

This is wise, @Figure of eighty, and I pray that you will heed @Jayne's counsel. This is also what I have for you. Your plight isn't unique at all. Remember, we have more than one single parent and their children staying where I work. Serving their needs is an honor and joy.  

[Figure of eighty]

8 hours ago, Marathoner said:

This is wise, @Figure of eighty, and I pray that you will heed @Jayne's counsel. This is also what I have for you. Your plight isn't unique at all. Remember, we have more than one single parent and their children staying where I work. Serving their needs is an honor and joy.  

To be honest, Id rather stay in a hotel. Shelters are either full or usually for the day. I want the safest environment for my son and I don't think a shelter is it. Yes my parents are acting odd but I feel as long as it's towards me and not baby I can tolerate it until I heal(labour) and move. My date is for the summer time but I think I'll head to a hotel before then perhaps. 

[leah777]

On 2/23/2021 at 6:38 PM, Figure of eighty said:

Marriage is a very serious commitment and God hates divorce.

Raising two children without either of their fathers is also a serious commitment. I can understand your parents much better now. I am shocked by your predicament. How can God bless what is going on here? I just dont understand. You say you are being responsible person, but please, look at your decisions and life choices this past two or three years. You are not kid. Stop defending yourself and start making adult decisions. And pray. Always pray for strength. Listen to the mature Christians on here. Your opinion on shelter is not correct, listen to advice and do what is right for your children.

Second baby daddy has responsibility to help support, and your second child has a right to know their father. I will pray for an easy birth - you say its imminent? and good healing. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by leah777

[Figure of eighty]

8 hours ago, leah777 said:

Raising two children without either of their fathers is also a serious commitment. I can understand your parents much better now. I am shocked by your predicament. How can God bless what is going on here? I just dont understand. You say you are being responsible person, but please, look at your decisions and life choices this past two or three years. You are not kid. Stop defending yourself and start making adult decisions. And pray. Always pray for strength. Listen to the mature Christians on here. Your opinion on shelter is not correct, listen to advice and do what is right for your children.

Second baby daddy has responsibility to help support, and your second child has a right to know their father. I will pray for an easy birth - you say its imminent? and good healing. 

So the way my parents treat me is okay? Calling someone stupid, pathetic ect day in and out is okay? Its not. If you think my situation makes that okay then frankly something is wrong with you. 

You say ," How can God bless that?" Im trying to make it right. By getting myself together to move. We sin daily if God thought the way you did you and alot of people would t have his blessings or grace. We just get back up and try again. Simple.

I am making adult decisions by planning my move. Working, all of that. I am doing right by them ... I cant help that life ( a literal sickness, cancer scare and an accident )happened. Idk why people think Im sitting on my hands waiting for good fortune. Im not. Or people like u dont understand that im was making sure my son wasnt dying..Is thay good enough for you? ( and he has 1 more appointment btw)..but youre just a random internet person. I dont expect you to care.

I also dont want my son in a shelter with strange people.  Id go to a hotel first if my move out date doesnt pan out.

Edited February 25, 2021 by Figure of eighty

[Desopixi Seilynam]

When we sincerely believe that Joshua of Nazareth lived, taught, died and rose from the dead.

The Holy Spirit is then excited to dwell inside of us, and on the merit of Christ He can.

That means that we become the temple of God and many things therefore apply.

Therefore to avoid present, judgment and affliction, we must obey Christ and the apostles.
And the general summary of that obedience is love everyone and flee fornication.

If we neglect the temple,
the judgement and affliction from neglecting the temple
must therefore apply because the word of God cannot be broken.

"Ye looked for much, and, lo, it came to little" <

"and when ye brought it home, I did blow it away" <

"Why? Because of my temple, that is in ruins"

"and ye run every man ( trying to ^ ) build his own house(hold)"  Haggi 1:9

 

It's one point that many Christians can see is very real,
God is real and God is good to them that believe in Him,
therefore sometimes we become afflicted.

If not we would continue in sin unto death, and God does not desire that for us,
therefore the affliction serves to better us.

I think you should marry the guy your with if he is the father of your next child.
Perhaps together you will be able to get a house, a mortgage. 
For me, my finances started being in the positive when I ceased from any and all fornication.
Also some of the meat being served to us is.. not what we should eat.
Try not to eat meat from fast food places, buy from a grocery and cook it yourself.
The apostles said we should flee fornication and not eat anything with blood in it,
and not eat anything that has been sacrificed to idols. [Acts 15:28-29, 1 Corinthians 6:18]

And let's notice and keep in mind that all of those things are 'temple' related things.
We as believers should pay attention to what we are putting into our bodies,
and what we do to our bodies that alters the state of our body.

It is good for us to have been afflicted.

God does not desire that we perish, but rather that we all come to the knowledge of repentance.
And the chastisement of God is not upon the wicked. Let us be zealous therefore.

[leah777]

8 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

So the way my parents treat me is okay? Calling someone stupid, pathetic ect day in and out is okay? Its not. If you think my situation makes that okay then frankly something is wrong with you. 

You say ," How can God bless that?" Im trying to make it right. By getting myself together to move. We sin daily if God thought the way you did you and alot of people would t have his blessings or grace. We just get back up and try again. Simple.

I am making adult decisions by planning my move. Working, all of that. I am doing right by them ... I cant help that life ( a literal sickness, cancer scare and an accident )happened. Idk why people think Im sitting on my hands waiting for good fortune. Im not. Or people like u dont understand that im was making sure my son wasnt dying..Is thay good enough for you? ( and he has 1 more appointment btw)..but youre just a random internet person. I dont expect you to care.

I also dont want my son in a shelter with strange people.  Id go to a hotel first if my move out date doesnt pan out.

Have you apologised to your parents for how your choices have affected them, and asked for their forgiveness? This would be a good step towards love being in the house. 

Have you told them you appreciate them giving you and your children a roof over your heads while you are sorting your life?

God has blessed you with parents who continue to support you, even though you don't accept that.

How did they take the news of a second child in their home?