Texas66 Posted June 18, 2021 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 3 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/18/2021 Status: Offline Share Posted June 18, 2021 I'm not sure how to post this in the "Everything else" forum, but that's where it should go. My wife and I married when I was 23 and she was 19. We have been married 32 years, I would say mostly happy. Certainly not "giddy" happy. For many years, I have struggled in that I have desired my wife physically less and less. It started maybe a few years into our marriage and just kept declining. That's not to say she isn't attractive - for a 52 year old she is quite attractive. But I have just come to the place that I am not particularly desirous of her. Is this normal in marriage? I mean, I'm at the place where I don't know if I would mind never having sex again. What do you do about it? Is this a sin? Of course, I am not ever going to have an extramarital affair on my wife. I have too much respect for myself, her, and our family to do that, so that isn't an issue. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steward George Posted June 18, 2021 Group: Steward Followers: 110 Topic Count: 10,465 Topics Per Day: 1.25 Content Count: 27,786 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 15,483 Days Won: 129 Joined: 06/30/2001 Status: Online Birthday: 09/21/1971 Steward Share Posted June 18, 2021 Shalom Texas66, Welcome to Worthy Christian Forums. Please feel free to browse around and get to know everyone. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask. As soon as you post a few times and after they are approved, it'll tell us that you are "real" person and not a "bot", you'll be free to post throughout our forums and join our chat rooms. Forgive us for this minor inconvenience, however, we've had issues in the past with Spammers as well as those who wish to post obscene photos and messages! Currently, if you just began at Worthy, you are in "Newbie" Status. Simply post a single post, as soon as it's approved, you'll be out of Newbie status and then you'll be able to edit your profile, as well as upload a profile picture. You may be interested in reading how WCF functions, and how the forums are set up, and other neat tricks to the forums. Read our insights into WCF. Let me share a little bit of my vision for the ministry in a parable. Let's say I'm throwing a big party and am inviting the world to the party (the forums) and I want everyone to have a great time, eating (reading through posts being fed), drinking (being encouraged to walk in His Word), and having fellowship with one another. In Israel, we have Shabbat meals -- and whenever you have 2 Jews -- you have 3 opinions -- it's GREAT to be opinionated. I encourage discussions ... but during our Shabbat meals ... we never ever get to the point in disagreements whereby food is being tossed and seriously yelling takes place! And if someone comes into the meal ... and starts throwing food ... and yells at everyone -- what do you suppose the head of the Shabbat meal will do? He'll escort those causing problems out of the house! Why? Because the whole reason for the gathering was to learn from one another ... to have a great time of fellowship! Some people like to constantly throw food and yell ... they won't last on Worthy ... because they missed the point of the party ... it's a prequel to the true party -- the Lamb's Supper! All I'm trying to provide is a place to allow true fellowship ... and discussions in love ... in the hopes it will be a catalyst for true REVIVAL based on REPENTANCE! I hope you have a blessed time at Worthy! Please use the REPORT POST feature (which can be found at the top right of all posts) any posts that you believe should be reviewed! We strive to have ALL members abide by our Terms of Service. While this message is "automated", please know that if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me off a private message which can be found at the top right to the left of your name. Your brother in the Lord with much agape love, George Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omegaman 3.0 Posted June 19, 2021 Group: Graduated to Heaven Followers: 57 Topic Count: 1,546 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 10,320 Content Per Day: 1.41 Reputation: 12,323 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/15/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/05/1951 Share Posted June 19, 2021 First, welcome to Worthy. Not sure the everything else is the best place, perhaps the advice area is better suite. In any case, you cannot post outside of the welcome area, because the welcome area is where you introduce yourself, and others welcome you. In the normal course of things, you would post a few times there and our software would upgrade you to member status, and that would open up other areas to you. This is done mostly t weed out "spam bots". It does not look like you are here to spam, so I am going to manually change your status, and I will shortly move this to the advice area. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnR7 Posted June 19, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 49 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,907 Content Per Day: 1.29 Reputation: 614 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/03/2018 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/06/1952 Share Posted June 19, 2021 8 hours ago, Texas66 said: t I have just come to the place that I am not particularly desirous of her. Is this normal in marriage? Our love is to be the same love God has for our wife. We are a vessel to be used by God. We know that God's love is a sacrificial love for the sake of the beloved. In my case I have a lot of respect for my wife because she is a very good person. Just as Jesus sacrificed Himself for His bride the man is to sacrifice himself for the women. Yet Paul tells us: "those who have wives should live as if they do not". (1Cor7:29) We need to pray and ask God how we should apply this to our lives. Also we should talk to our wife because she may have wants, needs & desires that we should respect. We are told to delight ourself in the Lord and He will give us the desires of our heart. So our heart is to be pure before God. Just what does your wife desire, want and expect from you? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riverwalker Posted June 24, 2021 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 92 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 2,054 Content Per Day: 0.60 Reputation: 1,753 Days Won: 4 Joined: 12/09/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted June 24, 2021 You made a promise....now make it happen Stop looking for the exit, Start looking to make it right 30 years of marriage and I know my greatest attribute is stubbornness 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddyv Posted June 24, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 6 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 4,265 Content Per Day: 2.91 Reputation: 2,302 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/03/2020 Status: Offline Share Posted June 24, 2021 Is your wife aware of your concerns? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted July 6, 2021 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 0 Topic Count: 908 Topics Per Day: 0.19 Content Count: 9,653 Content Per Day: 2.02 Reputation: 5,837 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted July 6, 2021 The one size fits all approach is not the sole basis to respond to questions like this. There may be more to it than has been revealed. There may not. As a 32 year veteran to marriage, you already know the relationship has to breathe: You can't be constantly together at all times so you part and come together (breathe). You also know the roller coaster effect of not only events but emotions and feelings. And that this is when you doggedly cling to the commitment you made to each other before God. These days we don't have to look far to find people who threw up their hands and bailed out too early on the marriage and the hell they've gone through for doing so. Are you looking for intimate relations with her? Or are you excusing yourself for not wanting them any more? Putting it delicately... are you taking matters into your own hands? If so, try abstaining for a while and you'd be amazed how desirable she will become to you. If she is giving you the Heisman "Stiff Arm" when you are feeling amorous, tell her you have needs. Sometimes a spouse's unwillingness to have sex whittles away on their being desired by their jilted lover. Try romance. It's not just a gal thing. Guys who really give it a shot love it too. Maybe naughty talk? It doesn't have to lead anywhere. Remind her of how you used to feel by compliments and naughty talk... Sometimes it's up to guys to awaken / reawaken that sexual something in our wives to star the ball rolling. You said she's still a looker... maybe playing dress up? Maybe exploring sexual fantasies (that you vocalize but never actually act upon). Attend to her. Help out with things you don't normally do (with no strings attached). Have a meaningful discussion with her. She maybe feeling the same things. You also already know when you work together it's best and easiest in all things. Do so together with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted July 6, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,992 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,690 Content Per Day: 11.77 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted July 6, 2021 On 6/18/2021 at 3:01 PM, Texas66 said: I'm not sure how to post this in the "Everything else" forum, but that's where it should go. My wife and I married when I was 23 and she was 19. We have been married 32 years, I would say mostly happy. Certainly not "giddy" happy. For many years, I have struggled in that I have desired my wife physically less and less. It started maybe a few years into our marriage and just kept declining. That's not to say she isn't attractive - for a 52 year old she is quite attractive. But I have just come to the place that I am not particularly desirous of her. Is this normal in marriage? I mean, I'm at the place where I don't know if I would mind never having sex again. What do you do about it? Is this a sin? Of course, I am not ever going to have an extramarital affair on my wife. I have too much respect for myself, her, and our family to do that, so that isn't an issue. Maybe you should sit down with your wife and be honest with her and tell her how you are feeling. Ask you how she is feeling about your marriage. Have a nice open conversation. The two of you could pray about how you are feeling. Is God number one in your marriage? Do the two of you pray together everyday and read a couples devitional together? If God is not in your marriage you could have Satan coming in and causing problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonardo Von Posted July 10, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 1,265 Topics Per Day: 0.44 Content Count: 2,637 Content Per Day: 0.92 Reputation: 760 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/06/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/04/1972 Share Posted July 10, 2021 On 6/18/2021 at 7:01 PM, Texas66 said: I'm not sure how to post this in the "Everything else" forum, but that's where it should go. My wife and I married when I was 23 and she was 19. We have been married 32 years, I would say mostly happy. Certainly not "giddy" happy. For many years, I have struggled in that I have desired my wife physically less and less. It started maybe a few years into our marriage and just kept declining. That's not to say she isn't attractive - for a 52 year old she is quite attractive. But I have just come to the place that I am not particularly desirous of her. Is this normal in marriage? I mean, I'm at the place where I don't know if I would mind never having sex again. What do you do about it? Is this a sin? Of course, I am not ever going to have an extramarital affair on my wife. I have too much respect for myself, her, and our family to do that, so that isn't an issue. First of all, pray to Jesus asking direction. After this, go to the doctor in order to check your production of testosterone. Finally, stay together with her, obeying what Paul said: 1Co 7:3-5 -> "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozarkbound Posted July 10, 2021 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 277 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 164 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/16/2020 Status: Offline Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) Talk to her. Maybe she would rather go without also. My husband was going through this at the same time I was going through menopause. After he finally told me how he felt, I was relieved not to have to deal with sex anymore. P.S. don't ever let her hear you say that for 52 she is quite attractive. Edited July 10, 2021 by Ozarkbound Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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