How much can a Pastor say to his wife

[kittylover0991]

My question is simply.. when someone goes and talks to a pastor.. say by mouth or even by writing it down.. how much are they allowed to say to their wife? I mean.. if you were to write something down to give to your pastor(in this case youth pastor)... is it alright for them to show that to their wife without asking?

[Leonard]

I suppose that depends a lot on what he knows his wife to be like.....

For my part, as a Priest, what is spoken 'under the stole' cannot even be shared with my wife.

[darkest_red]

My question is simply.. when someone goes and talks to a pastor.. say by mouth or even by writing it down.. how much are they allowed to say to their wife? I mean.. if you were to write something down to give to your pastor(in this case youth pastor)... is it alright for them to show that to their wife without asking?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would think that a pastor should respect your right to privacy and not say anything to his wife unless he has your permission. To show something to his wife without your permission would show a worrying lack of respect for confidentiality.

[kittylover0991]

.. i guess i should say i was thinking the same thing...

[PwrInTheBld]

For my part, as a Priest, what is spoken 'under the stole' cannot even be shared with my wife.

I take it you must be a priest in the Anglican Church?

kittylover0991;

Confidentiality is confidentiality, period. I would think a pastor should adhere to that.

If it's something that your pastor might think would best be discussed with a woman, he should tell you so and ask your permission to bring his wife into it. If you say no, I think he should honour that.

[Mikeyjay]

in such a case i would only share things with my wife if i really needed some confirmation or advise from her...but i would also omit names...

senario:

"Hey darling, there is someone who needs my help...the situation is that this person...blah blah blah!!! etc."

see i can therefore tell her some things to give her the general idea without disclosing and personal details...that is how i would do it!!!

[kittylover0991]

OK..i might as well explain...

I had something that i was really nervous about talking about and it was something that i had been hiding for the past 14 or so years... I knew i needed to tlak to someboyd for accoutnability.. and i knew my youth pastor was the right one.. I also kew that i woud never been able to say it to his face so i wrote it down. I also wrote down everything that went along with it.. i wrote everything that was on my heart and i basically poured my guts out into this thing.. not to mention saying over and over how nervous i was....

Last Saturday.. he told me i coudl talk to him for accountability.. so i wrote it down and gave it to him today...as we were all heading inside after visitation, i saw his wife reading it. I watched so i knew he didn't have any time to read even the slightest bit of it...

He didn't ask me about showing it to his wife.. he just gave it to her without reading it... and if he had read it.. he woudl know that i was nervous baout going ot someone else and that he was the only one i wante to talk to.. but he didnt' read it....

A part of me feels betrayed and the otehr is saying that it was right to give it to his wife.. but i still feel betrayed becasue he didnt' ask...

[Guest stevej]

Kitty,

A pastor falls under the guidline of trust. He is exempt from revealing conversations unless they meet certain legal guidelines. His wife even tho it might be considered hearsay is not exempt. Also, it leads to the possibility of gossip within the church body. If he is concerned about his advice he should have directed you to a female staff member or one of the older ladies in the church.

Steve

[Mikeyjay]

hey kitty,

just a thought...but...do you think that you could go to your youth pastors wife for accountability...i believe that esspecially if it is a difficult situation...it might be easier to talk to a female about it...and you never know you may just become great friends !!!

[Fiosh]

OK..i might as well explain...

I had something that i was really nervous about talking about and it was something that i had been hiding for the past 14 or so years... I knew i needed to tlak to someboyd for accoutnability.. and i knew my youth pastor was the right one.. I also kew that i woud never been able to say it to his face so i wrote it down.  I also wrote down everything that went along with it.. i wrote everything that was on my heart and i basically poured my guts out into this thing.. not to mention saying over and over how nervous i was....

Last Saturday.. he told me i coudl talk to him for accountability.. so i wrote it down and gave it to him today...as we were all heading inside after visitation, i saw his wife reading it.  I watched so i knew he didn't have any time to read even the slightest bit of it...

He didn't ask me about showing it to his wife.. he just gave it to her without reading it... and if he had read it.. he woudl know that i was nervous baout going ot someone else and that he was the only one i wante to talk to.. but he didnt' read it....

A part of me feels betrayed and the otehr is saying that it was right to give it to his wife.. but i still feel betrayed becasue he didnt' ask...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My suggestion would be to talk to him about how you feel and ask why he did what he did.

I'm a caseworker, not even a pastor, and I don't discuss my clients with my husband.

You should expect confidentiality from your pastor and he should be aware of your expectations.

Approach him as one Christian to another though, not in anger, perhaps he has a good explanation for what happened.

Peace,

Fiosh