Christian Dating

[Guest JennyB]

My boyfriend and I have allowed ourselves to fornicate!

I feel terrible, guilty and just plain horrible about it.

I told him that we need to get married asap cause us living like this is hurting me spiritually.

His solution is to stop, which is fine but does not solve the problem.

What is done is done and it will be harder for us to make it cause we already shared something that is for only the married.

I feel like I have to start all over after over a year of being abstinent and focusing my life and time on Christ.

We know God, the holy sprirt and the word but just couldn't fight the temptation!

I love him but I feel that we should get married soon, start making plans cause I vowed that the next man I gave my body to would be my husband. I wanted him to be this man before it happened.

I am the woman, the responder so should I wait for him to be ready or leave him?

We are members of the same church so I will still see him 3 to 4 times a week.

Help!

[Joy in the Journey]

Hello,

First you said -

His solution is to stop, which is fine but does not solve the problem.

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Then you said -

I am the woman, the responder so should I wait for him to be ready or leave him?

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Sounds like he is willing to wait until you get married. Why leave him ?

If you are both comitted to the Lord and you've repented, in God's eyes ( the ONLY eyes that matter by the way! ) you are both forgiven.

Maybe I didn't understand what you were saying / your situation though ? Please forgive if that is the case

God bless,

Tim

[Constant]

Yep, I agree with Tim!

[Iryssa]

I do too...

If you need help abstaining, here's something I posted elsewhere; it's not uncommon for this sort of thing to come up here...I've been through it myself.

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I think I've posted something like this elsewhere, but I totally agree with the "don't be alone together" policy! I've been through a lot of what you're talking about (except that that guy was a jerk and we ended up breaking off the engagement *rueful grin*)...Anyway, I now employ the "don't be alone together policy," and this relationship is going great! You don't need to have someone following you around constantly; you can go out for walks alone, and do things in public that still give you enough space to have a good conversation (coffee, picnics, etc). You'd be surprised how much picnic food you can make up for under ten dollars *grin*

The other thing I'd recommend is that you do a Bible study together...either just discussing a chapter or book together, or using an actual devotional (take a look at your local Christian bookstore; there are a bunch of devos for unmarried couples, or you can just do a regular one). My boyfriend and I are discussing Romans, and a couple we're close with is doing "My Utmost for His Highest." The point of doing this is to change the focus of your intimacy from physical intimacy to a spiritual intimacy...We crave intimacy with the people we love! If you just stop doing the physical stuff and don't replace it with something, the abstinence is probably not going to last longer than your first craving for intimacy.

One last thing: get an accountability partner! The best is if you can do a couple's thing with another couple. That "couple we're close with" is our accountability team. The great thing is that we can talk about things all four of us, or just talk girl-to-girl and guy-to-guy.

Blessings, sister!

[Avodah]

I agree with Tim to.

[Guest Newbirthian]

My boyfriend and I have allowed ourselves to fornicate!

I feel terrible, guilty and just plain horrible about it.

I told him that we need to get married asap cause us living like this is hurting me spiritually.

His solution is to stop, which is fine but does not solve the problem.

What is done is done and it will be harder for us to make it cause we already shared something that is for only the married.

I feel like I have to start all over after over a year of being abstinent and focusing my life and time on Christ.

We know God, the holy sprirt and the word but just couldn't fight the temptation!

I love him but I feel that we should get married soon, start making plans cause I vowed that the next man I gave my body to would be my husband. I wanted him to be this man before it happened.

I am the woman, the responder so should I wait for him to be ready or leave him?

We are members of the same church so I will still see him 3 to 4 times a week.

Help!

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[Littlelite]

My boyfriend and I have allowed ourselves to fornicate!

I feel terrible, guilty and just plain horrible about it.

I told him that we need to get married asap cause us living like this is hurting me spiritually.

His solution is to stop, which is fine but does not solve the problem.

What is done is done and it will be harder for us to make it cause we already shared something that is for only the married.

I feel like I have to start all over after over a year of being abstinent and focusing my life and time on Christ.

We know God, the holy sprirt and the word but just couldn't fight the temptation!

I love him but I feel that we should get married soon, start making plans cause I vowed that the next man I gave my body to would be my husband. I wanted him to be this man before it happened.

I am the woman, the responder so should I wait for him to be ready or leave him?

We are members of the same church so I will still see him 3 to 4 times a week.

Help!

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I agree with what the others have said to you, donot be alone with each other, fill sexual with spiritual, definitely buddy up with another couple. My next comment is, how old are you all, and if you truly love each other, than why are you not considering marriage, are you ? or does he not want to be married now?? lots of questions form in my mind from your message. YSIC Littlelite