I need advice on my marriage

[Honey]

I have agoraphobia and don't go out very often, my husband is always going out and always going on holidays and weekend breaks, he is only home mainly on a night, I tell him about how I feel and he has agreed to stay home a bit more but he never does, I have wondering whether to split from him because the way he baehaves I may has we stay on my own. He still acts like a single man and it annoys me i have had enough. what do you reckon?

[Guest Zayit]

Honey, how long have you been married? Is your husband a believer? Do you share any interests together? Are there children and how old. Are you seeing a therepist about your fears?

I'm sorry I don't know about you and can not begin to offer anything helpful without answers to these questions.

[Gerioke]

Is it easier to leave him, or is it easier to overcome your fears. Which ever is easiest is probably that which you should not do.

[Kansasdad]

I have agoraphobia and don't go out very often, my husband is always going out and always going on holidays and weekend breaks, he is only home mainly on a night, I tell him about how I feel and he has agreed to stay home a bit more but he never does, I have wondering whether to split from him because the way he baehaves I may has we stay on my own. He still acts like a single man and it annoys me i have had enough. what do you reckon?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am not trying to be harsh but agoraphobia is an irrational fear, You seem to be upset with your husband because he is not changing his behavior because of your irrational fear. Your irrational fear is controlling you and you want it to control him as well. It seems that you are upset because he is not allowing your fears to control him. Now this is not to say your husband has handled the issue well or not, I don't know that information. But you can't change your husband. You can only, with Gods help, change yourself. Work on the agoraphobia, and I know this is not a simple issue, but it is the root of the problem.

God Bless you and your marriage.

Kansas Dad

[Micah68]

Rather than asking your husband to defer to your problem, why don't you try to overcome it? You can do it! Jesus is the power. You don't have to overcome all at once. Try baby steps. I think that if you went out just a short distance it would show your husband that you are willing to go out on a limb in order to be with you. I think that if he were to stay at home with you, it would not help you to overcome this problem. Jesus said that with even a little bit of faith you can move mountains. Just see this problem like one small mole hill compared to the power Jesus had and still has. He can still move mountains. Plan to go with your husband somewhere not too far and then next week plan another outing. Deal with what makes you afraid. In a few years you'll look back and say, "Thank God, I took that first step!" Sometimes God is just looking for us to make that first step to prove that we trust Him.

[Elisabeth]

Dear Honey,

First of all, please know that you are not alone in being frustrated with your spouse! It happens to many marriages at some point in time.

Second, what do you think Jesus would say to you about this? The Bible does not treat divorce lightly for good reason. It does not say that being a jerk is acceptable for divorce. Maybe you are in your husband's life for a reason. And maybe he is in your life for a reason. God has a plan for your life. You might not be able to see what it is right now, but I always believe that whatever satan intends for bad, God will use for good.

While I do not have agoraphobia, I have known others with it. I know how crippling and painful this can be, but the other posters here are correct. This does not have to rule your life. With God, all things are possible. Your happiness does not have to be dependent on what your husband chooses to do with his time.

20 years ago, my husband was in a psychiatric ward for depression. He had so much social phobia at that time. The World Series was on TV, and he desperately wanted to see it (there are no TVs in the rooms in a psych ward, only in common areas such as a lounge). But he was afraid to go in; he was afraid to simply sit on the couch and watch the ball game because there were other patients (just like him) in there.

That person no longer exists. Thanks to the Lord's work in his life, he has been healed from that and he is a completely different person.

You can do it! Jesus is the power.

Micah said it best! With the power of Jesus, you can do it. Don't let satan drag you down!

Blessings to you

[Guest lvnpeace]

Ya know what everyone has said has alot of truth in it! I feel for you, I have a sense of what you are going through, I am not full blown agoraphobic, but if I allowed myself I could become one. I have been suffering axiety attacks more and more now that my husband works in another state. I tell ya though I have been doing a lot of praying and a lot of soul searching, and the LORD is helping me to over come them, HE is SO POWERFUL! but you have got to trust him!!!!!!! How long have you had this condition? Are you someone that allows defeat easily? Don't give up on yourself or your husband just yet! GEt some help, have him get involved in your recovery. Make goals together, together you will suceed. Separation is exactly what satan wants! divide and conquer! Realize that GOD gave you a companion because we are not strong enough to lift ourselves up! GOD BLESS and if you would like to talk please E-mail me @ lvn4peace@yahoo.com Your sister in christ

[Sisterchick]

It is late and I should go to bed, but the emotions that flooded my heart, when I read agoraphobia, won't let me.

Sweatie! God loves you so much. Are you under a physician's care for agoraphobia? --- This is something that has plagued my family, for generations. My mother lived her life by watching the world through the window. She very rarely ever left the house. (Crying) My mom passed away in 1993.

One of my sister's is agoraphobic. She ended up having a massive heart attack a few years ago, at 51. Her panic attacks were so severe, she couldn't decifer between heart attack and panic attack. Sooooo, after 18 months of therapies, she's doing amazingly well, but legally blind with limited short term memory.

I, myself, battle with it. Years ago, my husband was going to everything without me. I put the blame on him. I was overweight... he didn't really want me with him... then I started provoking him. I begged him to hit me, one time. I wanted to look as bad as I felt. It got easier and easier to stay home. When the kids would have something going on in school, I would suddenly become sick. I don't know how many times, over the years, that I've told my husband that we should go our separate ways. "How selfish of him to act like a bachelor, when he's married with three kids", I think.

Then, one day, I did something and my husband said, "You sound like your mother." It hurt! But, you know what? He was right. I was becoming my mother.

I hate going on and on, because nobody reads long posts, so, let me just say. You loved your husband or you wouldn't have married him. Fight for him and your marriage. Fight for your life. Satan would likes nothing more than to leave you alone with your thoughts. My mind helped me make up all kinds of stuff. It isn't going to to get better, if you don't do something. Start small, if you have to, but, please start!!!!

I will be praying for you.

[Sisterchick]

How are you doing, Honey? You have really been on my heart.

[RustyAngeL]

I have agoraphobia and don't go out very often, my husband is always going out and always going on holidays and weekend breaks, he is only home mainly on a night, I tell him about how I feel and he has agreed to stay home a bit more but he never does, I have wondering whether to split from him because the way he baehaves I may has we stay on my own. He still acts like a single man and it annoys me i have had enough. what do you reckon?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am not trying to be harsh but agoraphobia is an irrational fear, You seem to be upset with your husband because he is not changing his behavior because of your irrational fear. Your irrational fear is controlling you and you want it to control him as well. It seems that you are upset because he is not allowing your fears to control him. Now this is not to say your husband has handled the issue well or not, I don't know that information. But you can't change your husband. You can only, with Gods help, change yourself. Work on the agoraphobia, and I know this is not a simple issue, but it is the root of the problem.

God Bless you and your marriage.

Kansas Dad

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agree. What have you done to overcome this fear? This is crippling both of you and it's sure not fair to your husband. Get whatever help you can to get you over this fear, you need to be set free from this so you both can enjoy your lives as God intended.