A controlling person

[missmuffet]

Have you ever had to deal with a controlling person in your life. It can be frustrating.

 

What does the Bible say about how to deal with controlling people?

https://www.gotquestions.org

ANSWER

Controlling people. Manipulators. We’ve all encountered them, and most of us have behaved in a controlling way ourselves at some point. Controlling people are usually convinced that happiness is found in making other people do what they want them to do. Of course, manipulating others is not a route to happiness or to any other good thing.

People who engage in controlling behavior may be parents, spouses, adult children, extended family members, salesmen, or coworkers. In order to control a person, they must have something that person wants or needs. Codependent people need approval, so they are more easily controlled or manipulated. They may be promised affection or appreciation if they will go along with the controlling person’s wishes. Victims of a manipulator may find themselves always trying to please the controlling person and never quite succeeding. Fear of displeasing the manipulator, losing a friendship, or earning some kind of punishment keeps the victim under control.

Controlling people do not have anyone’s best interest in mind except their own (see Philippians 2:3). They are concerned primarily with pleasing themselves. Many of the Old Testament kings were controlling people. They had power, and they used it to their own advantage, often at the expense of the people they ruled. Queen Jezebel was a controlling person who used her power to get what she wanted. Her husband’s method of controlling people was pouting and throwing a fit (1 Kings 21:1–4).

David’s son Absalom was adept at controlling people, using flattery and feigned concern for people to turn their hearts away from his father, David (2 Samuel 15:5–6). Controlling people will often use emotional tricks to cause their victims to do what they want. Absalom wanted control of his father’s kingdom, so he pretended to be compassionate in order to gain the people’s loyalty. Rather than challenge or investigate Absalom’s claims, disgruntled Israelites were delighted to blame King David for their dissatisfaction and were easy prey for the controlling Absalom. Angry, bitter people are a target for controlling people, who can exploit emotions, twist thinking, and goad others into action. Avoiding bitterness in our hearts (Hebrews 12:15) is important in steering clear of controlling people.

We can deal with controlling people by first recognizing what they are and setting appropriate boundaries. We can insist on truth-telling (controlling people often lie). We can refuse to accept false guilt (controlling people often play the victim). We can refuse to take responsibility for their mistakes (controlling people often try to hold others accountable). We can find our acceptance and sufficiency in Christ (controlling people often ridicule or criticize in an attempt to make their victims feel inadequate). We can stand up to them, refuse their demands, and reject their deadlines (controlling people are often bullies who demand immediate compliance).

Often, controlling people have no real power to force us to obey; rather, they threaten to get angry, spread lies, cut off communication, or do something else to make our lives more difficult as a means of “punishment.” We must be prepared to call their bluff and not play their games. We must be prepared to end the relationship. In cases where violence is threatened, we must contact the proper authorities and take steps to protect ourselves and loved ones. “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). In that spirit of power, love, and soundness of mind, we must face down the threat posed by those who would control or manipulate us. The only One controlling us should be the Holy Spirit of God (Ephesians 5:18).

Edited September 24, 2022 by missmuffet

[JohnR7]

16 hours ago, missmuffet said:

how to deal with controlling people?

People want to control others because it is easier than controlling themselves. 

[DPMartin]

The ins and outs of interpersonal relationships isn’t a “Christian” issue. Its a every day human issue every one ether becomes skilled in, or not. The focus of relationship biblically is, man’s relationship with the Creator and Judge.

[Starise]

I guess this all gets into some deeper psychology. Before we give someone a label as a controlling person I think we need to be very careful. They may simply be doing their job and someone else thinks it is controlling. Chances are most who think their parents are controlling probably don't have a good concept of the responsibilities necessary to lead children. I admit there are bad parents out there. Most often though parents are simply doing their job but teens don't see it that way.

Same goes for husbands and wives. Husbands are to lead their families. Wives should submit to a husband's leadership if it is not ungodly leadership. If the buck stops at the wife every time, then the husband isn't leading. This is not biblical.

We find plenty of scriptures about submitting to leadership and authority, but we find no such comparable scriptures about being controlled. If there is one please show me. The bible says parents should not be overbearing to children. No matter what relationship we are in we still always have free will. What we do with it can either be edifying or destructive.

The bible tells us to be fair to everyone and to even love our enemies if we have them. Good leadership takes the hit if necessary and does what's best for those under them. A parent who works to pay the bills and puts food on the table is due respect. He or she who owns the house or rents the apartment also has the right to make the rules.