filled with shame

[lisa lollipop]

please help.

in brief....

before i became a christian, i had an affair.

now i am a christian, and my husband is now a christian.

i am filled with shame, and have prayed so hard for forgiveness.

I am consumed with fear of losing my husband and cant tell him.

what should I do?

its on my mind all the time.

[PwrInTheBld]

i am filled with shame, and have prayed so hard for forgiveness.

God has forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself.

I would suggest you speak to your pastor or a Christian counselor about what you should do next with regard to your husband.

[lisa lollipop]

thankyou x

[kodischild]

I used to have a problem with being ashamed of my old life. (Sometimes I even had the problem of missing my old life. ) Now when those thoughts come back I tell myself that it was all in the past. I am a new creation in Christ and I am forgiven. If Christ forgave me then who am I to keep holding it against myself?? That helps me with my personal feelings.

As for talking to your husband..... While I think confession is usually the right thing to do, I also think there may be a time when it will hurt the other person more than it will help. On the other hand, if he were to find out on his own......I'm going to go along with the suggestiong that you seek a Christian counselor. Maybe you and your husband can get into counseling together, then you can confess and know that you and your husband have some help getting through the rough time that will follow.

[menegroth]

Hey there,

well in short i agree with the above posts, God has forgiven you, you need to forgive yourself, but also for any christian the life they left behind is sometimes embarressing or shameful, but don't foprget your past acknowledge it but try not to dwell on all of the thigns oyu may have done wrong, but rejoice in where God has brought you FROM, the victory has already taken place =) so congratulations =)

[Elisabeth]

Remember this ... God convicts, Satan condemns. It sounds like God has already convicted you, but now the enemy is trying to condemn you with shame. Don't let the enemy win.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

I know how hard it can be to let go of the past, especially if it involves someone else. But God can heal you, if you receive His grace, and if you allow Him to.

Talk to Him, and read His Word. If God did not forgive and forget, then His grace would mean nothing. But His grace means everything ... for YOU!

[PwrInTheBld]

honesty, is always the best policy.

no matter when he finds out---its goin to be devastating(thats if he loves you, unless his conscious is guilty also---than that may make things different)

be prepared for anything to happen.

dont let anyone convince you "it will be ok"...

that happens over years of healing.

these kind of wounds dont go away with an apology.

be prepared for a zillion questions, and detail inquiries.

not an easy road---dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

and once you start being honest, dont hold back ANYTHING.

otherwise, trust will never be an issue again---cause it wont exist.

I would still seek counselling first. They are the professionals.

If her husband is just new to the Lord, what if his faith isn't yet strong enough to go through this? Where would that leave them if her confession to her husband caused him to say "forget it" to the Lord? These are things we screen names on computers don't know.

I would listen to the advice of Christian counselling or a pastor first, not just jump in head first.

[RustyAngeL]

please help.

in brief....

before i became a christian, i had an affair.

now i am a christian, and my husband is now a christian.

i am filled with shame, and have prayed so hard for forgiveness.

I am consumed with fear of losing my husband and cant tell him.

what should I do?

its on my mind all the time.

The bible says that as far as the east is from the west this is as far as He has removed your sin. If He doesn't remember it don't keep bringing it up before yourself. You have been forgiven, yes it's time to forgive yourself. As far as telling your husband, is there any chance of him finding out? If not I don't think I would tell him. But as the advice was given to you I would seek out a pastor and talk to him. Enjoy your new freedom in Jesus, He loves you and so do we here at Worthy. Visis us often.

[Guest Falling]

I had an affair and this is the only place, except with my husband I have ever admitted it and thank God I got better help than some posts I have seen

I remember what it was like before and it is totally different when you hve messed up.

I beg our bros and Sis's to refrain from judgement.

Any sin effects us and an affair makes you doubt everything especially yourself.

Trust your new found faith Trust God and Trust that truth is hard but lies are harder.

God Bless you and only he should guide you

here are some references I found that helped

http://www.rbc.org/ds/cb.html

these booklets are free and you can print them or order copies, they have scriptural reference and personal experiences

[Guest duane65]

please help.

in brief....

before i became a christian, i had an affair.

now i am a christian, and my husband is now a christian.

i am filled with shame, and have prayed so hard for forgiveness.

I am consumed with fear of losing my husband and cant tell him.

what should I do?

its on my mind all the time.

Hello Lisa.

Satan has so many devices to use against you. His biggest weapon is deception, and everything he does is built around deception.

When we are in Christ Jesus, old things pass away, behold all things become new. When you become born again, you become a new creature. You as a spirit are not healed, but you are born again.

The you that cheated on your husband is gone. The Born-Again you, has never cheated on your husband. See how Satan will deceive you, if you don't exercise your authority over him. Satan wants you to stay ashamed, and defeated in your mind, and emotions, so that you will not be very effective for the Kingdom of God.

Also you can beg God for forgiveness, until the cows come home, and you will not be anymore forgiven then you were when you confessed the first time. Satans deception here is for you to believe, that you have to not only beg for forgiveness, when God is already faithful and just to forgive you, 1 John 1:9, but for you to think that it is your endless confession of guilt, that moves the hand of God in your favor. Nowhere, and I mean nowhere does it say in the Word, that we are to do pennance for God's forgiveness. Nor does God require you to condemn yourself, and feel guilty for the past.

When you confess your sins to God, when you blow it, your confession brings you back into right standing with God in your OWN spirit. Kinda like getting things off of your chest, so to speak. In the New testament, the only thing, that keeps you unforgiven, when you confess, is your unforgiveness of others.

Old things pass away, behold, all things become new. Unless you can absolutely not avoid telling your husband, I would let it be, because we need to go on with our walk with God, and you don't want to become a stumbling block for your husband, or for the past to effect you, because God does not hold your past against you, and to keep things decent, and in order, He will even protect your marriage, from past sins. He will remember your sins nomore, as far as the east is from the west. Take God's example. God bless. Duane