Is there such thing as a soul mate...

November 13, 2005

There is no Scriptural basis that can be applied universally, which says that God has ONE person picked out for everyone. God will guide you in your choice, but to claim the concept of a soulmate, as universallly applied doctrine from Scripture, is pure myth. The Bible makes no such claims.

Then what are we to do? Are we REALLY just supposed to pick someone who seems mutally attracted to us and attempt to cultivate a relationship with them?

For that matter, I've yet to find someone mutually attracted to me.

Wasn't Rebekah picked out by the Holy Spirit? or more particularly an Angel of God?

Genesis 24:7 - The LORD God of heaven, which took me from my father's house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence. 8 And if the woman will not be willing to follow thee, then thou shalt be clear from this my oath: only bring not my son thither again.

clearly, Abraham had in mind that there was just one woman who God had for Isaac, though she had a free will in the matter as well. So if this ONE person would not come, then the servant was not to take any wife for Isaac.

12 And he said O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham. 13 Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water: 14 And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master. 15 And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.

Seems Rebekah was appointed by God to be Isaac's wife. What gives then?

appointed

yayach

to be right(i.e.correct) [implication in this context that someone else would definitly be wrong]

appointed

Of course this word is a little more complex than that, but this seems to be the gist of the definition in this context.

I said that it cannot be applied as a universal doctrine. While God may ordain some marriages for His purposes, it cannot be argued from Scripture that such is to be the same for everyone.

What are we to do then?

We are to seek to be more and more conformed to the image of Christ, and not spend our time worrying about what is not happening in our lives. We are to spend more time finding those things that make us undesirable and exposing them to the light of Scripture. We are, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to develop the Godly qualities that make us the kind of person that someone would be attracted to. It is a matter of loving your future spouse enough that we would try to make ourselvles ready, and more like Jesus for their sake, before we even know who they are. God is not going to lead a prospective spouse into our lives, only to make them miserable because we are too selfish to change our unGodly behavior.

We are to spend our time developing those qualities that make for healthy marriages. We work on that stuff now, so that our future spouse does not have to be plagued with unChristlike behavior and immature, arrogant, selfish, petulance later on in the marriage.

November 13, 2005

QUOTE(shiloh357 @ Nov 13 2005, 11:57 AM)

I said that it cannot be applied as a universal doctrine. While God may ordain some marriages for His purposes, it cannot be argued from Scripture that such is to be the same for everyone.

Wouldn't that mean that God favours some above others then? Because he specificly creates and guides some to a purpose, but does not do so for others, at least according to you...

No it would not speak to favoritism. You are confusing the issue, here. We are talking about being guided to a spouse, not to a purpose.

Had you bothered to pay any attention to my initial post, I pointed out that God will guide us in our choice. That is not the same as saying that God has pegged you with ONE person who is destined to be your spouse and applying that has universal doctrine, in the absence of any biblical support.

QUOTE

What are we to do then?

We are to seek to be more and more conformed to the image of Christ, and not spend our time worrying about what is not happening in our lives.

What is not happening in a person's life is as much a part of who they are as what is happening. The term "single" is defined as one lacking a spouse.

Yeah, so what? The point is that we are to about His business and not bellyaching about what we don't have. It amounts to putting it God's hands, and letting Him handle the details.

QUOTE

We are to spend more time, finding those things that make us undesirable and exposing them to the light of Scripture. We are, with the help of the Holy Spirit, develop the Godly qualities that make us the kind of person that someone would be attracted to.

...and after doing all that, we are to trust our selvs to another person who, for all we know, may just be good at putting on a show, and without any direct confirmation from God that we are making a right decision. Gotcha.

No, you do do not "get it" at all. The person who is seeking to be more like Christ who is seeking to develop those qualities develops other qualities as well, such as being able to be led by the Spirit. It is not a matter of trusting in yourself at all, but in trusting God to bring the right person into your life. The key is living in the Spirit, and having our lives centered around Christ, and not what we do or don't have.

QUOTE

God is not going to lead a prospective spouse into our lives, just so that we can make them miserable because we are too selfish to change our unGodly behavior.

Then what happened with Adam and Eve? They were created sinless, and still managed to ruin one another's life, along with the rest of humanity. What happened with Hosea, whom God told to marry a whore, and knowing she would cheat on him numerous times!!!

Your response seems incomplete at best.

None of that has anything to do with what we are talking about here. Neither of those two examples compares with a person who wants to be married but doesn't want to be the kind of person who deserves to be married. Marriage is too important to expect someone to "take me as I am." True love seeks to be the best, for the sake of the other person. We should never expect someone else to "settle" simply because we are too lazy and selfish to be the kind of person they want to be with.

QUOTE

We work on that stuff now, so that our future spouse does not have to be plagued with unChristlike behavior and immature, arrogant, selfish, petulance later on in the marriage.

Yay. Now I need to be flawless too. Not that I don't want to be, but again I've learned enough by now that i'm pretty sure I'll never be "the perfect man". Although at some point I'm sure everyone wants a "perfect" spouse, I'm prepared to settle for less than perfect, but don't want to settle for less than what God wants for me, but the flesh is weird and will settle for anything on the one hand, but demand perfection on the other.

It is not an issue of being "perfect," but of recognizing our flaws and living in a constant state of self improvement. We will never rid ourselves of all our shortcomings and every drawback to our personality, but we can continue to be conformed to the image of Christ each day. If someone is not willing to do that as a single person, they will not do it when they are married. If we are not going to live in the Spirit as singles, then we won't change when we are married. A Christian woman deserves a Godly man who walks in the Spirit, and is seeking everyday, to be conformed to the image of Christ. She deserves a man who will love her as Christ loves the Church.

There are scads of things that we can rid ourselves of without necessarily ever becoming perfect. Again, it is not about being perfect, but about loving a future spouse enough to not be satisified until we are offering the them best that we can offer.

November 13, 2005

QUOTE(shiloh357 @ Nov 13 2005, 12:47 PM)

No it would not speak to favoritism. You are confusing the issue, here. We are talking about being guided to a spouse, not to a purpose.

Had you bothered to pay any attention to my initial post, I pointed out that God will guide us in our choice. That is not the same as saying that God has pegged you with ONE person who is destined to be your spouse and applying that has universal doctrine, in the absence of any biblical support.

This makes no sense. Why would God guide you in your choiceif there is no "best" choice anyway. May as well flip a coing or something.

Nope, there may be 100,000 people that would make someone an acceptable spouse. I said that God would guide you in YOUR choice. I do not believe that God chooses your spouse for you, because there is no biblical support for the notion that He does. God will guide you finding someone with whom you will be happy and will be happy with you. There not nothing nonsensical about it. It just means that both you and the other person have a choice. There is no "best" choice in the sense that there is only one person for you to marry. Ultimately it is up to both of you to make the choice work. Having a good marriage is not based upon having THE one. Even a God-ordained marriage could be messed through irresponsible behavior.

QUOTE

No, you do do not "get it" at all. The person who is seeking to be more like Christ who is seeking to develop those qualities develops other qualities as well, such as being able to be led by the Spirit. It is not a matter of trusting in yourself at all, but in trusting God to bring the right person into your life. The key is living in the Spirit, and having our lives centered around Christ, and not what we do or don't have.

Why would it matter to be led by the Spirit if you say God hasn't "pegged" anyone for us anyway? What difference does it make then. Again, if such is the case, I would draw the conclusion then that we may as well marry the first non-objectionable person we encounter, "for better or for worse", and not worry about it then.

Don't be so over spiritual that you can't even give someone a practical answer.

It is a very practical answer.

Being "led by Spirit" simply answers your previous objection that we should trust in ourselves and hope the other person isn't duping us. Being led by the Spirit has NOTHING to do with finding THE one that God has picked out, but it does help to prevent picking an unGodly person. Being led by the Spirit is how we stay aware when the Lord does bring someone into our lives. The Lord always has a way of letting us know when He is at work. Being led by Spirit also keeps us sensitive to His communications with us regarding those things in us that would prevent an appropriate candidate from considering us as marriage material.

QUOTE

None of that has anything to do with what we are talking about here. Neither of those two examples compares with a person who wants to be married but doesn't want to be the kind of person who deserves to be married.

Assume everyone on this thread has established the fact that they WANT to be the kind of person who "deserves to be married". though I don't think that's Biblical language, but lets just pretend for the sake of argument that nobody would bother posting on this thread unless they wanted to be as Godly spouse as at all possible. I know I do.

Then if they do, they will do what they HAVE to do to be be the kind of person who deserves to be married. And I am not being unbiblical at all. A person who is not willing to put in the kind of work marriage requires before and after one is wed, does not deserve the privilege. If they don't love their future spouse now, to do everything they can to prepare, they won't love them enough AFTER they are married, either. Everyone who is single, who wants to be the kind of spouse that someone else would want, will have corresponding actions to that end. It is not going to happen in a moment of inspiration. Marriage is too difficult, too costly, not to prepare extensively in advance.

Look, I am not justifying being lazy or not trying to better one's self. all I am saying is if we keep waiting to be "better", how much "better" does one have to be before they are "good enough"? No matter how much you better yourself, there will always be faults, and even pretty big ones that could potentially ruin relationships.

In the case of Hosea, God had a prophetic point to make about Israel's sin, and as such does not speak to the issue at hand.

Secondly, we will never be faultless, but there is quite a bit that can be overcome. How much do you have to do to be ready? The degree to which you love, or will love your future spouse is directly proportionate to your willingness to overcome those faults that would be fatal to your marriage. I am not talking about being "flawless," and I think common sense tells you exactly what I am saying. If you love someone, you will not allow anything to come between you.

QUOTE

It is not an issue of being "perfect," but of recognizing our flaws and living in a constant state of self improvement. We will never rid ourselves of all our shortcomings and every drawback to our personality, but we can continue to be conformed to the image of Christ each day. If someone is not willing to do that as a single person, they will not do it when they are married. If we are not going to live in the Spirit as singles, then we won't change when we are married. A Christian woman deserves a Godly man who walks in the Spirit, and is seeking everyday, to be conformed to the image of Christ. She deserves a man who will love her as Christ loves the Church.

I agree with what you are saying, and I want to be the best God can make me. I thought that was basicly a foregone conclussion. It seems to be a major implicatioin in your posts that single people are still single because they aren't Godly enough, aren't willing to change, and generally don't deserve to be married.

No, that is nowhere implied in my posts, though in retrospect, that could be case for some people. My point has been that we as singles should spend less time bemoaning singleness, and make the most of this time to be completely focused on the Lord, which really accomplishes two things, it makes us better members of the Kingdom while also making us better candidates for marriage.

Same point. I know it isn't about being perfect, but at the same time, how good is "good enough" to be married? How long after a person is "good enough" are they supposed to wait? How does one know whether they are still single because they aren't "good enough" or becuase the other person isn't, or because God simply isn't going to let the marry, or what?

See, when you are led by the Spirit, and focused on Christ, not on singleness, that question is really a nonissue. When I can be satisfied and whole as a single Christian, and not obbssessed with what is not happening in my life, I am able to develop more as a Christian, and to develop more Godly character. For me, being single is a time of preparation, because I don't know when the light will go on in some girl's head that I might be marriage material. So, until that time, I just continue enjoying Jesus, and letting Him help me to rid myself of those things that are not like Him!!

Edited November 13, 2005 by shiloh357

November 13, 2005

See, when you are led by the Spirit, and focused on Christ, not on singleness, that question is really a nonissue. When I can be satisfied and whole as a single Christian, and not obbssessed with what is not happening in my life, I am able to develop more as a Christian, and to develop more Godly character. For me, being single is a time of preparation, because I don't know when the light will go on in some girl's head that I might be marriage material. So, until that time, I just continue enjoying Jesus, and letting Him help me to rid myself of those things that are not like Him!!

How can you call something you are faced with every day a "non-issue"? That is just plain dishonest.

Just wondering, since everything you write seems to be summed up as "try harder", have you ever read George Orwell's "Animal Farm"?

It is non dishonest at all. When are focus is on Christ and living in His presence, the issue becomes being more like Him. It takes the eyes off of self pity and bellyaching that I don't have this or that. The focus is on Christ and being conformed into His image. It is about ridding myself of those things that don't look like Jesus (which is a lifelong pursuit).

Ironically, everything I am writing has to do with trying less (at least in the flesh). Again, the degree to which you are willing to love someone will reflected in the amount of effort you are willing to invest in being kind of Godly person your spouse would want. If you are trying harder in the flesh, then no amount of trying will ever succeed. Every attempt in the flesh will be met with defeat and frustration.

This is exactly what you have turned christianity and marriage into: not a relationship at all, but just a continual effort to try harder and harder until you die trying.

Not even close. It is not a matter of trying harder, but of drawing closer to Christ and allowing Him to help us be more like Him. The striving is not in the flesh, but by the power of the Holy Spirit to be the kind of person we should be. In the flesh, we will always fail and meet with frustration, but in Christ, we are able to overcome those weakness and personal infirmities that hinder our walk with Christ. In doing so, we become better students, better co-workers, better friends, and especially, better spouses.

IslandRose · November 13, 2005

Well, I met my now husband when I was 14 and he was 16 years old. Even at the age I saw that we could be happy together. I loved his quirky sense of humor. He was totally dedicated to serving the Lord. We had a lot in common, and yet in so many ways we are totally opposite. He says we "complete" each other. I just had a feeling that he and I would be together. We had exactly 2 dates ( both at church functions) before I left the country for three years with my family. We lived in Indonesia. No phone calls to the village back then, we wrote letters. Meanwhile we both dated others. When I returned to the States for college, I went to the college he was attending. My thoughts were, if "it" is still there fine, if not....I'll transfer..LOL) Well, it was still there and we were married just before I turned 20. We've been married almost 32 years.

Are we soul mates. Not sure. To be honest, I think that the concept of soul mates is just a romantic fantasy. A good marriage is a decision, on both sides, to always work it out. It's practically a daily decision. Each morning you get up and decide that I am going to love this person no matter what. Usually it's easy. We get along and agree on most everything. Other days I have to ask the Lord to remind me that I love him. Or even ask Him to love him through me. (Of course I am always TOTALLY lovable......NOT)

Should one look for a "Soul Mate?" I don't think so. I think the advice given here on the boards over and over is the right advice. First of all, the first relationship you need to be working on is your relationship with the Lord. The main thing that drew me to my husband was his desire to serve the Lord no matter what. The marriages I know that are the strongest are those built on that foundation. Second, the Lord knows the desires of your heart. He also knows and loves you more than any one else. Open your heart to Him and He will bring those things into your life that will give you the most contentment.

AND If and when He does bring a wife to your life, always remember how much you desired to have her and treat her like the precious thing she is.

Edited November 13, 2005 by IslandRose

Wendie · November 14, 2005

I would hope we have a soul mate , someone ment for only us . But also we have to work on relationships . Its not always about someone being perfect cuz we would never find that . I pray about that and i have a letter for my furture husband . I trust God will lead me the right direction.

sport123 · November 15, 2005

Is there such thing as a soul mate or one specific person meant for us. I think I've lost my hope in that. Because I've prayed for over a decade and waited patiently. All those precious years. I guess I should have just picked someone who would marry me (which is very few it seems) and make it work. If it doesn't, keep trying. That is what everyone else is doing. I'm so insecure and down about the whole situation. Seems the more I pray about it, the more discouragement comes. It is so damaging to get your hopes up about something, and it not come to pass. You are better off not wanting anything I guess.

Thanks for the info and encouragement everyone. It's been a tough road waiting.

God bless!

jmh137 · November 15, 2005

sport123

You need to hook up with a geniune prayer warrior. Or, maybe more than one. It seems so very important to you and I can sense your pain. But.... hold on. Don't despair, most of the time, just when we think there is no way; God makes a way and it cannot be undone. You have really affected me with this your plea. I'm not a prayer warrior, but I will pray for you to find the love for you. Love in Christ Jesus, .......jmh137