Marriage and forgiveness

[Guest Debborah]

Hi Everyone

I would like to know if there are other people out there who have experianced infidelity in thier marriage, and especially those that got through and are still married today. My husband had an affair in the middle of this year, which lasted a little over three months, and resulted in a pregnancy. He still wants to be with me, and we are together, but are both really struggling with the hurt and feelings that go along with something of this magnitude. He feels great responsibility to this woman and this child, even though she knew he was married. My husband is not a christian, but knows what he has done was wrong, but doesnt really know what he wants, and I dont think I am making it very easy for him. I dont even know how to react to this child, as I dont really feel it would be good for our boys(three) to have a lot to do with him/her. I am not even sure I am doing the right thing staying with him, as there are so many things wrong in our marrige. I am not even sure if I really like who he has become. To complicate matters even further, I have become pregnant with our fourth child, which I am not even sure how it happened. God certainly has a sense of humour, as it is pretty impossible that I even concieved. I dont know why God in his wisdom allowed any of this to happen, and feel myself drifting away from God, and not setting a very good example to my husband. Not knowing how to react, especially when I need to stand up for my rights as a wife. Am I doing the right thing in staying? If so how do stop pushing my husband away, yet at the same standing up for the right, and the best thing for me. Any suggestions?

Debborah

[EricH]

Deborah,

I would recommend you get into marriage counseling with your Pastor as soon as possible. You need support locally to make it through this

[forrestkc]

Pray about it as I am sure you have been.

And,

Talk to your pastor / priest about this.

And,

Find a good marriage councilor. And see him or her regularly with your husband.

[RGR]

Debborah,

Yes I've been there with my spouse and, no, it isn't fun. Forgiveness is a tough thing to do on our own but that's where God comes in. He forgave us for many, many things (at least me, lol!) and if He can forgive us, we can forgive those who commit wrongdoing against us.

If he is willing to try to make things work, that's great! It will take time and effort but when both parties are working towards reconciliation, God will make it work out!!!! I really can't go beyond what Brother Eric has said as far as finding good, Godly counsel and please know that we'll be praying for you!

[MrSealedEternal]

Debborah,

I have to admit, in our marriage, I at times have examined myself honestly and found myself unfaithful to God, my husband, and children. I am sure my husband and children could be found likewise lacking. When we stray from God's word, we hurt eachother. This can cause us to be bitter and angry and even hateful sometimes. There were many times in my life when I could not yet see how in the world God could work out the evil done, and then when I would just leave it there for Him to figure out, in His way and in His timing, He did just that. It is hard for us sometimes to remember that God is always faithful.

When we peer into the perfect will of God, we can see His design for the family and it is to His glory. The grace, and knowledge and wisdom of His calling are working themselves out in our families and through our lives. He works all things out for good to those who love the Lord.

When we put into practice His principles, our whole family is blessed by means of our obedience to God, even when other members of our family are not.

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek it's own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrightousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

We are called to love one another, because Christ loved us.

My dad once inquired of a couple who had many years of a loving marriage behind them to reflect upon what they would attribute as to the secret of success.

I have many times in our marrige to eachother pondered the signifigance of the wisdom in their response.

'A marriage is a union of two good forgivers.'

God is near to the brokenhearted.

Open yourself up to examine your own heart as to whether in all fairness, you also have been found faithful, while bearing in mind God is always faithful. It may lead to a heartfelt forgiveness that truly demonstrates the love of God towards your husband and may reconcile the relationship to eachother to the glory of God.

"For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

1Corinthians 7:16

Just wanted to share these thoughts and may His love abideth and comfort you in your time of need.

God Bless,

Mrs. SE

Edited December 22, 2005 by Mr*MrsSealedEternal