Cosmetic and Plastic Surgery

[Guest Aurelius]

I have a Christian wife who is impressed with plastic surgery, but to a degree it has kind of caused some problems in our marriage. She had breast implants back in 2003, and now she eventually wants to get a tummy tuck. She has stated that she sees nothing wrong with relying upon plastic surgery to keep her youthful looks when she gets older (i.e., botox, face lift, etc.).

Just recently, she had her teeth bleached, and prior to that she had braces for her already fairly straight and beautiful teeth, which were already pretty white. It was as if she wanted them to be perfect; because she highly values the appearance of straight white teeth.

Right now, we tend to have a difference of opinion on this issue. But being a man, I don't seem to understand the mind of a female very much. I personally tend to wonder if she is becoming vain, or perhaps bordering on it. She has had three children, but has always been known for being a very beautiful woman. The thing is, being 32 years old has slowed down her metabolism a little bit, and though the extra pounds don't bother her very much, she says that she eventually wants a tummy tuck for added confidence, which was also her justification for getting the breast implants.

I will admit that we have had problems in the past, and right now, our relationship has been a little back and forth. She is an attractive and independent woman who gets a lot of attention at her job, so that doesn't help things out either, especially while we are having problems right now. But regardless, I still tell her she is a beautiful woman.

Her justification for plastic surgery is not that she likes attention from other men, but it's just that she likes to feel "confident". But when I look at her, all I already see is an extremely confident and attractive career woman who is socially healthy. So I can't help but to wonder if I'm wrong to be suspicious about her motives for plastic surgery. Am I making too much of this issue? My instincts keep telling me that something is not right, so I feel a little uneasy about it, as we have certainly had trust issues in the past.

Being a Christian, where would you personally draw the line on cosmetic surgery to enhance your looks?

Basically what I'm asking...do you think that plastic surgery for cosmetic reasons is worldly in any way?

[Kabowd]

My opinion is that it boils down to motive. From the sound of things, it seems like your wife has a very skewed view of "confidence". Or at the very least, she has it misplaced. She's wanting to improve her confidence, but she's making the investment into her looks, not her character (from what I understand). Thus, the only confidence that will be gained, will be in her appearance. The problem with that is, it's only temporary. As you've noted, confidence in appearance is rather fleeting. There will always be something that needs "fixed". If that's where you gain most (or all) of your identity and value, then you'll be in a constant cycle of trying to maintain it.

Now, I don't think all cosmetic surgery is wrong for everyone. I think it's on a very individual basis. However, honestly, in your situation it does sound wrong. For one, you are her husband and seem somewhat reluctant to embrace the surgeries. As a wife, her primary concern should be to please you (after God of course). If her constant need for physical improvements are causing strain on your relationship (as it appears they are), then I'd say that's a pretty good indication that this is not a good thing for your family. I also think it's probably sending a bad message to your children. But that's another issue I suppose.

What kinds of things does your wife fill her mind with? What does she read, watch, listen to? Who are her friends and influences? How much focus does her character and spirit get? Does she seek to be as godly, wise, gracious, loving, etc, as much as she seeks to be beautiful? Is there a balance? The answers to these questions will give you a good indication on whether or not this is harmful to you and your family.

[Guest poisongirl]

I think its not so much them changing their apperance thats makes it worldy but whats in their heart and why are they doing it. Most likely its for superficial reasons, don't like my nose got to change that or have wrinkles time to put an end to that. God created us a certain way and I doubt he wants us to permanetly change our selfs.There's inner beauty that people just dont look at anymore, only whats on the outside when its all going to fade away anyways no matter how many nips and tucks you have. This world is all about self... tis sad.

Edited January 9, 2006 by poisongirl

[Kabowd]

What I keep thinking is, you reap what you sow. If you spend your time sowing into your appearance, physcial beauty can be achieved and "reaped". If you spend your time sowing into your spirit/character, then godliness and the fruit of the Spirit will be reaped. It doesn't have to be either/or necessarily. It's good to take care of your body, I think the danger comes when you do so at the expense of the more eternal things.

[apothanein kerdos]

I can understand some instances of plastic surgery, such as to cover major burn scars or missing tissue from an injury. A lot of this can also be healthy. However, plastic surgery in order to feel confident, beautiful, etc is absurd. It steps into the vainess and materialism of life that a Christian should not step into. Our confidence comes from the Lord, not from our looks, our job, our achievements in life, our intelligence, our ability to stay pretty....the only thing a Christian should draw confidence from is Jesus Christ, for we are to have died to ourselves.

[Kabowd]

I can understand some instances of plastic surgery, such as to cover major burn scars or missing tissue from an injury. A lot of this can also be healthy. However, plastic surgery in order to feel confident, beautiful, etc is absurd. It steps into the vainess and materialism of life that a Christian should not step into. Our confidence comes from the Lord, not from our looks, our job, our achievements in life, our intelligence, our ability to stay pretty....the only thing a Christian should draw confidence from is Jesus Christ, for we are to have died to ourselves.

What about things like braces then?

[Guest Aurelius]

I really do appreciate the complete honesty in there responses. Please keep them coming and don't hold back, because this the true reason why I opened this thread. To get complete honesty.

Tess, I'll get back to some of your questions when I get a chance. Thanks to those who have put their input in so far.

[hebrews_beauty]

I don't see a problem with wanting to look good, but obsessing over it too much is not good spiritually. Whether I think cosmetic surgery is acceptable just for confidence or looking good...I don't know. I guess I just have some mixed feelings about it.

[apothanein kerdos]

I can understand some instances of plastic surgery, such as to cover major burn scars or missing tissue from an injury. A lot of this can also be healthy. However, plastic surgery in order to feel confident, beautiful, etc is absurd. It steps into the vainess and materialism of life that a Christian should not step into. Our confidence comes from the Lord, not from our looks, our job, our achievements in life, our intelligence, our ability to stay pretty....the only thing a Christian should draw confidence from is Jesus Christ, for we are to have died to ourselves.

What about things like braces then?

Braces, more often than not, are done for preventing future medical problems. They correct the way the teeth are growing. Most teeth, prior to braces, would end up causing extreme pain, problems in the jaw, or even rotting teeth (which in turn leads to enhanced digestive problems). We can say it's cosmetic all we want, fact is, in most cases it would lead to actual health problems. Having an undesirable nose or a chin that just doesn't cut it, however, is no reason to alter one's face via surgery. Likewise, a person who gets braces just to straighten their teeth or for cosmetic reasons is simply wasting money.

[nebula]

The reasons I can think of for a woman wanting plastic surgery -

- An insecurity issue

- Jealousy

- Peer pressure

- Competition

- Hollywood/Media pressure

- Fear/dislike of growing old

I think that covers it.

Whichever she falls into, I can't say.

I'm not sure what tummy tucks involve, but I would advise against anythiing that involves removing fat from the body. You see, fat cells do not reproduce, they just grow. Our bodies need fat for insulation and cushioning of organs. Removing fat is taking away cells that are supposed to be there.

But I think you probably should uncover what the real cause of her wanting this is. As a married mother, the only person she should worry about pleasing is you.

But, this could be something that got ingrained in her at an early age - I mean, our generation has been bombarded with looks obsession and the Hollywood image.