Suicide

[Karen C.]

Openly Curious~I understand where you are coming from.

Being raised in a dysfunctional home I have been exposed to some of satans most effective tactics. I don't remember ever hearing about Jesus in our home. We were basically atheists. My older Sister was a drug addict and a prostitute. (did you know that 99% of women in prostitution come from homes of childhood sexual abuse?) Anyhow, my sis overdosed and died when I was 15. I remember the consoling I heard from others... she's better off, better place. I bought into it, easier to believe the lie than to think my that my sister was in hell. (what was hell anyways??) So, I never had any fear of death.. After all we all go to a better place right??

Most of my life was spent in escaping from my life. Drugs, alcohol, many relational failures. I was a mess....S-L-O-W suicide mission. (just like my sis, except I thought I was smarter)

I tried many times to OD, I kept waking up wondering why I couldn't just die in peace.

I was involved with MOB and had been drawn (guns) on many time. Shot at once and don't know how he missed...

I broke all 10 commandments.. all of them. Directly or indirectly. I had blood on my hands. I am not proud of it by any means.. At my lowest point in life I cried out to God. Didn't think He heard me...But HE did, He did and delivered me out of the pit!

Now I do ministry to those in prison and those in bondage. God is good. I am now a licensed AG minister endorsed as a Home Missionary to Oklahoma.

In my town there was a guy who was mid 30's and I was trying to get him into a Christian program (Teen challenge, you heard of it?) I felt like I really let him down. They found him hanging in the next town right by the highway. Broke my heart. I went into fasting and prayer for three days.. crying out to God. The hardest part came at the funeral.. I was greived by the message the Pastor gave, it was of course, "he's in a better place". I looked around at all those drug addicts that were there (remember that I know them all) Fed right into them, that if it gets too hard there is another route, suicide. No one has the right to give that kind of message just because he may have at one time cried at the altar!!

I asked the Lord for one thing during this time; I wanted to hear a testimony from someone who believed the OSAS and died and came back. Big request huh? Two weeks later I was invited to a prison ministry rally and street outreach in MacAlister. There was live prasie and worship bands and testimonies. There was a group of ex Hell's Angels called "The Tribe of Judah". Steve at one time was one of the biggest meth cooks from California. He was also the son of a Baptist preacher. He held to the OSAS doctrine. he thought he didn't have anything to fear. One day he tested (IV SHOT) some coke that they had come in a shipment and he flat lined (DEAD) right there. He says that Jesus did not meet him on the other side. He said it was hell.. demons and torment only. He kept crying out to Jesus, "save me". He said that he heard a voice of Jesus FAR off tell him he was sending him back to tell everyone the truth. It is a relationship with Jesus that saves.. not a passed one time confession.

Yes, I believe we have a responsibility to keep our hearts pure. The Holy Spirit will not fail to bring us conviction when we fall short (if we are walking in the spirit), confession keeps us in right standing with the Lord and staying in the WORD will keep us from deception.

I did not write this to offend anyone here. I am in a ministry where people need to hear the truth. They need to know about God's delivering power.. That He can take the most messed up person and give them a new heart and use them for His Glory. Any doctrine that does not teach about regeneration and sanctificaton as a responsibility of a christian is harmful. Dying daily to sin is a requirement not an option.

BTW~The Bible is not silent on suicide~Judas committed suicide! Where did Jesus say Judas was headed?? After all Judas even cast out demons and healed the sick! He walked in close fellowship with the Lord.

Blessings, Karen

[stevehut]

Will God send me to hell

[blessed2]

You may say you are a christian, or recite a thousand verses from the bible, or speak with a thousand tongues, yet if you have not love, you are a clanging symbol, especially in my darkest despair.

There are times when words are meaningless.

Bare your brothers burden. Carry them if you can, for they will be more than happy to lighten their load, and will be most eager to return the favor once they're well again.

I have failed at this in the past. Perhaps seeing one suffer, whether it be mentally, emotionally ,physically, makes me so uncomfortable,perhaps even fearful that I could ever have to deal with such suffering of my own, that I want to put their problem away as quick as i can,or even suggest that they deserve their suffering because of something they did or didn't do,so I may convince myself that I may not have any suffering of my own someday.

What makes our God so distintive is the POWER OF HIS LOVE. HIS LOVE CONQUERS!

Forgive me. I do not want to offend.I am thankful for brothers and sister like all of you.

Peace,b2

Edited March 21, 2006 by blessed2

[Openly Curious]

Hello Nebula,

You finally got my point.

nebula

Huh?[/quote

Openly Curious

If you didn't get it then let us all know for the record "Where did your help come from? I thought you said it was from God and that it was the picture He personally showed you that stopped You. Well that sounded like intervention from God to me but if I am wrong well I can only go on what you tell me.

You couldn't find your help except in God but "until" you ran to him you only "wished" you had someone to cry with you or identify with your pain and agony of heart.

nebula

No - I always ran to God from the get-go. But I still wanted so bad for someone to help me.

For goodness' sake - I lived with this desire for suiced on-and-off for over 20 years!

Openly Curious

So God was your help from the get-go Right.

nebula

It wasn't until I was 29/30 years old that I discovered I had a chronic depression/major depressive episode problem that I was actually able to find help from another human being.

Openly Curious

And I understand way more than you think I do and I know first hand that sometimes our trials in life do in fact last for years even. Some of our trials in life don't.

nebula

The Lord made us to walk with each other, not be isolated in our pain. God first, yes - but we need the touch of human hands as well.

Openly Curious

Yes the Lord does want us to walk in fellowship with other believers in the family of God and I have so stated this in my other post. But I say it again here for the record and give scripture to back it up Galatians 6:1-2

I believe we ought to be able to tell our brothers and sisters in the body about our lives just as we would in our relationships with our natural brothers and sisters.

But as you discovered that it isn't always possible to get someone to cry with us or identify with our pain. Sometimes the things we go through in life only Christ and He alone can identify with our pain.

And in some small way in our sufferings we get to experience just a little of what Jesus suffered going to the cross.

All the agony and despair that was upon Him and I cannot imagine the depth of what He felt. Jesus can identify with our sufferings as he himself subjected his self to the cross and all throughout scripture you can read of the agony and despair of His soul. Sometime you can't find anybody to identify with you but no matter what we go through in life. Jesus can identify with us in our own sufferings and in some small way you also can identify with the sufferings of Jesus from the things you experience in life by your sufferings within this life. And do you not see that the human hands that did come into your life that that to was God's extended help to you. God will add people and things that we need into our lives as we seek Him.

This is my message "Run to Him", "Cry To Him," and do it "Faithfully" over and over again you don't have to wait to your circumstances in life becomes so bad that you get overtaken or those dark feelings get so over powerful they overtake you.

nebula

That's the problem - these problems came even while I was leaning on the Lord.

Walking with the Lord is not an automatic immunity from weaknesses and illnesses - physical or emotional or mental.

Openly Curious

I never said walking with the Lord makes one immune from weaknesses and illnesses whether they are phsical or emotional or even mental. But there is hope in the Lord for both the unbeliever and the believer. I also have had many a trials since I've been walking with the Lord and I know Christians are not immuned from problems in life because of it. But I also know and have learned to count it all joy when I have problems that come into my life. Because God is working through my trials and my faith when the trial is over is going to be stronger if I am patient when the Lord steps into our situations He will give us what it is we need to overcome. (James 1:1-4) It isn't joyous when we go through the things we are suffering in fact it hurts and hurts deeply but we know if we keep our faith in Christ He will help and bring us through our hardships and we will be the stronger for it. That is why we can Count it all joy.

And even though I was being absurb you got my point.

nebula

NO - because I think you still do not understand what it is like to live in this darkness. You make it sound like - trust in Jesus and all will be happy, happy, happy.

Openly Curious

Yes I do understand what it is to live in darkness whether you believe that or not but I also know what it is to live and walk in the light as He is in the light and trusting in Jesus is something one must cling to all the days of their lives. We can't make it without having faith and trust in Christ. But there is joy in knowing He is with me while I'm walking through this life even in my sufferings. For this I have so learned from my personal experiences in life and can only testify to others and try to comfort them with the comfort I received. For I cannot make you see or believe all I can do is share and simply say "Jesus Is The Answer" to your trials in life.

nebula

Blech!

So not true.

God Bless You Nebula and I wish thee well

Openly Curious

Edited March 21, 2006 by Openly Curious

[Openly Curious]

P.S.

OpenlyCurious was correct when he said:

But you only learned this great truth from personal experience by practicing your faith and as a result of using your faith and putting it in God both you and I from experience can offer that same hope, help and comfort that we received from the Lord to help others who are facing similar circumstances in life.

What he doesn't know was that I already figured this out a long, long time ago.

Hello Nebula,

So why do I not know this nebula.

Openly Curious

[Openly Curious]

Curious~I understand where you are coming from.

Being raised in a dysfunctional home I have been exposed to some of satans most effective tactics. I don't remember ever hearing about Jesus in our home. We were basically atheists. My older Sister was a drug addict and a prostitute. (did you know that 99% of women in prostitution come from homes of childhood sexual abuse?) Anyhow, my sis overdosed and died when I was 15. I remember the consoling I heard from others... she's better off, better place. I bought into it, easier to believe the lie than to think my that my sister was in hell. (what was hell anyways??) So, I never had any fear of death.. After all we all go to a better place right??

Most of my life was spent in escaping from my life. Drugs, alcohol, many relational failures. I was a mess....S-L-O-W suicide mission. (just like my sis, except I thought I was smarter)

I tried many times to OD, I kept waking up wondering why I couldn't just die in peace.

I was involved with MOB and had been drawn (guns) on many time. Shot at once and don't know how he missed...

I broke all 10 commandments.. all of them. Directly or indirectly. I had blood on my hands. I am not proud of it by any means.. At my lowest point in life I cried out to God. Didn't think He heard me...But HE did, He did and delivered me out of the pit!

Now I do ministry to those in prison and those in bondage. God is good. I am now a licensed AG minister endorsed as a Home Missionary to Oklahoma.

In my town there was a guy who was mid 30's and I was trying to get him into a Christian program (Teen challenge, you heard of it?) I felt like I really let him down. They found him hanging in the next town right by the highway. Broke my heart. I went into fasting and prayer for three days.. crying out to God. The hardest part came at the funeral.. I was greived by the message the Pastor gave, it was of course, "he's in a better place". I looked around at all those drug addicts that were there (remember that I know them all) Fed right into them, that if it gets too hard there is another route, suicide. No one has the right to give that kind of message just because he may have at one time cried at the altar!!

I asked the Lord for one thing during this time; I wanted to hear a testimony from someone who believed the OSAS and died and came back. Big request huh? Two weeks later I was invited to a prison ministry rally and street outreach in MacAlister. There was live prasie and worship bands and testimonies. There was a group of ex Hell's Angels called "The Tribe of Judah". Steve at one time was one of the biggest meth cooks from California. He was also the son of a Baptist preacher. He held to the OSAS doctrine. he thought he didn't have anything to fear. One day he tested (IV SHOT) some coke that they had come in a shipment and he flat lined (DEAD) right there. He says that Jesus did not meet him on the other side. He said it was hell.. demons and torment only. He kept crying out to Jesus, "save me". He said that he heard a voice of Jesus FAR off tell him he was sending him back to tell everyone the truth. It is a relationship with Jesus that saves.. not a passed one time confession.

Yes, I believe we have a responsibility to keep our hearts pure. The Holy Spirit will not fail to bring us conviction when we fall short (if we are walking in the spirit), confession keeps us in right standing with the Lord and staying in the WORD will keep us from deception.

I did not write this to offend anyone here. I am in a ministry where people need to hear the truth. They need to know about God's delivering power.. That He can take the most messed up person and give them a new heart and use them for His Glory. Any doctrine that does not teach about regeneration and sanctificaton as a responsibility of a christian is harmful. Dying daily to sin is a requirement not an option.

BTW~The Bible is not silent on suicide~Judas committed suicide! Where did Jesus say Judas was headed?? After all Judas even cast out demons and healed the sick! He walked in close fellowship with the Lord.

Blessings, Karen

Greetings to you KarenC,

What a wonderful testimony of the grace of God. A kindred spirit at last I find. So many think they have true freedom in Christ who in fact have never experience freedom at all. And one who has never been free in Christ cannot speak of the freedom that you and I know of. Because they've never had to experience first hand in their lives. I'll probably get flax on saying that but it is true.

Judas was a prime example of not staying in close fellowship with the Lord. Because our very life depends on Him. The apostle Peter as Satan tried to shift him as wheat during his trials and temptations followed Jesus in the distance and even denied the Lord three times but he went out and wept bitterly and recieved forgiveness as he was sorrowful for what he had done in his weakness. And you see a different Peter in the book of Acts don't we. Great example.

I use to work at the Teen Challenge center in Harmony NC as both a counselor and teacher. I know of the delivering power of Christ first hand. Learned a lot of great things back then. We traveled with those in the home evangelizing where ever someone had an open door for us to come in and I met a lot of wonderful people through that ministry. I miss it alot. Some of the ones even still call and write to me today sharing their families and new things that have come into their lives since leaving the home. One of the people I had the priveledge of counseling even became a missionary. God is so good.

God is so much more to us than Saviour if only christians could learn this. Knowing him as Saviour is only the beginning of the relationship, He is also our deliverer in our times of being taken captive through our trials but you've got to experience the deliverance to know the delivering power that is in Christ. He is our comforter, helper, counselor, and so on whatever it is we are in need of Jesus is it but we have to seek him if we are in need of Strength we have to seek our Strength who is Jesus. Then we in our realtionship will come to know Christ as our Strength just as we came to know Christ as our Savior.

But we've got to seek Him.

God bless you so much for sharing your wonderful testimony and I know you know what the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ is firsthand and of the freedom that is in Christ. Thank you so much for blessing this old heart of mine to day causing me to reflect back to the Teen Challenge days.

In His Stead

Openly Curious

[Openly Curious]

You may say you are a christian, or recite a thousand verses from the bible, or speak with a thousand tongues, yet if you have not love, you are a clanging symbol, especially in my darkest dispair.

There are times when words are meaningless. Bare your brothers burden. Carry them if you can.They will be more than happy to lighten their load, and will be most eager to return the favor once their well again.

I have failed at this in the past. Perhaps seeing one suffer, whether it be mentally, emotionally ,physically, makes me so uncomfortable,perhaps even fearful that I could ever have to deal with such suffering of my own, that I want to put their problem away as quick as i can,or even suggest that they deserve their suffering because of something they did or didn't do,so I may convince myself that I may not have any suffering of my own someday.

What makes our God so distintive is the POWER OF HIS LOVE. HIS LOVE CONQUERS!

Forgive me. I do not want to offend.I am thankful for brothers and sister like all of you.

Peace,b2

[message]

Hi! 'blessed 2'...

Thank you for your post...

it said it all.....

The Greatest of These is Love....

Thank you so much dear Brother.....

I do understand, your feelings concerning, your feelings towards others..yes..

But I think that is part of life, that at sometime or other, we have all, had to go through...

Perhaps it is a not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings..

Or sadden anyone, more than they are already...

The only thing is.. that Wisdom and Empathy..

Are maybe, things usually given to us with Age..

And dare I say, a spot of suffering too..

[be careful what you pray, for yourself.]

And don't forget, that one never stops learning...and thats great,might be a bit dull if we didn't..

I know how you feel though.....

I seem to be reaping, from what experiances I have been through in life lately.

I have really noticed that,

since coming to Worthy Boards...

And have been so glad, that at times,

I could perhaps,

find a comforting word or two, for someone...

Somehow like a famous Painter..and his Swan song..[No I am not over 100, honest..]

If it's any help..I was some blue moons ago, a very shy person..

In my twenties, even then..

Though people, somehow took longer to grow up then..

These days, you can find almost anything on T.V.

While I was growing up..it just wasn't like that..

It was more innocent..and took much longer,

to find out the ways of the world...

So all I can say,

is never stop believing in yourself..

I mean, look at what a great post you just made..

This thread has run into pages now..

As people tried to work it out..

But the one thing to try and remember is..

The Greatest of these is Love.....So you did a good post ..

Do not EVER, stop believing in yourself..

Age really gives experiance...

Don't forget at the time it happens,

experiance,is quite often at the time really unwanted,

it is only with much hindsight..

Does the Lord, sometimes let you see how His Holy Hand,

has been traveling through it all..

The Black threads may be MORE Meaningful than the Gold, after all.......

Hope this helped just a tiny bit anyway..

Nice to talk to you 'Blessed 2'..

Sisterly Christian Love,

From message X+

[nebula]

Why do you take such offense to my comments. They are a reality. It is simple. Lay your yoke upon Christ. O what freedom. We did not have to accomplish our own joy. You say that you have live by Christ but in the same instance deny the freedom that is in Him. I do not wish to be insulting or offensive in that comment. But what are u guarding against. Why is it that when I say that a Christian should be full of Joy you scoff at me. . . .

Because I was under the authority of a Christian mentor who threw the same types of words at me time and time and time again.

The only thing she accomplished was to drive me further into despair.

"Casting my cares on the Lord" couldn't make me love myself.

Nor could it teach me how to handle anger properly.

Which is part of my struggle now.

My dad always had a short temper, and it would hurt me so bad that I decided I didn't want to hurt anyone else just like that. So, whenver I got angry I would always turn it inward.

In case you don't know - depression is the flip side to anger.

Well, as part of my learning to overcome depression, I'm having to learn how to re-direct my anger. And right now, I don't know how to do that.

So I'm screaming in anger at how you are making such jusdments against me, like I'm a carnal Chrsitian or something.

You are just like Eliphaz was to Job.

[nebula]

Yes I do understand what it is to live in darkness whether you believe that or not but I also know what it is to live and walk in the light as He is in the light and trusting in Jesus is something one must cling to all the days of their lives. We can't make it without having faith and trust in Christ. But there is joy in knowing He is with me while I'm walking through this life even in my sufferings. For this I have so learned from my personal experiences in life and can only testify to others and try to comfort them with the comfort I received. For I cannot make you see or believe all I can do is share and simply say "Jesus Is The Answer" to your trials in life.

You are so missing the point of what I am saying.