Influencing others

[buckthesystem]

I think it is about time I stopped deluding myself. I have accepted that all Christianity preaches is absolutely true now for over two years and since the beginning (and the desire grows stronger all the time) my only ambition is that the rest of my family to also accept Jesus as their saviour. What I am concerned about is my immediate family, not my sisters as one sister believes already and her kids are her responsibility and I think the other sister will "find her own way", so there is really only my husband, son and daughter.

I have been told that all I can do is pray that "their eyes will be opened" and show them that it is good to be Christian, by example.

The problem is that I am the most terrible example of a Christian ever. I can come across as sanctimoneous and "self righteous" and my son see my talking to him (about just about anything) as "preaching"or "lecturing". He drinks alcohol heavily and gets angry when I don't want to because I used to and he can't believe that I don't want to any more. A couple of years ago my daughter was looking for old photographs that she could scan into the computer and she came across an old snapshot of me as a 16 year old smoking a "bong" and now even though they both understand that that picture was taken 34 years ago, they won't let me forget it and keep insisting that I "still smoke weed". (My daughter "blew the picture up" and my son framed it and has it hanging in his shed - I have no idea how the picture survived to be found by the kids, I didn't even know it was still around). My son swears all the time and when I object to it he says "but you swear". Well, I used to (though never much) up until I found Christianity, but it is sort of like he won't quite believe that. My husband says "be tolerant".

I don't think I should "be tolerant" of what is clearly wrong.

I am not a good example to my husband either as I am a terrible driver, even though I have been driving for 35 years I haven't got any better, and always look for an easy place to park the car, and don't always indicate when turning and never wear my seat belt. Should a Christian be a good driver? I am also lazy and when I don't go to work I should cook and do housework, but I don't and I will try to persuade him to do those things. I even find excuses for him to do the shopping so I don't have to - how lazy is that?

My husband agreed to go to church a few weeks ago when they had a speaker/pastor talking about his experience with "a glimpse of eternity". I thought my husband would be impressed, but he only says "well, that is your thing, and you believe it, that's fine". I find this so annoying and kind of patronising. I shouldn't get angry about it, I know, I should be patient and be a "good example of a Christian". But I'm not a good example of anything.

What should I do. Anybody have any realistic ideas?

[shazza]

Buckthesystem,

Hang in there, the hardest thing to do is to bring your own family to the light of Christ. In the bible when Jesus preached in his own home town, what happened?? They didn't accept him. Thats not saying your husband and children will never be saved but don't expect it to be easy either. God really understands what you are going through.

If you think you are a bad example of a Christian, ask God to show you exactly what... Christians are not perfect but our only goal is seek to be like Him who died for us. The more you seek God the more God moulds you into His image. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says: Wives, fit in with your husbands plans; for then if they refuse to listen when you talk to them about the Lord, they will be won over by your respectful behaviour. Your Godly lives will speak to them better than words.

When God speaks to you (and He will), respond in obedience. Pray constantly, tell Him exactly what you are feeling anger, hurt, frustation, tell Him everything, He will guide you and listen for His still quiet voice. Expect Him to speak to you through scripture, study God's word, thats how you will learn about being like Christ.

I know you don't feel you are a good example of a Christian, but that is where God will help you !! You must be tolerant and I know that is not what you want to hear but you have to be and believe me that is hard. You have to let go and let God do the changing in your husband and children. I am speaking from experience here, my husband and I have been married 20 years and he is still yet to make a commitment to Christ. Only God can change the heart of a person and He will use you to achieve that. I pray that you would live the life that God has led you to live and allow the Holy Spirit to give you the words you should speak to them and do it with love.

Let God do all the work, and live the life God has called you to.

In Christs Love,

Shazza

[tah]

1Pe 4:1 Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;

1Pe 4:2 That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.

1Pe 4:3 For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries:

1Pe 4:4 Wherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you:

1Pe 4:5 Who shall give account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead.

1Pe 4:6 For for this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit.

1Pe 4:7 But the end of all things is at hand: be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer.

1Pe 4:8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

1Pe 4:9 Use hospitality one to another without grudging.

1Pe 4:10 As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

1Pe 4:11 If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.

1Pe 4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:

1Pe 4:13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

1Pe 4:14 If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.

1Pe 4:15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters.

1Pe 4:16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.

I thought this Scripture would be a comfort to you ..

Where you fail..the answer is simple..repent and ask the Lord to change you ...

there is therefore now no condemnation..remember??

We agree with Him ...He changes us as we choose what is right until it is part of us..

God has allowed You the family you have and the circumstances you are in and all you can do it look to Him for the answer and trust Him for the outcome..

Focus on Him and what He wants you to do..

When you ride an airplane you are told, as a parent, that if there is trouble that you have to put your oxygen mask on first ..

THEN you can take care of the children with assurance...

If you do not, and try to help them first then all are in danger as you do not have all you need to perform the task before you and may well pass out from lack of oxygen ...

Build yourself up in the most holy faith and live like a missionary does...

You are Gods ambassador to your family...

being an example "that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. "..

Lord bless You as I know what you are going through is very hard..

It is disturbing when you tell a child not to go to a drunken party and they answer you with "hey you had fun when you were young, we just want the same"..

If they will not listen to you or take your advice there is nothing can be done but to trust the Lord will teach them ...

Leave it to Him...He taught you..Yes.. you have come through some bad times...

Jud 1:20 But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost,

Jud 1:21 Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.

Jud 1:22 And of some have compassion, making a difference:

Jud 1:23 And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

Jud 1:24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,

Jud 1:25 To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.

Heb 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Heb 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Heb 12:3 For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.

Blessing to you buck....

[Rober H]

Good advice Tah!

[Smalcald]

The past is hard. We know that our sins our forgiven and indeed that we are renewed in Christ. You are literally not the same person who was smoking the bong, but to those around us we are the same outward person. I have found that most people really don't believe people can change, and this makes Christian salvation and change hard for them to understand.

One way to witness may be to really pick out one area of your life and pray for some outward change as a witness to your family. I think this might take some time. I went through some of these same problems, and I think still do to some degree. One area might be just your own peace of mind. Christ saved you and is saving you, thus you have a peace you did not have before, this joy and peace itself might show as a witness. The other thing which was hard for me was to realize that I am not in control, and cannot gain control by the strength of my own will, and this letting go helped, and turning this whole process over to who is really in control.

But it is a hard thing to be the only one in your family as a believer. I have seen these things take decades to have an impact, hang in there and enjoy your family even as unbelievers, may be my best advice. You cannot force them.

Peace Buck.

[Candi770]

You know we are not what we once were. You weren't a christian when you were smoking from that bong. That is the old man(woman)-you were a new creature in Christ once you gave your heart to the Lord. There is no reason for guilt. Didn't Paul who was once Saul (had a Damascus-experience) do horrific things before he came to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Once you give your heart to Jesus: your mind must be renewed by the word of God. When people give their heart to Jesus-they will have a natural-good feeling by their decision-but their old way of thinking is the same. The word of God must be sown into your heart daily-so you think the way Jesus does and learn to hear Him speak. Then you and your mind will begin to line up with the word of God. Then when thoughts come against you-you know where they are comeing from.

There can be a whole lot of humility-when our children find out about our past- But that is just what it is-in the past-it is dead (it died with Christ). Christ lives in you-why do you have to defend that. Tell them that old man is dead and you are alive in Christ. As the Lord leads, tell them how drug us affected your life.

We don't have to be the Holy Spirit in anyone's life. And neither does someone have the right to throw your past in your face. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. You are only responsible for your life. You don't have to be under the Law and try to work out your life. The Holy Spirit will deal with you Line upon Line, here a little-there a little. Let him- he will not rush you- he will teach you.

I had to learn to let go of my expectation- all those :wish it would go that way-maybe if I do this-that will happen attitude.

Walk in Love with your family.

But allow the Holy Spirit to do the work in you first. Alot of people believe that once they are saved that the work is accomplished. But a relationship with the Father, requires you. The more that you get into His Word: letting it become part of you: He will be able to speak to you clearly. He will speak if you are willing to take the time to listen.

Buckthesystem- stop critizing yourself. If your husband doesn't like your driving-maybe he should drive. I say that-but don't let it become an arguement.

Apart from Christ we can do nothing. The Lord says we have not because we ask not. Ask him to help you. When you are weak-He is strong. We expects us to be dependent on Him.

Watch what he does. He doesn't expect that you be perfect-that is something you put on yourself. He Loves you unconditionally!!!

Pray in secret over your family and watch what the Lord Does in the open. I used to nag, nag, nag my husband. Then when he would break my heart-I began going to God with my complaint-it was amazing-prayers were answered- My husband would come freely apologizing and telling me that he had to do what was right and he felt God want this. But God will also give you impressions on what to do. Its not always the family-but us.

Allow the Lord to do the work in you and they will be watching. If you fall-get back up-dust off and let them see your humanity- only Jesus was perfect. All you have to do is get back up and finish the race.

Be encouraged and do not receive condemnation from the enemy concerning your past (can you drive in your car down the road-looking in the rearview mirror?). God is a now God.

Remember that we do not war against flesh and blood but against prinicipalities. Your children/family are not the enemy-but they can be used. If the enemy knows that the pictures bother you = he will use it. That's why we must die to self-and let it go. Turn it back on the enemy-by cutting yourself loose from those bonds=you are a free woman. Only the opinion of the Lord matters in the end.

The more you get to know the Holy Spirit-you will know when he leads you to speak to the children/family and at times he will tell you to keep quiet. He knows what is best-and he will train you. The interesting thing is-ministry starts at home-but let God deal with you first and walk in Love with them-allow Jesus to speak through you.

When praying for people that do not know the Lord. I pray that the blinders on their eyes be removed that they can see the truth, that their hearts will be prepared to receive the word of God-in good fertile soil. That they will have ears to hear it. I pray that the Lord send Laborers in their path-and that the Laborers are prepared with a Word from the Lord. I pray that everywhere they turn that they will run into a prepared Laborer.

Blessings on your journey,

Candi

[Rober H]

Isaiah 38:17 Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back.

[Pilgrim7]

Buckthesystem,

If you have been born again, 'Old things have passed away, behold all things have become new'. This is the rest of the 'Good News'. When you really believe this, then you will see miracles in your life and be enabled by the Holy Spirit to be a good example. This is what it means to be saved by faith. By faith, you are crucified with Christ, and resurected a new creation the moment you truly believe it. When you really know that you have been 'created unto good works', they will start to flow out of you. The love of God in shed abroad in your heart and the inner man is strengthed by the Holy Spirit.

God Bless,

Dennis

[dakota190]

Buck the system,

all of the advice given above is very good, but don't drive yourself crazy worrying about how you drive and regretting not being perfect. you can be a christian, but if you can achieve perfection on the earthly realm, please tell the rest of us how you did it. don't sweat the small stuff, study the word of God and work on your relationship with the Lord. as for objecting to things in the house in which you also live, you betcha. how and to what extent and on which issues, that is best derived through prayertime with the Lord. Good Luck, just be careful you don't drive them away instead of drawing them near. you do deserve respect in your own home, especially from the kids. by the way that picture of you smoking the bong, i believe that is your property, just because one of your kids found it while rummaging through your old stuff, unless you gave them permission to blow it up and/or to hang it up on his shed wall, it is still your property and i would say you have the right to repossess what is yours. however, i highly recommend you talk with a pastor or christian counselor about how to handle this situation. God Bless you!!

[buckthesystem]

Thank everybody so much for replying with your encouraging words and being so patient.

I do feel pretty isolated really as apart from the people at my church - most of whom I don't really know that well anyway and don't associate with outside church - everybody that I know here is not Christian and I am thinking if they see me and realise that I am a Christian they will be thinking "what a terrible example, I don't want to be like that".

For quite a few people I must be the only Christian that they know of. Not a good advertisement for Christianity.

But, again, thank you for comforting words and I realise that I have severe limitations but I will continue to pray about it. It is good to have somewhere to go to find friends and people who also "walk with the Lord" and are so understanding. I really appreciate that.

And thanks must go the Jesus for providing this means for me to contact all of you.