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Posted

Hey guys i dont want to post on aidans thread so I'm on mine. I'm going to carry on with life and pretend I have a lil privacy in the world and I'll ignore the fact that he's probally screening my messages. I dont want to be a victim in this.

so..

I have been going to church again and went up the front and got prayer. I felt a million times better the following week. Until i set myself up for a fall. And I'm back to square one. I really felt the prayers and God felt close. It's true that your sin seperates you from God. I feel far away again..

I thought i was doing the right thing with aidan. But i had no way of really knowing for sure, i didnt feel the need to rush and he did. I guess he was being selfish and was a fool in his own eyes and i realise now i was too. Even tho i was really trying my hardest to put this situation in Gods hands. I didnt anticipate how i would react after leaving ben. You cant just break up with someone after nearly 2 years and go straight into another relationship and yes the grass will most probally be greener on the other side but thats no reason to go jump head first into courtship with another (i didnt want a relationship but he persisted)

..I told aidan i didnt want to be his gf and he told me i was his gf whether i wanted to be or not he said that in a joking manner but deep down I'm sure he was serious.

I had to do what i did or i would've been left wondering for the rest of my life if aidan was the really the one for me or not.

Yes a list is a bad idea and yes your right it doesn't include what you 'dont want'. I dont even believe in 'the one' anymore.

and i am really finding it hard to learn to be happy being single. Is it wrong to pretend that aidan never existed? i forgive him but i dont know if i even want to be his friend. Should i go on living like i never knew him? Maybe i am experiecing resentment im not 100% sure..

My world shouldnt feel this empty? I want to learn to be strong but to be honest I'm feeling nothing but a big empty hole inside of me. I'm so angry at myself for letting this happen I should never of let this happen. He came along at the right/wrong time if that makes sense and I'm left wondering what things would've been like if he never came along.

What good can i get out of all this???


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Posted

Why are you so angry w/ Aidan?


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Posted
Why are you so angry w/ Aidan?

Well, it seems he's a stalker, I would be angry too.


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Posted (edited)

yeah that kind of behaviour only pushes me away more and i loose respect for him in the process.

yeah apart from that i dont really know why i am angry. Maybe because he wasn't who i thought he was i felt like id been tricked. I am definetly angry at myself just as much for making so many dumb descions. He burnt a big painting we did together because he said i broke his heart and he still threatens me and uses the bible against me when he's not exactly practising what he's preaching. I think i am also angry because I've lost Ben for good i dont want us to get back together but I didn't want out 2 year relationship to end in such a way.

I know aidans hurting but i went to the inxs concert the other night and i couldn't even walk 100 metres down my street (which ben also lives on) without getting a text saying 'going to bens are we' then 'alisha you shouldnt walk by yourself at night it's dangerous' aidan wasn't at the concert and he lives an hour away? These kind of comments make me want to throw my cellfone in the nearest rubbish bin and set the thing a light.

and he still cant understand why I'm ignoring him.

Edited by xhistragedyx

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Posted
yeah that kind of behaviour only pushes me away more and i loose respect for him in the process.

yeah apart from that i dont really know why i am angry. Maybe because he wasn't who i thought he was i felt like id been tricked. I am definetly angry at myself just as much for making so many dumb descions. He burnt a big painting we did together because he said i broke his heart and he still threatens me and uses the bible against me when he's not exactly practising what he's preaching. I think i am also angry because I've lost Ben for good i dont want us to get back together but I didn't want out 2 year relationship to end in such a way.

I know aidans hurting but i went to the inxs concert the other night and i couldn't even walk 100 metres down my street (which ben also lives on) without getting a text saying 'going to bens are we' then 'alisha you shouldnt walk by yourself at night it's dangerous' aidan wasn't at the concert and he lives an hour away? These kind of comments make me want to throw my cellfone in the nearest rubbish bin and set the thing a light.

and he still cant understand why I'm ignoring him.

Get a new cell number. Give it to people who won't give it to him

Guest † mourninģĐÒVΞ
Posted (edited)

Oh, so you are alive, your just ignoring me.

Look alisha, i don't know why i'm your enemy now but if you just want to think I never existed then that is your choice. I can't stop you.

Can you please stop posting about me now, Im not even a part of your life, you dont have to still continue to run me down. I dont know why you are so angry at me. Amanda was walking right behind you that night thats how I new you were on lemon st.

I was just hurt alisha, you really broke my heart, I'm sorry.

I'll leave you to get on with your life now.

But if you want me to stop hounding you then please can you send me all my stuff back especially my books and those numbers of the suppilers i gave you.

I hope things work out for you alisha. I mean that.

Ill always care for you and you know how to find me if you ever need me.

xo

Edited by Guest

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Posted
yeah that kind of behaviour only pushes me away more and i loose respect for him in the process.

yeah apart from that i dont really know why i am angry. Maybe because he wasn't who i thought he was i felt like id been tricked. I am definetly angry at myself just as much for making so many dumb descions. He burnt a big painting we did together because he said i broke his heart and he still threatens me and uses the bible against me when he's not exactly practising what he's preaching. I think i am also angry because I've lost Ben for good i dont want us to get back together but I didn't want out 2 year relationship to end in such a way.

I know aidans hurting but i went to the inxs concert the other night and i couldn't even walk 100 metres down my street (which ben also lives on) without getting a text saying 'going to bens are we' then 'alisha you shouldnt walk by yourself at night it's dangerous' aidan wasn't at the concert and he lives an hour away? These kind of comments make me want to throw my cellfone in the nearest rubbish bin and set the thing a light.

and he still cant understand why I'm ignoring him.

Eeek- sweetie....get yourself out of this situation FAST. This is going nowhere good...and I had a feeling about this all along...praying for you!

Sierra


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Posted

sierra check your pm

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