Tormented by a Bipolar Stepson

[Guest Moeblank]

Wendy,

I can also related to your situation, My daughter was out of control from 2 years olds and I split from her father when she was 8 she chose to stay with him because she blamed me for every bad thing she did or felt. At 15, he sent he to me, I am remarried to a wonderful man who has raised my other daughter the younger sister from 5 to now 17! She was always the one who got it the worst, cuz he sister was/is very jealous of her, just because she was born! She destroyed everything of Shawna's that she could get her hands on. We used to have to search her suitcase when she'd go for visitation.

Cuz if her sister had anything new or that she enjoyed it'd get stolen, destroyed or lost? She also cost us much money those terrible teen years, first the psychs said ADHD which I believe she also had since 2 but the bi polar was worse, it took many doctors to get one who finally saw her for who she was and got her on meds, it was very difficult getting her to take them regualrly but when she did she was wonderful and excelled in school being student of the month and getting A honor roll. But it was always short lived, then she'd try suicide and we'd be back at square 0.

My husband and I were being torn two ways, as he didn't want to be the bad guy being he wasn't her father, and I tried to enforce rules and boundarys but he'd break them and let her get away with everything, Thievery of all of us, she stole my car and intentionally smashed it up. she's banged up two cars since then. She finally got her father to give her his old blazer. But that's another story.

She also had constant fights at school and truancy. Any how I had gotten her thru night school and testing for her GED and when alll the court stuff was over and she turned 18 I finally did throw her out when I found out she was using drugs in my house. She came back once and I didn't let her stay more than couple days, She moved to another town with her then boyfriend and came back here skinny and on drugs. We didn't even find out she was in town again until a friend of my other daughter told us where she was staying with a girflfriend. (and once my husband let her and a friend in when I was away because it was raining!? They stole jewelry and other things from my bedroom that time.(

So she moved back to her fathers in the city and actually worked at a job, to everyones surprise!! Her father is and lives with 2 alcoholics, so I think she was free to use there. She llike most bipolars, self medicate.

Then she came for christmas and just kind of stayed with out any discussion until new years when her older sister who lives in Kansas City, said I was in denial that she 's moved back in to stay. I told her she couldn't stay, that she needed to get a job and her own place so she went back to her dads. For about 2 months Then she called me saying she was pregnant. At 20 , I couldn't leave a baby in that house of inequity. So she came back, plus she was running from her fathers anger and didn't want him to even know. He did find out but never really yelled at her, at his house mates he did and my sister got screamed at. Any how she changed while pregnant we didn't know if it was the hormones changed or being 20 her brain finally calmed down, but at first she was very decent and helpful around the house that all changed around her 5th months of pregnancy.

She stopped being nice and stopped even cleaning up after herself, her anger came in burst occasionally usually at her poor innocent sister or little bro. My husband just kept saying once she has that kid I 'm not putting up with her attitude anymore, so he was counting down the months. Well she had the sweet little baby girl October 7th and she is a big baby and very well adjusted and one of the best behaved I've ever lived with! Plus I feel better knowing the baby is here and safe with us. My husband wants her out now and she knows it so she's being nice again, or at least more civil watching herself. She started dating 3 different guys were here in one day and I think she 's trying to find someone who'll spend their money on her and take her and baby and support them. My husband can't watch it, cuz one of the young men is very polite, hard worker and generous and falling hard for her, and He told her not to lead this guy on. But she doesn't listen.

So I worry about the baby and don't want to end up in court taking custody when she gets back into her old behaviors, vices and habits.

Any how we went thru years of hades on earth when she came here, she lturned our house upside down and inside out, destrooyed and stole property had the cops her e or bringin her home constantly, I know about every city cop in our little town now! And they all know this address, also the county attorney doesn't like us much. But luckily the judge is in our church congregation and very kind and honorable.

I agree with the others, that medication and therapy is very important, if he's getting money from disability from the government, and mishandling his bills, you could let them know his situation and request they assign him a representative payee who manages his money for him. Well her in the states they do that. I used to be one when I worked for the county back in the twin cities.

Have you ever heard of Dr James Dobson of Dr Moody? They have ALOT of resources and information, education material about helping these kids, and one of them, not sure but think it's dobson, founder of focus on the family, has a program for helping turn around the ones who are caught up in the homosexual lifestyle, with great success they get them back to GOD, the church and straightened out.

Sometimes I think they need an exorcist or one of those deprogrammers who help get kids out of cults and back to reality. I don't know if they have anything like that available where you live but I bet if you search the internet you'd probably find resources.

Also their are support groups for families with bipolar children! That is what helped me the most, I made good friends there!

Oh and paxil is an antidepressant that the find teenagers should NOT take cuz it increases risk or suicidal tendencies.

Also Bi polar people should not take antiderpressants alone without a mood stablilizer cuz it can accelerate the manic episodes. There are meds just for bipolar, some times they have to try a few before they find the right one for them.

God Bless You All,

And praise God for bringing us together to support one another, that's what we are here for!

You have All the strength of the Lord within you.

He...said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. -- Mark 4:39

His Love conquers all. Wrap yourself up in the gracious comforter of God's Love!

Maureen

Edited October 28, 2006 by Moeblank

[LadyRaven]

Hello,

My ex fiance was mentally ill and it can be so tiring to deal with, especially when they engage in behaviours which keep those who should be close to them away and hurt.

practically, of course this man needs to be under the medical care of a liscensed professional. He needs someone to make sure that he stays on his medication. Since he's on disability, there are things which can be done for him which will not cost him anything or much, contact your local mental health clinic for advice there because what is available varies from place to place. One county I lived in would have set aside jobs my ex could have done, this one I'm in now does not.

I would see if there is anything that can be done through voc rehab to find this man something to do. My experience with my ex is that when they are not actively doing something constructive they feel bad about themselves even though they are unable to function and then start lashing out at the rest of the world to make them feel as poorly as the mental patient does.

I would also find a way to keep bounderies for him around your family. Perhaps you can get a prepaid cell and give him that number and block his number from your regular phone? Then check it when you are "up to" dealing with his shenanigans? The fact that he is experiencing inner turmoil is not a reason to allow him to torment the family. He does need bounderies. Perhaps you should talk to his case worker about what would be a good way to deal with him. I'm sure they get asked this alot, my ex's case worker says they do get asked questions like that. (Yes I'm still friends with my ex finance, just not planning to ever date or marry him).

[Turnapage]

Hi Maureen!

You have been through it too. It seems like your daughter and my stepson are alike as finding a scapegoat to hurl all their anger on.How are your younder children managing with all this?How is your daughter doing with the baby?( I know you are loving that little bundle of love).

I think maybe I will take your advice on talking to his caseworker about how he is managing his money and yes he self medicates himself with alcohol.He told his younger brother that he had stolen beer from the grocery store and his bro told us.When my husband confronted him about it he denied it.He denies everything all the time.His mom is an enabler and sometimes even my husband is. My husband is constantly threatening him but nothing works because my husband never follows through.My stepson was also put on a mood stabilizer to go with the paxil but he refuses to take it.he won't even go see his doctor.He gets his meds from a friend of a friend of a friend.

We have to keep our faith and keep on keeping on because these people will definitely try to zap out all our joy. God bless!

Hi Lady Raven!

I definitely understand why your ex is your ex.You are so right when you say that these people that don't have anything to do and feel so bad about themselves that they cast their anger and bitterness on others just so they can feel better.

I would love to see him go to the psychiatrist and take his meds (the proper meds) but he just won't do it.

God Bless

[Guest David_TN]

You are in my prayers. Yes I agree with your husband, it does seem like the enemy has stepped up attacks on families but we know that God is greater. For the recent Feast of Tabernacles, we prayed Num 6:24-26:

"The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace."

The Lord has the answer to everything.

Yes I can really relate to your step-son. I have bipolar also. I am 39 years old by the way.

I love this blessing! I used to pray it for myself but got out of the habit! You've reminded me to try it again as I think there is some power in one's blessing.

Please pray for me and I will pray for you too btw my email address is rundmc_49@yahoo.com.

David_TN

[Northern lass]

Hi David! Welcome to Worthy! Hope you find love and encouragement here.