anitarose Posted April 1, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 65 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,066 Content Per Day: 0.16 Reputation: 26 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/15/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/02/1961 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Anita Thanks, Ronald, right back atcha...... Anita Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamusat Posted May 30, 2007 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 102 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/18/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/26/1961 Share Posted May 30, 2007 This will be long.. please bear with me... I am contemplating separation and possibly divorce from my husband and I need prayer and fellowship from those of you who have been there. I have been married 24 years. During this time, you name it and my husband has done it to me. (I could write a book on that, but I won't go into details unless someone asks.) About 5 years ago, he claims he "converted" and was baptised. (before this he was an athiest) For about 4 months after he was baptised, he was truly a different person. It didn't last long. He is the picture of the seed that fell on rocky ground. He sprouted quickly with a lot of fervor, but the minute things didn't go the way he thought they should he fell away. Since that time, he has become angry and bitter and full of wrath. He has a terrible temper that erupts over the smallest of things. He quite often breaks things. During his tirades, he will verbally thrash whoever has the misfortune of being around... almost always me and the kids. He will rake us over the coals over everything that happens to come into his mind at the moment. When he calms down, he never aplogizes nor does he feel shame or guilt. He feels totally justified and righteous in his anger and tells us so. I must point out that he says still believes in God and is a Christian, however, he doesn't believe God is interested in us personally, and that there is no need to pray, go to Church or even ask for forgiveness. He himself doesn't believe in forgiveness, he has a grudge against every living soul that has ever come in contact with him. He believes totally that it is right to be angry, bitter and unforgiving. He will spout out scripture to "show" us how right he is.. but of course it's totally twisted. When I try to counter it with Scripture, he gets furious. In all instances, he is incapable of debate or even discussion about ANYTHING at all when the other person doesn't believe exactly the way he does. As time goes on , he has gotten worse and worse. Now, he is almost always seething with anger about something, each and every day. Last summer, he consented to Christian counciling. My husband treated the counciling like I was the one who needed help, and refused to accept any responsibility nor would not even discuss that his anger and temper were wrong. After 6 sessions, the councilor told me that it was futile talking to him and stopped the sessions. Even if he hadn't stopped them, my husband would have put an end to them shortly after. You see, the sessions were about my husband telling the councilor (who has a PhD) how wrong he was about everything. As you probably already have guessed, my husband is enraged at this man for daring to try to show him how he needs help. Even during all this drama, I never thought about leaving him because I thought it was my Christian duty to stay with him. However, all that changed when I realized that my duaghter has started having health problems due to my husbands temper. To make matters worse, my husband has never been capable of keeping a job for long. He is incapable of dealing with everyday things... like licencing the cars, buying groceries, paying bills, calling someone on the phone etc. I have had to do all of it all our married lives. I have always been the breadwinner. 7 years ago, he had a job for several years, even though he didn't work more than a couple days a week. (he was supposed to be full time) He always found some excuse as to why he couldn't go to work. Anyway, he took over the job of paying bills during that time and before I realized it, he had squandered all of our income and put us into debt BIG time. (There isn't a dime he can't spend nor a credit card he can't max out in a very short peroid of time.) I am at my wits end. He will not take any responsibility for anything and blames me for everything. He is mean, rude and nasty to us. I have done everything I know how to be a light to him, but things just keep getting worse and worse. He tells me I am crazy for thinking he is wrong to be so angry and insinuates that I am the one with the issues that cause all our problems. My delima is this: if I left him, he would be left destitue. He has nothing and he has no one. He has alienated everyone he has ever come in contact with so he has no friends. He disowned his family several years ago and refuses to even acknowledge they exist. He can't work, he can't deal with everyday life at all. Furthermore, if I left him, it would enrage him and he would go on a spree that would end him up in jail or dead. (I know this because of the times I've tried to separate from him before) Everyone I know would be affected, he would go on a rampage that would affect my neighbors, the church, my co-workers... absolutely everyone I know. It is possible he would hurt them, and at the very least vandalize their property or threaten them. And he would not leave me alone, he would make my life absolutely miserable for however long it takes before he does something that will land him in jail. For a long time I thought the consequences would be worse leaving him than just staying with him. However, I have to think of my kids.. they have had to live with this long enough. Don't they deserve a life without constant anxiety? What should I do? I feel like I can't possibly live like this anymore and it's my duty to protect my kids... but the consequences of my leaving would affect so many other people...it breaks my heart that they would have to suffer because of him. I know that if I did leave, I would need physical protection from him while I got my things together to walk out the door. We have a ton of pets that he would hurt... there are so many things to consider!! Can I ask for your prayers and support? I really need help to get through this... I would appreciate any insight anyone might have. I really need it! kamusat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladypeartree Posted May 30, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 542 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 33,047 Content Per Day: 5.05 Reputation: 23,863 Days Won: 237 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted May 30, 2007 You need to go see a solicitor RIGHT NOW. It may be possible to have him committed to a mental institute as it really sounds as if he has SERIOUS mental health problems and you need to realsise that things DO NOT get better in situations like this not for you nor for your children who MUST be your first priority Yes I have been in the situation where I was married to a very violent and unpredictable man ...yes after I left him he went "out of control " and ended up in hospital as he was injured in an "accident" ..he survived ( not sure the nursing staff looking after him thought it was a good idea at the time as they ended up insisting on having security in the ward all the time he was in the hospital ...the ward sister told me I was lucky to have got out when I did when I phoned to find out how he was after hearing he had been hurt ) You have children that are being affected in a very bad way due to his behaviour and it is your first priority to make sure that they have a chance in life and do not end up as another "unfortunate sastistic" Go see a solicitor and possibly a womans aid group that can help you to get out whilst you still can and help you to get the protection you and your children need Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LossForWords Posted May 31, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 69 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 857 Content Per Day: 0.13 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/07/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/04/1981 Share Posted May 31, 2007 I found out there's a difference between liking somebody and loving somebody. I loved my husband, but I didn't like the person he had become. The loved part is based on the past memories, your hopes and dreams for the future and its also tied up with your self respect. When it finally hit me that I still loved the memory of the person I had fallen in love with wasn't the same person and I probably wouldn't even be friends with. It never ceases to amaze me how God provides for my every need, even when I'm unsure of my need. I didn't know this post existed. I just sat down tonight, after a long night at church, and I saw this post under "view new posts." I thought I was out of tears over the subject, recently I cried and made an ackward situation even more embarrasing because of where I was when the tears came...but I find myself in tears again. But not because of sadness, or confusion, or loneliness...but for the mere fact that there are people here, like me, who have already been through the situation I face myself. Slientprayer's post hit home for me. I still desperately love my husband. But I've begun to realize that I'm in love with the man I married...and this man who I face now, is not the man I married. He's manipulative, and way too self-assured, and convinced that all will be forgiven because of his effect on me physically and emotionally. I'm constantly torn in two because the part of me that is living life on the outskirts of marriage really thinks she can survive...and the part of me that is still clinging to the relationship is convinced that things can somehow work out for the best. The love I still have for my husband is because I remember what it was like when we first met...but if I had met him, the way he is now...I don't know if I would have fallen for the guy. I may have steered clear. I'm going to spend some time in prayer and in thought tonight and the next few days. I pray that God will reveal his will to me, even if His will involves a decision that will be extrememly hard to settle on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladypeartree Posted May 31, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 542 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 33,047 Content Per Day: 5.05 Reputation: 23,863 Days Won: 237 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted May 31, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabeth Posted June 3, 2007 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 74 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/08/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted June 3, 2007 Can I ask for your prayers and support? I really need help to get through this... I would appreciate any insight anyone might have. I really need it! kamusat Girlfriend: I am so glad you are getting support and prayers. To everyone else: I found out from a friend, who works for workforce development (the unemployment folks) in our state, that if a spouse has to leave or lose a job, as a result of leaving an abusive marriage, unemployment benefits will kick in. I don't know if every state has that law, but I thought that was pretty cool -- and important for people to know. Just remember how precious you are to Jesus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RGR Posted June 5, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 512 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 8,601 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 125 Days Won: 2 Joined: 07/16/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/04/1973 Author Share Posted June 5, 2007 As of a bit after 9:00 this morning, my divorce is final. I'm sorry that it came to this, but it wasn't my fault. I'm sure she'll be marrying the guy she's shacked up with before long and all I can say is that I feel for the guy! I do intend to date again and find someone else to be a part of my life, but I'm also going to be relying on God to make sure I don't fall into the same trap again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NonnaChuck Posted August 14, 2007 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 20 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/27/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/04/1953 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I've just been reading this thread and it occurs to me that I can't remember how long I've been divorced. I was going to go find my divorce papers but don't recall where I put them. I think of my ex now and no longer feel the anger and pain I once did. I know it has been some where in the neighborhood of 7 years since we divorced. Like many of you I have my own sad story of love I thought would last forever. Only to find out things don't always go as you plan. I feel secure in the knowledge that I did the best I could. I made every effort to make it work. I don't regret the marriage and will always have a special place in my heart for him but know that relationship is over. All of this is just to say to all of you going through this now that their is an end to the pain. Stay close to your church family. Lean on God for everything. Every time you think of your ex and feel pain or anger make a concious effort to pray for the ability to forgive them immediately. It wil have to be done over and over {70 times 7} but it will eventually happen. Be strong for your kids and give them all the love and attention you can spare. Try to never talk bad about the other parent after all they are a part of them. My prayers are with you all. Don't jump into another relationship until you repair the one you have with yourself. I wish you all happiness and peace in the future. I know you will find it if you just hold strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
femelle Posted September 15, 2007 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 131 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/13/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted September 15, 2007 (edited) It's been nine years since i divorced my husband and only now are we sorting out the financial separation regarding family home. Negligence on the part of the solicitor mean't it didn't get sorted at the time; we both thought it had. That firm has long since gone bust. The court ruled last week and as from the first week in October, all matters should be concluded. It's a relief for both of us as we don't speak. At the time of our separation i certainly took no responsibility for the breakdown of our marriage. I do now. Only now can i be honest and say that we didn't really love each other and got married to quickly which ended up becoming apparent the nine years we lived together. We were in love with the idea of being in love, rather than actually in love. I sorely regret my part in the mess of our divorce because of how it affected my daughter. Edited April 15, 2010 by femelle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damo1 Posted September 16, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,822 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 19 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/16/1967 Share Posted September 16, 2007 from damo1 i hope my writting is clear for every one to read as i am learning how to express my self on this computer that was given to me thanks Ronald for sharing this i hope the people hear on this thred can keep me in there prayers as i am about to get married again i went threw what most shared as i did not want to lose my first wife even though healing has come and we are close friends and have moved on i do not want past mistakes comming into this new relationship i have been on my own since 2000 and i met kristina in 2006 at times i cry when things come up from the first marraige lol i have heard of god restoring brokken Relationships yet i had to also learn to live on my own again and deal with what happend in my first marraige my partner is a strong women i opend up to her and i shared to her what happend though sevral close friends told me she needed not to know my partner has never been married and this is of god for a long time i was afraid to approach women yet i had to get over that fear even though i told the single women in my church they had nothing to fear and i would not bother them so i hope i was able to share this on this thred and also get some prayer support from my brothers and sisters in christ as our weding day is in my partners country in the philippines which the date we have chossen is the 13 jan 2008 i wil come back to this thred as much as i can and see what others are puting down damo1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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