Marriage for the Kids

[Guest lnj]

Every situation is different but in my case I was actually convicted by God to be apart..permanently - from him. We weren't married, lived together for 10 years and he had NO desire to make it legal. After I bacame a Christian, I couldn't stay in that situation and he made my life a misery because I had REPLACED him with another man...GOD. As well as his issues with violence, alcohol abuse etc, I was in a position where I HAD to remove myself and my 4 sons' from that environment. Needless to say, he remains in that lifecycle and has continued all the abuse with another woman and their daughter. Me and the boys' have flourished and I KNOW God is RELIABLE and TRUSTWORTHY. He really is the Hightower of Refuge to all who run to Him!

[Guest Biblicist]

he made my life a misery because I had REPLACED him with another man...GOD.

"He probably wouldn't have minded if it was another man, but he has a problem with the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost." Truvy - Steel Magnolias

Ya, know, I was thinking today. I don't do that much so you might want to mark it on your calendar. Anyway, I don't think it's fighting in front of your children that's so bad. We are bound to disagree, if we all agreed, it would get downright boring. I think it's important to argue fairly, but more importantly is to let your children see you making up [not making out]! Everyone has to deal with disagreements in their lives, who better to teach them how to make up, apologize and forgive than their parents who are supposed to love each other. What I'm trying to say is, don't be afraid of fighting in front of your kids, as long as you keep it fair, but make sure that you make your reconciliation just as public.

Just a thought. . .

Bib

[sierra21]

he made my life a misery because I had REPLACED him with another man...GOD.

"He probably wouldn't have minded if it was another man, but he has a problem with the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost." Truvy - Steel Magnolias

Ya, know, I was thinking today. I don't do that much so you might want to mark it on your calendar. Anyway, I don't think it's fighting in front of your children that's so bad. We are bound to disagree, if we all agreed, it would get downright boring. I think it's important to argue fairly, but more importantly is to let your children see you making up [not making out]! Everyone has to deal with disagreements in their lives, who better to teach them how to make up, apologize and forgive than their parents who are supposed to love each other. What I'm trying to say is, don't be afraid of fighting in front of your kids, as long as you keep it fair, but make sure that you make your reconciliation just as public.

Just a thought. . .

Bib

Uhhh I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree with you here. I don't think there's any reason for couples to fight in front of their children. My parents never argued in front of us kids and in my adult life I have been around couples who argue in public and its just a downright uncomfortable situation...I can't imagine how that would be for children!

Why is it such a big deal when you feel yourself getting angry to either let it go, or ask your husband to come with you to your bedroom so you can discuss the issue in private?

I just don't think it's a good idea to expose your children to a volatile situation between spouses since they don't really understand WHY you're arguing, or the fact that every couple has a disagreement. It's just not a good thing.

But thats just me...

[Guest Biblicist]

sierra,

I said argue fairly, not a volatile screaming match. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing to the point of being upset. As long as you show the children that reconciliation is part of the equation. Letting your children think that you never argue at all is like living in a fairytale world. If you never let them see you disagree and you end up getting a divorce they will be totally blindsided. "My parents never faught, then suddenly they were getting a divorce. What happened?"

I also think it's wrong to hide your feelings, which is something I tend to do. Instead of disagreeing with "The Man" I agree with him and push my disappointment and anger inside.

It's not whether or not you disagree or argue [fight], everyone does not just couples, it's human nature. It's how you handle the situation that matters. Fighting fairly and making up right away instead of letting things fester are the proper way to handle disagreements."Don't go to bed angry, stay up all night and plot your revenge".

And one other thing, NEVER EVER involve the children in the actual argument. Never talk to the children about your spouse behind their back. Never argue about discipline in front of them, or let them see you disagree about that type of thing. Kids tend to divide and conquer. Age of the children is important too. Arguing in front of toddlers causes confusion.

Learning to resolve issues and handle confrontation properly is a quality lacking in today's society. Which causes stress, the #1 killer in America.

That is my opinion.

Bib

[sierra21]

sierra,

I said argue fairly, not a volatile screaming match. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing to the point of being upset. As long as you show the children that reconciliation is part of the equation. Letting your children think that you never argue at all is like living in a fairytale world. If you never let them see you disagree and you end up getting a divorce they will be totally blindsided. "My parents never faught, then suddenly they were getting a divorce. What happened?"

I also think it's wrong to hide your feelings, which is something I tend to do. Instead of disagreeing with "The Man" I agree with him and push my disappointment and anger inside.

It's not whether or not you disagree or argue [fight], everyone does not just couples, it's human nature. It's how you handle the situation that matters. Fighting fairly and making up right away instead of letting things fester are the proper way to handle disagreements."Don't go to bed angry, stay up all night and plot your revenge".

And one other thing, NEVER EVER involve the children in the actual argument. Never talk to the children about your spouse behind their back. Never argue about discipline in front of them, or let them see you disagree about that type of thing. Kids tend to divide and conquer. Age of the children is important too. Arguing in front of toddlers causes confusion.

Learning to resolve issues and handle confrontation properly is a quality lacking in today's society. Which causes stress, the #1 killer in America.

That is my opinion.

Bib

I still disagree with you. Sorry.

[Floatingaxe]

sierra,

I said argue fairly, not a volatile screaming match. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing to the point of being upset. As long as you show the children that reconciliation is part of the equation. Letting your children think that you never argue at all is like living in a fairytale world. If you never let them see you disagree and you end up getting a divorce they will be totally blindsided. "My parents never faught, then suddenly they were getting a divorce. What happened?"

I also think it's wrong to hide your feelings, which is something I tend to do. Instead of disagreeing with "The Man" I agree with him and push my disappointment and anger inside.

It's not whether or not you disagree or argue [fight], everyone does not just couples, it's human nature. It's how you handle the situation that matters. Fighting fairly and making up right away instead of letting things fester are the proper way to handle disagreements."Don't go to bed angry, stay up all night and plot your revenge".

And one other thing, NEVER EVER involve the children in the actual argument. Never talk to the children about your spouse behind their back. Never argue about discipline in front of them, or let them see you disagree about that type of thing. Kids tend to divide and conquer. Age of the children is important too. Arguing in front of toddlers causes confusion.

Learning to resolve issues and handle confrontation properly is a quality lacking in today's society. Which causes stress, the #1 killer in America.

That is my opinion.

Bib

I agree! We need to demonstrate before our children the proper and righteous way to handle conflict.

[Guest Biblicist]

Sierra, you do not have to agree with me, I can handle it. As long as my husband agrees with me. . .

Floatingaxe, either teach our children to handle conflict or enroll them in Anger Management classes.

[RustyAngeL]

I too am going to go against the grain. Staying for the kids will never work. And if as someone said there is physicial or mental abuse you need to get out. Living in a miserable marriage is not what God wants for us. Yes you made a vow but as I sit here I wonder if God wants us to live in pure misery. If you and your husband are always fighting it hurts the kids. My ex boss and his wife divorced years ago. Their daughter turned out just fine. Both he and Pat said they are much better friends then they ever where when they were married. I know from myself that if I were being abused or there was no hope of anything ever changing I would get out. I think kids will be much better off if both you and your husband are happy and not always at each others throats.

[sierra21]

Sierra, you do not have to agree with me, I can handle it. As long as my husband agrees with me. . .

Floatingaxe, either teach our children to handle conflict or enroll them in Anger Management classes.

Okay this is so dumb. So you'll hide the sears catalogues to keep them away from partial nudity but you'll fight with your husband in front of them?? Give me a break.

[Guest Biblicist]

Sierra,

Sears catalogs?? They don't have any nudity in them at all anymore, unless you call uncovered tools partial nudity.

I do not believe in sheltering my children from everything. I believe that if they are going to be exposed to it then it should be through us so we can guide them toward a better understanding of how God would have us view things and handle situations. When the time is right and they are old enough to have a conversation about it, we choose to expose them to certain things. Always explaining the Biblical aspect of it from God's point of view. As their parents it's our job.

I would never call your methods of raising your children dumb.