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Why I NEED my husband


Giaour

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I need my husband because;

I can't kill spiders.

I cant wash my own back.

I cant mow the lawn in a straight line.

I cant cook for just 1 person.(I've tried, I end up eating too much)

I cant bury dead animals.

I cant change the oil in my car.

I cant clean up puke of any kind.

I wouldnt have anyone to clean up after.

I wouldnt know where the remote was (I can always find it in his hand)

Mechanics dont take me seriously.

I would never find money in the laundry.

Just my observations

Don't worry about it gaiour, I''ll send my wife over to you, she can't do any of those things either, so you can learn together :24:

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Boy, you guys showed me I missed a few.

Hubby does the north south thing. My thinking tells me any way you are going is north because it is in front on the map.

Hubby does the smelling thing.

I'll smell something bad and he can pinpoint exactly where and what it is or was.

Wolf spiders ewwwww. Aggressive things, they will chase you.

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I need my husband:

To catch things on fire: trash - lawn refuge - firewood - gas grill - charcoal grill

To balance the check book: He's an absolute whiz at math and has kept the checkbook in PERFECT balance for over 24 years, not one cent missing

To cook bacon and eggs: I cannot cook bacon, I burn parts, other parts are raw, I get little black spots on it, it spits at me and makes me yell, it curls up and looks like pitiful shrimp - Eggs, he can cook them perfectly without breaking the yoke or having the whites run all over the pan, no big bubbles on the end

To call my cell phone: Just seeing his name pop up when my cell phone rings and I'm smiling

To find what the smell is in fridge and remove it

To read instructions and tell me how to do it, he's an instruction reader, if it doesn't have pictures, I'm lost

To be here at night - when he's home nothing bothers me - when he's away, I start seeing and hearing things

To give me a reason to love some other human being so completely

To be there, to bear witness to my life

PS...I cook bacon perfect. I don't fry mine I bake it. Get out your broiler pan that came with your oven. Put some water in the bottom part. Put your bacon on top. Bake it at about 400 until done. It's crisp, flat and has no grease because it all goes down in the bottom part of the pan. You will never fry bacon again, trust me. :24:

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"PS...I cook bacon perfect. I don't fry mine I bake it. Get out your broiler pan that came with your oven. Put some water in the bottom part. Put your bacon on top. Bake it at about 400 until done. It's crisp, flat and has no grease because it all goes down in the bottom part of the pan. You will never fry bacon again, trust me. :thumbsup: "

Oh Thank you Rustyangel!!!!!

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great bacon tips

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bump

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I need my hubby just because.

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Wolf spiders ewwwww. Aggressive things, they will chase you.

Not if you drown them in RAID.

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"PS...I cook bacon perfect. I don't fry mine I bake it. Get out your broiler pan that came with your oven. Put some water in the bottom part. Put your bacon on top. Bake it at about 400 until done. It's crisp, flat and has no grease because it all goes down in the bottom part of the pan. You will never fry bacon again, trust me. :wub: "

Oh Thank you Rustyangel!!!!!

Omigosh! I'm tried it and it works!

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I need my husband because;

I can't kill spiders.

I cant wash my own back.

I cant mow the lawn in a straight line.

I cant cook for just 1 person.(I've tried, I end up eating too much)

I cant bury dead animals.

I cant change the oil in my car.

I cant clean up puke of any kind.

I wouldnt have anyone to clean up after.

I wouldnt know where the remote was (I can always find it in his hand)

Mechanics dont take me seriously.

I would never find money in the laundry.

Just my observations

You forgot parallel parking! Parallel parking is the main purpose of husbands, isn't it?

Also I can't agree with you about spiders though, I like spiders. I have always been the "spider getter" in our house, nobody else will touch them. My husband isn't so bad - he still won't go near spiders though but doesn't scream about it like the kids (or should I say "progeny" or "offspring" as they're in their 20s). My daughter will sit up on a table or something until I have not only caught the spider but proved that I have and transported it at least 100 yards outside so that it cannot "nip back in". Nobody is allowed to kill spiders, transport them outside yes, but not kill them.

Birds, now that is totally different. I am afraid of birds (like many irrational fears, there is no logical reason for this, hence the word "irrational"). My husband has to coax the bird outside if one flies in the window, or capture it and take it outside. This is while I scream and run outside until he has done this.

I agree with all of your list except: I am the one to clean up puke as my husband finds this really yukky to do, and he cannot do it without wanting to vomit himself. I don't really have a great problem with it. And I bury dead animals. He will do it with no problem, but sometimes I just can't wait for him to do it. (Like the time when I my kids were young and I discovered that you don't leave the male rabbit in the cage with the the female rabbit and the young when the female rabbit has just given birth. It was about 30 minutes before they were due home from school and the cage was like a war zone with blood everywhere and a male rabbit with blood over his chin and the place littered with half eaten baby rabbits. I had to clean up the mess and bury the remains before they got home, but then my ghoulish little son who was about 6 at the time was curious to see what they looked like and dug them again. And this after I had made seven little wooden crosses and a tidy little "rabbit cemetary).

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