Evil Americans, Poor Mullahs

[Arash_the_archer]

Evil Americans, Poor Mullahs

By Claus Christian Malzahn

Forty-eight percent of Germans think the United States is more dangerous than Iran, a new survey shows, with only 31 percent believing the opposite. Germans' fundamental hypocrisy about the US suggests that it's high time for a new bout of re-education.

The Germans have believed in many things in the course of their recent history. They've believed in colonies in Africa and in the Kaiser. They even believed in the Kaiser when he told them that there would be no more political parties, only soldiers on the front.

Not too long afterwards, they believed that Jews should be placed into ghettos and concentration camps because they were the enemies of the people. Then they believed in the autobahn and that the Third Reich would ultimately be victorious. A few years later, they believed in the Deutsche mark. They believed that the Berlin Wall would be there forever and that their pensions were safe. They believed in recycling as well as in cheap jet travel. They even believed in a German victory at the soccer World Cup.

Now they believe that the United States is a greater threat to world peace than Iran. This was the by-no-means-surprising result of a Forsa opinion poll commissioned by Stern magazine. Young Germans in particular -- 57 percent of 18-to-29-year-olds, to be precise -- said they considered the United States more dangerous than the religious regime in Iran.

The German political establishment, which will no doubt loudly lament the result of the poll, is largely responsible for this wave of anti-Americanism. For years the country's foreign ministers fed the Germans the fairy tale of what they called a "critical dialogue" between Europe and Iran. It went something like this: If we are nice to the ayatollahs, cuddle up to them a bit and occasionally wag our fingers at them when they've been naughty, they'll stop condemning their women to death for "unchaste behavior" and they'll stop building the atom bomb.

That plan failed at some point -- an outcome, incidentally, that Washington had long anticipated. Iran continues to work away unhindered on its nuclear program, and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad reacts to UN demands with an ostentatious show of ignorance. The UN gets upset and drafts a resolution.

Another item on the Iranian president's wish list is the annihilation of Israel. But that will take a bit longer. In the meantime, just to make sure it doesn't get out of practice, the regime had 15 British soldiers kidnapped a few days ago. But it's still all the Americans' fault -- that much is obvious.

Inherently evil

We've known just what they're like for a long time. The 19th-century German author Karl May taught us about the American Wild West, and Karl Marx warned us about unbridled capitalism. Besides, we've all been there at least once -- on vacation, of course. Be it in California or Florida (that's where you get the best deals on rental cars, you know), we can see right through the Americans.

For us Germans, the Americans are either too fat or too obsessed with exercise, too prudish or too pornographic, too religious or too nihilistic. In terms of history and foreign policy, the Americans have either been too isolationist or too imperialistic. They simply go ahead and invade foreign countries (something we Germans, of course, would never do) and then abandon them, the way they did in Vietnam and will soon do in Iraq.

Worst of all, the Americans won the war in 1945. (Well, with German help, of course -- from Einstein and his ilk.) There are some Germans who will never forgive the Americans for VE Day, when they defeated Hitler. After all, Nazism was just an accident, whereas Americans are inherently evil. Just look at President Bush, the man who, as some of SPIEGEL ONLINE's readers steadfastly believe, "is worse than Hitler." Now that gives us a chance to kill two birds with one stone. If Bush is the new Hitler, then we Germans have finally unloaded the F

[Arash_the_archer]

Heres the source. http://www.spiegel.de/international/german...,474636,00.html

Arent these things intressting? Most Brittish people are more afraid by israeli nukes than Iranian ones.

[Marnie]

Yeah, like I am really concerned with what a German thinks of me. I've read that article before, or one like it. When they become the breadbasket of the world and lead the world in economic development, then I'll be concerned.

[rtwo]

To be honest, I'm actually a little surprised you posted this. This guy seems to have his head on straight...

sadly, it's not just German youth who are profoundly uninformed... sadly many of our young (and old) are just as ignorant.

[traveller]

The article is slamming the anti-American view. You realize this, don't you Arash?

[Marnie]

The article is slamming the anti-American view. You realize this, don't you Arash?

I wonder if how many noticed this? lol

Claus Christian Malzahn is actually pro-American in many, not all, but many of his columns. One of his best is here.

His stats, though are correct.

[nebula]

Anti-Americanism is the wonder drug of German politics. If no one believes what you're saying, take a swing at the Yanks and you'll be shooting your way back up to the top of the opinion polls in no time.

They don't like Yanks?

OK, we'll send them the Texans!

(Tell me if I need to explain the joke....)

[Arash_the_archer]

Please explain that joke, does it got something to do with texans being trigger happy?

[nebula]

Please explain that joke, does it got something to do with texans being trigger happy?

No!

Texans don't like being called "Yanks." In fact, anyone from the South (those born and raised there) do not want to be referred to as a Yank. This goes back to America's Civil War, where the Northern states were called Yankees and the Southern states were called Rebels. A true Southerner will take offense at being called a Yank. Texans, in particular, view their state of Texas as their own country - just ask the Texans on this Board about it. Part of this is tongue-in-cheek, but a good part is genuine Texan pride. It goes back to their history as well. After breaking free of Mexico, Texas was it's own republic for some years. After a time, they voted themselves into the American Union. They have since then retained their unique national identity.

Thus the joke. A Texan is not a Yank! (In fact, the Texan will add a d-word adjective before the Yank part, but that word goes against Board regulations.)

Edit: my Native Texan father just reminded me that the d- word is not an adjective but a prefix.

Edited April 4, 2007 by nebula

[nebula]

The article is slamming the anti-American view. You realize this, don't you Arash?

True -

With lines like this:

"They simply go ahead and invade foreign countries (something we Germans, of course, would never do)"

Or this:

"Anti-Americanism is hypocrisy at its finest. You can spend your evening catching the latest episode of "24" and then complain about Guantanamo the next morning. You can claim that the Americans have themselves to blame for terrorism, while at the same time calling for tougher restrictions on Muslim immigration to Germany. You can call the American president a mass murderer and book a flight to New York the next day. You can lament the average American's supposed lack of culture and savvy and meanwhile send off for the documents for the Green Card lottery.

Not a day passes in Germany when someone isn't making the wildest claims, hurling the vilest insults or spreading the most outlandish conspiracy theories about the United States. But there's no risk involved and it all serves mainly to boost the German feeling of self-righteousness.

Not so safe

Iran is a different story. The last time someone made a joke on German TV about an Iranian leader, the outcome was not pleasant. Exactly 20 years ago, Dutch entertainer Rudi Carell produced a short TV sketch portraying Ayatollah Khomeini dressed in women's underwear. Carell received death threats. The piece, which lasted all of a few seconds, led to flights being cancelled and German diplomats being expelled from Tehran. Carell apologized. Jokes about fat Americans are just safer."

It is quite clear the article is making fun of the Anti-American attitude.