Looking for a reason

[Guest rach04]

afal SOrry!!!! I asked in my last thread if you were a christian, as i hadnt read all the threads, actually I didnt even know there were any... Like I said I was suicidal for 6 very long weeks about 8 months ago and it was a roller coaster where sometimes I would feel on top of it and then the next day or sometimes a week later i would be thinking how I cab do it wihtout it lookimg like suicide. My best freind still hasnt spoken to me allthough it has been 7 months since it all happened, and all I can say is you have some beautiful caring friends here, that I wish I had had back then...

I know how deep the pain goes and how it can hurt to breathe and the thought of dying consumes you. And i had every reason in the world to live. I have four healthy beautiful young boys, but because of an abusivemarriage, the stess got to me and I lost sight of everything that was important to me and began to believe that they would be better off without me...

I know what you mean, when you said how do you give your problems to God? I didnt know how to. My pastor also couldnt help me, he told me to pray and read my bible. I asked to speak to the pastors wife and was told that she couldnt say anything different that what her husband has already said! I cant begin to describe my dissapointment and hurt.

What the turning point for me was, I had decided to end my life this particular day after I had realized my best friend didn't want to know me anymore after the stress of wondering if I was alive still or not for 5 weeks and I had asked her not to tell anyone. I was driving up a mountain range to a lookout and saw a tree that I could smash into, and I will be totally honest here and say that I spent 4 hours driving up and down that mountain, past that tree and everytime I started to swerve towards it I straightened up. It was then that I knew that even though I just didnt want to live anymore, I couldnt take my life. It was good getting to that point as I realized that I truely needed God. I started to look at the good things in my life and how I could help others and I got counselling through the salvation army. It took me a couple of months not to have suicidal thoughts. I had to keep my thoughts on other people eg. my children, helping friends with meals or through their hard times.

But thanks to my Father My boys have still got a mother and I didnt end up ruining my families lives or the lives of my friends. If I had gone through with it I would have cause so many others extreme pain, and I would have been so selfish to cause that pain top end my pain, but ironically then I saw it as a selfless act and thought everyone would be so much better off.

My heart breaks for you, as reading the threads takes me back to those raw emotions. I will be praying for you and fasting. I know there is nothing anyone can say or do for you, but you are special, GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU AND REMEMBER HE DIDNT JUST READ YOU LIFE STORY< BUT HE WROTE IT!!!!!

[Afal]

and all I can say is you have some beautiful caring friends here, that I wish I had had back then...

but you are special, GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU AND REMEMBER HE DIDN'T JUST READ YOU LIFE STORY< BUT HE WROTE IT!!!!!

Hi Rach,

Thanks for your encouragement. Yes I am very grateful to all the people who have encouraged me over the past few weeks. It has meant a lot to me.

I am glad that things are better for you too.

I loved the bit at the end of your post. This is what I have to keep focused on - God's plan for my life. I also need to remember that I am special. That really is not easy for me to do, but little by little, I am getting there.

[ladypeartree]

Hi sis just wanted to give you a cyber hug as I cant give you a real one

Smile ...God loves you and it drives old hairy legs mad

[Guest Biblicist]

and all I can say is you have some beautiful caring friends here, that I wish I had had back then...

but you are special, GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU AND REMEMBER HE DIDN'T JUST READ YOU LIFE STORY< BUT HE WROTE IT!!!!!

Hi Rach,

Thanks for your encouragement. Yes I am very grateful to all the people who have encouraged me over the past few weeks. It has meant a lot to me.

I am glad that things are better for you too.

I loved the bit at the end of your post. This is what I have to keep focused on - God's plan for my life. I also need to remember that I am special. That really is not easy for me to do, but little by little, I am getting there.

Afal~

Are you back?

How was your time away?

[Afal]

Hi sis just wanted to give you a cyber hug as I cant give you a real one

Smile ...God loves you and it drives old hairy legs mad

Thanks LPT!

[Afal]

Are you back?

How was your time away?

Yep - I am back and I had a great time away. I feel so much better than I did just a few weeks ago! - and while my emoticons are working, I feel even better!!!!

So, to everyone who has prayed for me, I can send ...

[WayneB]

That's great news Afal.

I'm very glad to see you happy and doing better.

[Scarletprayers]

little sister!

[Afal]

Wayne and SP

Thanks!

[Treasure]

I had missed you and didn't know where you were. Glad you were able to get away though and that you're doing well.