I am absolutly terrible at keeping the house clean.

[Emily~Anne]

Iryssa, great post!

I want to share something that has worked very well for us. I will tell my hubby what a great help a certain child has been when that child is in earshot but thinks I dont know they are in earshot. This has made them much more enthusiastic about helping!

[carrielles]

why not trade cleaning with a friend from church or work. is there something you are good at like cpooking? trade a few dinners for 3 hours of cleaning. or babysitting, trade 3 hours of cleaning for 4 hours of babysitiing. can you mend clothes or fences or darn socks for the trading? set aside a small amout of the budget for a cleanign lady 2 times a month? might be worth a shot.

[sotphmfm]

Thanks for the awesome suggestions.

One of the main problems is we're in a 3 bedroom house for the five of us and the boys 5,9,11 are in one room so the mess in there never seems to belong to anyone, but in all accuality is a combination of all 3, so it's always a fight to get one to clean the room. If I try to have more than one in there at a time nothing gets done except a bunch of fighting. Moms room has their computer so every room of the house is at their disposal and is neccessary when they must be seperated for a while.

Life is sooooo much fun.

I know at times we drive my mother crazy and in turn she drives us crazy but I reckon that is just the spice of life and if we didn't have the chaos every now and again we wouldn't be able to appreciate the times that are not so chaotic.

Love to all

[ladypeartree]

glad to see you have kept your sense of humour ...

Do enjoy this time even through tthe hard bits ...they grow up so fast and then a clean and tidy house is soooo boring

I gave my neat freak daughter a fridge magnet that says .." only boring women have immaculate homes

"

[bondservantofchrist]

Hers of course and she has been living alone for the last five years so is not use to having us in the house.

We have pretty much invaded her space and at this point if I could I would move us out.

My goodness....I know exactly what you are going through. My family (all seven of us) just moved out of my mother's home last month after six months. She is 72 (I think) and had been alone with the exception of her dog since my father passed away. We went through the same thing, except I did everything she asked me to do and then some. It just seemed like I could never do enough or do well enough what I did do. She even, at one time, claimed that she had to go behind me and redo everything I did. I knew that wasn't true but it was to her. And we didn't pull out Nintendos or anything like that. I was never thanked one time for anything but there was a host of complaints to my husband and to everybody else about my housekeeping...or the lack thereof. And I did a top to bottom house cleaning job on it when she went on vacation. You know, it wouldn't have been so bad if her own housekeeping excelled my own, but it didn't. Just in case anyone would think that my housekeeping was payment for staying there...no, it wasn't. Our payment for staying there was to pay the electric bill and an outrageous water bill the likes I have never seen in my entire life. You do have to realize that when you have excelled in what you have done and there is still complaint, then the fact of the matter is that the complainer is just looking for a reason to complain and will pick up on everything that hasn't been done and nothing that has been. I have one piece of sage advice......don't give place to the devil by meditating on her dissatisfaction. That will only drag you down and affect your relationship with her. As much as is in you, live at peace with her because this is difficult for all involved. My own situation ended in a shouting match the day we left...with me ending up humbling myself to ask my mother's forgiveness before I could pull out of the driveway. The best way for a relationship to be restored is for it to never be broken. Stay in touch with your heavenly Father during this time. The Holy Spirit can keep you one step ahead of your mother if you will listen to Him. Many of the times I got the most flack was when the Holy Spirit showed me what to do before my mother said anything...and I didn't do it. Even though we had a horrible shouting match and accusations flew all over the place our last day in her house, I did not fail to clean that house one more time before we left....and I did it in pure love with the presence of God carrying me from room to room. I vacuumed, swept, mopped, dusted, did dishes, stripped beds, washed sheets and comforters, and remade beds. I left nothing out of place and was as blameless before her as I was before my Father in heaven. Whatever you do, don't permit meditation on this to become a root of bitterness that will spring up and defile many. And don't permit her vision of you to define who you are. I speak from experience.

[bondservantofchrist]

Point Blank, I am absolutly terrible at keeping the house clean.

I worry about it not getting done, I bust my tail trying to get it done and within a very short amount of time it is destroyed again. So I try to focus on keeping the four main rooms clean kitchen, living, dining and bath. Last night I did this and decided the rest could wait I'm going to spend time with my boys (all under 12) and stop worring about the house for a while. my mother was off with friends we could get loud if we wanted. As soon as she walked in the door she made a comment about the house being a mess and the only mess there was is what we had just made while having snacks and playing nintendo. So everything came to a hault and everyone cleaned up and got ready for bed.

Today, I decided since last night was great fun (before grandma came in) we would do the same today and again she came home complaining about the house. My children have been home two weeks from their daddy's and with my work schedule and house work I find the only time I spend with my boys is yelling at them about house work and the one day I say the heck with it I'm going to have fun with them I have to feel guilty for it. So no matter what I do I feel guilty either for not spending fun time with my kids or for not keeping house like everyone expects me to.

I've read books on how to organize and everything I could think of but I have never had the nack for keeping a house spotless.

What do I do I feel like I'm at my wits end over something that should be simple?

One more thing: begin every day with thanksgiving. Invite the Lord into this area and expect Him to manage your time. He is better at it than you are. My husband brought things into clear focus for me after I had that shouting match with my mother. He asked me if I was going to talk to her before we left. I said I was but continued to try to justify myself and accuse her. My husband, after listening to me rant and rave for several moments, said, "You know, I would do anything to have my mother here like you have yours." He had just lost his mother to cancer back in December, two days before her birthday. That kinda brought things back to reality for me. He's good at that.

[bondservantofchrist]

Point Blank, I am absolutly terrible at keeping the house clean.

I worry about it not getting done, I bust my tail trying to get it done and within a very short amount of time it is destroyed again. So I try to focus on keeping the four main rooms clean kitchen, living, dining and bath. Last night I did this and decided the rest could wait I'm going to spend time with my boys (all under 12) and stop worring about the house for a while. my mother was off with friends we could get loud if we wanted. As soon as she walked in the door she made a comment about the house being a mess and the only mess there was is what we had just made while having snacks and playing nintendo. So everything came to a hault and everyone cleaned up and got ready for bed.

Today, I decided since last night was great fun (before grandma came in) we would do the same today and again she came home complaining about the house. My children have been home two weeks from their daddy's and with my work schedule and house work I find the only time I spend with my boys is yelling at them about house work and the one day I say the heck with it I'm going to have fun with them I have to feel guilty for it. So no matter what I do I feel guilty either for not spending fun time with my kids or for not keeping house like everyone expects me to.

I've read books on how to organize and everything I could think of but I have never had the nack for keeping a house spotless.

What do I do I feel like I'm at my wits end over something that should be simple?

Another one more thing....your vision of yourself needs to line up with Father God's vision of you. You began your post with "I am absolutely terrible at keeping the house clean". You might want to check with Him about that. I am sure He has something more uplifting and encouraging to say about you

[sotphmfm]

You can add as many "and one more thing"s as you want it gave me a laugh which I needed because she mentioned it again this morning as I was cleaning. I think that is one thing that bothers me most is when I've just finished cleaning and it hasn't gotten bad yet and while I'm in the middle of cleaning for her to come and say "I'm glad you decided to clean before we are expecting a house guest." Maybe it's just me but it sounds like an insult instead of a compliment especially with the tone of voice she used. Immediately, I had no energy to continue, and felt like, every time I am at an emotional high she's got to come behind me and knock me down.

And as I'm reading this it looks like the devil is going through my mother to get to me. My mother and I have always gotten along the housework is my petpeeve and always has been so why all of a sudden does it seem like shes attacking me for it?

Well, I just called mom at work crying and she kept telling me she'll try to do better, which of course, made me feel worse. But, maybe she'll back off some now, and I can try to get into some kind of routine.

My mother and I are close we can't stand to upset the other which means I better call her back she's probably crying at her desk.

[sotphmfm]

I called mom and she was fine.

I know this is my problem and I must find the way to do what I must.

The suggestions here have been a great help, putting me back in perspective that it isn't impossible. I just need to find what works for myself and the kids.

My mother is great and I love her dearly and I know she is just venting her aggrevation of it all and has every right to.

Thank You to all and if you come up with any more suggestions I'd love to read them.

I can do all things if I ask for the Lord's help.

[bondservantofchrist]

"You can add as many "and one more thing"s as you want it gave me a laugh which I needed because she mentioned it again this morning as I was cleaning. I think that is one thing that bothers me most is when I've just finished cleaning and it hasn't gotten bad yet and while I'm in the middle of cleaning for her to come and say "I'm glad you decided to clean before we are expecting a house guest." Maybe it's just me but it sounds like an insult instead of a compliment especially with the tone of voice she used. Immediately, I had no energy to continue, and felt like, every time I am at an emotional high she's got to come behind me and knock me down."

Snort! You know what the precursor to the shouting match was? I was getting ready to start cleaning, just doing some last minute packing and, just before I started out of the living room and into the kitchen, my mother took the opportunity during a conversation with her to tell me that my kids were just like I was when I was younger.....that I never would clean my room...and I didn't like her tone of voice. That did it! I had given way too much occasion to the enemy by meditating and that one little comment sent me over the roof. It bugged me a lot to have it confirmed that her image of me was rooted in some past failure on my part as a child. It made no matter to her that I was a grown woman and mother now and that I was no longer the child with a messy room that she remembered. She told my husband during our stay that I wouldn't even talk to her. Well, yeah...every time I did, I got an inquisition......so I started keeping myself and my youngest children in the room we slept in. And the day we left....went to talk with her and all I got was a bunch of reminders of how sorry I was as a child in regards to cleaning my room. To tell you the truth (and my heavenly Father knows it too), I don't care much for having a conversation with someone who can't leave my past out of it and see me for who I am now. Because of her vision of me, she couldn't even see "clean" no matter how much I did. Even the top to bottom cleaning I did while she was on vacation never got one thank you. All I ever heard her say was to someone on the phone and all she could give me was an "at least it smells good". What????!!!!! When I wasn't mad, I was crying my eyes out...and I'm 42. One Sunday morning, there were some dishes in the sink and she mentioned it to my husband. My husband, being the sweetie he is, did them because I was busy fixing Autumn's hair for church and finishing getting ready myself. My mom got mad that he did them and told him that it was "my job". From that point on, she never said anything to him about dishes in the sink. She would wait until I came out and say something just so he wouldn't do them and I would have to. And it didn't matter if waiting on me to do them would cause us to run late. She loved to see me sweat it trying to please her. One day she told us to be out at the end of the week so I spent the day before that Saturday packing, washing, cleaning, moving stuff to our van. I was literally worn out by the time my husband got home. And when he got there, she told him that we could stay another month. I had been there ALL DAY and she never told me we could stay. I was so mad I could have spit but my husband just gave me that smile and defused the bomb before it went off. That's the Christ in him and he is the only person on the face of the earth who can do that. I fizzle out real fast when I get that look and that smile. He doesn't even have to say anything, doggone it!