Problems with critical, negative co-worker

[Biscuit]

Hi,

I am bothered by one of my co-workers. She is very negative. Almost everyone she talks about is stupid, an idiot, incompetent, etc. She is very critical of others. She speaks badly about another co-worker (who is very nice) on a daily basis and seems to be jealous of her for some reason. The one who is very nice rarely (if ever) speaks ill of someone else. She did tell me that the negative co-worker has started in on me as well. It is a bad situation because she (and a couple of others) are "chummy" with the director. It has me and my nice co-worker to the point that we kind of dread coming to work. I feel I need to speak to the director but I do not know how well it will be received. There is some profanity but not a lot. But it is a very negative environment. I feel it has kind of rubbed off on me...I caught myself recently saying something bad about someone. I feel she has already had a bad influence on a couple of the other workers. Should I stay here? I don't want to become like her. Should I seek a new job? Should I just pray for her? Also, could anyone share any verses with be about being overly critical, negative, or the words that we speak? The director is a Christian (as far as I can tell) and I may share a couple of verses. I may talk to her tomorrow. Please pray that God will give me wisdom and a clear mind. Thank you. And God bless.

James

[firehill]

Hi,

I am bothered by one of my co-workers. She is very negative. Almost everyone she talks about is stupid, an idiot, incompetent, etc. She is very critical of others. She speaks badly about another co-worker (who is very nice) on a daily basis and seems to be jealous of her for some reason. The one who is very nice rarely (if ever) speaks ill of someone else. She did tell me that the negative co-worker has started in on me as well. It is a bad situation because she (and a couple of others) are "chummy" with the director. It has me and my nice co-worker to the point that we kind of dread coming to work. I feel I need to speak to the director but I do not know how well it will be received. There is some profanity but not a lot. But it is a very negative environment. I feel it has kind of rubbed off on me...I caught myself recently saying something bad about someone. I feel she has already had a bad influence on a couple of the other workers. Should I stay here? I don't want to become like her. Should I seek a new job? Should I just pray for her? Also, could anyone share any verses with be about being overly critical, negative, or the words that we speak? The director is a Christian (as far as I can tell) and I may share a couple of verses. I may talk to her tomorrow. Please pray that God will give me wisdom and a clear mind. Thank you. And God bless.

James

Well, Biscuit it seems that you have quite the delima. For sure, keep yourself and don't let her ways influence who you are as a person. Be you which is not like that. Be kind and keep your head clear by all means! A christian attitude is in opposition to being overly critical, and a joyful spirit in opposition to being negative. With our mouth we can give life or bring death. I don't have advise for you are far as whether or not you should seek a new job. I will say though that if you should in the end God will of had it all worked out for ya!

[Redefine_Me]

Hi,

I am bothered by one of my co-workers. She is very negative. Almost everyone she talks about is stupid, an idiot, incompetent, etc. She is very critical of others. She speaks badly about another co-worker (who is very nice) on a daily basis and seems to be jealous of her for some reason. The one who is very nice rarely (if ever) speaks ill of someone else. She did tell me that the negative co-worker has started in on me as well. It is a bad situation because she (and a couple of others) are "chummy" with the director. It has me and my nice co-worker to the point that we kind of dread coming to work. I feel I need to speak to the director but I do not know how well it will be received. There is some profanity but not a lot. But it is a very negative environment. I feel it has kind of rubbed off on me...I caught myself recently saying something bad about someone. I feel she has already had a bad influence on a couple of the other workers. Should I stay here? I don't want to become like her. Should I seek a new job? Should I just pray for her? Also, could anyone share any verses with be about being overly critical, negative, or the words that we speak? The director is a Christian (as far as I can tell) and I may share a couple of verses. I may talk to her tomorrow. Please pray that God will give me wisdom and a clear mind. Thank you. And God bless.

James

Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight, oh Lord, my strength and my redeemer.

It's hard, for me, at work to not get sucked into the gossip and negative talk that goes on. But I think it it of utmost importance for Christians in the workplace not to fall into the trap. It is one place we go every day and witness (by our actions) about God and what a Christian is like. I'm just observing from what you said that you might have been engaging in some gossip (with the nice employee) about the negative employee. Workplaces are a quagmire of gossip and interpersonal "politics". For me, going to work every day is a growth experience. Sometimes I "sing" Psalms 19:14 in my head over and over at work to keep myself from participating in negative talk or gossip. Sometimes I just have to walk away. Sometimes I tell folks the old "my mamma taught me that if ya can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".

As far as staying there, it doesn't sound like a much different environment than you will find anywhere else. Some are better, some are much much worse. I would definately pray - pray lots! Pray before you have an interaction with the negative person. Pray for the right words to say for yourself.

Whew! it's the interpersonal stuff at work that causes so much strife. Think about it - we spend more time with these folks than our famlies in most cases.

[firehill]

Nice signature redefineMe! What a good way to spread inspiration!

[MorningGlory]

Hi,

I am bothered by one of my co-workers. She is very negative. Almost everyone she talks about is stupid, an idiot, incompetent, etc. She is very critical of others. She speaks badly about another co-worker (who is very nice) on a daily basis and seems to be jealous of her for some reason. The one who is very nice rarely (if ever) speaks ill of someone else. She did tell me that the negative co-worker has started in on me as well. It is a bad situation because she (and a couple of others) are "chummy" with the director. It has me and my nice co-worker to the point that we kind of dread coming to work. I feel I need to speak to the director but I do not know how well it will be received. There is some profanity but not a lot. But it is a very negative environment. I feel it has kind of rubbed off on me...I caught myself recently saying something bad about someone. I feel she has already had a bad influence on a couple of the other workers. Should I stay here? I don't want to become like her. Should I seek a new job? Should I just pray for her? Also, could anyone share any verses with be about being overly critical, negative, or the words that we speak? The director is a Christian (as far as I can tell) and I may share a couple of verses. I may talk to her tomorrow. Please pray that God will give me wisdom and a clear mind. Thank you. And God bless.

James

I see this same scenario play out constantly where I work. I'm the department head and, as such, am not in the trenches where things are happening. But I have workers bringing it to me and, invariably, trying to boost themselves by demeaning others. I always tell them the same thing "When you become a big enough distraction here, you become a liability and more trouble than you're worth. Don't bring this stuff to my office again." They get the message loud and clear. Workplace gossip and backstabbing are counterproductive and a waste of company time; I try to squash it anyway I can.

[damo1]

from damo1

hay i can see wear you are comming from as i have had the same problems in the past as i run a cleaning buisness and every one is diffrent you get your good workers with your bad workers the way i do it and it took time to do this is ignore the insults but be kind speak up for your self you are not a doormat you are humen and negative people always try there hardest to put good decent people down even when they are close friends with the boss or director

this person i new always use to put other people down from other countrys i my self am of croation back ground and when i first came to this country boy did i get it from both sides i learnt not to let it bother me sooner or latter they wil give up i lost contracts my self due to this sort of attitude and in one situation alone i nearly lost my job yet i got the boss aside and said bluntly this is what goes on the sights when you are not ther i was able to video record what was said on my mobil ph with out the perosn knowing no matter how close they wear with the boss and he dealt with them by being open this helps but be calm as well when you talk to this person sooner or latter people wil wake up to this person

blessings from damo1

[Leonard]

It's okay to say, "Oh come now! That's an awfully harsh word, and I don't like to hear office gossip."

[Guest]

Stand Fast

Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;

Philippians 1:27

Be Blessed Beloved

The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:

The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:

The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel; and I will bless them.

Numbers 6:24-27

Love, Your Brother Joe

[Rebecca2]

This sounds like my office. The only difference is that my manager has heard a lot of the negative person's snipping at me. He spoke to me about it during my performance review and gave me credit for not responding to the person with equal negativism. He did tell me I need to be less of a doormat. I told him that I just have no desire to respond to her. I also have more respect for my other co-workers than to disrupt their day anymore than she already does. The really sad thing about this situation is that she considers herself a Christian and can actually be a very nice person at times. She is just bitter because she was passed over for a job (that she knew she was not qualified for anyway). She blames everyone who was qualified for the job and got an interview whether we got the job or not.

I pray for her every day before I face her, give her to God, ignore her, and do my job. The funny thing is that half the time when she starts ranting at me I tune her out. I don't know when I started doing that, but sometimes I even smile and hum while she is ranting. When she runs out of steam, she goes away. I think my humming must get on her nerves.

I do keep this prayer posted on the wall behind my computer so that I can see it all the time.

I Bind Myself Today

God

Edited September 6, 2007 by Rebecca2

[darkest_red]

Hi,

I am bothered by one of my co-workers. She is very negative. Almost everyone she talks about is stupid, an idiot, incompetent, etc. She is very critical of others. She speaks badly about another co-worker (who is very nice) on a daily basis and seems to be jealous of her for some reason. The one who is very nice rarely (if ever) speaks ill of someone else. She did tell me that the negative co-worker has started in on me as well. It is a bad situation because she (and a couple of others) are "chummy" with the director. It has me and my nice co-worker to the point that we kind of dread coming to work. I feel I need to speak to the director but I do not know how well it will be received. There is some profanity but not a lot. But it is a very negative environment. I feel it has kind of rubbed off on me...I caught myself recently saying something bad about someone. I feel she has already had a bad influence on a couple of the other workers. Should I stay here? I don't want to become like her. Should I seek a new job? Should I just pray for her? Also, could anyone share any verses with be about being overly critical, negative, or the words that we speak? The director is a Christian (as far as I can tell) and I may share a couple of verses. I may talk to her tomorrow. Please pray that God will give me wisdom and a clear mind. Thank you. And God bless.

James

That sounds very similar to the office I used to work in - it is a horrible, horrible atmosphere to work in on a daily basis and, like you, I found it did rub off on me. During my time in the office (which was, thankfully, only 3 months) my mood deteriated and I did genuinely dread going in every day - more than once I seriously thought about just walking out and not going back.

I stuck it out in the end though and I did that because I didn't want to let my friends and family (who were so happy that I'd got a job so quickly and easily) down. I don't have much advice to give you but I will say lean on God and family/friends for support as much as you can. Try your very hardest not to let it affect your personality, I know that is so much easier said than done but I do believe it is very important. I found that one of the worst parts of working in such a negative environment - it was turning me into someone I wasn't and someone I had absolutely no desire to be.

Re-define me said it doesn't sound that different from anywhere else - I agree with that in that there will always be the negative people who will put people down as often as possible, for whatever reason. I don't think there can be many places to escape that, which is very sad.