help

[Guest vanilla]

hi, i'm a new member. i'm afraid and i need some Godly advice. i'm recently married. i've moved, with him, away from my home to a large city. i'm alone. i don't know anyone. we fight alot. i feel on the verge of despairing. i'm trying to keep my eyes focused on Jesus, but i just see darkness. i cry alot. is anyone reading this? it's kinda weird to talk to a stranger bout this, but i don't have any friends that would know what to say. most of my friends are not totally following the Lord. i don't want the kind of advice they have to offer. i know God has led me this far, and He won't leave me here, but i'm so hopeless at this point.

[Zadok Rox]

Somebody is reading this, vanilla. I'm sorry that you and your husband are having problems and I'm sorry you feel all alone in a huge city. If you've found a church home, you might want to talk to a member of the pastoral staff about your fears and worries.

I don't know what to tell you about the loneliness problem. Perhaps some of the other members here has some good advice.

Welcome to the forum, btw, vanilla.

[elkieDannsa' Air An Drochaid]

HI vanilla,

Welcome.

I hope you will come on in and chat sometime. Visiting with online believers can be encouraging, when one is alone at home. This site is moderated so it is not crazy or anything and can have some peaceful chats on the Lord. Even bible study, too. If you have any praise music, turn it on, too.

Let the Holy Spirit lift you and the praising God , as HE inhabits the praise of His people, praise will lift the spirit of heaviness.

That must be difficult to be far from home like that.

Does your hubby know the Lord?

I would of course advise you to pray for him daily.

Try to avoid any fighting if you can. Can you talk with him about how you feel? Can you find ways to strengthen your marriage? Try to set new habits of strengthening your marriage in the home in any small way of showing care. compliment him on anything you appreciate about him when it is appropiate. Try not to let the fighting arguing happen, break the habit , try to have a nice dinner in the evening and make some plans at home or out. More often than not, women are the ones making the pllans ,setting the home mood. REmember he is the man you love and married and try to something that you know he likes,baking or whatever it is. Heap coals of kindnessand see if he responds, trusting God to b egiving and caring of your husband and helping you to be also. Planning a good evening and breaking the habit of fighting. (I am assuming her that you mean arguing. If it is anything more than I suggest immediate councelling and safety for you. However,if it is argueing, might be better to try best to not be a part of any arguments and pray when the urge starts there or you see him in that way or you are really upset etc. HE might feel guilty and not good a bout that you are not happy and then although wanting to be more loving, might just argue and be irritated. ) underneath anger there is hurt.

When ever hubby or (kids if this applies come home, first thing it is where is wife , mom? That is because the wife/mom is a security and sets the home mood.

Finding something for you to enjoy will cheer you. Looking ahead will also.

I know this may sound weird...but , as a wife and a mother of grown children, I can tell you the mom is the cog and center, the wife and mom is the center of the mood in the home. It seems everyone depends on mom or wife being ok and when we aren't -they aren't. So best thing to do it let the Lord answer your needs. HE will. Lean on Him. One cannot lean too heavily on th4e Lord and prayerfully looking in His Word for any advice you need for your day. Asking Him to order you day. Asking for HIS Spirit of Peace to enter your home.

as the home becomes more peaceful, you might even find your hubby more cheerful and helpful to you.

The worst thing about fighting arguing,is each time it gets a habit and each time the boundries of respect get further and further and it is really hard to go back and set them back to the place they should be. Then it keeps getting worse and going further etc you get my thoughts there and probably have seen this, too.

Let the Lord set your household back straight. Ask His blessings upon your home and marriage and again if your hubby is a believer, ask him to pray with you. If he is not ,might see if he is wiling to pray with you when you are led to that. Definately, either way, pray for him daily ,nightly.

Letting The Lord love him through you will help so much. When our love and strength gives out, the Lord is strong where we are weak and will help.

I was thinking if you haven't done it yet, this is a good time to pray and find a church where you live.

It would certainly be a support system for you and perhaps your hubby would go with you and it would help him ,too.

But, even if he doesn't you will have others to pray with you and be strengthened.

Might make some new friends. But, most of all the fellowship and the growing in the Lord be strengthening.

Also, can visit or look online at the Chamber of Commerce in your area. See what there is to do and explore your new surrounding with your hubby and enjoy yourself.

Please don't pressure yourself , as it takes time to adjust leaving a home town or area to a new one.

Are you raising children ,too?

Hope we can talk sometime.

I am usually in chat in the evenings.

Occasionally, in the days I am in chat. However, you will meet some nice folk here who will be glad to pray for you or talk with you,too.

Call out to the Lord with your whole heart.( I imagine you are though)

I can tell you I been there before. It does help to have something to look forward to and set a routine of some sort.

Might take some anointing oil and bless your home, all the doorways.

I can remember a time I felt so alone and lost. This may be only a little thing ; but, it grew into so much more for me. I went to the Christian store and bought my self a cool coffee mug. Every morning I had my special time when I would have tea or something and sit with the Lord. Just be with Him.

Contemplate upon Him. Lead to more Bible reading and contemplation. Soon I was finding a cheery me and being very encouraged more for my day.

Later I prayed to find a home church to grow in and the Lord answered me there also.

I would also suggest if you hubby knows the Lord to pray together. It is very strengthening to a marriage to pray together and spend time together in the Lord. Much more that I had ever realized. I have found these things helpful.

Looking forward to being a friend to you, Take care.

Blessings,

elkie

[sandwalker]

without Knowing details of what you fight about or why you fight, or what your personal backgrounds are,it is hard for me to give specific advice that would be truly helpful. I did notice you said you moved to large city. and that most of your freinds are not christains. my advice to you is find fellowship in the city that you are in, let the pastor know whats going on, and hopefully he get you the help you need.

im praying that you find the fellowship that you need

[Trusting Jesus]

Hi Vanilla,

Well, you have friends now! Welcome So many changes so fast can take a toll on a person. Is your husband Christian? If so, you've go a good start on working this out. Have you found a good, Bible preaching church yet? I think that would be a good start. For both you and your husband to find good, Christian fellowship among believers. Another thing I would advise is to study your Bible. Find out what it says about marraige and the role of the husband and the role of the wife. God's word is as real today as when the words were first written down. Ephesians might be a good place to start.

I can relate to your lonliness. I was 36 when I got married and had lived my whole life in a small California town (population 500) where my family had been pioneers. My roots ran deep there. When I was swept off my feet by Ron, we immediately moved to Chicago Talk about culture shock! We weren't there very long, but then moved to Portland, OR. I was a backsliding Christian and my husband didn't know Christ. Because I believed (then and I still believe now) a wife should be submissive to her husband - not under his thumb but recognizing his leadership in the home - and Ron loved me, it all worked out. Over the years we moved many times. About 9 years ago, Ron came to know Jesus and has become such a wonderful, Godly man who serves the Lord with all his heart. He "blames" me for it because of my attitude through the years. Really, we both know that it was the Holy Spirit. But the point is, be a Godly woman as encouragement to your husband to be a Godly man.

<>< ><>

Nathele

[Hunterpoet]

hi, i'm a new member. i'm afraid and i need some Godly advice. i'm recently married. i've moved, with him, away from my home to a large city. i'm alone. i don't know anyone. we fight alot. i feel on the verge of despairing. i'm trying to keep my eyes focused on Jesus, but i just see darkness. i cry alot. is anyone reading this? it's kinda weird to talk to a stranger bout this, but i don't have any friends that would know what to say. most of my friends are not totally following the Lord. i don't want the kind of advice they have to offer. i know God has led me this far, and He won't leave me here, but i'm so hopeless at this point.

Hi Vanilla,

Well I'm married for 20+years, don't know what that qualifies me for but I'll ad my 2 cents.

First of all relax....all married couples argue or if you prefer fight. It's natural, just keep low keyed is all, instead of voiceing or trying to force your opinion...ask a question.

Lonely...well everyone gets lonely from time to time, it's alittle worse when your in a new place, but if you go about your daily affairs and concentrate on what you are dong the time will pass and you will make new friends, just like you did at home.

Do find a home church.

Everything is new for you right now, but that will pass. Remember, things are new for him as well and he is probably worried about supporting you and looking like a man in your eyes.

Good Luck

[Carol R]

Blessings Vanilla,

Nice to meet you, there has been some great advice already, which saves me having to give you any.

i will look forward to seeing you in chat.

Welcome to worthy.

[Redefine_Me]

Hi Vanilla,

We are definately reading and praying

[Treasure]

Hi vanilla. So glad to have you here at worthy. You are not alone in your struggles. We're all here and we're praying for you.

[EricH]

Welcome to Worthy. I moved this from the Worthy Welcome Forum to the Looking for Advise forum. I think you will get more and better responses here.