Does God decide who you should marry?

[Guest shiloh357]

Here is an interesting subject. I have heard many people say that they believe that God has one person picked out for you to marry. I guess they believe that after you are born God has got you pegged to marry someone in particular.

I do believe that there are certain people who intensely believe that God had picked their spouse for them even before they knew the other person. I have no reason for believing that they are wrong. They knew by the Holy Spirit leading BOTH of them, that they were meant to be together.

Others believe that they were allowed to pick their spouse. Although, they believe that there were many acceptable candiates for them, they found the one they thought was the best of all. They still feel that God guided them in their choice, but that He did not make the choice for them.

Any thoughts?

[Guest mcm42]

this should be good. I laugh because my belief on this issue has often been totally contradictory to my belief on Salvation.. so I'm sure I"m going to get it for this!

I guess the answer I would give is Yes... however...I do not think we should go around searching for "the one". Who you choose is the one... that's her... so choose wisely!

I approach lifes choices like this... it doesnt matter what you choose, as long you live that choice to God's Glory. (of course I mean in issues that do not regard morality) I'm talking about Which college should I go to... Iowa Bible or NY Bible... Doesn't matter! wherever you go that's where God wanted you, for whatever reason, Go and live that decision out to God's glory.

So don't get caught up on "I don't think this is who God has for me" because you won't know who God has for you till you decide to marry her.

Some will argue "what about people who marry and divorce and remarry which was "the one" for them" I would say Both! You would cry against me saying "god wouldn't choose someone to go against His word" I would say we've all sinned, and He knew it was going to happen, and He works all these things out to His glory!

You marry, doesn't matter who, give your life totally to that person and God's will, that is more important than chasing people around. You choose to date a number of people before dating... so be it but make sure you do that according to God's will and glory, or you may hurt each and every one of those people.

Fact is it's not about who you marry, I don't believe there is a right and wrong person for each of us to marry. Is it wrong to marry a non-believer... maybe, but I've known people who have done this and God has brought the non-believer to salvation... I didn't say it was wise, I said it worked out.

Again I will say, the choice of who isn't important, so choose whomever you'd like, but what is most important is how you live out that choice. Will you choose to give yourself to that person 100% or will you walk away thinking "he/she wasn't who God had for me". If you married, she is the one... if you didn't then she isn't.

I've dated one woman in my life... She is my wife... I walked into it looking for a wife, she walked into it looking for a husband... was it God's will, obviously... is she the one God had for me... most assuredly or else I never would have been able to marry her..

This is how I see it, hope this helps

[Guest shiloh357]

Thanks for your repsonse mcm,

Actually I am not really looking to get married or anything. I've got too much going on and am much too busy, to worry about that.

I was just curious what other people think since I have heard so many people say that God will guide someone to THE person he has pre-ordained for them to marry.

I just didn't think it would stick scripturally, but you have some good observations.

[Snowdoove]

I think that everyone would be happier if they would wait till YHVH inspired two to become one.

My daughter hasn't waited. She has had two husbands who were far from knowing the Lord.

Infact, if everyone had a Christ like heart to begin with, YHVH would direct these children to cross each other path, we would have less divorces.

Snowdoove

[Guest LadyC]

i believe that God absolutely does have a preference of who we should marry, and if we submit our will to His, and not rely on the emotions of our heart, He will bring that person into our lives.

i also believe that it's very rarely the case that the person we end up marrying was God's will for us in the first place.

there, how's that for an answer?

ok let me expand on this. my first marriage was definitely not who God had chosen for me. i married a preacher's kid. it was a disaster. infidelity, substance abuse, emotional abuse, and eventually physical abuse were all elements in our marriage. after 7 years, we became one of the divorce statistics.

before i got together with my current husband, i prayed that God would bring me His very best for my life. i didn't put any conditions on that prayer, such as any specific attributes i wanted in a husband, i just trusted Him to bring me His best for my life.... and requested a time frame, half-jokingly.

well, God honored that prayer, even the joking part. i had asked for God to bring this person to me by May of the next year. i really was only half joking! but on the last day of May, i ran into the man i ended up marrying. the real irony here is that he didn't fit any of MY ideals. but he fit God's, and even though it hasn't been a bed of roses every day of the last five years, we have grown through every struggle we've had. the love is stronger now than the day we married.

how can i be sure it was really God's will? i'll save that for another time because it does get very lengthy. but suffice it to say, shortly after our wedding, God began revealing exactly why He had brought us together in many circumstances that left no doubt at all.

many may wonder why God didn't bring Him to me sooner. well, honestly, i i think during all those years before we got together, God was still making us into the people we would be by the time we married. had mark and i married five years earlier, i don't think it would have been God's timing, and i believe we'd probably have failed, because of who we both were at those points in our lives. make sense?

[BroChuck]

Hello Everyone!! Have'nt posted on here in a while..but this one I could'nt resist ..I believe on the same lines as mcm pretty much ..... I believe we choose to Love Just like other choices we make ....I know for me ...for years iIthought it took sparks to happen and i was married to my current wife for 10 yrs and the sparks werent there ..... Why? Because for yrs i was out of The will of God ...It was'nt untill My wife and I both started seving The Lord till I realized it wasnt all about that .. It was about choosing to Love her unconditionally as long as we both were keeping our eyes focused on Jesus.... It was Then that everything came together and i realized that I could love her as Christ loves the Church. So I believe as a couple(man and woman that is )can make a marrage work no matter what as long as They are in the center of Gods will. oh by the way my wife and I werent serving The Lord when we got married the first time..... Yes after 10 yrs we divorced,....divorced for 5 yrs then after We Both started serving The Lord we got married in Gods eyes ..not in the worlds eyes.. Things couldnt be better

[gypc]

All I know is I made a decision to serve God but I still dated around. I wanted a wife so I asked the Lord for a good wife and told him everything I wanted her to be plus everything I wanted to be for her. After that prayer I didn't date at all. 2 years later she happened into my life and now 16 years of being with her, I feel as though I discover something new and beautiful about her everyday.

Deciding to let go and let God bring her to me was one of the best things I have ever done. She and I are one.....I mean we are one....on almost everything. God has blessed us with to boys who are the apple of my eye and a prayer life that is awesome. I've made so many mistakes but she has stood by me through it all. She is proverbs 31 and I'm more inlove with her now than I ever was!!!

Brian

[godrulz]

Garry Friesen: "Decision Making and the Will of God: A biblical alternative to the traditional view" 1980 -Multnomah Press

This book is very practical and Scriptural and deals with the marriage issue cogently.

God's moral will is revealed in the Bible. e.g. we are not to marry an unbeliever or marry our relative or a child. Once we chose to marry someone, then we are to remain committed and make the most of it.

Within the revealed will of God is an area of freedom where we can make wise choices based on compatibility, attraction, values, etc. i.e. there is not one specific person on the planet that you should marry. God can give guidance, but He gives us much freedom.

As an exception, He may bring "Eve to Adam".

Our theological basis will also influence our practice. Calvinists would feel God predestines every detail of our life ("blueprint or bullseye motif...you are either in or out of God's perfect will, rather than areas of freedom within His moral will). Arminians would allow for more genuine freedom in whom we marry (?).

[nebula]

I'm going to be honest. My whole concept of marriage and divorce has been discolored since my parents' divorce.

In a lot of ways, I think they never should have been married (I know that's an odd thing for a child to say about her parents, but as an observer of a rotten marriage - they were always fighting - I can't help but feel that).

When they divorced it was the worst experience of my life.

But after a couple years, it became obvious that everyone was happier. Since the divorce, Dad began pursuing the Lord again like he hadn't done in about 15 years.

Just for reference, my parents didn't become Christians until a few years after my brother and I were born.

What's my point?

I don't know. I just think of this every time I hear the message of "once married, you have to stay married."

It does put me in a theological bind.

[Guest charlie]

i believe that God absolutely does have a preference of who we should marry, and if we submit our will to His, and not rely on the emotions of our heart, He will bring that person into our lives.

I agree, but one thing I've noticed is that often it is the parents who do not submit to the Lord's will for their children, because they want to "control" their children's love life. I think God provides a "mate" for us at a very young age but because it's not "culturally" acceptable to marry young anymore (15-18) the God given "mate" is pushed aside by parents and the young couple is "pressured" into breaking up.

Guess I'm old fashioned, I think we should marry that "God provided mate" during those teenage years. It would provide a sexual outlet thereby eliminating the sin of fornication, which would reduce the number of out-of-wedlock births and abortions. Young marriages were the custom in Biblical times and our own not so distant past in America.