Hubby and I Aren't Speaking

[mathqueen]

We had a stupid fight and he was being a ROYAL jerk. Then I played a card that was a little extra, if you know what I mean. Now I'm upstairs and he's downstairs, and we're not speaking. He doesn't want to "see me, hear me, or talk to me" for now. Part of me could care less. The other part wants to make up. But I know if I go down there and try to do so, one thing will happen: I will not a get a gracious response and I WILL MAKE IT WORSE. I'm outstanding at doing that. So what do I do?

[Guest zoe-girl]

Go out to you and boy have I been where you are- and also- .

Love is patient and kind etc, read that scriputure and seek its wisdom.

[AndrewA]

You obey his wishes to keep out of his sight. After he has cooled down and emerged then you apologize for the argument. I do not care what the argument was about , normallly when things get this bad it is often trival matters that started, quite often neither person remembers what started the arguement in first place.

To be at this point you do need to seek help from a Christian marriage guidance councilour .I asume your husband is Christian. depending on if he is or is not will have a bearing on how you progress.

I beleive that a marriage should be as Paul states in Ephesians 5:22-33, . Most women baulk at this and put up shutters and dont want to know anything else as they never get past the Wives submit to your husbands part, thinking they are going be made into door mats. certainly it does not make things easy when your marriage is already suffering in various areas, so these need to be addressed and put right before you can progress with doing things the way Paul writes.

I know a number of marriages that are amazingly blessed for doing things to scripture. Just remember that even if wives do have to submit, so the husbands have to work hard at protecting and caring and loving thier wives unconditionally and without any anger , bad thought or action against thier wife, just as Christ loves the Church.

Submitting dose not mean door mat, you can still discuss things together and work as a partnership, which should be a 3 way God Husband and Wife, but at end of day if your husband says something or decides something you abide by it, if it is a stupid decision, pray to God to show him it is stupid, if you do things properly and bear the mistakes your husband makes then you will be blessed for it by God. when you do get into unconditional love working both ways submitting is then natural and you will hardly notice it.

HOwever as i previously said you need to get the problems in your marriage addressed, it may not be big problems, but from small seeds.... Nip this and stop this before it takes root too much, a small weeds roots is easier to pull out than 100 foot tall tree roots. DO not allow satan to destroy another marriage.

[mathqueen]

I wish I would have gotten your post sooner. I can't stop. I keep going down there and picking away at this and I don't know why I can't just LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! He thinks he did nothing wrong which infuriates me. I know I need to let it go and let him be and turn to the Lord. Why can't I do that????? Please pray that God would save me from myself and my current destructiveness.

[AndrewA]

I was prompted to pick up bible and thumb through it, after a couple of turns my eyes fell upon this .. and i can not turn away from it. I suggest you read this passage. 1 John 3:11-24 I have posted below. The problem you have is a need to be told you are right. It is a destructive thought process that has been put into place by Satan to create a division between your unity, any rift within a marriage is heartbreaking for God, which is part of satans plans isnt it.

Yes you maybe 100% correct and have every worldy right to be told you are right and your husband admit he is wrong. But we are not of the world are we. God knows you are right, if you are right, God knows the truth, but is not really bothered about it, all God sees is your anger and hate towards the person who loves you. Your husband may not show love, but deep down even if its buried far from sight, he does.

Why is it so important to be told you are right? It is possible that deep down he knows this, but by simply demanding to be told that you are right you are demanding for your husband to acknowledge that you are superior to him, you are challenging his God given right to authority over you, He simply walks away from the situation, knowing full well that any more provocation from you can cause even more problems and possibly violent reaction. This man is superior may seem sexist, but its just a natural order of things as that is how God designed humands to be, so by rising up and stamping your superiorty and demanding he bows to your authority you are going against the order of things. Just a thought.

As I said in my previous post, to be submissive is correct , but you need to be completlly without any hate bad thoughts or bitterness towards each other before it can work. You need to sit down and think how this started, just spend time with god in prayer and find the original thoughts that Satan put into your mind and with Gods help remove them. Then you should be able to move on to a reconciliation,

I have no idea how much you argue, or what bad feelings there are, but there is somthing not right and again I stress over next few weeks you need to talk to someone professionally about this. It can be just you on your own or first meeting as a couple etc. but you really do need to talk to pepople, otherwise it will just be like a snowball that rolls onwards gettgin bigger

Satan knows your chinks and is obvisouly taking delight in what he has done to you now, so do not allow him any more satisfaction or to allow it happen again, find the problem and get it sorted. Easier said than done, but then that is what our churches and ministers are for!

Anyway It is 4am and i need sleep

God bless and I pray that you do find peace and you restore a loving happy relationship pretty sooN!

1Jn 3:11 For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.

1Jn 3:12 Not as Cain, who was of that wicked one, and slew his brother. And wherefore slew he him? Because his own works were evil, and his brother's righteous.

1Jn 3:13 Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you.

1Jn 3:14 We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.

1Jn 3:15 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.

1Jn 3:16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

1Jn 3:17 But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?

1Jn 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.

1Jn 3:19 And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him.

1Jn 3:20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.

1Jn 3:21 Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.

1Jn 3:22 And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.

1Jn 3:23 And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.

1Jn 3:24 And he that keepeth his commandments dwelleth in him, and he in him. And hereby we know that he abideth in us, by the Spirit which he hath given us.

[MorningGlory]

I wish I would have gotten your post sooner. I can't stop. I keep going down there and picking away at this and I don't know why I can't just LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! He thinks he did nothing wrong which infuriates me. I know I need to let it go and let him be and turn to the Lord. Why can't I do that????? Please pray that God would save me from myself and my current destructiveness.

Oh, come on mathqueen; you're just being human. Or, more accurately, a female human. We just CANNOT leave well enough alone, not until we have the last word. Pray for the Lord to take that away from you. I guarantee you that your husband just doesn't see what your problem is. Maybe pray for him to understand you better too. Men just don't think like we do, sister. I will pray for both of you and for this to be resolved quickly. Don't want to let arguments fester; it's not good for a marriage.

[mathqueen]

I wish I would have gotten your post sooner. I can't stop. I keep going down there and picking away at this and I don't know why I can't just LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! He thinks he did nothing wrong which infuriates me. I know I need to let it go and let him be and turn to the Lord. Why can't I do that????? Please pray that God would save me from myself and my current destructiveness.

Oh, come on mathqueen; you're just being human. Or, more accurately, a female human. We just CANNOT leave well enough alone, not until we have the last word. Pray for the Lord to take that away from you. I guarantee you that your husband just doesn't see what your problem is. Maybe pray for him to understand you better too. Men just don't think like we do, sister. I will pray for both of you and for this to be resolved quickly. Don't want to let arguments fester; it's not good for a marriage.

Being understood is the BEST. Thanks my friend!! Andrew made some really good points in his last post that I think are true, and I'm going to take those to heart. However, this is just a stupid fight (I cannot remember the last time we had a fight, let alone like this), so counseling isn't needed here. I haven't been down there for about an hour so YAY!! I've been too distracted by possibly the HAPPIEST song I have ever heard (The Rocket Summer's song "So Much Love." AMAZING!!!). I need continued prayer that I can truly let this go, NOT go to bed angry in my heart lest the devil continue his stronghold, and live for the Lord and His ways tomorrow, no matter what my husband's attitude is toward me. I need to pray.

[Guest man]

I can't stop. I keep going down there and picking away at this and I don't know why I can't just LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!

Psalm 37

8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret

[mathqueen]

I can't stop. I keep going down there and picking away at this and I don't know why I can't just LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!

Psalm 37

8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret

[MorningGlory]

Being understood is the BEST. Thanks my friend!! Andrew made some really good points in his last post that I think are true, and I'm going to take those to heart. However, this is just a stupid fight (I cannot remember the last time we had a fight, let alone like this), so counseling isn't needed here. I haven't been down there for about an hour so YAY!! I've been too distracted by possibly the HAPPIEST song I have ever heard (The Rocket Summer's song "So Much Love." AMAZING!!!). I need continued prayer that I can truly let this go, NOT go to bed angry in my heart lest the devil continue his stronghold, and live for the Lord and His ways tomorrow, no matter what my husband's attitude is toward me. I need to pray.

back at ya! Everything will work out when you hand it over to Him.