brief vent...

[Guest LadyC]

i just feel the urge to vent a little, as soon as it's out of my fingertips, i'll be fine and can move on. (i hope.)

mark has this friend. we once put a cell phone in MY name for him. by the time i had it turned off, he owed us $400.

he just came over with a 1920 victrola. i really would love to have it. he wants $40. right now we don't have $40, so i suggested he apply it to what he owed us on the phone bill. he shook his head and said "nah, i don't wanna do that". so i said "then i don't want the victrola."

it kinda hurt mark's feelings i think, because he really wanted it, and because i think it bothers him that i even brought up the past phone bill.

i just can't believe the audacity of that jerk friend of his!

thanks for letting me vent!

[OneLight]

Totally understand! Takes all kinds to make the world go round ...

Too bad your husband didn't step up beside you.

[hopper]

Edited April 11, 2008 by hopper

[Reuben Hick]

I've been disappointed so many times by a failure of folk to return things, that ages ago I decided to simply count all things loaned as lost.

Sound advice.

My father said, never lend anything, give it instead.

If it gets returned, then you can be delightfully surprised.

I guess the negative side of that is, don't lend anything you never wish to see again.

As for books. I never lend or give out any book from my personal library. If it is worth letting someone read it, I will purchase for them their own copy. If it comes back, I donate it to the church library unless there is someone else who might appreciate it. I had too many irreplaceable books disappear, or books that were lent out but cost hundreds $$ to purchase from rare book vendors.

As for the cell phone thing, that is just plain foolish. If the felt need for a cellphone is so great that the recipient of it isn't willing to sacrifice anything for it, then consider a prepay phone, and make the parasite beg or provide for himself more minutes.

[Guest LadyC]

it did help to vent. ironically, mark's friend left the victrola in the middle of our living room floor, saying he'd be back. there it still sits this morning. mark's entire family is decending on vegas today, for a mini-vacation, and i've spent days giving this home a deep cleaning.

so i told my husband that when he gets off work, if troy hasn't returned to take it from our living room, i want us to move it outside under the stairway, and he can pick it up at his convenience without ringing our doorbell.

it's soooo tempting to keep it. it's not the tabletop kind that has the big horn on it, it's the kind that is encased in a solid wood cabinet. it's the perfect height and width to put our "new" 42" plasma tv on, and i really want to use it for that purpose. (the tv isn't really new, it's just new to us, it was a gift from a friend at church.)

but if i do that, i know what will happen. mark will end up giving the $40 to troy for it, behind my back, and will quite likely tell me that troy changed his mind and decided to let us knock off part of what he owes us. yes, i'm saying mark would lie... with the best of intentions, of course. he'd want me to have the victrola, and he'd want to keep peace. it's what he does.

i'm seriously thinking about dragging the thing out under the staircase myself, before mark even gets home from work.

[Guest LadyC]

oh, and hopper, about your advice.... nothing was ever loaned to him. i put the phone in my name, on my account, with the condition that he pay the monthly bill. the only reason i let his bill get that far behind was to appease my husband. it was linked to my husband's phone account too (also in my name, all the bills are in my name), and when the day came that both phones were slated to be disconnected, i contacted troy and told him i needed at least half what he owed us to keep both phones turned on, and troy's reaction was "i could care less what you do, LET them get turned off", and slammed the phone down in my ear. i managed to cough up the money, just to make sure my husband didn't lose service.

so this wasn't a loan, it was the failure on troy's part to keep a commitment and pay the bill. as far as i am concerned, it was theft. just like the time he had "lost" the key to our truck, and then snuck over and "borrowed" it without our knowledge or consent.

however, i DID pretty much write it off long ago. i know, and have known, that i'll never see a dime of what he owes us on that bill. but i will not stand idly by and allow him to continue taking advantage of us.

[MorningGlory]

oh, and hopper, about your advice.... nothing was ever loaned to him. i put the phone in my name, on my account, with the condition that he pay the monthly bill. the only reason i let his bill get that far behind was to appease my husband. it was linked to my husband's phone account too (also in my name, all the bills are in my name), and when the day came that both phones were slated to be disconnected, i contacted troy and told him i needed at least half what he owed us to keep both phones turned on, and troy's reaction was "i could care less what you do, LET them get turned off", and slammed the phone down in my ear. i managed to cough up the money, just to make sure my husband didn't lose service.

so this wasn't a loan, it was the failure on troy's part to keep a commitment and pay the bill. as far as i am concerned, it was theft. just like the time he had "lost" the key to our truck, and then snuck over and "borrowed" it without our knowledge or consent.

however, i DID pretty much write it off long ago. i know, and have known, that i'll never see a dime of what he owes us on that bill. but i will not stand idly by and allow him to continue taking advantage of us.

I've done the same thing, Lady C, and I'm sure you did it for the same reason; to help someone out when they needed it. I have my ex-husband on my family plan because he simply can't get a phone with his credit. But...I told him upfront when I handed him his new phone...."payment is due on the 10th; on the 11th I will have the phone deactivated." Six months later and he has always been early with his payment and has never gone over his minutes. Bad feelings are created when expectations are not spelled out and I don't feel obligated to pay for anyone else's cell bill. You are justifiably mad at this guy but, for your own sake, let the stress go. Christian charity doesn't include allowing someone to take advantage of or mooch off you.

[mead]

Just keep him in your prayers, because he is poor in spirit.

[Guest LadyC]

no, there was no written contract, and i'm aware that a verbal contract is useless in a court of law. but in God's court, your word is everything. let your yes's mean yes, your no's mean no.

i should never enter into a verbal contract with an unbeliever LOL, so it was indeed my fault for allowing it... and it was his fault for breaking his commitment.

but my vent really wasn't about the phone bill itself, that's been more than a year ago. my vent, although the phone bill does play a role in it, was about his attitude. it's the arrogance, the disrespect, the whole nine yards that goes with the fact that he acknowledged last night that he does owe us money, and that he has no intention of ever paying it, while standing there offering to sell us a piece of furniture.

and i guess if i'm totally honest, the root of my rant is that my husband continues to consider him a "loyal friend".

[hopper]