Totally confused: whats going on with me?

[EricH]

Moved from General Discussion to Looking for Advise

[Aleksander]

Aleks... I don't just mean go and attend a group. I mean get involved in a group where you could share your struggles. Bring them out of the dark, into the open through speaking it outloud to these men. Then have one or two of the men become your accountability partner. This will be a person (or persons) that you will open up to and be honest with. They will be bold enough to ask you what you're doing to combat the sin and to check in with you on a daily basis (if necessary).

If its easier, everyone can just call me Alex...

Now, we dont have anything like what described in out church. But we are working on developing something within our worship group that will be a substitute of sorts. In thhe group we already share what we read from the Word on that day BEFORE we do any group activity or practise. And our pastor is strongly encouraging us to be supportive of each other, ect, almost in the same way you described.

But changing churches just because we dont have a a group like you described... not going to happen. I am staing where I am for right now.

---

Anyway, I am priveledged to say that I feel a lot better now. Couple of days ago I was watching TV and they were showing a clip of Christ being crusified... thats when Holy Spirit reminded me that Christ didnt just die for my sins. He died to take away all my pains and heartaches. I remembered the passage from Isaiah 53:5. Remembering that He already nailed my worries to the cross, everthing just lifted and I felt better. Its like I cant bring myself to worry about anything anymore. My mind is telling me that I am in a middle of the worsed experiences I've ever been, but I am not so worried anymore.

"Thank You LORD for pulling me through. Thank You for giving me this peace. I am sorry I was so consumed by this that I was not remembering to praise You in the midst of the storm."

Edited July 22, 2008 by Aleksander

[Guest Aussielady]

Alek you need to get back to basics. Join a church and be accountable to a minister. Join the type of men's group Alek that Chicagoburbite mentioned. You need financial counselling. Someone that can talk to your creditors and work out a plan for you. You need to seek another job, one that pays a salary. You also need help in spiritual warfare, as porn is an addiction that is normally fuelled by a spirit of addiction. You need to repent and turn yourself around with the Holy Spirits power, completely surround yourself with God's Word and people. You need to keep on the whole armour of God, that has already been mentioned. Instead of playing video games, get involved in the activities at church or church welfare agencies. As you give of yourself to others, it increases your own feeling of self worth as you help other people. God has said we can have an abundant life Alek, but to do so we must live the life God planned and the way He designed it. His mercies are new every morning and this can be the start of a new day for you. Make a decision today to start to follow God's ways and find a church, confess to the minister your situation and tell him that you need help in the above areas. Then obey and overcome these things Alek. Make it be the first day of the rest of your life. A life of love, joy and fulfilment out of the mire you are now in. When you are in the middle of these things, it seems dark and with no hope, but you have the hope of changing because you will Trust God to work in you and bring everything about for His glory. You will be able to help other people later on with the lessons you are learned and bless them. Don't give up, just look up and obey His guidance. The most positive thing now, is at least you are asking for help, that is the first step to victory.

[Aleksander]

Alek you need to get back to basics. Join a church and be accountable to a minister. Join the type of men's group Alek that Chicagoburbite mentioned. You need financial counselling. Someone that can talk to your creditors and work out a plan for you. You need to seek another job, one that pays a salary. You also need help in spiritual warfare, as porn is an addiction that is normally fuelled by a spirit of addiction. You need to repent and turn yourself around with the Holy Spirits power, completely surround yourself with God's Word and people. You need to keep on the whole armour of God, that has already been mentioned. Instead of playing video games, get involved in the activities at church or church welfare agencies. As you give of yourself to others, it increases your own feeling of self worth as you help other people. God has said we can have an abundant life Alek, but to do so we must live the life God planned and the way He designed it. His mercies are new every morning and this can be the start of a new day for you. Make a decision today to start to follow God's ways and find a church, confess to the minister your situation and tell him that you need help in the above areas. Then obey and overcome these things Alek. Make it be the first day of the rest of your life. A life of love, joy and fulfilment out of the mire you are now in. When you are in the middle of these things, it seems dark and with no hope, but you have the hope of changing because you will Trust God to work in you and bring everything about for His glory. You will be able to help other people later on with the lessons you are learned and bless them. Don't give up, just look up and obey His guidance. The most positive thing now, is at least you are asking for help, that is the first step to victory.

I am already a member of a church that I am attending right now. And I am a part of the worship group in that church, so changing churches on the basis of them not having a group like Chicagoburbite dscribed... well, no, I dont think thats going to happen any time soon.

And thank you for the advice and a kind words. And thanks everyone else .

[Guest]

[shepherdsgrace]

May the LORD strengthen you. May you feel his love and concern. Lean upon Him. Keep telling Him that you are leaning upon HIM. He knows that you cannot do it by yourself. Lean heavily upon Jesus.

Romans 7 tells us that there is a law of sin within our members. Romans 8 tells that we are set FREE from that law of sin by the Spirit of Life in CHrist Jesus. If you will meditate on the truth of that statement and the power of Christ in you and for you, breakthroughs will happen for you. No doubt.

Whatever you do, don't give up! We have heaven waiting on us. Bright future ahead!

[Aleksander]

Thank you for the kind words shepherdsgrace. But...

Yes, I've found a way out of my problem with porn and lust, THANK YOU LORD for that. It was a long, long fight, took a lot out of me, and SO MUCH grace from God, to get out of it. And yes, I've noticed I am more and more depending on God for answers, etc and it seem I am maturing spiritually. Slowly, but little by little, I've noticed changes for the better(again, THANK YOU LORD for that). But... I dont know if its my weak faith or something, but the money problem is driving me bonkers, to say the least. Since January this year, I've made maybe a thousand dollars, at most. I had not one sourse of income since and still dont at the moment, way too much debt on credit cards(twice as much as I did last time I was in a financial, hm, situation) and other bills... I cant pick up the phone when I see one the three numbers on the caller ID cause I know they will ask for money I DONT HAVE, and because my credit history is so messed up, I cant apply for a loan... I feel REALLY HORRIBLE about complaining like this, but I dont see a way out of this mess. Whats worse is I realize that ALL of my problems were caused by MY ACTIONS at some point earlier, so I stopped blaming others for it. I cant help it but blame myself for all this mess. And it seems that every time I pray and ask for help and a way out this financial [tempted to type a choice word here, and its so hard to resist doing it]-hole, nothing happens other than things just get a little bit worse EVERY TIME I pray. THE WORSED part is that my family could really use my financial contribution if I could help them AND I have a pledge payment to CBN that will not go through because the credit card is maxed out, and I dont have enough to cover even a minimum payment.

I dont know if its because I dont pray enough, or I am still in some sin thats not resolved, or I am too weak-faithed, or something else. But I am phisically, mentally and spiritually drained, out of options, and things have just been getting worse and worse.

I feel REALLY HORRIBLE about complaining like this, but I am phisically, mentally and spiritually drained. Please, just pray for me you guys. And I hope soon I can come here and post a reply to this informing everyone that I out of nightmare, and finally breathing easy.

Alexander.

[yesult]

Dude - (does anyone even use that word any more?) Seriously. Stop being so hard on yourself. Job was so perfect that even satan couldn't find fault with him and he has a whole book in the bible filled with him validating his pain. King david did it. Jeremiah did it. There are so many examples of great people of God in the bible venting and crying (and even blaming and unbeliving God at times.) Even Jesus said - 'my God, my God, why have you forsaken me' and 'if it be possible, let this cup be passed from him'. The bible tells us that his sweat before he was cruicified were so intent as he prayed, that they were like drops of blood. It also says that his face was 'set like flint' as he made his way to jerusalem for it to happen. It wasn't like he jumped around crying 'oh goody, goody, I get to be nailed to a cross.'

Just be real. It's ok to cry out in trials.

[Guest]

[Aleksander]

Thank you for your prayers, you and everyone else that was praying for me.

This is a big joy to finally say that I am feeling A LOT better about myself and everything that has been going on. After some unwanted conversations, lots of prayers and a lot of growing up(spiritually) by me... I am glad to say I am once again free and clear, so to say.

I am finally free, completely, from the burden of my problem with porn and lust. It feels so wonderful to be free. Thank you LORD.

Today I am off to the department store to chat with a manager about my job. The wheels are set in motion, so all thats left is getting there, the interviews and orientation. But I am absolutely positive that I have a new job. After 9 month of not having a major source of income, this is a welcome and refreshing change. I can finally work on paying off my debt and be free to use my newfound riches for His purpose. I am set on taking more time and money and putting it towards doing some good.

I thank God for this time of chaos. Times like this drive people mad, but God has used it to help me grow in my relationship with Him, in my understanding of the Word and appying it to myself. Glory to Him fro His mercy, love, care and anything and everything I have.

Anyhows, I am glad these things have happened in my life. Didnt think I'd ever say that, but I am. Thank you LORD, for I am stronger, better. All this makes for a renewed understanding of Matthew 6 and Hebrews 12, .