Forgivness

[ray]

Forgiveness, how? Well I know in theroy and scriptually you first go to your brother if he or she has something against you. Than if that does not work you get a peer meadiator. If that does not work you go before the congregation or church.

This does work I know. BUT when some holds a grudge against you based on all you know is he said, she said and those persons are not identifable. How can you forgive and move on with life?

How do you forgive when you feel you have forgiven all parties but some one keeps opening up the can of worms but never seeks clearity so proper ammends can made between the hard feelings that were made?

Thanks

ray

[kittyjo]

I'm not sure if I'm reading you right, but let me share this with you...

I have come across people who are just... Uhmm, well... I guess you could say... Impossible. No matter how or what is tried to ammend a situation, they are unwilling. First of all, I think prayer is the best. I pray that God will soften the hearts of both parties and that the Lords peace will take over the matter for all involved.

Then common sense has to set in... You cant expect a wolf to behave like a dove. A wolf, is a wolf and will do what is natural to a wolf. Some people are just difficult by their own nature. There could be a lifetime worth of hurt and pain in their past that causes them to behave a certain way... I think empathy is a first step to forgiving someone.

When I am confronted with someone who is difficult and who exhausts my good intentions I try to imagine them as a baby or very small child. Innocent, dependant and in need of love. I try to remind myself that someone, somewhere loves this person.... Then I remind myself that our Heavenly Father, sees us all as His children, He loves us all... Even the most difficult of us. He loves us when we are faithful; He loves us when we are lost; He even loves us when we hurt Him.

Thinking of this always helps to soften my own heart, the anger and frustration I may have had melts away and forgiveness begins.

I also remind myself of God's 'rules of love', What is love.... 1Cor. 13:4-5 Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keps no records of wrongs.

I don't know if that helps or not, but it usually works for me.

[BoldlyProclaimingChrist]

When you forgive someone, you make a decision to no longer hold that person accountable for that sin. That is something you do on your part. However, you cannot control what the other person does. If they choose not to forgive you, it is no fault of yours and God does not hold YOU accountable.

[stevehut]

You just make a decision to do it. It has nothing to do with anyone else.

[Guest LadyC]

this is really drawing some oversimplified, black and white responses.... no offense to those who posted them, really. it's not always so easy. sometimes we, as humans, are absolutely incapable of forgiving someone.

but God isn't.

i've had two instances in my life where forgiveness was absolutely impossible, at least by my own will. the first time, i was 18. it wasn't a matter of simply deciding to forgive and then doing it. it was a matter of asking God to forgive them THROUGH me. i prayed consistently every night for over six months that God would put the feeling of forgiveness into my heart for those that had done me wrong. i trusted Him to forgive through me. and eventually, it happened. essentially WHAT happened was that God dissolved the anger that was binding me. God had already forgiven them, but only He could rid me of the hurt and anger i felt, so that i could be a willing vessel to express His forgiveness.

the second time was when i was in my mid thirties. it didn't take God as long to dissolve my anger that time. i had dated our preacher's son, and it had gotten a bit more physical than it should have. ok, a LOT more physical. then i learned that the preacher's son had told a (female) friend of his (who didn't care much for me) that he'd never liked me to begin with, he only went out with me because he figured i would be an easy target. now this wasn't just a typical preacher's kid, he was also the assistant youth pastor at our church!

i was so hurt, so furious, and so indignant that he would not only abuse his position in the church by seeking out single church members as sexual prey, but that he'd used me like that in the first place! so i went to his apartment and really just unleashed my anger at him. i wanted to slug him when he finally interrupted me and asked if we could pray together... but i shut up and let him pray. during that prayer he cried and asked forgiveness for having wrong me, and for having wronged God. then he also asked God to help ME to forgive him. by the time he finished praying, i honestly felt that i'd just seen the true love of Christ shine through another wretched sinner. it wasn't by my own power that i forgave him, it was the Lord who put that forgiveness into my heart. i have never felt anger at him since. and the weirdest thing was how it really, totally freed me! from that point forward when i would see him in church, it was as if we'd never dated, never became physical, never anything... it was as if he was simply a brother in Christ.

[stevehut]

this is really drawing some oversimplified, black and white responses....

Yup. God has some very simple, black-and-white rules in his Bible... Your personal righteousness has nothing to do with anything that someone else does, or fails to do.

[Guest LadyC]

i think you missed the point steve. our human flesh is not always capable of mustering up forgiveness. sometimes we have to allow ourselves to be vessels of God's forgiveness, even if it goes against every fiber of our mortal bodies.

so the point is, forgiveness comes from God. it's not something we automatically posess.

[stevehut]

our human flesh is not always capable of mustering up forgiveness. sometimes we have to allow ourselves to be vessels of God's forgiveness, even if it goes against every fiber of our mortal bodies.

Agreed. And that's what I meant when I said, you just need to make a decision to do it.

[Guest LadyC]

[RGR]

Forgiveness can be tough! I have found myself in situations where I can forgive, but I don't think that means that you have to keep coming back for more!!! I also like this little saying that I came up with-if a mule kicks you in the head 10 times, you can forgive him, but it doesn't mean you're going to go back around him to get kicked again-that's not unforgiveness, that's common sense!!!