Internet Dating sites for Christians.....

[Guest man]

If I sounded harsh or unloving in my previous responses, honestly, that WASN'T my intention.

I know.

[Guest HIS girl]

If I sounded harsh or unloving in my previous responses, honestly, that WASN'T my intention.

I know.

Phew!!

[LadyRaven]

Should christians only hookup with christians?

Are non-believers bad people?

It would be advisable....your foundation would be the same. That's important.

There is NO WAY I would date a non - believer....

I know God does lead Christians to non-believers who will eventually become Christians down the track

but after my experience (being with an atheist for 12 years), no thanks..

I can see not dating someone who flat out rejects God, but what about those who simply don't know Him?

Are they to be shunned also?

Shunned, no. Not considered as a spouse...definitely. Yanno, the problem isn't taking another person out to eat or going to the movies together. Or even sitting in the shade and reading each other's poetry. Those things are fine in and of themselves. But you have to consider, if you are a believer, if there is a Christian view of dating.

John 2:15: Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world

The world is the system which is of the flesh, run by satan and excepted and blessed by the

primary culture of our society. It is that which breaks the commandments and leads us away

from God. In another verse we are told to not be "of the world."

This does not mean that we have to run from every expression of our culture and that everything out there in the world is a sin. At the same time we need to not necessarily take up the habits of the primary culture just because it's "the way things are done." It might not be scripturally correct...and if we entangle ourselves in it then we run the risk of loving the things of the world or becoming one with it. In other words we should always be questioning if this or that thing is something which ties myself to the world system, the primary culture or to sin.

How we find a mate is no different. The current way the primary culture seeks a mate is IMO "of the world" or "worldly" by definition. It's about being selfish, it's about being sexual, it's about focusing on the relationship and not our families or God and about throwing away that which somehow does not satisfy us. That is not the correct focus for a believer and IMO also sets forth a dangerous pattern for future behaviour after we are married (the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour).

Joseph sought to divorce Mary before they were even married. Why is that? Because biblically, a betrothal/engagement is a private contract between the couple agreeing to a lifelong partnership. The marriage is the public expression of that contract at a later date. Thus...you should not become engaged until you are ready for the commitment. The engagement is just as much a commitment as the marriage, it isn't a "trial run." You make sure to select a worthy spouse and know that this is right before you bring a ring into the picture.

Unfortunately the path from the initial glance to the ring is not considered by many people to be of much importance. But, it is. You learn to develop feelings, ties and loyalties with those you date. When they reach a certain level, you consider engagement. Thus each person you 'date' is a possible engagement and marriage partner so the following should be remembered...

Matt. 19:4-5: And he answered them and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

Since marriage is God's answer to the sexual urges and desires natural to being human, and there has to be a selection process which occurs in order to marry...that selection process is also part of the "doctrine of marriage" just as much as marriage itself is. What significance is this? Well there are several things I see here.

1. It's a man and not a boy. Age isn't as relevent as maturity IMO, but the principle is that this person is a "man" and thus mature enough to have a wife before he gets one.

2. You leave your parents: This to me indicates the presence of parents in the life of the man and woman before they are married, whether they live with you or not.

3. The man is addressed: This does not mean that the woman is alone and not guided by this verse, it means that the man has to understand it because HE is the focus. Why? I believe it is because he's the covenant and federal head of any future marriage and thus HE is the one who is to be constructing said marriage from the beginning. HE is the one "seeking" and she is the one who is found.

4. The purpose of "dating" or "courting" is to eventually become one with someone else, not to have a good time or to not be lonely or...whatever. This isn't about finding a golfing buddy or a lover, this is about finding a mate.

Romans 2:10: Be devoted to one another and give preference to one another in honour Love does not mean doing what someone else wants, it means seeking the best for the other person. One thing which is best for the other person is spiritual, emotional and physical purity. This would mean that you would not date someone you know that you could not marry, it is leading this person astray.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (14) Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? (15) Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?

Another version of scripture says: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with

darkness?

Obviously the person that you want to marry must be a believer, so...don't take any steps which would end up making an unbeliever a likely candidate for marriage (like dating or courting behaviour or making them a close confidante which could lead to emotional ties which could lead to romantic feelings).

Prov 6:27-28: Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Can one go on hot coals, and his feet not be burned?

Eph 4:22/Gal 5:19 and various other verses teach us that our natures are corrupted and even after we have been regenerate are prone to sin. When dealing with the opposite sex we should keep this in mind and question EVERYTHING we do. Is this going to lead me to sin, or is this desire/action already a sin? Doing things which deliberate excite the other member of this equation is leading this person to sin and at the same time sinning yourself. You're not seeking the greater good of the other person and putting the two of you in danger. this doesn't legally obligate you to a chaperone, but at the same time, it should keep you out of dark rooms...It should also keep you away from dating unbelievers. You cannot flirt with disaster just because they are nice people.

Deut 7:3: Neither shalt thou make marriages with them (that is, the nations); thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son.

I don't see anything in the NT to put this principle aside, the parents are supposed to be involved. There is a verse in the NT which indicates that a widow is free to remarry "in the Lord" and gives no indication that her parents must be involved again. but for never before marrieds, I don't see any reason scripturally to justify leaving parents OUT of the selection process for finding a mate. There is also the obligation to remain separate from 'the nations', which were unbelievers. The reason should be obvious, but...

Amos 3:3"... Can two walk together except they be agreed".

Believers and non believers disagree the fundamentals of life, they will disagree on everything of importance, even if it is only the method used to arrive at a common understanding.

Things I extrapolate from these and other verses include the following:

1. If I'm looking or if I were a man looking, I would not be seeking casual, serial sexually charged relationships. In light of the above verses, they are of no spiritual good. Finding a mate is not a casual thing, and it should not be treated as such. It's a serious lifelong commitment you are looking for so you should keep this in mind when you are looking. The idea isn't to "try on" as many shoes as you can before you purchase a pair, the idea is to search to find a shoe that fits the first time around.

2. When I look at the imagry of the yoking of oxen used in scripture I also see more parallels than just avoiding marriage to an unbeliever. I'm going to choose a kindred spirit, so to speak. I don't want to be in a situation where we're both instinctively pulling in opposing directions. Thus if I have a calling or talents I'm to use, I'm going to only consider the courtship advances of men who would be apt to protect and cultivate these and not suppress them either by direct action or by simply guiding the family away from them.

3. I'm going to look for someone who is of good character and faith. How does this person

treat his or her parents and family? How does this person act around their friends? Is their doctrine sound and their walk with God strong? Are they responsible? How long have I actually watched this person? Taking notes for the first two weeks, honestly is not enough. I'm going to choose from people I already know well when they aren't trying to impress me. This way I see them for what they really are not for what they want me to think they are.

4. If you end up for one reason or another NOT marrying the person you have taken to a movie then she or he is not yours, he or she belongs to someone else. Thus you treat this person like a brother or sister in the Lord and not like a prospective mate. If they are not a believer, they are still someone else's mate. It would rule out dating, definitely.

5. Since the point of pairing off is to find a spouse and not an activity partner, you don't pair off until you are ready to be a spouse. This means what it sounds like. If you are emotionally immature, don't date/court. If you are not old enough to marry don't date/court. If you have too much baggage emotionally don't date/court. If you're not right with God, if you are in a major life transition, etc then don't pair off until these things are taken care of. This also means that you dont seek relationships with people who are not ready to pair off. Spiritual maturity is a must, and an unbeliever is not spiritually mature. Period.

[Guest man]

Shunned, no. Not considered as a spouse...definitely. Yanno, the problem isn't taking another person out to eat or going to the movies together. Or even sitting in the shade and reading each other's poetry. Those things are fine in and of themselves. But you have to consider, if you are a believer, if there is a Christian view of dating.

You'll have to excuse me, I'm kinda new to this "christian only" thing.

I didn't know that christians married after the first date.

I thought there was a time for each individual to get to know one another. ( most couples do this in the secular world )

Here's my thinking, ( silly me ) that somewhere in the courtship the believer would be sharing the "good news" about our Lord and Savior and that just maybe, the non-believer would be drawn to the truth.

I was kinda thinking along these lines.

Luke 6

31 And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

32

[Blien]

I would be glad for the Chrisitian person who didn't date me before I became a beliver because I had a different rational. I was not a bad person per say but didnt know that the Devil was manipulating me and I can see what burden it would be to a christian who is looking to build a relationship. God was working on me, like he is working on all non-belivered. Would you move into a house that is still under construction? No way!! And certainly not without God's approval first!

[Guest man]

I would be glad for the Chrisitian person who didn't date me before I became a beliver because I had a different rational. I was not a bad person per say but didnt know that the Devil was manipulating me and I can see what burden it would be to a christian who is looking to build a relationship. God was working on me, like he is working on all non-belivered. Would you move into a house that is still under construction? No way!! And certainly not without God's approval first!

But if you could, would you not help in the construction of that house?

[Blien]

Can I do anything that the Lord does not will to happen? He has a plan and he will follow through with it. Unless he says "take this person" its useless to do anything else.

I'm not saying this out of theoretical construction, I actually did date a person who was not a believer for a little over a year and it hurt me plenty. The devil was fierce and God did not want to help because he has a plan that I was not a part of.

[Guest man]

Unless he says "take this person" its useless to do anything else.

And how would this happen?

[Blien]

Unless he says "take this person" its useless to do anything else.

And how would this happen?

If HE wants to make you aware of something, there is no question you will know. The LORD who simply spoke this world into existence is not limited that He can't do something as simple as communicate directly with you.

[speckles]

Luke 6

31 And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

32