oakleaf Posted September 8, 2008 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 214 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/29/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/01/1963 Share Posted September 8, 2008 on a recent post i made callled am i alone i stated all my illnesses, i had a serious fall a few weeks ago that did some serious muscle and ligament damage. i saw my doc and she wants me to have at home physical therapy and wants me to get a hospital bed to help me sleep at night...what im at a loss about is my wife of 18yrs refuses to pt and getting the bed even if it means my feelin i bit better if i got them....there aint a whole lot i can anymore like bending standing a can barely walk i cant do any real physical work anymore but she constantly makes me do it anyway...i should say she yells at me calls me names and get down right mean and nasty if i tell her i cant do those things...my oldest daughter lives here and she wont lift a finger to help and they are perfectly healthy....i know GOD doesnt like divorces and im tryin to keep my marriage but the worse i get the worse they get....ive tried counceling but my wife refuses to come to any sessions.....i just dont know what to do....should i stay and continue with this unhappy marriage or should i leave them....i hate bein disabled and i hate my life and where it is goin.....oak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead Posted September 8, 2008 Group: Removed from Forums for Breaking Terms of Service Followers: 1 Topic Count: 9 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 871 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 17 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/28/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted September 8, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat8585 Posted September 8, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 1,360 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 7,866 Content Per Day: 1.23 Reputation: 26 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/18/1946 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Oak, you are always on my prayer list. If you can, continue to go to counseling, even if your wife won't go. I know how you feel, my ex husband went with me a couple times, but not with the intention of improving the marriage, but of proving me wrong. I don't understand your daughter acting like this. How old is she? I will put her on my list, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetycakes Posted September 8, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 162 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 7,844 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 2,104 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/21/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/23/1964 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizzdy Posted September 8, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 173 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 3,911 Content Per Day: 0.66 Reputation: 212 Days Won: 10 Joined: 03/21/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted September 8, 2008 Oak, I cannot advise you about divorce or what to do in your marriage only you can decide that for yourself. I do know about illness and how those around us can act. Are you still in counselling? if so I think it might benefit you to go even if your wife won't go. Have you ever had your drs talk to your wife about your illness and the limitations you have now? Sometimes having a dr tell the family makes a difference. My sister has been a similar situation and after more than a few years she finally just had to yell at her husband to make him listen not advocating a fight or that you do as my sister did though. Your daughter depending on her age should have to clean up after herself and help around the house but having a grown daughter still at home thats easier said than done! Knowing what disabled feels like I can relate to how you are feeling, hating ones life and wishing for it all to just go away. Even after these many years I still have days where its just a chore to even think about getting out of bed. The thing I hold on to is God and cry out to Him when its all so overwhelming I feel I cannot cope anymore. I realize on those days that I am thinking about myself more than I am God or anything else. I receive a booklet through Chuck Missler ministry every month and this month his wife Nan wrote something that hit me full force and I would like to share it with you, it more than likely won't change anything but it is something to ponder on. "But the Bible says that no matter how sick we are, no matter what our circumstances are and no matter what others have done to us, the only way we can find ourselves is by loving God first and then, loving others." Nan Missler The article is about making faith choices and as she put it "to stand strong and let the Lord use us regardless of what is physically going on in our lifes." In the article the Mrs. Missler talks about her friend with cancer and how the friend chose to be a vessel of God's love. Perhaps that is one of our greatest lessons we need to learn that despite our own problems we need to be a vessel for God's love to work in us and through us. I know this is so much easier to talk about than to put into practice especially when we feel so bad and the ones that are supposed to love us and help us often fall by the wayside and try and trip us up in so many ways. I am fond of saying 'kill them with kindness' now I have used that for years but it wasn't until I accept Christ into my life that I realized that is the way we all are supposed to be. I used that approach on my former mother in law and it took a few years before I saw any fruit but it did work, so perhaps you could try that approach with your wife and daughter. Now after saying all that I can see where it might just be too hard for you to deal with at this moment in time but its worth keeping in the back of your mind? If you need someone to talk with or whatever I am usually online most all day until around 4 pacific time so just pm me. I will pray for you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ningning Posted September 8, 2008 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 119 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/28/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/21/1973 Share Posted September 8, 2008 oak, i'm praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RigMedic Posted September 9, 2008 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 163 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 8 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/06/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted September 9, 2008 You will be in my prayers as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanee Posted September 9, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 55 Topic Count: 110 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 9,281 Content Per Day: 1.50 Reputation: 10,394 Days Won: 4 Joined: 06/05/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 06/12/1974 Share Posted September 9, 2008 oak... just hang in there bud...i will pray too....blessed is the man who trust in him......i sorry they are not being good.......but God is above all.....Pro 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oakleaf Posted September 9, 2008 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 214 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/29/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/01/1963 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 Oak, you are always on my prayer list. If you can, continue to go to counseling, even if your wife won't go. I know how you feel, my ex husband went with me a couple times, but not with the intention of improving the marriage, but of proving me wrong. I don't understand your daughter acting like this. How old is she? I will put her on my list, too. heya kat, ever since i became disabled my wife has never been supportive in fact its just the opposite, everytime i try to tell her of how im feeling, or that i injured myself in a fall she totaly ignores me cuts me off in mid sentence then tells everyone how lazy and useless i am....my daughter is 27yrs old and her 3 girls live here and its upto me to try and clean up after them which really does a number on my back and shoulders.....oak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oakleaf Posted September 9, 2008 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 214 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/29/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/01/1963 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 Oak, I cannot advise you about divorce or what to do in your marriage only you can decide that for yourself. I do know about illness and how those around us can act. Are you still in counselling? if so I think it might benefit you to go even if your wife won't go. Have you ever had your drs talk to your wife about your illness and the limitations you have now? Sometimes having a dr tell the family makes a difference. My sister has been a similar situation and after more than a few years she finally just had to yell at her husband to make him listen not advocating a fight or that you do as my sister did though. Your daughter depending on her age should have to clean up after herself and help around the house but having a grown daughter still at home thats easier said than done! Knowing what disabled feels like I can relate to how you are feeling, hating ones life and wishing for it all to just go away. Even after these many years I still have days where its just a chore to even think about getting out of bed. The thing I hold on to is God and cry out to Him when its all so overwhelming I feel I cannot cope anymore. I realize on those days that I am thinking about myself more than I am God or anything else. I receive a booklet through Chuck Missler ministry every month and this month his wife Nan wrote something that hit me full force and I would like to share it with you, it more than likely won't change anything but it is something to ponder on. "But the Bible says that no matter how sick we are, no matter what our circumstances are and no matter what others have done to us, the only way we can find ourselves is by loving God first and then, loving others." Nan Missler The article is about making faith choices and as she put it "to stand strong and let the Lord use us regardless of what is physically going on in our lifes." In the article the Mrs. Missler talks about her friend with cancer and how the friend chose to be a vessel of God's love. Perhaps that is one of our greatest lessons we need to learn that despite our own problems we need to be a vessel for God's love to work in us and through us. I know this is so much easier to talk about than to put into practice especially when we feel so bad and the ones that are supposed to love us and help us often fall by the wayside and try and trip us up in so many ways. I am fond of saying 'kill them with kindness' now I have used that for years but it wasn't until I accept Christ into my life that I realized that is the way we all are supposed to be. I used that approach on my former mother in law and it took a few years before I saw any fruit but it did work, so perhaps you could try that approach with your wife and daughter. Now after saying all that I can see where it might just be too hard for you to deal with at this moment in time but its worth keeping in the back of your mind? If you need someone to talk with or whatever I am usually online most all day until around 4 pacific time so just pm me. I will pray for you and your family. mizzdy, ive tried everything and she wont listen to anyone she talks to her parents alot then comes home and accuses me of throwin a pity party....all my kids a grown up with kids of there own one lives here with her 3 kids and i gotta watch them, cook for them, and clean up after them or i get chewed out for not doin it.....oak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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