Arranged marriages- still a good idea?

[Guest HIS girl]

Would it/does it work in todays Western Christian community ?

If no - why not?

It's Biblical, so....

I would not have any problem introducing suitable ladies for my sons at the right time.

[Xan]

I think it's a good idea, but it would be difficult to implement because there is not a big enough community of believers that would be willing to follow the practice. Also, I like the way it is done according to what I was told by a nurse from India I used to work with. She and her husband picked out a gentleman for her daughter. The two young adults met and discussed their futures and other compatability issues. Then they could each decide if that is the one for him/her. If not, the parents found someone else. In the case of this nurse, her daughter married the first one her parents brought to her. Apparently, her parents knew the kind of man that would be good for her.

[Guest HIS girl]

I think it's a good idea, but it would be difficult to implement because there is not a big enough community of believers that would be willing to follow the practice. Also, I like the way it is done according to what I was told by a nurse from India I used to work with. She and her husband picked out a gentleman for her daughter. The two young adults met and discussed their futures and other compatability issues. Then they could each decide if that is the one for him/her. If not, the parents found someone else. In the case of this nurse, her daughter married the first one her parents brought to her. Apparently, her parents knew the kind of man that would be good for her.

That's true...the parents have a bit more inside info.

With regards to Bible "arranged marriages", I think of Abraham, his servant, Isaac and Rebekah.....

[Guest HIS girl]

Actually my Mother was arranged to marry a man....but then she met my Dad!!

I think arranged meetings can safe guard a person against undesirables...as long as there is freedom within the meetings as you mentioned before Xan.

[Guest Biblicist]

I believe that marriages are arranged, by the Almighty. Even the bad ones, and the failed ones. But that's just me.

I do believe in arranging marriages for children. My son met "his girl" when they were in 3rd grade. We have "arranged" to maintain the friendship and fostered the relationship between them ever since. We know most everything about her family, and visa versa. We spend time with them and have a good relationship with her.

We have not yet found a man who is worthy of our daughter. Although, she is only 13. Her idea of the ideal man is four hooves, a long mane and tail and shiny black coat.

[KC02]

Right on Daystar! Just don't insist that they marry the one you choose. I'm not a parent, but I think parents should be more involved in such an important decision. People get married in the western world based upon emotions. The guy may be strung out on drugs, a felon, or just too lazy to work a lick.

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In other societies, love before marriage is taboo. It is these types of societies where arranged marriages thrive. That worldview is foreign to us, and I don't believe arranged marriages can work in America.

But says you can't try to be a guiding influence?

I wouldn't have gone for it when I was a young man, but now that I am grown and have 4 teen daughters...I AM 100% FOR ARRANGED MARRIAGES!!!!

I would fix my girls up with some heros instead of the loser, zeros they seem to prefer!!! And of course i would pray about it and seek God's guidance. To say that..."It should be left up to God"...well of course; but what does that mean? God works through parents and who knows and loves a child more in the world and only has there best interests in mind more than a Mom or a Dad?

[Guest Biblicist]

I think it has to start with the parents. You can't just allow your child to date anyone. You must learn about the person, get to know them and their families.

God has deligated responsibility to us over our children. It is up to us to make sure they are safe and properly cared for. I never understood parents who did not care who their child dated, or what they did on a date. The guy pulls up in a car, the girl runs out shouting over her shoulder [if her parents happen to be home] "Don't wait up!" That's irresponsible.

RunningGator, you can still help your daughter choose the right guy by being the right guy for her mother, and "dating" your daughter. Take her on special dates, and teach her what to expect from a guy. Set the bar high and she will expect the guy to reach it.

What I have done with my daughter is frown and remark when I hear or see a man/boy treating a woman poorly. I have instructed our son to treat her the way we would want a man to treat her.

Also, you can train her from God's Word about what He thinks of Women. They are special, important. A helper to man and the weaker vessel. In need of gentle loving care, tenderness and protection.

One thing is for sure, raising kids is no picknick...LOL

[Guest HIS girl]

Even if your child is not attracted to the people you introduce them to, at least it is giving that child a "taste" of what other options there are out there. Any marriage does not stay the same as when it first starts out and they say with a marriage the "honeymoon" feeling only lasts around 2 years...that's alot of years where it is then going to be based on something bigger/more solid than physical attraction.

Marriages that start out with a foundation of friendship as opposed to physical attraction generally thrive and outlast the other type. A lot of arranged marriages are typical of this-(arranged marriages where the couple has had feedom within the situation).

[Guest HIS girl]

I wouldn't have gone for it when I was a young man, but now that I am grown and have 4 teen daughters...I AM 100% FOR ARRANGED MARRIAGES!!!!

That's why Christian parents need to present suitable "prospects" for their children - because of the "immaturity" of this society of looks first- pesronality a long way off second.......looks are sooo deceiving!!

[Fraught]

Would it/does it work in todays Western Christian community ?

If no - why not?

It's Biblical, so....

I would not have any problem introducing suitable ladies for my sons at the right time.

my ex-boss's entire family still does arranged marriages in accordance with his culture. it seemed very odd to me at first, but then it made sense. the way it worked was, when the daughter reached marriageable age, several suitors were picked out by the parents, then they held what they called an interview. the daughter chose one or several of these to get to know better and further meetings were held with a chaperone present. once the prospects chose each other, they were betrothed and could spend time somewhat alone before the wedding just to make sure, since divorce is absolutely prohibited.

it seemed to me that the reason why this still worked so well in modern america is because of the huge family support. the entire extended family is very close-knit & socialization outside of family was always kept very limited. i don't think children raised according to modern american culture would be quite so willing to go along with it. when family is so central & their opinion all-important, it's a whole different matter.