preciouspearl

I remembered about the other Sunday School teacher when my sister talked about how he seemed to look and want to be around her daughter too much. Then I remembered to help say it's possible then I was discredited for not having a complete memory

I really don't know. It just happened. Instinct? I'll never know I just had a thought of him possibly luring others or me into his car . It just came like a flash. I feel like I can remember things by a song, smell or weather. I can almost feel depressed and find out something happened around that date in the past

i did not disclose until maybe i was 16? i ddint even remember it unil my sister said that one of them drove her to work . which is weird cos she talked like nothing happened to her but i always felt that cos something didnt happen to her doesnt mean that it doesnt happen to someone else .

9 or 10

a question for anyone who knows if no one knows its ok: can one or two children be singled out ? what if a sibling says "we must have had different childhoods?" but they didnt really mean it cos they dont think it happened?

im glad to hear you weren't dismissed. can i ask you something? did you feel guilty for feeling or acknowledging this as abusive or did you dismiss wondering or being told it was abuse?

but it is true. i grew up in protestant churches and had a couple incidents with two sunday school teachers. my family said it wa sno big deal when i realized it and discredited me but i know they were close enough to being a big deal if i had been alone with them more.

most baptist churches i know of are highly against alcohol. but they are independent fundamental

for me, and i dont doubt at least my mother's love but i was kind of more encouraged not to pursue an education after high school mom always wanted me to more follow my sister's footsteps. i wanted to go to college but dad said i would never make it. mom said that i wouldnt be good at driving and i understand now why she thought that but anything i want is considered wrong my sister was more conditioned as the "intelligent one" im not but if i expressed it they will still say "yeah you are intelligent," but the thing is they could have shown it. they are obsessed with my "asperger" diagnosis and never acknowledge ptsd at all while i was at a mission somewhere they basically bought books to understand aspergers and wrote about me and still guilt trip me i doubt people set out to be abusive but i just dont understand how protecting me ever was loving or helped me. instead i feel stupid, hardly meet people, hardly trust people. and dont have much to offer.

i just dont want to take over and seem rude . i didnt feel unwelcome i just dont want anyone uncomfortable

perhaps we can expand... but can you guy by your feelings is what the topic of the post is still asking i personally think being denied food or water is rare i think of a girl i learned about in a class and she was just locked away, no food and messed herself but just want to know but i should personally maybe start my own thread or bug off i guess..

frankly i dont know. is there such a thing of making too much of something but you misunderstood the intent? im just wondering. what if another person can generate their proof that the person cares about you so to them it overshadows what you thought they did?

I have ptsd, but some of it was what was done to me and things I did to myself

and immoral videos easily accessed by children are masked appearing innocent. research elsagate. or don't. its disgusting.

i had two sunday school teachers who i think lookng back are molesters. i probably shouldnt post details openly though..... it is everywhere.

so i am trying to do more devotions while it is closer to christmas. i feel like i ruined the rest of the year. i still have thoughts of thoughts of self harm and stuff. i recorded a song on sunday. i felt good after that. but mostly i wish i wasnt me or anything. yesterday i tried to reflect a passage from Exodus 14 about myself and my situation. i am not sure if i am just going too far with trying to desperately look for anything. i dont believe every passage applies to any and every situation. it is also about context. here is my reflection any how. i think of how it would have been better if i kept certain secrets to myself and not gone through what i am going through now. as i face fear, uncertainty and triggers i feel it was better for me before i had them hit me again strongly. yet if you read exodus 14 you notice the israelites (God's chosen) wished the same. they were brought out of slavery in egypt yet wandered before they got to the promised land. they faced hardships. they wished they were back in slavery but God thought them ungrateful. this is something i am thinking about considering everything i am going through. i should not wish my secret was still only with me and some friends online. i can choose to trust God that i will reach my healing.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/earthquake-seismic-waves-mayotte-madagascar-volcanic-activity-science-a8659236.html?amp

so now im struggling witht he fact that my mother wants me to have a relationship and reconciliation with my father as well as my sister. i feel like i am being blamed for something i never started. i feel like she is being immature about this and thats in the highest respectful way possible i can try to hope for something good about this

i cant sleep. mom implied how she wants us all to have a happy thanksgiving and enjoy it. did she say that to anyone else? i feel blamed. feel confused and abandoned always.

*hugs*

trying to stay close to God today. i dont know what is going on with me and a friend. i havent let her in or talked to her much since the past few weeks. i had a bad thougth that "oh good.... it is easier to end it all if you dont have friends left" i hate how my mind can turn against me.

interesting. a lot of you view facebook the same. they probably also spy on messenger conversations. they aren't private. they advertised a movie to me that i told a few friends i hated. but i didnt tell them very recently, but still.

my father doesnt speak to me. my sister kind of seems more snide to me. i really feel like i always ruin everything and have no purpose. i feel like an evil liar who is a trouble maker.