Figure of eighty

This was a very good read

getting this house I'm looking out for me too I think..idk. well see what happens.

this is true . its such a depressing thought... I don't know how its a win for God. it just is what it is.

yes.

I believe in God ..funny I even helped a doubting friend come back to God who I thought was more hopeless than me ...but I can never help myself. Its always a cycle of being happy with god short term then being firey mad at God the next... In another post I explained how I felt like I'm in God's darkest shadow... the silence sucks, lack of guidance... I just feel left to my own devices and I'm at a point I don't feel like trying any more. I feel bad feeling so mad and angry at God, I feel he feels the same towards me... I just feel alone in life. I honestly don't know if it'll get better and I'm starting not to care anymore. Like I don't care where I go eternally. I know that's horrible bt I just don't care anymore. I just feel like being a Christian is too hard for me, Ive tried and its frustrating. I don't havemuch love for God and it just feels like a dead one sided relationship anyway.. I don't think I ccan be saved anyway.

I'm glad what you said helped them... but my question would be why does God intervene for some and not others. Ive been in situations where I could have been taken advantage of like that.. if anything would have happened it would have been my fault and I accept that but it didn't, it never did and I'm thankful for that. But I just wonder like why was I protected and another not? Like one of friends had decent parents while a couple others were victims of rape. Some people go through with suicide while God stops some..Ive read stories of both. I honeslty feel there a bit of both free will yet Gods sovereignty. I don't know to the OP I don't know why certain things are allowed..I just don't.

This is true. I agree with everything you're saying. I broke up with my bf a couple months ago so this is no longer an issue. Also, I feel life can be difficult whether you obey God or not, not saying theres no incentive to obeying god but obeying him doesn't gaurntee an easy or blessed life. Its just something we should do But I have the hardest time trusting God.

Bluntly, yeah if fair is everyone goes to the pit then okay I'm fine with that and I have worked 2 jobs while going to school and did what you said..still didn't pan out. No need to assume I sit on my butt because I don't.

In all my years of being a saved Ive never felt led by God. I don't know what that feels like or how its supposed to feel like. All I know is that I need a place to live and I can get a preapproval letter tomorrow. I'm just going off my needs and doing the very best I know how.

So my credit is like 712. My mom definitely helped with that...but they want me to get a house. I kinda hate she found out my credit score. I feel uncomfortable because one, I wouldn't feel like an adult because my parents and brother will be with me and they plan on stayinf for 2 whole years. I talked to my friend and she raised so many good questions such as..selling the house can be difficult and I don't plan on staying in the state I'm in too long and my parents are like we'll, well just take it from you.. then in reality ...I'd just be getting a house for them and that doesn't seem fair to me. If I had to do it, totally alone, id just get a nice 2 bedroom that's it.. I'm scared because even though it seems like a good idea, I'd have my own room instead of living in the living room on the couch with my brother in a shabby , run down roach infested apt... My mom seems more reliable financially stable then my brother. at a glance..but.. the fact we've moved all our lives shows she kinda isn't. She makes the money just not the best choices all the time. for example,She had a house before years ago but lost it. I had to use the money my grandma left when we passed away to try and save the house we ended up losing. I gave her 900 dollars for tuition for nursing school and she got kicked out of that school because the payments were too much, she let her car go everything...it just scares me. Also I was supposed to get a 2nd job and I didn't get it today it just worries me so much . I feel like rooming with my brother or my parents is a bad idea either way. With my parents I'd be screwed financially ...my bro I'd be screwed spiritually because I'd be near my aunt who messed me up spiritually and I don't trust her. Idk I've just been crying all day because I'm 27 going on 28 and I want my own spot and I just don't want to have to worry. I'm upset with my parents because I feel like theyre parents...I shouldn't have to get a house for them... theyre in theyre 50's...plus if I do get it..They'd be with me for 2 years and I just wouldn't feel like an adult. ive given my mom 900 hundreded dollars for tuition and even gave her the money my poor grandma left me t try and save a house we lost.... let her use my car... I just feel like theyre parents and I don't know what to do. But I also think like..what if I'm missing out on an amazing opportunity..a house is such an accomplishment. Id have my own room which I haven't had in forever, I feel I deserve it... idk.. I don't want to ruin my credit. I'm very scared. either way I swing..im nervous my parents are just...unpredictable but my brother even more so. he does whatever my aunt says... I just feel scared and alone. I dont' have a trusted friend or a boyfriend I can move in with..its just me. that's all. I'm just sol I feel cursed . I just wonder why is it like this for me. my friends have parents that pour into them. My friends parents is letting their daughter rent a house from them and my other friend his parents never pull from him so much financially. I just feel like a slave.but theyre so excited and I really need a place to stay. I'm scared as hell ...lord. But I need a place

This is true.

yeah. a lot of chrisians do more harm to other Christians faith. Anyway you guys will be happy to know I didn't move in with him/...but I still have another problem. potentially buying a house for my family and having my credit tarnished or rooming with my brother who I don't trust financially and living in the living room.. Idk.

Idk know if I can fix this. It's just the same cyvle.

I don't desire God like I used to. I find myself just being mad or irritated with God And I honestly don't love God the way I should. I'm being honest so I'd appreciate it if I didn't get attacked. I'm just wondering where do I go from here how do I change to be a good Christian...that loves God, trusts him so freely... Even when I was zealous for God my relationship with God felt one sided and I felt like I was talking to myself. If it wasn't for God doing certain things for me / coming through for me.... I wouldn't even know he's there. I'm just wondering how to fix this because I've back sliden so far... I feel the next step is just me not even caring I've slid so far/ apostasy.

If this isn't birdbox coming to life ... So weird. Glad I was born in the 90's

I'm kinda talking about looking forward to the day you actually die. I feel it would displease God but ...I personally feel my life is a waste of time ...just feel I'm waiting for heaven at this point.

So from what you all are saying I guess the soul is our innermost self. Our hidden motives, our characters, flaws and strengths.. Am I right?

I've heard that saying before but what does that mean? What does God see when he sees our soul?

Hmm. I feel I've definitely experienced some of God but I can count it ok one hand like maybe 3 times idk. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know of maybe this is normal for me.... I don't know if I in particular am supposed to feel good presence and comfort on the daily basis... as everyone's relationship with God is different. I know I truly believe in God bc my parents weren't saved so they didn't push me to go. I feel I went on my own... Idk I just don't know..I feel it's not normal to be a Christian and not hear God or feel led .. and not have any fruit despite being saved for years. Something has to be wrong I just don't know what. When I got the HS I didn't feel anything...I just spoke in tongues. I just wonder if I'm doing everything wrong

Because I was baptized. The patsor explained throughly what happened. It wasn't a spur of the moment thing I fully understood.

Um no. Also...if travel pictures make some one jealous then I think the person experiencing the jealousy may have the issue.

I understand your frustrations. I feel 50/50 as well

Deep down I know. I'm very sure... But.. even though I have been baptized and have his Spirit. I'm completely drag to God, Don't feel or hear him. I don't feel his leadings.... Don't feel transformed.. It's been this was for years and I'm close to giving up. In a way...I already have bc I feel there's no... Line of communication. I don't know what God wants from me or expects... But I feel I'm getting nowhere, nothing is clicking, I just feel alone with out God's presence of guidance. I feel after I got saved I was just on my own. Just been nothing but silence and just feel like I'm figuring things out on my own.

What an amazing story. I'm happy for you. My goal is just to be on my own./get my own apartment. I'm a pusher so despite being afriad of my illness overcoming me. I push to reach my goals... But thank you. I hope I'll have a nice turn around like you did. Right now I just have small goals. Just getting my own place, a better paying job ( thru school) and perhaps a nother car.

Hmm. I'll try.. I guess praying in the spirit will help. Sometimes I have issues reading the Bible ... Sometimes it's anxiety but for the most part I feel a bit bored...how do u krp your eyes stayed on God?