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~esther~

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~esther~ last won the day on November 10 2015

~esther~ had the most liked content!

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About ~esther~

  • Birthday November 13

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    http://www.worthychat.com

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Kwossie (the Kiwi-side)
  • Interests
    It's ALL ABOUT HIM - JESUS CHRIST!!

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  1. Thanks, I guess I pretty much already knew the answer. I just cannot see how I am not going to end up with a stroke or heart attack due to the stress I am under. Guess it's my path then..
  2. For years now I've been going through ups and downs in my marriage (married 28 years), but the downs have been significant. I'm not in a physically abusive relationship, and all is great when it's good, but when it's bad, then it's really bad. My husband is a narcissist and compulsive liar, so things can be amazing at times, and things can be awful at times. I've been patient, loving, kind and always trying to keep the peace, but it's just suffocating. We love each other dearly, but it sometimes feels like I'm married to the devil himself (that's no exaggeration!). As long as things are good and running smoothly, then it's fine, but the littlest things can trigger him and then he turns into this monster. My health is suffering as a result of tremendous stress that I am under all the time. I'm constantly under pressure from him, and have to give account of all my actions, to the point where I'm not even allowed to visit our son at his home, without my husband knowing about it. He's always checking when I'm on my phone and want to know who I'm talking to, who I'm messaging, what I'm doing on my phone. He controls our finances and I earn a reasonably good salary, but he controls all the money. I'm very privileged to be working from home mostly, but when I need to be in the office, then he starts saying things like, I just want to go hang out with the men in the office, or if I talk to my boss too much, then he gets ideas in his head. He also blames our grown-up children for our marriage troubles and accuses me of keeping things from him if I don't tell him everything. He wants to know absolutely everything all the time, even when I leave a room to go get a drink in the kitchen, he would ask where I'm going, what I'm doing. He knows where I am all the time due to an app on our phones that shows location, and has a tracker on my car, which is for insurance purposes, but he uses it for controlling me. We gym together, but I must use the same equipment he uses, otherwise he gets angry and upset that I don't want to do things with him. If he goes to bed at night and I want to watch a bit more television, then he wants to know where I was (despite knowing I watched television) and gets upset if I don't go to bed the same time he does. He controls everything. I am suffocating and exhausted. He hates my beliefs (me being Christian), and gets upset if I go to church consecutive Sundays. I joined a women's bible study at church that takes place on Tuesday mornings, but he didn't like it and was upset and suspicious of me going, so I'm not doing it any longer. Don't get me wrong, I also have many things that I do wrong that contribute to our fractured relationship, but for once I've started standing up for myself, standing up to him and not allowing him to emotionally drain me like this. I've had enough and I am tired. My question is, would it be wrong if I decide to separate from him? I'm not interested in moving on, or finding someone else. I just want to get out of this emotionally abusive mess that I am in. I know divorce is a sin, but what if I want to separate from him? I have no intentions with anyone else at all. I just want peace! I just want to be able to breathe for once in my life. I just want to know what it feels like to smile and be happy and not stressed. I'm so so incredibly exhausted.... There is so much more to all of this than what I was able to type. It's a huge mess. Anyone who knows narcissistic behaviors, will have an idea what this man is doing to me.
  3. Sorry I missed you in chat. Feel free to drop in and say hi. You will get heaps of support there.
  4. Hahaha I was wondering how far this ridiculous news would travel
  5. Please can someone help me understand in layman's terms what this 5777 and the Jewish calendar and the year 2017 is all about? I see a lot of posts about it on facebook and I have googled it, but don't know which websites are actually giving me the full accurate story. It all seems like a load of nonsense to me as everything I have seen so far are from self proclaimed prophets and pentacostal pastors. Please can someone explain so I can in turn give concise answers to my fb friends as to why it's something to agree with, or not. Here are some links I found: http://www.elijahlist.com/words/display_word.html?ID=16678 https://biblicalsignsintheheadlines.com/2016/09/09/5777-are-you-rapture-ready/ and there are plenty more. Thanks esther
  6. Thanks all. Separation or divorce is not and never will be an option. We got married when both were unsaved. I am saved. He is not. It's extremely hard some days and other days I can cope. I also knowthat it's worse than usual because of my lack of relationship with God - entirely my own doing. I know God won't let go, but I am in a very bad place emotionally and spiritually at the moment and feel overwhelmed. Thanks for the support and advice and prayers.
  7. I know that I shouldn't say or even think this, but it sometimes feel like I am married to a pawn in the devil's hand (probably am). It has been getting worse and worse for months or few years now, but every time something happens it's like a new low for my husband. Narcissistic bully control freak compulsive liar...doesn't even begin to describe him. My spiritual life is almost non existent as I am tired of hoping praying crying fearing (not physical abuse but the terrible influence he has on those under his mighty destructive hand is enough to break anyone emotionally!). 21 years of marriage and I won't give up, but I have no hope. I am struggling with severe depression as a result but are not on medication. How hard must life knock a person before God intervenes??? I know we are not promised an easy life, but this is making me physically sick. Not even sure why I am writing this. Maybe to rant. Maybe to ask for prayer. I don't know. esther
  8. What does Psalm 19:4 mean when it says that God has pitched a tent for the sun? 4 "Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun." Is there a specific significance or maybe a Hebrew meaning for this? I'd love to understand what is meant by a tent being pitched for the sun. I have read some commentaries on this, but wonder if anyone knows if there is a deeper meaning behind it?
  9. Hi All I couldn't find any real answers online, or maybe I just didn't search by using the correct words. Do Jehovah's Witnesses consider it to be taking the Lord's Name in vain when specifically using the expression "OMG"? (Sorry I cannot type it out as it just feels wrong and even typing the acronym makes me cringe, but I don't know how else to specify that I'm searching answers on). Reason for my question is that we have 4 JW's at our work, but one of them always expresses herself by saying those words, and if it is a no-no for them, then I would like to challenge her on it - i.e. if they believe so-and-so, then why is she taking the Lord's Name in vain. However, all I could find online suggests that they don't really see it as taking the Lord's Name in vain. Can anyone else shed some light on this? Thanks
  10. Hi all What's your thoughts on christians taking part in the Color Run? Is it something to avoid or is it harmless fun? https://prepareforthelamb.wordpress.com/2014/03/20/christian-view-of-the-color-run-holi-festival-putting-the-brakes-on-pagan-christianity/
  11. I'm not quite sure I agree with that statement simplejeff - do you have biblical reference to say that if someone does something wrong they will receive curse, disease, punishment, etc? I don't agree with your answer, it simply does not line up with a forgiving God. If a Christian does something wrong there is forgiveness. My question is, whether the statement "opening spiritual doors in our lives" are even biblical. E.g. demonic doors.
  12. If someone chooses not to do something because they don't want to open spiritual doors into their lives, is that biblical? I guess the question that I am asking is if the phrase "opening spiritual doors into our lives" are biblical. Example - someone doesn't take part in Halloween celebrations because they don't want to open spiritual doors into their lives. It almost sounds like a phrase that the word-faith-movement would use, but I could be mistaken and would really like to know if this statement is even biblical. Focus on my question please, this is not a Halloween related question, it's just an example I am using so please turn it into a Halloween thread! esther
  13. Thanks Chloe! So if I understand this correctly: First part: the Israelites were under the oppression of the Midianites for 7 years. The bull was 7 years old. The age of the bull is symbolising the end of a 7 year of tyranny from the Midianites (kill/sacrifice the bull = end of the 7 year oppression) Second part: Observation 1: The "second bull" - the first bull was most likely being fattened for sacrificing to Baal, which would mean it was "unclean" to sacrifice to the Lord, therefore the second bull was fit to be sacrificed. Observation 2: The first bull was sacrificed by Gideon for himself, and the second for the sins of the people - he needed to be clean first before he could bring sacrifices for the people. Observation 3: The second bull = symbolic of the second Adam, which is Jesus Thoughts?
  14. Judges 6:25 That same night the Lord said to him, “Take the second bull from your father’s herd, the one seven years old. Tear down your father’s altar to Baal and cut down the Asherah pole beside it. Why does the bible specifically say the "second bull" and "seven years old"? Is there any significance to the second bull and to the age that the bull should be?
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