my heart goes out to you, I can't say I have ever faced something like this and hope I never do, but in life I have had some real hard stuff come my way....I do know troubles come to pass, not to stay.....And after you have done all you can do, just stand. God has a purpose and a plan for you. Meanwhile, to get your mind off your troubles find a hobby or join a new activity, a chorus, a bird watching group or treat yourself to some lovely music or a book of poems, or walk up to a scenic hillside--anywhere you find beauty, and enjoy.