Trusting Jesus Posted December 16, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,050 Content Per Day: 0.34 Reputation: 22 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/12/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/09/1952 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Your boyfriend should respect your feelings about this girl. You have a lot of doubts about their feelings toward each other, and you are either insecure because of your mother's way of life, or your fiance is not respecting you. If you have doubts about your fiance's feelings for this girl you need to settle them now. It will not get better after marriage. If you have doubts, settle them now. Don't be afraid of losing him. If you marry this man and there is cause for doubt now, marriage will not change him, you, or the situation. If he is interested in the other girl and doesn't respect you enough now to put a stop to it, then what will happen 5 years from now when there is another girl he is interested in? Don't think that he will change. There is a big difference in the love between a man and woman as husband and wife, and the love of a friend for another friend. The love between a husband and wife involves much more that lust. There is mutual respect, committment, and much more. The brotherly love between friends is a caring friendship, but it doesn't get between a husband and wife. <>< ><> Nathele Well here's the thing. he seems like he's trying his best to respect me, I mean he makes sure I'm with him or someone else is when he's around her. But what I don't get is if it is just lust, why all the nervousness when he sees her? Why does he care about her affairs or when something goes wrong with her? (more than when her siblings or parents have problems) Why does he still care about when she's choosing to move out of her parents house? it's these little things that get me bugging. I imagine that a guy who lusts, would only care about getting something, but it seems like more though they have never dated... I guess i'm just gonna keep praying about this as much as I can. It is good that he isn't alone with this girl. How does the girl feel about him and act around him. Is your fiance a Christian? You desire to get back into fellowship with Christ. You need to get back to church and your fiance needs to go too. The Bible tells us what the relationship between a husband and wife needs to be like. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife [see] that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33 The friendship that your fiance has with this girl could be just that - friendship. But it bothers you and it could drive a wedge between you. I really encourage you - both of you - to find a Christ centered/Bible believing church. You desire to get back into fellowship with Christ and your daughter needs to be raised to know Christ and to live her life according to God's word. You need to lead her by example. If you and your fiance attend church together and make friends withing the fellowship, the problem with the young girl may go away. <>< ><> Nathele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tjhawks1 Posted December 16, 2009 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 104 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/10/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/21/1981 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Your boyfriend should respect your feelings about this girl. You have a lot of doubts about their feelings toward each other, and you are either insecure because of your mother's way of life, or your fiance is not respecting you. If you have doubts about your fiance's feelings for this girl you need to settle them now. It will not get better after marriage. If you have doubts, settle them now. Don't be afraid of losing him. If you marry this man and there is cause for doubt now, marriage will not change him, you, or the situation. If he is interested in the other girl and doesn't respect you enough now to put a stop to it, then what will happen 5 years from now when there is another girl he is interested in? Don't think that he will change. There is a big difference in the love between a man and woman as husband and wife, and the love of a friend for another friend. The love between a husband and wife involves much more that lust. There is mutual respect, committment, and much more. The brotherly love between friends is a caring friendship, but it doesn't get between a husband and wife. <>< ><> Nathele Well here's the thing. he seems like he's trying his best to respect me, I mean he makes sure I'm with him or someone else is when he's around her. But what I don't get is if it is just lust, why all the nervousness when he sees her? Why does he care about her affairs or when something goes wrong with her? (more than when her siblings or parents have problems) Why does he still care about when she's choosing to move out of her parents house? it's these little things that get me bugging. I imagine that a guy who lusts, would only care about getting something, but it seems like more though they have never dated... I guess i'm just gonna keep praying about this as much as I can. As BFP said there seems to be a trust issue here. Trust is extremely important in a relationship. You don't trust him and that's a big issue. The other problem is that if he is just being a friend in this situation, it seems like this could be an issue of you want a sensitive and caring husband but you only want him to treat you that way and nobody else. I could be way off but when you don't have all the details I guess that can happen. Sorry if I am way off base. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Your boyfriend should respect your feelings about this girl. You have a lot of doubts about their feelings toward each other, and you are either insecure because of your mother's way of life, or your fiance is not respecting you. If you have doubts about your fiance's feelings for this girl you need to settle them now. It will not get better after marriage. If you have doubts, settle them now. Don't be afraid of losing him. If you marry this man and there is cause for doubt now, marriage will not change him, you, or the situation. If he is interested in the other girl and doesn't respect you enough now to put a stop to it, then what will happen 5 years from now when there is another girl he is interested in? Don't think that he will change. There is a big difference in the love between a man and woman as husband and wife, and the love of a friend for another friend. The love between a husband and wife involves much more that lust. There is mutual respect, committment, and much more. The brotherly love between friends is a caring friendship, but it doesn't get between a husband and wife. <>< ><> Nathele Well here's the thing. he seems like he's trying his best to respect me, I mean he makes sure I'm with him or someone else is when he's around her. But what I don't get is if it is just lust, why all the nervousness when he sees her? Why does he care about her affairs or when something goes wrong with her? (more than when her siblings or parents have problems) Why does he still care about when she's choosing to move out of her parents house? it's these little things that get me bugging. I imagine that a guy who lusts, would only care about getting something, but it seems like more though they have never dated... I guess i'm just gonna keep praying about this as much as I can. Grace to you, You need to explain to him that his acting like a nervous teenager around this girl makes you uncomfortable. You also need to let him know that this appears to be a temptation that he can't resist and that he should not be around her anymore, whether with you or with someone else, and that he should invest his time into you, your relationship, and your child. You also need to follow God and get Married, ASAP. Peace, Dave dave, i don't normally disagree with you. but i'm not so sure that God would have her marry this guy. i know absolutely that God would have her not live with him and stop being sexually involved with him outside of marriage, but God also tells us not to be unequally yoked. i don't know if this guy is saved or not, but i'm guessing not... and to marry someone who seems to be so... obsessed? with another woman doesn't sound very in character with what God would want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningGlory Posted December 16, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1,022 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 39,193 Content Per Day: 6.10 Reputation: 9,977 Days Won: 78 Joined: 10/01/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted December 16, 2009 I have to say I wouldn't marry a man who seemed obsessed with someone else. Marriage never cures an attraction to another woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFP Posted December 16, 2009 Group: Senior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 25 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 732 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 91 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/31/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/24/1969 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Your boyfriend should respect your feelings about this girl. You have a lot of doubts about their feelings toward each other, and you are either insecure because of your mother's way of life, or your fiance is not respecting you. If you have doubts about your fiance's feelings for this girl you need to settle them now. It will not get better after marriage. If you have doubts, settle them now. Don't be afraid of losing him. If you marry this man and there is cause for doubt now, marriage will not change him, you, or the situation. If he is interested in the other girl and doesn't respect you enough now to put a stop to it, then what will happen 5 years from now when there is another girl he is interested in? Don't think that he will change. There is a big difference in the love between a man and woman as husband and wife, and the love of a friend for another friend. The love between a husband and wife involves much more that lust. There is mutual respect, committment, and much more. The brotherly love between friends is a caring friendship, but it doesn't get between a husband and wife. <>< ><> Nathele Well here's the thing. he seems like he's trying his best to respect me, I mean he makes sure I'm with him or someone else is when he's around her. But what I don't get is if it is just lust, why all the nervousness when he sees her? Why does he care about her affairs or when something goes wrong with her? (more than when her siblings or parents have problems) Why does he still care about when she's choosing to move out of her parents house? it's these little things that get me bugging. I imagine that a guy who lusts, would only care about getting something, but it seems like more though they have never dated... I guess i'm just gonna keep praying about this as much as I can. Grace to you, You need to explain to him that his acting like a nervous teenager around this girl makes you uncomfortable. You also need to let him know that this appears to be a temptation that he can't resist and that he should not be around her anymore, whether with you or with someone else, and that he should invest his time into you, your relationship, and your child. You also need to follow God and get Married, ASAP. Peace, Dave dave, i don't normally disagree with you. but i'm not so sure that God would have her marry this guy. i know absolutely that God would have her not live with him and stop being sexually involved with him outside of marriage, but God also tells us not to be unequally yoked. i don't know if this guy is saved or not, but i'm guessing not... and to marry someone who seems to be so... obsessed? with another woman doesn't sound very in character with what God would want. In God's eyes she is as good as married to him. They are living together and have a child...I don't think God would have them part ways now, and I don't think her leaving him is the answer at all. I think a legalized marriage is the best answer for them...at least then it puts a commitment in front of them that will possibly make them more secure and trusting. As for unequally yolked...my husband and I were at one point as well...and it has equalled out since...so who's to say God doesn't have a plan of His own. I have to agree with Dave...follow God and get married ASAP :>) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 sorry, i still disagree. who is to say WHAT God's plan is for her life? certainly not you or i. but i do know that God does not recognize every sexual partner as a spouse. remember the woman at the well, whom Jesus said had had five husbands and the one she was living with currently was not her husband? and remember another woman who was caught in sexual sin? what did Jesus tell her? .... to go and sin no more. who is to say that is not what God is asking of her... to go and sin no more? i know there are some who have been unequally yoked, whose spouses have been saved as a result. but even God knew this was the exception and not the rule. and i believe that given the circumstances (a man who is already unfaithful at least emotionally), and who is an unbeliever (which would make her unequally yoked, something God warns against) and that she is not yet married (and having a sexual relationship does NOT equate marriage in God's eyes), that she would wise to separate from him completely, until when and IF he submitted himself to the Lord Jesus Christ and committed himself to his family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthitjah Posted December 16, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 1,285 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 17,917 Content Per Day: 2.27 Reputation: 355 Days Won: 19 Joined: 10/01/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted December 16, 2009 Grace to you, dave, i don't normally disagree with you. but i'm not so sure that God would have her marry this guy. i know absolutely that God would have her not live with him and stop being sexually involved with him outside of marriage, but God also tells us not to be unequally yoked. i don't know if this guy is saved or not, but i'm guessing not... and to marry someone who seems to be so... obsessed? with another woman doesn't sound very in character with what God would want. That's okay sis, let's look at it scripturally though. The welfare of the child comes first, IMO. First I must add that we don't know what the situation is with this guy. We do have this statement though; I feel myself letting go but part of me feels that God doesn't want me to just let go. We have a daughter to, he and I (another thing I need prayer for because we weren't married when we concieved and still aren't yet). There is a child between these two. Then we have to look at the cycle of bad decisions being made. One wrong followed by another never make a right. Let's see what God has to say about children and Marriage. Ge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthitjah Posted December 17, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 1,285 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 17,917 Content Per Day: 2.27 Reputation: 355 Days Won: 19 Joined: 10/01/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted December 17, 2009 Grace to you, Know what? I don't withdraw my advice from the knowledge that I do have. I do withdraw my presumption. We don't know enough, first hand, about this individual to draw the neccesary conclussions to give advice or to even have the proper insight and spirit of discernment. The Lord has been cautioning me of late to not draw advice from presumptions. My new advice based upon the available evidences is this; "Find a Bible Believing Church and Pastor locally and seek counseling or go to a local Christian Counselor who can assess your situation and draw some conclussions from all the available evidence to make a suggestion as to what actions you should take next." You also need to draw close to the Lord in prayer at this time. Peace, Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irishcowboy Posted December 17, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 127 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 3,248 Content Per Day: 0.88 Reputation: 13 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/23/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted December 17, 2009 Ok, if a man loved a woman because he's known her for a while seen her grow up and all that, would one ever mistake that for him "being in love with her" if i add the fact that the two have never dated, or really every been close friends? I have a Lady, she is my wife, I love her beyond explanation or description, I also have "Lady Friends" I love them dearly. some I have known for 30 + years, I would do anything I could for them (One of them I am thinking of I use to dance with her back in 1977, we loved dancing with each other. In fact, she loves me so much that for a while, she only danced with me, but this is really only a brother sister love... by the way, I also changed her diapers during our dance sessions ( I am 50 and she is now 33 I have kept in touch with her her entire life. I have remained friends and love her, her sister and her brother dearly..... never dated, have played, sang, partied (birthday parties) and laughed and cried with each other, and even used the girls to baby sit my boys when they were little) Love and sex are not the same.... so, as for me being in love with that boy and those girls, Absolutely, but there are different types of love..... I am in love with my mother, my dad, my brothers and sisters.... nothing will ever change that... it is a love that grows daily... just like the Love that God has for us, it NEVER ENDS... He Is In Love With You, and wants the best for you.... mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Openly Curious Posted December 17, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 4,568 Content Per Day: 0.68 Reputation: 770 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/18/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted December 17, 2009 Ok, if a man loved a woman because he's known her for a while seen her grow up and all that, would one ever mistake that for him "being in love with her" if i add the fact that the two have never dated, or really every been close friends? I do not understand what you are asking. There are different kinds of love that does not include sexual relationships of any kind. The Word of God makes it very plain that it is better to be married than to burn with passion. 1 Corinthians 7:8-10--I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. vs 9) But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. vs 10) And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband; Hebrews 13:4--Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Sex within the confines of marriage is right and pure in the eyes of God and the marriage bed is "undefiled" Sexual relations outside of marriage is frowned upon by God. Incest would fall into this as spoken of in....... 1 Corinthians 5:1,2--It is reported "commonly" that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. vs 2) And ye are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he that hath done this deed might be taken away from among you. It was a common thing at the Corinthians church going on where a father's son was having sexual relations with his own mother and the church was allowing it to go on. And apostle was rebuking them for not putting these out of the church as they were doing this out in the open and was very well known for it. But this was a incestuous relationship that God frowned greatly upon. Incest covers alot of our own family members for example, brother/sister, cousin to cousin, father/daughter, aunts, uncles/neices,nephews, mother/son. Any relatives that we have is off limits and is considered incest. I hope even though I didn't understand the OP that they'll be something in here that will be of some help. OC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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