Negative Behaviour...!

[Marilyn777]

What negative behavioural pattern has been passed down from generation to generation with your family?

For me its all the negative feelings and thoughts from my dads side of the family. My dad is one of the most negative people I know. There is no glass half full with him its always pretty much empty. It was not the most fun atmosphere to grow up in, he criticized absolutely everything my sister and I did. We were never good enough, nothing we did was ever good enough still isn't!

If I got a B, it was why didn't you get an A, if you got an A why didn't you get an A+. I've spent my whole life trying to please him and now others and no matter what I do its still not good enough. If I make a mistake I internally beat myself up for days! This is a very hard behaviour to break or overcome, its ingrained in me.

I had to force myself to hug my kids and tell them I love you. I was never told that as a child or hugged my parents just didn't do that. All my dads family is the same way and so is my moms. Self Esteem and self worth are two of the greatest qualities you can give your children tell them everyday you love them, hug them every chance you get and even if they brush you off they will remember that when they grow up and pass it on to their children.

I stiffen up when someone goes to hug me now and I wish I could change that but its an unconscious reaction now. The only time my dad ever hugged me was on my wedding day and then it was very stiff and I felt uncomfortable. Then when the marriage broke up I got blamed.

The damage that parents do to their children growing up is irreversible and takes years of therapy to overcome that is if they even seek help for it. My self worth is still very low and whenever I get a compliment I feel I don't deserve it but because of some Christian Brothers and sisters I am learning to at least say thank you now, even though inside I still don't believe it. I wish things had been different growing up but we have to deal with what we are dealt with and move on.

The thing is to recognize within yourself the destructive behaviour and try and change it, to re-invent yourself and not pass it on. Ask God for help, to send His people your way to help you see yourself as God sees you He is your real daddy! He will never hurt you or reject you I can't wait for my first hug from Him!

Our God Is An Awesome God

Marilyn

[hippo's hope is HIM]

For me its all the negative feelings and thoughts from my dads side of the family. My dad is one of the most negative people I know. There is no glass half full with him its always pretty much empty. It was not the most fun atmosphere to grow up in, he criticized absolutely everything my sister and I did. We were never good enough, nothing we did was ever good enough still isn't! If I got a B, it was why didn't you get an A, if you got an A why didn't you get an A+. I've spent my whole life trying to please him and now others and no matter what I do its still not good enough. If I make a mistake I internally beat myself up for days! This is a very hard behaviour to break or overcome, its ingrained in me.

Exactly!!!!! Only with me, it is my mom!

also I would add depression, does that count????? That has been in the family, and I just pray it doesn't get to me.

[Marilyn777]

For me its all the negative feelings and thoughts from my dads side of the family. My dad is one of the most negative people I know. There is no glass half full with him its always pretty much empty. It was not the most fun atmosphere to grow up in, he criticized absolutely everything my sister and I did. We were never good enough, nothing we did was ever good enough still isn't! If I got a B, it was why didn't you get an A, if you got an A why didn't you get an A+. I've spent my whole life trying to please him and now others and no matter what I do its still not good enough. If I make a mistake I internally beat myself up for days! This is a very hard behaviour to break or overcome, its ingrained in me.

Exactly!!!!! Only with me, it is my mom!

also I would add depression, does that count????? That has been in the family, and I just pray it doesn't get to me.

Yes Bethy it sure does count my dads family is dripping with depression. Dad has it big time but won't admit it. I have it, my sister has it, my grandfather (dad's side), grandmother (dads side) had it, it is all through his family! Thank You God for anti-depressents!

[Guest kitkat]

What negative behavioural pattern has been passed down from generation to generation with your family?

For me its all the negative feelings and thoughts from my dads side of the family. My dad is one of the most negative people I know. There is no glass half full with him its always pretty much empty. It was not the most fun atmosphere to grow up in, he criticized absolutely everything my sister and I did. We were never good enough, nothing we did was ever good enough still isn't!

If I got a B, it was why didn't you get an A, if you got an A why didn't you get an A+. I've spent my whole life trying to please him and now others and no matter what I do its still not good enough. If I make a mistake I internally beat myself up for days! This is a very hard behaviour to break or overcome, its ingrained in me.

I had to force myself to hug my kids and tell them I love you. I was never told that as a child or hugged my parents just didn't do that. All my dads family is the same way and so is my moms. Self Esteem and self worth are two of the greatest qualities you can give your children tell them everyday you love them, hug them every chance you get and even if they brush you off they will remember that when they grow up and pass it on to their children.

I stiffen up when someone goes to hug me now and I wish I could change that but its an unconscious reaction now. The only time my dad ever hugged me was on my wedding day and then it was very stiff and I felt uncomfortable. Then when the marriage broke up I got blamed.

The damage that parents do to their children growing up is irreversible and takes years of therapy to overcome that is if they even seek help for it. My self worth is still very low and whenever I get a compliment I feel I don't deserve it but because of some Christian Brothers and sisters I am learning to at least say thank you now, even though inside I still don't believe it. I wish things had been different growing up but we have to deal with what we are dealt with and move on.

The thing is to recognize within yourself the destructive behaviour and try and change it, to re-invent yourself and not pass it on. Ask God for help, to send His people your way to help you see yourself as God sees you He is your real daddy! He will never hurt you or reject you I can't wait for my first hug from Him!

Our God Is An Awesome God

Marilyn

Great topic Marilyn!

The way I see it, there may have been some negative behavioural patterns in my family in the past, but this is something that my siblings and I are keenly aware of. That the Bible says that the sins of the Fathers will be revisited upon their sons.

Knowing this, we've learned to recognize generation curses and have decided together that we are the only ones that can stop them from operating in our lives and from being passed down to our kids. What we do is bind generation curses from operating in our lives and our kid's lives all the way back to Abraham. And we try do our part in recognizing when a negative behavioural pattern tries to creep in, by squashing it right where it is in it's tracks, in the name of Jesus. A generation curse can be broken in this way, but you have to persistent and I can say that persistence does pay off when you do this.

My parent's weren't perfect and I know that I'm far from being a perfect parent, but I can tell you that what we learned from our parents, is to put others before we put ourselves, to love others unconditionally and to always be loyal to everyone in every respect.

My dad was the epitome of a positive attitude and I'm not anywhere near as great as he was about that YET, but that is what I'm striving for and so I choose to be positive with my answer to this post about this subject.

In Jesus Love,

Kat

[Guest JohnSC]

Marilyn777,

Your words made me feel almost as if I were reading about myself. Happily for me, my dad was ok, but in school I was constantly being punished for doing well, and I know exactly how you feel when making an accomplishment. I recently won an award, and for days in the back of my mind I remained concerned that a principal would soon call me into his office and give me swats. Rough upbringing!

Within my immediate family we hug and speak kind words to each other all the time, it is as natural as breathing (my child's first spoken word was "love"), but with relatives it is much like what you describe, keeping one's distance.

I recently learned of my paternal grandmother's anscestry being of a passive Quaker faith (she endured a rough life unto death), which I suspect is partially where I got my initial patience. I have been rejecting all known unfavorable family traits all my life, and I left as many as I could behind when I moved away and got married. My new life simply does not acknowledge the disfavorable traits as suitable behavior.

As Kit Kat wrote, the heavy chain can be broken:

... put others before we put ourselves, to love others unconditionally and to always be loyal to everyone in every respect. ... A generation curse can be broken in this way, but you have to persistent and I can say that persistence does pay off when you do this.

So totally correct! In God's great humor of forming laws of Nature, the only way to better ourselves is to have no desire for self-betterment, only the betterment of others.

Love cannot be possessed until it is freely and completely given to another, as is compassion not possessed until showered upon all of Creation, animate and inanimate. Give, and you shall receive. They who give all, have all to give.

Edited July 27, 2004 by JohnSC