Un-Christian to NOT want to marry a Christian man because of his finan

[Shy Christian]

If he hasn't asked you to marry him then it's not an issue. Just because you've dated for several months doesn't make him your future husband. But to anwer your question, no I wouldn't marry him either.

[winsomebulldog]

For this sort are those who creep into households and make captive weak willed women.....

Greetings,

I reread this and the Holy Ghost has lead me to explain. By no means "weak willed women" was intended to reflect your Christian walk or you.

It was used as an example: Because we desire to love and be loved, sometimes what we think is a reflection of good isn't, and it can cause us to make bad

choices. Women have nurturing spirit, we feel we can change anything . Because of our patients and love, we receive victory through Christ Jesus

many times. But it can lead us into hurtful and broken relationships, and unloving and cold marriages. Simply because we began to think with our heart

alone, and leave the word of God, Jesus and the power of the Holy Ghost behind.

Joyful

Joyful,

Thank you. You are quite on point. And I appreciate the explanation of this verse, which I always wondered what weak-willed meant. It is true that the hope that we can change others is there... And also falling for the victim role the man is playing, where as a Christian one feels sorry that the man has neck pains and is broke...

I guess all this is manipulation too....

An open-ended question is why do certain women attract only such men?? Is it because these women are too hard-working and independent?? Should women start behaving like dependent whiny people so that independent and hardworking men would come to them???

How confusing.

I have a theory about this. It is based upon watching my sister's life and her repeatedly poor choices in men. She was married 4 times and had a live in boyfriend between husbands #3 & 4 that was not only wanted by the police, but who stalked and harassed her after she finally kicked him out. She was a RN and so had a natural inclination to try to "fix" people. I have always kinda figured that this trait played some role in why she kept picking men who had a lot of issues. I finally decided that she kept picking the same guy over and over again because she wanted to "fix" them. For some reason, she couldn't seem to stop picking guys that needed to be taken care of. Neither could she seem to understand that this was a trait that would drive her crazy after a while because it meant that she had to do most of the work. She always had to be the "adult" because the guys wouldn't be. That kind of one-sided relationship is enough to drive anyone crazy.

I don't know if it was her mothering instinct or just the nurse in her trying to "fix" everyone else, but she never did get it right. She used to tell me all the time how lucky I was that I'd gotten a "good" guy. I was always trying to make her understand that it had nothing to do with luck. I'd chosen a guy who was willing to be a man. A guy who wasn't looking for someone to take the place of his mother. Even more importantly, I chose a guy who was a Christian. Of course, I was the "baby" of the family and neither of my sisters ever managed to get past that fact. Never mind that I'm the only one in my family who got married once and stayed married (for 18 years now). We're also HAPPILY married. We laugh and have fun with each other every day.

Some women just can't understand that a man who needs to be taken care of like a child can never be an equal. They seem to go into it thinking that if they help the guy with all his problems the guy will not only change, but will grateful for all her care and help and so will love her forever and never leave. There does certainly seem to be an element of the "I can change him" syndrome. I wonder sometimes if we don't need some kind of organized teaching program to help young men and women understand the reality of life. They need to stop going into marriages with unrealistic expectations and they need to stop thinking that they'll just try it out for a while and then get a divorce if it doesn't work out. Parents ought to be the ones to prepare their children for marriage and being an adult, but too many of them are clueless about it as well. It's a real shame.

[fromIslam2Christ]

I have a theory about this. It is based upon watching my sister's life and her repeatedly poor choices in men. She was married 4 times and had a live in boyfriend between husbands #3 & 4 that was not only wanted by the police, but who stalked and harassed her after she finally kicked him out. She was a RN and so had a natural inclination to try to "fix" people. I have always kinda figured that this trait played some role in why she kept picking men who had a lot of issues. I finally decided that she kept picking the same guy over and over again because she wanted to "fix" them. For some reason, she couldn't seem to stop picking guys that needed to be taken care of. Neither could she seem to understand that this was a trait that would drive her crazy after a while because it meant that she had to do most of the work. She always had to be the "adult" because the guys wouldn't be. That kind of one-sided relationship is enough to drive anyone crazy.

...

Some women just can't understand that a man who needs to be taken care of like a child can never be an equal. They seem to go into it thinking that if they help the guy with all his problems the guy will not only change, but will grateful for all her care and help and so will love her forever and never leave. There does certainly seem to be an element of the "I can change him" syndrome. I wonder sometimes if we don't need some kind of organized teaching program to help young men and women understand the reality of life. They need to stop going into marriages with unrealistic expectations and they need to stop thinking that they'll just try it out for a while and then get a divorce if it doesn't work out. Parents ought to be the ones to prepare their children for marriage and being an adult, but too many of them are clueless about it as well. It's a real shame.

WOW... This is interesting and it makes a lot of sense...! You sister as an RN wanting to fix people, and me as a professor/teacher wanting to "teach" anr "raise" people... hmm.

God bless you.

[fromIslam2Christ]

If he hasn't asked you to marry him then it's not an issue. Just because you've dated for several months doesn't make him your future husband. But to anwer your question, no I wouldn't marry him either.

The whole problem arose because the man was already talking about PLANNING the wedding...!!

[Believer1997]

If he hasn't asked you to marry him then it's not an issue. Just because you've dated for several months doesn't make him your future husband. But to anwer your question, no I wouldn't marry him either.

The whole problem arose because the man was already talking about PLANNING the wedding...!!

Oh goodness! I guess if he has found a lovely lady with a job and a sense of responsibility who pays the bills and may be willing to support his less than ambitious lifestyle - I guess he was planning a wedding - he found a great catch!! If he has been demonstrating such a blatant lack of accountability - I think you are wise to have realized that this guy is not living as Christ would have him live. I'm praying for you to find the guidance and discernment you need to address this 'relationship'. God Bless!

[Creed]

If he hasn't asked you to marry him then it's not an issue. Just because you've dated for several months doesn't make him your future husband. But to anwer your question, no I wouldn't marry him either.

The whole problem arose because the man was already talking about PLANNING the wedding...!!

Oh goodness! I guess if he has found a lovely lady with a job and a sense of responsibility who pays the bills and may be willing to support his less than ambitious lifestyle - I guess he was planning a wedding - he found a great catch!! If he has been demonstrating such a blatant lack of accountability - I think you are wise to have realized that this guy is not living as Christ would have him live. I'm praying for you to find the guidance and discernment you need to address this 'relationship'. God Bless!

I'd say!!!! Begin by "addressing" a Dear John letter to him and mailing it pronto!

[Believer1997]

If he hasn't asked you to marry him then it's not an issue. Just because you've dated for several months doesn't make him your future husband. But to anwer your question, no I wouldn't marry him either.

The whole problem arose because the man was already talking about PLANNING the wedding...!!

Oh goodness! I guess if he has found a lovely lady with a job and a sense of responsibility who pays the bills and may be willing to support his less than ambitious lifestyle - I guess he was planning a wedding - he found a great catch!! If he has been demonstrating such a blatant lack of accountability - I think you are wise to have realized that this guy is not living as Christ would have him live. I'm praying for you to find the guidance and discernment you need to address this 'relationship'. God Bless!

I'd say!!!! Begin by "addressing" a Dear John letter to him and mailing it pronto!

Could you make that a Dear Ernie letter or Dear Winthrop, III letter or Dear Charlie letter or Dear....

[jrr21]

Run as fast as you can.

LOL.

[jrr21]

Maybe he has a good heart? But, it is normal for you to have doubts about a future with a man who is not stable financially. A husbands role is to provide security. If he really wants to make you feel that way and if he loves you he will have goals to get him to be financially stable before he get's married.