Need some advice

[winsomebulldog]

Hi all. I was just seeking a bit of advice about a situation I have found myself in.

I try to be very careful about anything I post in any public way. I strive to remain very aware of the potential ways my online words might impact anyone they are about. In fact, I generally try not to post much at all about living people, mainly because I think that too easily smacks of gossip. (I'm excluding the times I have written about my deceased family members because those times are almost exclusively about the events surrounding their deaths and how those events impacted me.) Anyway, in the interest of keeping this fairly short, here is what I've just learned happened.

Approximately 2 years ago I wrote something as part of an "about me" page that I openly admit I should not have. I referred to a family member in less than flattering terms. Now the truth of the matter is that nothing I said was untrue. And I cannot retract the words because they are the plain truth of how things are and the reality is that once something has been said, it can't just be "taken back."

So, here's my problem. I stand by what I said, but I freely admit that I should NEVER have said it in a public forum like I did. It was something that if I felt it needed to be voiced, it should only have been done so in a face-to-face manner. Looking back, I have no idea why I wrote it. I can't remember actually writing it. The only excuse I can come up with is that the thing I wrote was a very long and heavily emotional piece and I suppose my emotions overrode my sense. Of course, yesterday, this family member just happened to stumble across those words. If I'd remembered posting them at any point in the past two years I would have gone back and removed them because as I said, it wasn't something that should have been posted publicly, regardless of how true it was. Now I'm in a situation where I am sincerely sorry for having posted it publicly, but cannot tell the person that I was "ranting" or "just hurt" or even having a moment of temporary lunacy. Because I still believe what I said was true. But I never meant to hurt this person and I know I did. And I believe that is a sin and that I need to apologize for HOW I said the words and HOW this person found those words.

I have told this person pretty much all this. I didn't know how else to handle it. I told them that I was very sorry for what I'd done and that I freely admitted that it was wrong of me to air such thoughts publicly the way I had. But I couldn't tell them that I didn't mean what I'd said. Because that would have been a lie. And their message to me about it was worded in a way that I simply could not just ignore that part of it.

I apologized and immediately went back and removed the words that I know were inappropriate. This person has not responded to my reply in any way. I know they are hurt and I don't blame them for wanting and needing some time to deal with those feelings. My question here is, do I need to do something more? Was I wrong to not try to completely retract everything I said in spite of the fact that it would have been a lie to do so? Where is that line?

As I said, I know and accept that what I did was wrong. I told this person that. And I apologized for it more than once. But I know they really wanted me to apologize for WHAT I said more than HOW I said it. And I just can't do that. Or maybe I should, but I don't want to. And that's what I'm asking you guys. Is it wrong of me to stand by my words in this situation? I'm not looking for validation, but sincerely want to know if I am in the wrong. It's hard to separate myself from the emotions involved to see the absolute truth.

[evergreenjo]

Oh, how our words posted (even forgotten) still live for good or not. And sometimes they can hurt others without intention.

As for the person who has been hurt by what you say was telling the truth publically you need to continue to pray to make sure there isn't more to say to them, and, if not, to pray for them anyway and what ever the situation is and was. I think it is good you have apologized even though you likely would not have done so if your attention hadn't been drawn to it now after all of this time.

As for advice..it isn't feasible to advise you here without knowing the details but right you don't post them). However, I don't think it is simply accidential that the person involved discovered this and you are confronted with words you posted and had forgotten.

I certainly have lived long enough and made enough mistakes to have learned more than once where I should have not shared something and especially with a particular group or audience..on or off line. Don't be too hard on yourself. You obviously have learned from this and been somewhat humbled. (which is a good thing). It is good to trust in a God who gives such grace and mercy for the other person as well as you.

God bless you as you move on and are a wiser person for it on and off line.

These scriptures comes to mind: They help me to remember...

Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

James 1:5 (NIV) "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

Ephesians 4:14 (NIV) "... speaking the truth in love we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. "

Happy Valentine's Day! Peace and blessings.

[He giveth more grace]

Posting about someone else in your "About me" is out of the ordinary.

Relax winsome... God needs to work on that person, so give him time.

Is he/she a very significant relative to you and you family (Mom & Dad)?

Winsome..., fear not, it will all work out. You've prayed, now trust God.

Watch God work wonders.

The best relationships came from confortation.

Praying!

[Guest]

Praying~!

[winsomebulldog]

Thank you for your responses. It seems that things are working out. (God is so amazing when He does that!) We have, basically, agreed to leave the past behind and move forward. At this point, I believe that is the best thing to do. I know there was a reason this happened. As my husband and I discussed when I told him about it, my doing something like this is very out of character for me. Neither of us could believe I'd done it at all. And while I don't claim to know the mind of God, I do know that as has been suggested, this situation has humbled me and caused me to take a step back while reminding me that every word said or typed and even sometimes the things we don't say, has an impact. Perhaps this was God's way of reminding me to be careful about reigning in my tongue (even online) while also causing my family member to reflect on their own past mistakes. Either way, lessons have been learned and that's what matters most.

Again, thank you all for your replies.

God bless,

Jenn

[pinn]

I think when you sincerely apologized you did all anyone can. We, at least most of us has had a time when we regret writing or saying something about another. One could retract the whole statement but once the other person knows about it there is not much you can change. The other person has to be willing to practice forgiveness. At some point they may do this but probably not before the hurt lessens for them. I don't necessarily believe that time heal all wounds, it depends on the circumstance. Pray for the person and let God work on their heart. I know of nothing more you can do outside of show that person love, sometimes that will break down the walls.

Hi all. I was just seeking a bit of advice about a situation I have found myself in.

I try to be very careful about anything I post in any public way. I strive to remain very aware of the potential ways my online words might impact anyone they are about. In fact, I generally try not to post much at all about living people, mainly because I think that too easily smacks of gossip. (I'm excluding the times I have written about my deceased family members because those times are almost exclusively about the events surrounding their deaths and how those events impacted me.) Anyway, in the interest of keeping this fairly short, here is what I've just learned happened.

Approximately 2 years ago I wrote something as part of an "about me" page that I openly admit I should not have. I referred to a family member in less than flattering terms. Now the truth of the matter is that nothing I said was untrue. And I cannot retract the words because they are the plain truth of how things are and the reality is that once something has been said, it can't just be "taken back."

So, here's my problem. I stand by what I said, but I freely admit that I should NEVER have said it in a public forum like I did. It was something that if I felt it needed to be voiced, it should only have been done so in a face-to-face manner. Looking back, I have no idea why I wrote it. I can't remember actually writing it. The only excuse I can come up with is that the thing I wrote was a very long and heavily emotional piece and I suppose my emotions overrode my sense. Of course, yesterday, this family member just happened to stumble across those words. If I'd remembered posting them at any point in the past two years I would have gone back and removed them because as I said, it wasn't something that should have been posted publicly, regardless of how true it was. Now I'm in a situation where I am sincerely sorry for having posted it publicly, but cannot tell the person that I was "ranting" or "just hurt" or even having a moment of temporary lunacy. Because I still believe what I said was true. But I never meant to hurt this person and I know I did. And I believe that is a sin and that I need to apologize for HOW I said the words and HOW this person found those words.

I have told this person pretty much all this. I didn't know how else to handle it. I told them that I was very sorry for what I'd done and that I freely admitted that it was wrong of me to air such thoughts publicly the way I had. But I couldn't tell them that I didn't mean what I'd said. Because that would have been a lie. And their message to me about it was worded in a way that I simply could not just ignore that part of it.

I apologized and immediately went back and removed the words that I know were inappropriate. This person has not responded to my reply in any way. I know they are hurt and I don't blame them for wanting and needing some time to deal with those feelings. My question here is, do I need to do something more? Was I wrong to not try to completely retract everything I said in spite of the fact that it would have been a lie to do so? Where is that line?

As I said, I know and accept that what I did was wrong. I told this person that. And I apologized for it more than once. But I know they really wanted me to apologize for WHAT I said more than HOW I said it. And I just can't do that. Or maybe I should, but I don't want to. And that's what I'm asking you guys. Is it wrong of me to stand by my words in this situation? I'm not looking for validation, but sincerely want to know if I am in the wrong. It's hard to separate myself from the emotions involved to see the absolute truth.

Edited March 18, 2012 by pinn

[Invisible]

You know, It has often been my experience that the way others see us is far far different than the way we see ourselves. And when we find out just how others actually see us uit comes as a massive shock to the system. It is often hurtful, and even embarrassing.

This is often difficult to come to terms with and can put a strain on any relationship. However I personally feel that apologizing as profusely as you seem to have done, and being honest while not retracting what was said is probably a good thing. You see if you had immediately removed the post, it could have left this other person thinking that you have been spreading this around their back without their knowledge, and this would in time poison the relationship far better and more completely than doing it the way you have done.

Now by leaving it up on the other hand can pose a challenge, a challenge to change for the better, to prove that they are better than what you wrote. It also shows a degree of honesty on your part that will hopefully in time build an even higher level of trust between you.

A lot depends on this other person, though from your more recent posts it seems that they are responding well to the shock and will eventually grow closer to you as a result.

just remember you cannot make them forgive you, you can only pray for them and be ready to receive that forgiveness. After that the next step is to rebuild the trust and learn from the mistakes.