Not sure how to describe

[lazardous]

I hope I am not posting to many questions here. I just know when I have, I have been blessed with an answer. Now to try and explain what I am dealing with.

I have posted her how my wife and I are seperated and I have asked for prayer for my marriage. My wife had an affair that has since ended. She feels there is to much damage done because the affair was with my brother-in-law. Okay that being said I want to now try and explain my question.

I have been praying for my wife to reconcile our marriage. As of now she is not willing. I have been told that because she has her own "free will" no matter how much I faith I have it will not change the out come because my faith cannot change her will. God gives us all that free will and he will not force her back.

Some have told me that ,yes, I cannot change her free will but I can pray against the demonic force's that are causing her not to follow God's will. Then I read where marriage's have been reconciled and the party praying for reconciliation states that their minister told them that even tho their spouse did not want to reconcile the minister would come against that with them and the marriage would be reconciled.

I have been told to plead the blood of Jesus over the force's who would come against her. They have told me it was against Jonah's will to go to Ninevah but God took him there. So this free will is not what it may seem. This all just confuses me as to what to believe and I feel I am letting God down if I do not keep the faith that he will restore my marriage.

Now to the actual question. If a person is a christian they have made their choice to follow God. I do believe my wife is a christian. Because of that would it be against her free will for God to reconcile our marriage. I know that no one knows the circumstance's of our marriages but there was no violence or cause other than the adultry . I do believe God only allows divorce for one reason. My question is not about divorce.

I am sure the free will subject has been addressed here in the past. So please forgive me if this has already been debated here. I have been told biblical scholars debate the subject and it is not an absolute understanding. I am not knowledgeable about all this and just trying to understand.

I have been told that faith plays such an important thing with our prayers. if I am lacking faith because of this "free will" thing am I affecting my prayers. I hope I am explaining this right. My thought is if we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior and ask him to take over our life and lead and guide us have we giving over that free will . Is that what happened with jonah , or does not that apply here.

Sorry if I sound ignorant but I want to be in God's will and have faith that he answer's my prayer's. I do not want this free will to mess with my faith in him and my prayers. Thankyou again for allowing me to ask on this forum. As I have stated I live in a small town and do not have many I can talk to or trust.

[xero]

If your looking for scripture on the subject here you go.

Matthew 19:9 "And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

1 Corinthians 7:10 "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife."

The Bible tells us that the only reason to put away your wife, as you already know, is for adultery. If she isnt going to remain faithful do you honestly want to deal with the stress that involves? I cant tell you what to do but as far as scripture is concerned if she will remain faithful than stay with her. Dont stress yourself about it, as difficult as it may seem, this world isnt forever anyway.

[Floatingaxe]

According to scripture, if you are willing to forgive her adultery, then there is no reason for you to separate or divorce if she will stay with you. God is not against reconciliation---in fact, He is all about that! If you invite Him into this situation, He can reach your wife's heart, and turn your marriage around so that it is a shining example of His great mercy and grace.

[Fez]

I have been told that faith plays such an important thing with our prayers. if I am lacking faith because of this "free will" thing am I affecting my prayers. I hope I am explaining this right. My thought is if we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior and ask him to take over our life and lead and guide us have we giving over that free will . Is that what happened with jonah , or does not that apply here.

Sorry if I sound ignorant but I want to be in God's will and have faith that he answer's my prayer's. I do not want this free will to mess with my faith in him and my prayers. Thankyou again for allowing me to ask on this forum. As I have stated I live in a small town and do not have many I can talk to or trust.

Ok lets try and answer. Yes faith is absolute in our prayers. Jesus tells us if we pray and believe what we pray we will receive.

That out of the way.... You are not giving over your free will. You have the free will to pray or not. You have the free will to pray for things in your life you need.

But here's the kicker...

We don't always know what we need! We know what we want, but thats often different from what we need.

Jesus however, knows exactly what we need, even if it (and if often does not), line up with our plans or wants.

My advice is to just throw yourself at the foot of His Cross in surrender. Tell Him your fears, your anxieties, your desires (He answers the desires of our hearts, but remember only He truly knows what those desires are - we tend to cloud things a bit).

Spurgeon said, "there are prayers that break the backs of words". In other words we often don't know how to pray, or we are so confused we cannot get the words out as we would like. We confuse ourselves.

Just tell Him, you love Him, and you surrender your life completely to Him to do His will. In that way you have exercised your free will.

And then let Him work.

And remember "patience in not in the waiting, it is in how we wait" - Martin Luther. Wait in patience and in continual prayer. And let His will be done, when it will be done.

Blessings

[Guest HisG]

I can understand why it states that committing adultery in marriage is reason for wives/husbands to part ways.

It's a trust issue and some folk can never totally get over it - even Christians.

When something that sacred within a marriage has been defiled, it simply shatters a marraige.

God can and has saved marriages where adultery has been committed but you MUST let God do the healing.

The wronged partner has to forgive the other and that is where a lot of folk come unstuck because there is a little bit of mistrust still there or the person feels like a a part of them has died.

Forgiveness is letting go and letting God....lit must be finished business and handed over to God to heal where otherwise it would be impossible to do so off ones own bat.

This is a situation where frank talk is needed between you both, guidance, prayer and a willingness on both parts to forgive, move on and heal.

[lazardous]

I want to thank everyone for taking time to help me. You are such a blessing to me.I have told my wife that I forgive her. I truly believe I could trust her. Her biggest problem is can she forgive herself. She is mentally shattered right now. Those who are close to her have said she is damaged goods right now. There is only one who can piece her back together. She needs to reconcile with God first then our marriage would come next. I do believe she is a christian, the problem is she is not fully surrendered to him. One of my prayers is she finds new friends to surround her and encourage her to seek God .

That being said the thing I am trying to understand is free will. I do understand what it means . The question I have is, when we accept him as our savior do we surrender that free will and give our will to him. If that be done have we said, "God do with me as you will". I ask because I have been told that I can pray and have all the faith I want but it will not change anyone's free will. Yes we have that free will but as christians have we given that over which would allow God to work in our life as he needs to. I have been told that Jonah is an example of this. Jonah did not want to go but God had another plan. Jonah's free will was not to go but he had surrendered his life to God so God sent him anyway.

I hope I have explained it right. I Just want to Thank the people at WORTHY. I could never thank you enough for all the help you have been to me!!!

[Floatingaxe]

I want to thank everyone for taking time to help me. You are such a blessing to me.I have told my wife that I forgive her. I truly believe I could trust her. Her biggest problem is can she forgive herself. She is mentally shattered right now. Those who are close to her have said she is damaged goods right now. There is only one who can piece her back together. She needs to reconcile with God first then our marriage would come next. I do believe she is a christian, the problem is she is not fully surrendered to him. One of my prayers is she finds new friends to surround her and encourage her to seek God .

That being said the thing I am trying to understand is free will. I do understand what it means . The question I have is, when we accept him as our savior do we surrender that free will and give our will to him. If that be done have we said, "God do with me as you will". I ask because I have been told that I can pray and have all the faith I want but it will not change anyone's free will. Yes we have that free will but as christians have we given that over which would allow God to work in our life as he needs to. I have been told that Jonah is an example of this. Jonah did not want to go but God had another plan. Jonah's free will was not to go but he had surrendered his life to God so God sent him anyway.

I hope I have explained it right. I Just want to Thank the people at WORTHY. I could never thank you enough for all the help you have been to me!!!

Prayer, believing, can change anything.

[xero]

Youre welcome. Its good that you are dedicated to your wife and eager for her to come to Jesus first and foremost, I pray she will and hope the best for the both of you.

As far as free will goes I personally dont believe in it I believe in limited choice. God says do something and we can choose to obey or disobey, we arent free to opt out of choosing, a choice must be made that is limited to this or that i.e. either you do this or that will happen. Were free to choose our master basically. All situations in life can be applied to the ten commandments and our choices either conform to or deny them which in essence is our "free will".

[gdemoss]

If God wanted your wife to love you and find you absolutely irresistible while forgiving herself at the same time, she would have no real choice in the matter as God would make every decision she had to make lean in favor of that response. What is apparent is that that is not his desire for you or your wife at this time. God works all things to the counsel of his own will as based upon his personal character.

Forgiven sin has consequences. When David had Uriah killed and stole his wife he was forgiven by God who also gave him the consequences of his actions. The baby died. Absalom became his enemy and died as well. Because David was a bloody man he was not allowed to build the temple of God either. Even when God forced Davids hand through Satan to number the people of Israel so that God could have an occasion against Israel there was consequences to be had. And in it all David had nothing but love for his God that we see poured out in the Psalms. David declared that many are the afflictions of the righteous but God hath delivered him out of all.

Have you every played with fire? It is some really neat and useful stuff. Fire must be respected though or it can become our worst nightmare. The same fire that warms my home can burn it down if not respected. The same fire that gives light by candle can cause unbearable pain if touched that can leave ugly scars behind in its wake. Our God is a consuming fire and must be respected as such lest one get consumed by him. Sinning is like pouring gasoline on the floor of your home and dancing with matches in your hand striking them randomly to see what will ignite a spark. In the end everybody has scars that don't heal but we must instead learn to live with them as ugly as they are. Davids baby was dead as well as his son, he was permanently scarred because of the loss.

Both you and your wife have choices to make concerning God and obedience to him and his word. A major sin in our lives tends to cause us to have tunnel vision where we might overlook the rest of that which needs to be repented of and taken away from us. This is why the one with the beam in his eye doesn't see how to remove the speak from his brothers eye. There may be a lot more going on in this picture than an affair having taken place. In 2 Thes 2 we find a verse that states "But we are bound to give thanks alway to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth:" While most people love the second half of the verse they completely ignore the first half.

My wife and I are going through some tough marital times currently and I have given her over to the care of God. I understand that if God can make Moses a god unto Pharaoh then there is no reason he can't cause my wife to see me in a favorable light or turn her heart toward me. I do not spend much time worrying or even thinking about the matter but instead apply myself to doing the works of my Father in heaven while I wait for him to decide what he will do with her. I do all of the regular loving things that I have always done and continue to return good for evil with her. I intercede in prayer for her just as I do others who God brings into my life that are in need of his love and goodness that leads a person to repentance.

One of the hardest things we have to come to terms with is that God can but sometimes he doesn't. We must love him either way as it isn't him that is wrong in what he chooses to do or not do but us.

Gary

[Floatingaxe]

It is never God's will that a marriage dissolve, where the partners are believers. Let no man put asunder is his edict.

Mark 10:9

let no one split apart what God has joined together.