Big time struggling...new Christian...help?

[sarahseeking]

Hi. I need some help/advice/prayer/etc.

I am struggling.

What I know for certain: I love God more than anything else. I seek to understand Him and to know Him. I have felt the Holy Spirit since welcoming Jesus into my heart this last January. I have been witness to prayer working in my own life. I am witness to my life totally sucking when I don't follow God's directions.

Where I struggle: There are some things in Christianity that I ponder--they don't affect my belief in Him, but some of my thoughts don't reflect those of the greater Christian community. It could be because I'm new or I just might never see some things in the same way. I feel like I have to keep my thoughts to myself and that I would be feared or judged because of the way I see things. This leaves me feeling disconnected from my church family. In fact, I feel disconnected from almost everyone. I am very sensitive to discrimination and judging and I call myself out on it whenever I feel it stir inside of me. Thus, I am also very sensitive to others who judge. My non-Christian friends do not know I am a Christian and I put on my mask of ambivalence when we meet. My Christian friends don't know I struggle with not being "like them." My pastor is incredible and is the one who brought me to Christ...yet I don't feel like our church family has embraced his teachings to enable me to be fully comfortable there. I feel that there is a definite heirarchy of who is most loved. Family members of deacons seem to get the most loving. Single moms like me get the least....

So..I'm feeling a little lost. Today has been really hard and I have felt a total loss of meaning for my life. That feeling comes and goes. As I look over my life--at my adult life, I am also struggling with a divorce of last year. For ten years I was a wife and stay at home mom. That was my job and I was good at it and it was all I needed. Unfortunately, my then husband refused to attend to the pain he was causing our family and not being able to take it anymore, I filed for divorce. I am now going back to school and in the process found Christ. But now I feel like I don't know how to be a part of anything. I feel like I'm on the outside and I don't know where I'm supposed to be.

anyway. I'll stop there. I'm just trying to figure out how to make sense of everything.

Sarah

[Steve_S]

Hi. I need some help/advice/prayer/etc.

I am struggling.

What I know for certain: I love God more than anything else. I seek to understand Him and to know Him. I have felt the Holy Spirit since welcoming Jesus into my heart this last January. I have been witness to prayer working in my own life. I am witness to my life totally sucking when I don't follow God's directions.

Where I struggle: There are some things in Christianity that I ponder--they don't affect my belief in Him, but some of my thoughts don't reflect those of the greater Christian community. It could be because I'm new or I just might never see some things in the same way. I feel like I have to keep my thoughts to myself and that I would be feared or judged because of the way I see things. This leaves me feeling disconnected from my church family. In fact, I feel disconnected from almost everyone. I am very sensitive to discrimination and judging and I call myself out on it whenever I feel it stir inside of me. Thus, I am also very sensitive to others who judge. My non-Christian friends do not know I am a Christian and I put on my mask of ambivalence when we meet. My Christian friends don't know I struggle with not being "like them." My pastor is incredible and is the one who brought me to Christ...yet I don't feel like our church family has embraced his teachings to enable me to be fully comfortable there. I feel that there is a definite heirarchy of who is most loved. Family members of deacons seem to get the most loving. Single moms like me get the least....

So..I'm feeling a little lost. Today has been really hard and I have felt a total loss of meaning for my life. That feeling comes and goes. As I look over my life--at my adult life, I am also struggling with a divorce of last year. For ten years I was a wife and stay at home mom. That was my job and I was good at it and it was all I needed. Unfortunately, my then husband refused to attend to the pain he was causing our family and not being able to take it anymore, I filed for divorce. I am now going back to school and in the process found Christ. But now I feel like I don't know how to be a part of anything. I feel like I'm on the outside and I don't know where I'm supposed to be.

anyway. I'll stop there. I'm just trying to figure out how to make sense of everything.

Sarah

What are some of the issues you feel separate you from other Christians?

[sarahseeking]

For starters. almost everyone (with 1 exception that I know of) is republican and very verbal about that. I have many conservative beliefs, but am very liberal, but don't feel I could share my thoughts without judgement or extreme dislike. Also, I see more spiritual truth in the Bible when I read certain things metaphorically than literally (this is huge), I also think that some of my church's views on other religions is false...it's not hard to prove and in the end it doesn't much matter, but it bothers me that I don't think I can stand up for that (because I care about judging and discrimination and integrity). I guess it just boils down to I don't feel like I can be myself, but I don't know for certain if I can or not. There's too much fear for me to find out. I long for community and I need family. I feel like I have to put on a mask to get that.

[gdemoss]

praying.

Satan has done an excellent job at getting Christians all mixed up. He is the one who deceives the nations for sure. Turn your focus on the person of Christ and following in his footsteps drawing nigh unto him and he will work out the messy details for you. Remember, we are in a broken world full of pits and traps. Pour out your heart unto God. Keep moving forward in growth. Sometimes it gets really hard. I had a very difficult place I was in a few hours ago. I am better now but sometimes it is just plain difficult.

Gary

[Jayyycuuup]

~We all struggle, But God is Always there~

1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it" Strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) God loves all his Children and has plans for you to prosper ! 1 Peter 5:10 "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." We go through Trials and tribulations.....these such things are not unknown but it is up to you to call upon the Lord and be in thanksgiving in weakness knowing that your suffering will only be temporary. We always find God when we fall apart, we have nothing to bring but empty hands and God fills them ! James 1:2-4 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." Many trials are ahead but it is what you make of them Romans 8:28 " And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." God does not wish us Harm, He wishes us joy and Love. The trials we undergo are a faculty to the fall of man....we must pay for the decisions, but we are not alone. Psalm 23:1-6 "A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows..." God is always there, never is He abstinent....when you feel this way it is your distinction. God is there when you need Him most and there when you least expect Him to be. He is only a prayer away. Some believe just because you dont hear Him that He is not there. But if you open your heart and you mind, you will find His presence upon you ! Silence and patience, are something that you must first face in order to keep a good and faithful relationship. Now not saying He will not answer you, silence is necessary.....you tell Him your needs and He is there comforting. We expect God to fill up the air with words but it is His company and His acknowledgement that should be the focus. Knowing that He hears you pleas and cries. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, be patient....to see the other side you first must travel there Jeremiah 50:6 " “My people hath been lost sheep: their shepherds have caused them to go astray, they have turned them away on the mountains: they have gone from mountain to hill, they have forgotten their resting place.” Stand firm and do not allow this haze of confusion pull you down with it....darkness retreats at the mere essence of light. Hold this dear to your Heart.....your confusion is only momentary

~Never Give In ! ~

Never, deny the Father...yes He is forgiving but it would suit you to pull of the mask that your using as a camouflage.... God tells us to choose our friends wisely, you choose friends whom are like you and you do not want these people to bring you down. Not saying having non-religious friends is bad it is just you don't want to get sucked into their Godless affiliation it will only destroy your relationship with God. Mathew 10:33 "But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in Heaven." It would be better to shake off the leaches, get your head on straight and preach the gospel to them to Deny God and pretend your something your not. Being Christian comes with mockery but in the end it is all worth it. God blesses us through and through. I have been called a loser, Jesus freak, bible thumper...but it does not discourage me. I simply tell them I am sorry that you so troublesome and I pray that you have Hope and turn to Christ. Your troubles can be made peaceful if you give into the Lord, from there I walk away. If they mumble under their breath mock or whatever you planted a seed and God is greatful ! This act of kindness does not go without saying !! He will bless you, this I promise because God says it and I believe it wholeheartedly.

God bless you Sister and will be praying for you ! May God give you a thirst for Him ~In Jesus Name~ If I did not touch a subject please bring it to my attention will answer the best I can.... Stay strong and do not Deny the promise Christ gives !! It will be all worth the lost friends in the end, who knows you can save someone else from damnation !

Love In Christ,

Jake

[sarahseeking]

thanks everyone. Jake--you are a great resource at such a young age:-)

I sent an email to a friend from our church that is mentoring me and explained my scenario. She emailed me back and said if I wanted to give her specifics that I could. So I did and am hoping the delay in hearing from her is because of Labor day and not because I'm so wrecked in the head that she has to pray a while before writing me. (that's when I think...crap...I've gone too far--now they know).

[wingnut-]

If it helps sarah, I am not a republican, so that makes two you know lol. As far as other religions are concerned, I don't see them as compatible, particularly those that directly oppose God, perhaps you could clarify how you see them as co-existent. The only way I see this, would align with the end times, and the one world religion as prophesied about thousands of years ago, and that comes about from the enemy. I also do see the bible as a literal interpretation, and the reason for that is simple, I don't see a loving God who wishes for lost people to find Him leaving us a book of riddles and mystery that one has to solve. While there are certainly parts of the bible which are not meant literally (regarding prophecies in general), I think that most of it is straight to the point.

John 14:6

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁶ Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

I don't see any way around this statement, am curious as to how this would not be literal, and what interpretation could be taken from it. God bless.

[sarahseeking]

Well, I'm happy to give you another interpretation of that, but would rather do that through a private message because I don't want to turn this into a debate question. It's just another viewpoint to be considered.

[Rascus]

Hello Sarah....

We all struggle as Christians and I am able to relate to a lot of what you say. But I found out also that quite a bit of our trials and tribulations are caused by that master destroyer and liar Satan....yeah he just loves it when he can get into our thoughts and take our focus off of Christ which is what one of his goals is to do to all Christians. Some of it also I've found that God is testing us to see how strong we are and of the depths of our faith in Him to deliver us and He will do just that. Try not to get discouraged and always keep your eyes on Jesus and Ive found that's a great help! And remember that through our trials and tribulations comes the spiritual growth that will come and with myself it seems to be a constant battle of trials in my life as God continues his lifelong Sanctification in my life....however usually somewhere in all the struggles there comes that time of peace where the Lord comes and brings you joy and happiness....He will never give you more than you are able to handle and will always provide a way to escape from whatever it may be that challenges you. I'm enclosing something that someone sent to one time.....its called a love letter from God......and I thought maybe you might find some solace and happiness in it....I know I did and I pull it up and read it every so often. Well now I hope that things get better for....I'm sure they will.....I'll keep you in my prayers.

May the love and blessings of our Lord aways be with you....Rascus

Dear Child of Mine,

I saw you before you were born, and I destined you for a great purpose (Jeremiah 1:5). While your mom was pregnant with you, I personally designed you with incredible detail and precision (Psalm 139:13,14). From the get-go, I planned so many amazing things for you, you could never even count them if you tried (Psalm 40:5).

But I knew in advance that you would go astray and forget me, so I asked My perfect Son Jesus to take your punishment Himself (Isaiah 53:5). He was willing to be humiliated and murdered so that you could be eternally healed (Isaiah 53:5). He loved you so much that He came down to earth to show you what I'm really like (John 14:7).

When you first believed in Me, I immediately accepted you into My own family (John 1:12). I forgave all your sins through My Son Jesus (1 John 2:12). And now Jesus is in Heaven with Me, preparing a place for you (John 14:2). In fact, I am living inside of you because You believe in My Son (I John 4:15).

I am forever committed to you; there is no circumstance under which I will leave you or take my love away from you (Hebrews 13:5; Romans 8:38). Even when you go through the hardest trials, I will be with you and carry you through them (Isaiah 43:2). In fact, I will cause EVERYTHING to work together for your good, because you have loved me back and I have a great purpose for you (Romans 8:28).

Is there anything you need right now? Ask Me. I am your Good Father and I won't give you something bad in return (Matthew 7:11). Actually, I have My own Spirit readily available to you to help you in your weakest hour (Romans 8:26). I know you get tempted to lose faith, but even when you do, I will remain faithful to you (2 Timothy 2:13). I want you to ask Me for great things, because I want to answer you (John 16:23). Take a look up at the heavens; My love for you goes even higher than that (Psalm 108:4). Don't lose heart: I want you to know that I am coming back for you (Revelation 22:12).

And just remember: I AM LOVE (1 John 4:16). I am always patient, always kind. I'm never envious, proud or boastful. I'm not rude, and I only want the best for you. I don't get easily irritated with you or hold a grudge toward you. I am sad when you are hurt or wronged, but love when the truth prevails in your life. I will never stop being patient with you, never lose hope or give up on you. I WILL NEVER QUIT ON YOU (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

My love for you is everlasting (Jeremiah 31:3).

Brother Jake.....just wanted to say bless you and that was a great post that you posted to Sarah......all should find something in there for themselves....I know I did......The Lord bless you always.....Rascus

Edited September 3, 2012 by Rascus

[Rascus]

thanks everyone. Jake--you are a great resource at such a young age:-)

I sent an email to a friend from our church that is mentoring me and explained my scenario. She emailed me back and said if I wanted to give her specifics that I could. So I did and am hoping the delay in hearing from her is because of Labor day and not because I'm so wrecked in the head that she has to pray a while before writing me. (that's when I think...crap...I've gone too far--now they know).

Sarah...Just give it all to the Lord....for sure He will lead you with the power of the Holy Spirit.....you can never go to far in the Lord! He comes before all..... in His loving hands you will find all the comfort and strength that you need. Remember that He is the Creator of all.....so pray tell me what could be to hard for Him to work out in your life? As you grow in your walk with the Lord Jesus just have faith and trust Him and you can never go wrong or to far.....He is able to carry all that you may give Him and that's what He wants! One of His desires is that you depend upon Him for all of your needs.....for He is able and He will do what you ask of Him in faith!

Many Blessings to you....Rascus