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Just found out my son touched his younger cousin

alive4Him
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alive4Him

alive4Him

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Posted

Hi,

I am needing some advice on something I just found out. I just got a text from my sister saying that she is going to call sonn. That her older daughter read something in her younger daughter diary and it has to do with my oldest son.  I went straight inot my sons room and said what the text said and has he got anything he wants to tell me.   He got tears in his eyes and said I'm sorry. He said he touched her chest and bottom.  When I asked why he said he was curious. I have said I will be back in to talk to him but I needed time to think and pray. He has just turned 14 and my niece is 10.  I just don't know what to say or do. I feel lost for words because he is such a good kid. tender hearted loves God. I am a single mum, and he has 3 younger brothers.  Any advice would be much appreciated.

BFP

BFP

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Posted

That age is such a tender age for young boys, and it is often when they start exploring thier own sexuality. Believe it or not, this is actually pretty normal, and years ago would have not been seen as so serious. Now days with the no touch policies and the big scares of sexual abuse at every turn, it has become a big deal.

I am not saying it is okay. I think an appropriate thin to do would be to get these two kids together with you and your sister and have him apologize to your niece. But keep in mind that this does not make him a bad kid. Yours and your sisters reactions to this can ruin him if not careful. You know your son, you know how best to come down on him for it.

Some time ago I came across a situation where a 14 year old did something to a small girl he was babysitting. It came out, and charges were laid. Found out later that the boy was being messed with by one of his best friends step fathers and so was pretty messed up about the whole sex thing. Come forward 15 years and the young girl remembers nothing, but it ruined the boy, because he really was capable of remorse and regrets it to the core of his being and has a hard time living with what he did to this day. Hides behind drugs and alcohol now

So if your son is a good kid with heart, step carefully here.

The_Patriot21

The_Patriot21

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Posted

I agree with BFP, it is a tender age, and he was probably just curious. Its not ok, but its not a early sign of a sex predator either-its just time for someone (preferably a father or father figure) to sit down with him and have that "talk" about the birds and the bees, and whats acceptable and whats not.

  • 2 weeks later...
Guest LadyC

Guest LadyC

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Posted

i also agree with BFP. yep, he needs to apologize. and he needs to know it's not ok to explore his curiosities with others. but it IS pretty typical behaviour of a kid at that age. when i was about 9, and then again when i was about 12, my brother was curious also. it freaked me out, it scared me, and i didn't say a word about it to anyone for many years. eventually as an adult, i confronted my brother. THEN he apologized. and then the healing could begin.

 

your niece is old enough to remember this. but she'll also be able to heal. how your son handles this, and how you and her mother react to this, is going to be important.

Leonard

Leonard

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Posted

Although I agree that such curiosity in early adolescence is quite normal, he should also be taught something called 'boundaries' and that the boundaries of other people must be respected, and that it is a mature man's duty in life to protect those younger or weaker not use them.

angels4u

angels4u

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Posted

I agree with posts above,he was probably  just curious,I would do what the other people suggested to you talk to him and explain that touching anybody is a big "No no but don't be hard on him,don't make him feel that he's  a bad kid that will ruin him for the rest of his life .

Maybe don't let him be alone  around younger kids for awhile? This is just to be on the safe side.

 

My heart breaks for you and I will pray for you to get to wisdom to deal with this the way Jesus would.............

 

Love you in Christ,Angels

 

If I can help you please pm me,I'm a foster  parent and I dealt with a lot of difficult situations ....

Guest LadyC

Guest LadyC

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Posted

Although I agree that such curiosity in early adolescence is quite normal, he should also be taught something called 'boundaries' and that the boundaries of other people must be respected, and that it is a mature man's duty in life to protect those younger or weaker not use them.

 

yes! 

  • 2 weeks later...
chance

chance

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Posted

 

Although I agree that such curiosity in early adolescence is quite normal, he should also be taught something called 'boundaries' and that the boundaries of other people must be respected, and that it is a mature man's duty in life to protect those younger or weaker not use them.

 

yes! 

 

Please do not blow it out of proportion, have a good talk and explain things in a loving manner. It will really pay off..lol

RedMomma

RedMomma

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Posted

I agree with posts and im here to tell you the way you and your sister reacts can either damaged him or help him you both do need to set boundary and the confrontation id seek a professionals advice on that but that's just me i will pray for you all Gbu

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